London Fashion Week 2017.1

February 17th - 21st, 2017

For the last two years, London Fashion Week's Primary 'space' has been a SoHo Carpark intersection. Before that it was the opulence of Somerset House. This year, it's a large and wide pedestrian footpath across from the Australian High Commission, with a Pret at one end, a Construction Zone at the other, and a massive amount of pedestrian traffic.

Hurray for the elegance and artistry of fashion.

I'll see how many days I make it down there for.

DAY 1

Hats? Handbags? Novelty iPad covers? Oversized earrings? Who knows.... but it's fashion (baby)

Hats? Handbags? Novelty iPad covers? Oversized earrings? Who knows.... but it's fashion (baby)

"If you move back closer to that bit of street garbage, my photo will make a statement about something really profound. That'll make it Fashion AND Art, baby" (or fART for short, and yes damnit I'm copyrighting that)

"If you move back closer to that bit of street garbage, my photo will make a statement about something really profound. That'll make it Fashion AND Art, baby" (or fART for short, and yes damnit I'm copyrighting that)

"If you could just look slightly less interested in what people think about you wearing such expensive and exclusive clothing that next to nobody could afford let alone want to wear in public, you'll have captured the essence of my brand perfectly....."

"If you could just look slightly less interested in what people think about you wearing such expensive and exclusive clothing that next to nobody could afford let alone want to wear in public, you'll have captured the essence of my brand perfectly....."

The crush at 'BFC Show Space' is a bit too much (even for somebody like me who is used to public pens at a premiere) so I headed over to Somerset House, where London Fashion Week used to be based.

The crush at 'BFC Show Space' is a bit too much (even for somebody like me who is used to public pens at a premiere) so I headed over to Somerset House, where London Fashion Week used to be based.

"I'm telling you Jack, we can sell these for thousands if we convince people it's fashion and not workwear".

"I'm telling you Jack, we can sell these for thousands if we convince people it's fashion and not workwear".

Sunbeams sold separately.

Sunbeams sold separately.

"I was told that the skirt was still too short."

"I was told that the skirt was still too short."

Square glasses, beret and a DSLR. If this look could be any cooler, I'm going to have to buy myself some square glasses and a beret.

Square glasses, beret and a DSLR. If this look could be any cooler, I'm going to have to buy myself some square glasses and a beret.

As at right now, I can only apologetically restate that this London Fashion Week has thus far failed to provide the expected weirdness and hilarity that could justify me hanging around the self-professed beautiful people. Right now it only looks vaguely stylish in a way that makes me feel uncomfortable.

As at right now, I can only apologetically restate that this London Fashion Week has thus far failed to provide the expected weirdness and hilarity that could justify me hanging around the self-professed beautiful people. Right now it only looks vaguely stylish in a way that makes me feel uncomfortable.

"You've changed, Barbara." "I skinned the rabbit myself.... that's how much fashion means to me" "That's not actually what I .... ewwwww"

"You've changed, Barbara."
"I skinned the rabbit myself.... that's how much fashion means to me"
"That's not actually what I .... ewwwww"

"Shhh... can't talk. Updating my fashion blog" "Shhh... can't talk. Updating my instagram"

"Shhh... can't talk. Updating my fashion blog"
"Shhh... can't talk. Updating my instagram"

So that was Day 1. I gotta be honest.... I like the photos, but I miss the madness. Perhaps tomorrow will bring some.

DAY 2

Oh, great. These Asshole protesters are back again. By which I'd like to clarify : I don't object to their views, I object to the PROTESTERS themselves. At a purely base level, they're spouting about a dozen different messages from anti-fur to animal testing to anti-meat to veganism to (if you read the chalk) f**king cannibalism (!), and if they're against Chinese (allegedly) killing dogs, then why they protest outside the Chinese embassy? Their protests are vague and ill-focussed and delivered by insipid malcontents.

And file note : if you're trying to change peoples' minds about something, one way to make absolutely certain your message is lost is by being so obnoxious that all anyone can focus on is what a bunch of annoying assholes you are. Rather than your message, say.

Nice wordplay, though. Kudos. ("Cannibalism Insanity??")

Nice wordplay, though. Kudos.
("Cannibalism Insanity??")

"The noise of the protesters can never drown out how fabulous we look. Also I had six skittles for lunch - I don't think they suffered."

"The noise of the protesters can never drown out how fabulous we look. Also I had six skittles for lunch - I don't think they suffered."

Well... except the Justin Bieber ones. Those ones are dumb.

Well... except the Justin Bieber ones. Those ones are dumb.

"First fur and then Bieber and now this. Why does London Fashion Week have to get so political?"

"First fur and then Bieber and now this. Why does London Fashion Week have to get so political?"

"I didn't kill any animals to make this top. Just a couple of homeless people, plus I polluted a river with the dye-work. But nobody protests that..."

"I didn't kill any animals to make this top. Just a couple of homeless people, plus I polluted a river with the dye-work. But nobody protests that..."

"I'm afraid of heights, Barry. You KNOW that...."

"I'm afraid of heights, Barry. You KNOW that...."

It's not a box for putting things in, it's actually this year's must-have fashion accessory.

It's not a box for putting things in, it's actually this year's must-have fashion accessory.

Wow. It's been this year's must-have fashion accessory for all of five minutes, and now people are already wearing it ironically.

