11th Oct - the 'Bypass' premiere

October 11th, 2014.

Sometimes you have a buffet of premiers laid out before you... and instead of going All In, all you eat is the corn chips. Why? I don't know. But on a day that had four premieres ON THE SAME CARPET one after the other, I only went to the third one and it's the one that stars possibly nobody you've heard of and has a 5.5 on imdb.

Here's how (and why) it went down as it did.

The thing with London Film Festival is that if you do it right, it's not just one premiere per day for over a week and a half, but on certain days the red carpet is like an airport - they have them landing in a well-scheduled sequence right in front of you!

The thing with London Film Festival is that if you do it right, it's not just one premiere per day for over a week and a half, but on certain days the red carpet is like an airport - they have them landing in a well-scheduled sequence right in front of you!

But the thing with me is that every (frikkin) October, for just one month, I'm assailed by distractions that would ordinarily never affect my ability to enjoy London Film Festival. So while my life is a sorry wasteland of boredom close to 11 months of the year, for those two weeks in October there's concerts, work engagements, and social engagements that coincidentally dry up as soon as London Film Festival is on. Is it so much to expect things to go my way?

But the thing with me is that every (frikkin) October, for just one month, I'm assailed by distractions that would ordinarily never affect my ability to enjoy London Film Festival. So while my life is a sorry wasteland of boredom close to 11 months of the year, for those two weeks in October there's concerts, work engagements, and social engagements that coincidentally dry up as soon as London Film Festival is on. Is it so much to expect things to go my way?

I guess what I'm saying is that today I could have done FOUR premieres.... and I ended up doing only the one nobody's heard of that I note has a 5.3 on imdb. But then again I recently watched "Casa De Mi Padre (2012)" and imdb was way off on that.

I guess what I'm saying is that today I could have done FOUR premieres.... and I ended up doing only the one nobody's heard of that I note has a 5.3 on imdb. But then again I recently watched "Casa De Mi Padre (2012)" and imdb was way off on that.

Charlotte Spencer was previously identified by me (and wikipedia) as a Countess from the mid-1800s when I photographed her at the premiere of "Wild Bill" back in 2012.

Charlotte Spencer was previously identified by me (and wikipedia) as a Countess from the mid-1800s when I photographed her at the premiere of "Wild Bill" back in 2012.

George MacKay, meanwhile is possibly best known for having been in the movie "Defiance" with Daniel Craig back in 2008/2009. Wikipedia gives you the choice of him being a Canadian pastor, a Canadian rower, or an Australian politician. Or, perhaps, an actor..

George MacKay, meanwhile is possibly best known for having been in the movie "Defiance" with Daniel Craig back in 2008/2009. Wikipedia gives you the choice of him being a Canadian pastor, a Canadian rower, or an Australian politician. Or, perhaps, an actor..

"I can hold this enigmatic expression for another six, possibly seven minutes"

"I can hold this enigmatic expression for another six, possibly seven minutes"

The surgeon general recommends home chiropracty is not for the faint-hearted

The surgeon general recommends home chiropracty is not for the faint-hearted

"If you'd told me that 'either geometric lines or denim' was the dress code I wouldn't be wearing this ridiculous dress"

"If you'd told me that 'either geometric lines or denim' was the dress code I wouldn't be wearing this ridiculous dress"

Perhaps somewhat disconcertingly, director Duane Hopkins' prior film "Better Things" holds a 5.4 on imdb, which is one better that this movie at present. But then imdb gives Pan's Labyrinth an 8.3 and three Oscars and that movie made no sense whatsoever.

Perhaps somewhat disconcertingly, director Duane Hopkins' prior film "Better Things" holds a 5.4 on imdb, which is one better that this movie at present. But then imdb gives Pan's Labyrinth an 8.3 and three Oscars and that movie made no sense whatsoever.

According to imdb, Charlotte Spencer is best known as "Whore 3" from Les Miserables (2012) which is kind of hilarious and awesome at the same time.

According to imdb, Charlotte Spencer is best known as "Whore 3" from Les Miserables (2012) which is kind of hilarious and awesome at the same time.

"Hire me for your next Shampoo commercial". This is the first London Film Festival premiere this year that wasn't interrupted by rain, but could arguably most have benefited from it.

"Hire me for your next Shampoo commercial". This is the first London Film Festival premiere this year that wasn't interrupted by rain, but could arguably most have benefited from it.

That horrible moment, years later, when somebody points out for the first time that the barbershop quartet you've been practising with for years has five members... and up til now nobody had noticed.

That horrible moment, years later, when somebody points out for the first time that the barbershop quartet you've been practising with for years has five members... and up til now nobody had noticed.

"New shoes?" "No... new feet. Figure THAT one out"

"New shoes?"
"No... new feet. Figure THAT one out"

And yet it's the vicious disciplining in the out-of-focus background that I'm distracted by..

And yet it's the vicious disciplining in the out-of-focus background that I'm distracted by..

"Yeah, Barry? We've got a Code-Blue-Alpha-Sandwich in the out-of-focus background. No, nothing to do with violence, I'm just particularly hungry"

"Yeah, Barry? We've got a Code-Blue-Alpha-Sandwich in the out-of-focus background. No, nothing to do with violence, I'm just particularly hungry"

The Pentax I had with me under-performed horrifically at this premiere but actress Lara Peake's dress did all it could to assist the autofocus.

The Pentax I had with me under-performed horrifically at this premiere but actress Lara Peake's dress did all it could to assist the autofocus.

"If you want me to stand next to Charlotte Spencer to help your autofocus, just let me know.". Frankly, I'd like to hire Lara Peake for all upcoming premieres.

"If you want me to stand next to Charlotte Spencer to help your autofocus, just let me know.". Frankly, I'd like to hire Lara Peake for all upcoming premieres.

"Look me up... I'm also "Coat Check Girl" in Tim Burton's "Dark Shadows"". I've actually personally got a Kevin Bacon score of three if that impresses anybody.

"Look me up... I'm also "Coat Check Girl" in Tim Burton's "Dark Shadows"". I've actually personally got a Kevin Bacon score of three if that impresses anybody.

"What do you mean "It's MOvember, not MOctober and I've peaked one month early??"

"What do you mean "It's MOvember, not MOctober and I've peaked one month early??"

The four-step ladder, stilts and a remote controlled drone weren't necessary at this particular event.

The four-step ladder, stilts and a remote controlled drone weren't necessary at this particular event.

"The Brad Pitt premiere is not til next Sunday and No, you can't start camping out yet"

"The Brad Pitt premiere is not til next Sunday and No, you can't start camping out yet"

As for me? I'm off for a random spontaneous social engagement. Because as we've established, I only don't have a life 11 out of 12 months each year. Still... it's another entry for "The Archive of Movie Premieres"

Until next time! (ie. tomorrow)

ps. if you ever want to know when I post one of these journals, feel free to follow me on twitter @berndt2_photo or facebook at premieresdotco.