October 19th, 2014.
So, it's finally over for another year : the BFI London Film Festival and its one-a-day smorgasbord of small, smaller and occasionally disarmingly large and/or rainy and/or crowded premieres. I only signed off for three days - two of those for separate unrelated Film Composer events (a Hans Zimmer concert and a Patrick Doyle Screentalk), and one because I was tiiiiiired (yesterday. sorry, fans of Viggo Mortensen). Still... one day left, and one giant premiere.
I knew I was going to have to get in early, and even then I'd have no guarantee of success.
Here's how it went down
After about an hour of loud music that was a bit too contemporary (and rock'n'pop) to fit in with the World War II theme of the film, the stars finally began to arrive.
I just want to pause here a little and get on my soapbox briefly (feel free to skip this) but in the past I have called the autograph dealers "scum", whose presence infects premieres with the kind of money-driven aggression that can make them very unpleasant unless they voluntarily sequester themselves at the drop-off point where chances of getting signatures are greatest.
However, I have discovered a new form of much greater aggression, and surprisingly it comes in the form of teenage girls at premieres. Their response to anyone with the vaguest modicum of fame verges on the hysterical and sees them mercilessly barge, shove, wriggle and claw their way forward without any hesitation. What's worse, they act safe in the knowledge that in any confrontation between them and an adult male will automatically see the male considered the aggressor. It's appalling. I wish I had pepper spray handy...
(If you're a teen girl reading this, you're obviously exempt from this criticism. I'm sure you and your friends are all exemplary vanguards of a great new generation)
But I guess my advice is : stay away from smelly unwashed homeless autograph dealers if you can.... but DEFINITELY steer clear of teenage girls anywhere near Logan Lerman.
At this point, interviewer Edith Bowman left the stage, and somebody called out "Aren't you going to interview Brad Pitt up there?" And she said... no.