27th August - The 'Killers Anonymous' Premiere

August 27th, 2019.

Obviously, coming off yesterday where I was able to photograph no just one but SIX Frightfest Premieres, today was all set to be a quiet, boring day of just ONE PREMIERE. But it was at a cinema I’d never been to before, in a part of London I’d also never been before : North of Kings Cross station, at the Everyman Cinema.

And it was for a movie starring Jessica Alba!! And Gary Oldman!!

Here’s how it went down:

I don’t want to imply so soon in this journal that the likelihood of this premiere being attended by all (or ANY) of Gary Oldman, Jessica Alba, Suki Waterhouse and (say) MyAnna Buring is slim to nil….but the crop of this premiere’s announcement board might give a clue.

I don’t want to imply so soon in this journal that the likelihood of this premiere being attended by all (or ANY) of Gary Oldman, Jessica Alba, Suki Waterhouse and (say) MyAnna Buring is slim to nil….but the crop of this premiere’s announcement board might give a clue.

“Look… I can either make it “KILLRS” or spell “Premiere” correctly… it’s your choice”

“Look… I can either make it “KILLRS” or spell “Premiere” correctly… it’s your choice”

“Looks like the F_MALE toilets are going to appear kinda man-hating for a little while…”

“Looks like the F_MALE toilets are going to appear kinda man-hating for a little while…”

One rather unique thing about this premiere : it was (a) indoors, and (b) we were actually NOT asked to leave. This, along with a total lack of Autograph Dealers, suggested that excitement might be elsewhere. Still… bold interior architecture, and actress Elizabeth Morris (who is in this movie) - what’s not to like?

One rather unique thing about this premiere : it was (a) indoors, and (b) we were actually NOT asked to leave. This, along with a total lack of Autograph Dealers, suggested that excitement might be elsewhere. Still… bold interior architecture, and actress Elizabeth Morris (who is in this movie) - what’s not to like?

“Who needs a red carpet? Look at me : I’m exactly where I’m meant to be RIGHT NOW”  My place is possibly the pizza place over yonder, or launching an investigation into what exactly is going on at the office building entrance on the left…

“Who needs a red carpet? Look at me : I’m exactly where I’m meant to be RIGHT NOW”
My place is possibly the pizza place over yonder, or launching an investigation into what exactly is going on at the office building entrance on the left…

I return to my not-at-all-creepy(-your-honour) spot next to the giant concrete pylon. I believe this woman had a part in Transformers : Age of Extinction, so I believe a safe distance is warranted.

I return to my not-at-all-creepy(-your-honour) spot next to the giant concrete pylon. I believe this woman had a part in Transformers : Age of Extinction, so I believe a safe distance is warranted.

This photo affords a better view of the layout. The entrance to the Everyman Cinema is on the right, just past the rippled concrete ‘curtain’ and up some stairs, and to the left behind me is a gym/cafe. And then we have The Enigmatic “R7” on the left, behind security gates. What goes on there nobody knows… but it’s gotta be pretty dire, no? Evil Corporations would totally call themselves “R7” and set up near a pizza place and gym. It’s perfect for those late night evil board meetings. Also, there’s a premiere going on…. assuming that’s not just cover for something else.

This photo affords a better view of the layout. The entrance to the Everyman Cinema is on the right, just past the rippled concrete ‘curtain’ and up some stairs, and to the left behind me is a gym/cafe. And then we have The Enigmatic “R7” on the left, behind security gates. What goes on there nobody knows… but it’s gotta be pretty dire, no? Evil Corporations would totally call themselves “R7” and set up near a pizza place and gym. It’s perfect for those late night evil board meetings. Also, there’s a premiere going on…. assuming that’s not just cover for something else.

“Sure I’m pretty, but my Social Influencer status is mainly due to my handbag. Please make sure that it’s in focus”

“Sure I’m pretty, but my Social Influencer status is mainly due to my handbag. Please make sure that it’s in focus”

“He’s pretty cute. You should ask him out. Also… how cool is it that this place has shrubbery we can admire a guy through? Anywhere else and we would’ve needed to artlessly look over the top of our mobile phones”  - Elizabeth Morris, Centre, as stated, is in this movie.

“He’s pretty cute. You should ask him out. Also… how cool is it that this place has shrubbery we can admire a guy through? Anywhere else and we would’ve needed to artlessly look over the top of our mobile phones”
- Elizabeth Morris, Centre, as stated, is in this movie.

“Red Carpet Yoga!! All Right!!”

“Red Carpet Yoga!! All Right!!”

