Theatre The Sunset Blvd press night

April 4th, 2016.

If this website of mine stands for anything, it is for the nobility of defeat (for example :  not a single fashion label, supermodel or magazine has so far approached me to officially cover their LondonFashionWeek activities... how is that even possible??).

And so, for the first time since the (non-representative) "Shrek The Musical" opening back in 2011, and buoyed by yesterday's so-so efforts at the 2016 Olivier Awards, I headed down to the Coliseum to see what a Theatre Press Night entailed.

Apparently, if you don't have press accreditation, not a lot. Here's how it went down:

The doors of the Coliseum in London will not be opened for me on this day. That's fine... I didn't even get into the public pen at yesterday's 2016 Olivier Awards.

The doors of the Coliseum in London will not be opened for me on this day. That's fine... I didn't even get into the public pen at yesterday's 2016 Olivier Awards.

London's Coliseum has probably not seen its share of gladiatorial combat, chariot races, or re-cretions of the Battle of Carthage featuring Russell Crowe. Also, there's a Cafe Nero right next door

London's Coliseum has probably not seen its share of gladiatorial combat, chariot races, or re-cretions of the Battle of Carthage featuring Russell Crowe. Also, there's a Cafe Nero right next door

One thing I learned about Theatre Press Nights : the star(s) do not go in via the stage entrance just before starting time (a la premieres I have attended) - they arrive hours earlier to get into costume. Accordingly : Glenn Close is not in this particular journal. Argh.

One thing I learned about Theatre Press Nights : the star(s) do not go in via the stage entrance just before starting time (a la premieres I have attended) - they arrive hours earlier to get into costume. Accordingly : Glenn Close is not in this particular journal. Argh.

"I still can't figure this Instagram thing out..." I'm given to understand that the man at left is possibly one of the financeers of this production. How do I know? He's just been approached by a nearby autograph hunter who appears to know what's going on.

"I still can't figure this Instagram thing out..." I'm given to understand that the man at left is possibly one of the financeers of this production. How do I know? He's just been approached by a nearby autograph hunter who appears to know what's going on.

<texts> : UR Hair looks amzing <texts> : Tks. Btw - Y we not talkin NE-more? ... I assume this is how The Kids talk these days.... and/but the hair really does look amazing.

<texts> : UR Hair looks amzing
<texts> : Tks. Btw - Y we not talkin NE-more?

... I assume this is how The Kids talk these days.... and/but the hair really does look amazing.

This is what the underside of the main entrance of the Coliseum looks like. Unlike the premieres I'm used to (take for example the recent'Batman v Superman' premiere) there is no red carpet, no barriers, no press and no real security immediately around. It's more a semi-evolved mob, than a premiere, really.

This is what the underside of the main entrance of the Coliseum looks like. Unlike the premieres I'm used to (take for example the recent'Batman v Superman' premiere) there is no red carpet, no barriers, no press and no real security immediately around. It's more a semi-evolved mob, than a premiere, really.

Who are these people, I hear you ask? Would it disappoint you massively to know that I have no idea at all? (And would it disappoint you even more that I didn't get a good photo of the dude with the hat and trenchcoat in the background?)

Who are these people, I hear you ask? Would it disappoint you massively to know that I have no idea at all? (And would it disappoint you even more that I didn't get a good photo of the dude with the hat and trenchcoat in the background?)

"They replaced my barber with a theatre?? What the hell is wrong with this town??"

"They replaced my barber with a theatre?? What the hell is wrong with this town??"

A glance into the windows of the Coliseum reveals that Glenn Close is sadly not sipping on champage and canapes with the early arrivals.  I am disappointed by this, as I have never photographed her.

A glance into the windows of the Coliseum reveals that Glenn Close is sadly not sipping on champage and canapes with the early arrivals.  I am disappointed by this, as I have never photographed her.

"You will let me have my mobile phone back when you're finished, won't you dearie?" I have forgotten who this is. Alternatively I previously and still do not.

"You will let me have my mobile phone back when you're finished, won't you dearie?" I have forgotten who this is. Alternatively I previously and still do not.

Well, the impossible has happened : I recognise somebody at this event! Emily Atack was in (among other things) this year's "Dad's Army", 2012's "Outside Bet" and even the recent 2016 Empire Movie Awards.

Well, the impossible has happened : I recognise somebody at this event! Emily Atack was in (among other things) this year's "Dad's Army", 2012's "Outside Bet" and even the recent 2016 Empire Movie Awards.

"I don't like the way she's fondling your hair, Deirdre...."

"I don't like the way she's fondling your hair, Deirdre...."

It's Jonathan Pryce! I last photographed him at last year's BFI Luminous Gala, and he's best known recently for being the High Sparrow in Game of Thrones, and for being Keira Knightley's father in the Pirates of the Caribbean films.

It's Jonathan Pryce! I last photographed him at last year's BFI Luminous Gala, and he's best known recently for being the High Sparrow in Game of Thrones, and for being Keira Knightley's father in the Pirates of the Caribbean films.

"Yes, that high score on Fruit Ninja is indeed better than mine, so well done on that. May I assume you're also unemployed?"

"Yes, that high score on Fruit Ninja is indeed better than mine, so well done on that. May I assume you're also unemployed?"

I wouldn't have thought Game of Thrones cosplay would extend so far as people dressing up as author George R.R. Martin, but.... well... there you have it.

I wouldn't have thought Game of Thrones cosplay would extend so far as people dressing up as author George R.R. Martin, but.... well... there you have it.

"You want my autograph? Only if you compliment my scarf. Of course I already I know the scarf is awesome.... your compliments would be entirely superfluous"

"You want my autograph? Only if you compliment my scarf. Of course I already I know the scarf is awesome.... your compliments would be entirely superfluous"

"... just make sure you catch my good side...."

"... just make sure you catch my good side...."

"I kinda really want Charlize Theron to show up at this thing....or ANYTHING" Don't we all. Why wasn't there a Huntsman : Winters War premiere??

"I kinda really want Charlize Theron to show up at this thing....or ANYTHING" Don't we all. Why wasn't there a Huntsman : Winters War premiere??

If this is Trevor Nunn (and an online image search strongly suggests that it is), then he's won no less than 4 Olivier Awards for directing plays.

If this is Trevor Nunn (and an online image search strongly suggests that it is), then he's won no less than 4 Olivier Awards for directing plays.

"Is this the way to the popcorn stand as well?"

"Is this the way to the popcorn stand as well?"

They're the Hattori Hanzo of shoes.

They're the Hattori Hanzo of shoes.

.... and that's the end of that, apparently.

.... and that's the end of that, apparently.

So that's what a theatre opening is like, it would seem. Good news for fans of sidewalk congestion and people looking at you with "why are you here, exactly?" incredulity, and not so much for anything else.

Would I rate it highly enough to put it into the Archive of Premieres? eh.... maybe.

Until next time!?

PS. If you want to know whenever I post a new premiere journal (or perhaps attempt to demonstrate my ongoing ignorance of Actual Culture), feel free to follow me on twitter @berndt2_photo or on facebook by clicking here