Wow. It's been this year's must-have fashion accessory for all of five minutes, and now people are already wearing it ironically.

"I don't want to tempt fate, but you realise if you get hit by a car it's going to be an amazing way to end the photoshoot"

"I don't want to tempt fate, but you realise if you get hit by a car it's going to be an amazing way to end the photoshoot"

"Guys? I'm not even here for London Fashion Week. So either mug me and get it over with, or let me go."

"Guys? I'm not even here for London Fashion Week. So either mug me and get it over with, or let me go."

"I've been hearing them protest about fur for two hours and I could really go for a burger right about now".

"I've been hearing them protest about fur for two hours and I could really go for a burger right about now".

DAY 3

This Mercedes AMG has been parked in the same spot every day of LFW so far. There's every chance it's simply a prop car.

This Mercedes AMG has been parked in the same spot every day of LFW so far. There's every chance it's simply a prop car.

"Give me anger! You HATE the camera! You DESPISE the camera!! ... okay, now you're making the camera feel bad. Please apologise...."

"Give me anger! You HATE the camera! You DESPISE the camera!! ... okay, now you're making the camera feel bad. Please apologise...."

"help me, London Fashion Week. You're my only hope..."

"help me, London Fashion Week. You're my only hope..."

"I was given to understand there'd be free popcorn?" - sadly in comparison to last year's SoHo ParkingGarage venue, so far there's been nobody handing out free gourmet popcorn or obscure sugary/sugar-free energy drinks at London Fashion Week. Damnit...

"I was given to understand there'd be free popcorn?" - sadly in comparison to last year's SoHo ParkingGarage venue, so far there's been nobody handing out free gourmet popcorn or obscure sugary/sugar-free energy drinks at London Fashion Week. Damnit...

"Where did that guy with the spray-can go??"

"Where did that guy with the spray-can go??"

"The protesters are pretty much targeting anyone wearing fur... or what looks like fur... or might sound or feel like fur. Quite frankly. if you've got better than average hair, it's best to stay away."

"The protesters are pretty much targeting anyone wearing fur... or what looks like fur... or might sound or feel like fur. Quite frankly. if you've got better than average hair, it's best to stay away."

"You really think I'm cute!!? If only I was about 20 years older and you were about 40 years younger..."

"You really think I'm cute!!? If only I was about 20 years older and you were about 40 years younger..."

"We're not models. We're being ironic"

"We're not models. We're being ironic"

And because despite their undeniable enthusiasm the Fur Protesters survive on a diet low in iron and high in self-esteem, I was able to leave London Fashion Week Day 3 before they finished their megaphone test.

DAY 4

"I'm trying to take a photo of that balustrade behind you.... could you please get out of the way??" - London Fashion Week and London Architecture Week should never be allowed to coincide...

"I'm trying to take a photo of that balustrade behind you.... could you please get out of the way??" - London Fashion Week and London Architecture Week should never be allowed to coincide...

"Too much shopping is a relative term, Frank."

"Too much shopping is a relative term, Frank."

The camera strap shows that she shoots Sony while at Fashion Week I tend to shoot Pentax, but you know I think we could still make it work.

The camera strap shows that she shoots Sony while at Fashion Week I tend to shoot Pentax, but you know I think we could still make it work.

"Of course I'm aware I'm casting a perfect silhouette. So much so that if the phone rings I'm not answering it. Not until the sun sets or it clouds over first"

"Of course I'm aware I'm casting a perfect silhouette. So much so that if the phone rings I'm not answering it. Not until the sun sets or it clouds over first"

"I didn't know they were called BICYCLES, Janet. I'm a fashion model. Unless I've used it as a prop or can smoke it, I'm not really interested"

"I didn't know they were called BICYCLES, Janet. I'm a fashion model. Unless I've used it as a prop or can smoke it, I'm not really interested"

"It's art, sure. But it was a really expensive coat before my husband took a sharpie to it"

"It's art, sure. But it was a really expensive coat before my husband took a sharpie to it"

"I could really go for lunch. Two or three calories should see me through til the weekend...."

"I could really go for lunch. Two or three calories should see me through til the weekend...."

"Wear a helmet for safety? If you had any idea how I'd design it, you'd know it wouldn't be safer."

"Wear a helmet for safety? If you had any idea how I'd design it, you'd know it wouldn't be safer."

"I'm not really sure what I'm looking at here."

"I'm not really sure what I'm looking at here."

"I'm going to stand here for a maximum five, six minutes more. So take these photos while you can. And make sure to hashtag them accurately."

"I'm going to stand here for a maximum five, six minutes more. So take these photos while you can. And make sure to hashtag them accurately."

"I'm running so late I'm basically early...."

"I'm running so late I'm basically early...."

And that? Is the end of another London Fashion Week.

until next time *air kiss* *air kiss*

Feel free to check out my archive of fashion week street photography journals at:

London Fashion Week 2010.1 - fashion?
London Fashion Week 2012.1 - fashion!
London Fashion Week 2013.1 - fashion!!
London Fashion Week 2013.2 - fashion!!!
London Fashion Week 2014.1 - fashion!!!!
London Fashion Week 2015.1 - fashion!!!!!
London Fashion Week 2016.1 - fashion!!!!!!
London Fashion Week 2016.2 - fashion!!!!!!!

You may also feel free to invite me to photograph your runway show(s), swimsuit model(s) or weird cat clothing designs. You know... if you want.

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