“Some of those poses were highly advanced, and they form the centrepiece of a book I’m publishing, so I’d really appreciate it if you didn’t leak them to the public” Me : ”…..” ”Oh, who am I kidding. Nobody reads books anymore - just share and give me all the sweet exposure that your blog provides” Me : “…..”

“Some of those poses were highly advanced, and they form the centrepiece of a book I’m publishing, so I’d really appreciate it if you didn’t leak them to the public”
Me : ”…..”
”Oh, who am I kidding. Nobody reads books anymore - just share and give me all the sweet exposure that your blog provides”
Me : “…..”

“So then I got to speaking with Leo about saving the Amazonian Polar Bears… you know”  Elizabeth Morris looks unconvinced. She’s also a writer, with the movie “Attack of the Were-Shark!”, penned by her, and currently in preproduction, per imdb.com). And suddenly I wish I’d used my opportunity when    photographing Leo    to talk about saving the Amazonian Polar Bear…

“So then I got to speaking with Leo about saving the Amazonian Polar Bears… you know” Elizabeth Morris looks unconvinced. She’s also a writer, with the movie “Attack of the Were-Shark!”, penned by her, and currently in preproduction, per imdb.com). And suddenly I wish I’d used my opportunity when photographing Leo to talk about saving the Amazonian Polar Bear…

“You know from up here, all those people look like tiny…. tiny…” ”Tiny Ants?” ”I was going to say “Tiny People”. What have YOU been drinking?”

“You know from up here, all those people look like tiny…. tiny…”
”Tiny Ants?”
”I was going to say “Tiny People”. What have YOU been drinking?”

“Can you make me famous?”  Sadly my journals get about as much views as any website not based on the activities of cats, or taking new items out of boxes…. while doing nothing to market it or optimise itself so it can be stumbled upon by someone not merely drunkenly mistyping words into a browser. But for what it’s worth, this website hereby declares your trousers are “Fetching”, madam. You can quote us.

“Can you make me famous?”
Sadly my journals get about as much views as any website not based on the activities of cats, or taking new items out of boxes…. while doing nothing to market it or optimise itself so it can be stumbled upon by someone not merely drunkenly mistyping words into a browser. But for what it’s worth, this website hereby declares your trousers are “Fetching”, madam. You can quote us.

“They say you shouldn’t attempt this within 48 hours of having it dry-cleaned, but do I look like the kind of person who reads those kinds of clothing labels?”  - I don’t know who she is (or who he is, actually, but I admire the sartorial flair…

“They say you shouldn’t attempt this within 48 hours of having it dry-cleaned, but do I look like the kind of person who reads those kinds of clothing labels?”
- I don’t know who she is (or who he is, actually, but I admire the sartorial flair…

“Don’t kid yourself… the only reason I want this photo taken is so I have photographic evidence of how ridiculous his trousers look when we have an argument about it later….”

“Don’t kid yourself… the only reason I want this photo taken is so I have photographic evidence of how ridiculous his trousers look when we have an argument about it later….”

“Can’t talk. Tweeting. Just tell me if I’m about to walk into a truck or canal or soukh or something…”

“Can’t talk. Tweeting. Just tell me if I’m about to walk into a truck or canal or soukh or something…”

“What was it like working with Gary? Buddy, I’m one of the writers… why don’t you ask Gary what it was like WORKING WITH ME??”.

“What was it like working with Gary? Buddy, I’m one of the writers… why don’t you ask Gary what it was like WORKING WITH ME??”.

“Later this evening you’ll be looking back at this photo wondering how you missed that this carpet had a step… and then realise it never had one. It’s because R7, baby…. Oh, crap, I’ve already said too much”  It’s not so much the R7 building that I’m interested in, it’s the several floors occupied by something called “Deep Mind” that I’m intrigued by / suspicious of / terrified to be near.

“Later this evening you’ll be looking back at this photo wondering how you missed that this carpet had a step… and then realise it never had one. It’s because R7, baby…. Oh, crap, I’ve already said too much”
It’s not so much the R7 building that I’m interested in, it’s the several floors occupied by something called “Deep Mind” that I’m intrigued by / suspicious of / terrified to be near.

“And these people are all here to photograph ME?” ”Well, that depends on what you mean by “these” and “people”… and possibly “here” “  I’m still excited by the interior rainforest plants - there’s more up the stairs behind me, where I’ve left the bag containing the Big Nikon - which I haven’t taken out because it might seem intrusive at this event.

