12th Oct - The 'Rosewater' premiere

October 12th, 2014

It's London Film Festival, which means if I'm motivated enough (and not waylaid by a constant stream of distractions that only seem to arise in the first two weeks of October), I can more or less count on at least one premiere per day for close to a fortnight. Or two, if I'm up for it (or three if I'm ambitious, which I'm not). In this case, I was at the Odeon West End for this premiere, after which I zipped over to the Empire Leicester Square for "this premiere". But first, the Jon Stewart-directed 'Rosewater'.

Here's how it went down:

Our list had just six people on it, one of whom wasn't even in the film. But, as the famous saying goes, it's not how many people are on your list, but who they are. (Or in this case, because I genuinely don't know, Who ARE They?)

Our list had just six people on it, one of whom wasn't even in the film. But, as the famous saying goes, it's not how many people are on your list, but who they are.
(Or in this case, because I genuinely don't know, Who ARE They?)

" 'Get an iPhone.'... they said. 'you'll never need a chiropractor' they said.".

" 'Get an iPhone.'... they said. 'you'll never need a chiropractor' they said.".

"Horizontal pinstripes are meant to be VERTICAL?? Are you sure?". Amir El-Masri is in this movie, but I believe his jacket and kerchief have separate roles in upcoming romantic comedies scheduled in 2015/16.

"Horizontal pinstripes are meant to be VERTICAL?? Are you sure?". Amir El-Masri is in this movie, but I believe his jacket and kerchief have separate roles in upcoming romantic comedies scheduled in 2015/16.

<hastily> since I'm wearing a ski jacket and beanie to this event, I possibly should not be casting judgements on what people are wearing to premieres...

<hastily> since I'm wearing a ski jacket and beanie to this event, I possibly should not be casting judgements on what people are wearing to premieres...

Maziar Bahari is a director / producer / writer / cinematographer. I don't have nearly as many "/"s in my resume, and those that exist are usually hilariously and/or deliberately unrelated.

Maziar Bahari is a director / producer / writer / cinematographer. I don't have nearly as many "/"s in my resume, and those that exist are usually hilariously and/or deliberately unrelated.

The Guy With The Dragon Moustache from yesterday's premiere of "Bypass" has returned at <right>, as has his beret. His umbrella-holding skillz are also quite the thing to behold.

The Guy With The Dragon Moustache from yesterday's premiere of "Bypass" has returned at <right>, as has his beret. His umbrella-holding skillz are also quite the thing to behold.

Kim Bodnia is a Danish actor, and if it rains during the premiere of "Rose Water" then clearly there's something awesomely okay with that.

Kim Bodnia is a Danish actor, and if it rains during the premiere of "Rose Water" then clearly there's something awesomely okay with that.

Kim Bodnia staredown contest (you've already lost)

Kim Bodnia staredown contest (you've already lost)

"Your moustache is exquisite. Please don't steal my thunder, dude. This is MY premiere". Dimitri Leonidas was most famously in "The Monuments Men", whereas Captain Movember in the background is at THIS premiere, right here, right now.

"Your moustache is exquisite. Please don't steal my thunder, dude. This is MY premiere". Dimitri Leonidas was most famously in "The Monuments Men", whereas Captain Movember in the background is at THIS premiere, right here, right now.

"Once I knew that guy was going to be holding umbrellas at this premiere, I knew I was going to have to come here clean-shaven"

"Once I knew that guy was going to be holding umbrellas at this premiere, I knew I was going to have to come here clean-shaven"

The presence of Claire Foy, who is not actually in this film in any capacity, does not disappoint me.

The presence of Claire Foy, who is not actually in this film in any capacity, does not disappoint me.

"If we do this is ULTRA-slow-motion it's going to look really awesome!!!"

"If we do this is ULTRA-slow-motion it's going to look really awesome!!!"

Claire Foy is currently best known for the John Malkovich-led TV series "Crossbones".... the main hope being that it might distract people from her presence in the unfortunate film "Season of the Witch (2010)", starring Nicolas Cage's hair, as well as Nicolas Cage in a supporting role.

Claire Foy is currently best known for the John Malkovich-led TV series "Crossbones".... the main hope being that it might distract people from her presence in the unfortunate film "Season of the Witch (2010)", starring Nicolas Cage's hair, as well as Nicolas Cage in a supporting role.

Director / Screenwriter Jon Stewart is best known for being in 1830 episodes (and counting) of the Jon Stewart show. Given the name of the show, it's hard to see how the show could survive without him. Oddly, perhaps, this movie is not a comedy.

Director / Screenwriter Jon Stewart is best known for being in 1830 episodes (and counting) of the Jon Stewart show. Given the name of the show, it's hard to see how the show could survive without him. Oddly, perhaps, this movie is not a comedy.

"You know, usually when I wear a wire I try not to have it installed in public, but whatever you think works..." John Stewart, along with hosting the Tonight Show bearing his name, hosted the 2006 Academy Awards, once again playing the part of himself.

"You know, usually when I wear a wire I try not to have it installed in public, but whatever you think works..." John Stewart, along with hosting the Tonight Show bearing his name, hosted the 2006 Academy Awards, once again playing the part of himself.

"So this will allow me to control four semi-autonomous robotic arms and handle infinite power sources? And there's no chance they could turn sentient and evil? I ask because the control chip seems oddly exposed for something so important..."

"So this will allow me to control four semi-autonomous robotic arms and handle infinite power sources? And there's no chance they could turn sentient and evil? I ask because the control chip seems oddly exposed for something so important..."

"No, I'm absolutely not wearing a wire. Now... where's that microphone?"

"No, I'm absolutely not wearing a wire. Now... where's that microphone?"

Dimitri Leonidas was also in the little-known, little-discussed, and little-to-recommend it British horror film "Tormented", whose premiere remains the most viewed I've ever posted for no reason I can adequately explain

Dimitri Leonidas was also in the little-known, little-discussed, and little-to-recommend it British horror film "Tormented", whose premiere remains the most viewed I've ever posted for no reason I can adequately explain

"It's the sycophancy I can't stand, Tim. Being viewed in awe as some kind of hero. It disgusts me"

"It's the sycophancy I can't stand, Tim. Being viewed in awe as some kind of hero. It disgusts me"

At this point in proceedings I zipped across to the other side of Leicester Square for the premiere of "Kung Fu Jungle" which you can access here.  I then returned half an hour later to find:

Jon Stewart, still/again outside, with an assistant, security and an umbrella. He briefly looked at me. I briefly looked at him. He went in side. And all of a sudden I was alone....

Jon Stewart, still/again outside, with an assistant, security and an umbrella. He briefly looked at me. I briefly looked at him. He went in side. And all of a sudden I was alone....

On a red carpet, talking to myself. Now THAT'S chaos theory.

On a red carpet, talking to myself. Now THAT'S chaos theory.

Until next time!

It joins "The Archive of Movie Premieres", obviously...