“And these people are all here to photograph ME?”
”Well, that depends on what you mean by “these” and “people”… and possibly “here” “

I’m still excited by the interior rainforest plants - there’s more up the stairs behind me, where I’ve left the bag containing the Big Nikon - which I haven’t taken out because it might seem intrusive at this event.

Shit… Deep Mind has already occupied nine non-consecutive floors of this building. And I hear** that what they’re doing with chimps on floor six is the kind of thing that even North Korea would think twice about.  ** imagine / fear.

Shit… Deep Mind has already occupied nine non-consecutive floors of this building. And I hear** that what they’re doing with chimps on floor six is the kind of thing that even North Korea would think twice about.
** imagine / fear.

“Hi, I’m John. And I had been about to take my Uncle and his…. erm… family to my… uh.. offices on Floor Seven of Deep Mind. But now that you’ve photographed us, we might need to come back another time… with more guns and gasmasks and an Arnie unit from the future.. Also forget I said any of that. I get nervous when I’m on camera”  - I hear** they have tanks and robot drones up there. Piloted by chimps, probably. ** imagine / fear.

“Hi, I’m John. And I had been about to take my Uncle and his…. erm… family to my… uh.. offices on Floor Seven of Deep Mind. But now that you’ve photographed us, we might need to come back another time… with more guns and gasmasks and an Arnie unit from the future.. Also forget I said any of that. I get nervous when I’m on camera” - I hear** they have tanks and robot drones up there. Piloted by chimps, probably.
** imagine / fear.

“This guy… I LOVE this guy!” ”You’ve totally forgotten my name, haven’t you?” ”…. I’m going to go bold and say “Casper”….?”  In my experience, never guess “John” or something basic, because if you’re wrong, people will know you’ve guessed. But nobody ever gets insulted if you’ve mistaken them for a “Casper”

“This guy… I LOVE this guy!”
”You’ve totally forgotten my name, haven’t you?”
”…. I’m going to go bold and say “Casper”….?”
In my experience, never guess “John” or something basic, because if you’re wrong, people will know you’ve guessed. But nobody ever gets insulted if you’ve mistaken them for a “Casper”

“Hey… how you doin….?” ”Not bad. Just enjoying watching you with amusement while you fiddle with your equipment” ”Is that a euphemism?” ”Depends how much you love that camera…”  For from being a relative unknown, Tommy Flanagan has played such characters as Mark (Aliens vs Predator), Cicero (Gladiator), Morrison (Braveheart) and Brian (Sin City).

“Hey… how you doin….?”
”Not bad. Just enjoying watching you with amusement while you fiddle with your equipment”
”Is that a euphemism?”
”Depends how much you love that camera…”

For from being a relative unknown, Tommy Flanagan has played such characters as Mark (Aliens vs Predator), Cicero (Gladiator), Morrison (Braveheart) and Brian (Sin City).

“So what was it like working with Gary?” ”Didn’t like me calling him Gary” ”Why not?” ”Because her name was Elizabeth, probably…”

“So what was it like working with Gary?”
”Didn’t like me calling him Gary”
”Why not?”
”Because her name was Elizabeth, probably…”

“So what was it like… uh….?” ”Martin was a complete nightmare and I want him to see this video and think about what I’m saying” ”But…. aren’t you Martin?” ”Yeah, but I am answering in my capacity as an actor…”  Martin Owen is both Director of and Actor in this movie.

“So what was it like… uh….?”
”Martin was a complete nightmare and I want him to see this video and think about what I’m saying”
”But…. aren’t you Martin?”
”Yeah, but I am answering in my capacity as an actor…”

Martin Owen is both Director of and Actor in this movie.

“What are we doing? We’re distracting you while the rest of our gang hits up the Deep Mind research labs. We hear they got stuff up there that made the Geneva Convention CRY. Now photograph the handbag!!”

“What are we doing? We’re distracting you while the rest of our gang hits up the Deep Mind research labs. We hear they got stuff up there that made the Geneva Convention CRY. Now photograph the handbag!!”

So that was (apparently) that. I left before I could be implicated in anything that went down at Deep Mind, and if anyone asks: I didnt hear nuffin’, I didn’t see nuffin’ and I don’t want to KNOW nuffin’ **

Until next time!

ps. if you ever want to know when I post one of these journals, feel free to follow me on facebook or twitter. (or just peruse the archive… if ya want)

** I totally do. If you know anything, please send me a secure communique and tell me EVERYTHING. If they’re, like, a shipping company or actuarial firm… don’t bother. (Unless they’re an EVIL shipping company or EVIL actuarial firm)