London Fashion Week 2016.1

February 19th-23rd, 2016.

It's London Fashion week again, and I'm no more qualified to comment upon it than I have been at any other time I've headed down to Somerset House to see what I could photograph (so far I've uploaded journals for LFW2013.1 and LFW2013.2....).

Except this year, London Fashion Week's primary venue ISN'T Somerset House but rather a multi-storey carpark located on Brewer Street. (Because... FASH*ION).

And rather than leverage the ... uh... almost limitless worldwide resources of my media empire blog to gain access to the actual showrooms and runways.... I took to the streets and tried to see what's what. Near as I could tell, THIS is what's what:

DAY 1.

This year, as with every year, I have (uh...) declined to leverage the power that my influential blogging/media-empire this website represents to gain access to the events. I will instead be sending "My Staff" down to take photos *outside* the event.

This year, as with every year, I have (uh...) declined to leverage the power that my influential blogging/media-empire this website represents to gain access to the events. I will instead be sending "My Staff" down to take photos *outside* the event.

Dear London Fashion Week... why not let London's cab drivers, delivery vans, and couriers know that there's a fashion week on so they don't add to the already extreme traffic?

Dear London Fashion Week... why not let London's cab drivers, delivery vans, and couriers know that there's a fashion week on so they don't add to the already extreme traffic?

"This sh*t better go on Instagram. I don't dress like this just to get facebook likes"

"This sh*t better go on Instagram. I don't dress like this just to get facebook likes"

"There's nothing on web-md.com about what to do when you've got Conjoined Hair Syndrome, but LFW.org says 'roll with it'..."

"There's nothing on web-md.com about what to do when you've got Conjoined Hair Syndrome, but LFW.org says 'roll with it'..."

"Do you run an influential fashion blog? Can you make me famous"... umm.... yes?

"Do you run an influential fashion blog? Can you make me famous"... umm.... yes?

"I might be colder and wetter than you, but I'm happier!" I don't know... they're handing out free bags of flavoured premium popcorn on the street, and I'm feeling kind of okay myself.

"I might be colder and wetter than you, but I'm happier!" I don't know... they're handing out free bags of flavoured premium popcorn on the street, and I'm feeling kind of okay myself.

"help meeeeee!"

"help meeeeee!"

"Julie... I think those are UGLY people! How the hell did they get here?" This is perhaps why you don't put your fashion event in a parking garage...

"Julie... I think those are UGLY people! How the hell did they get here?" This is perhaps why you don't put your fashion event in a parking garage...

"If your hair dye is behaving erratically, press >four< and please hold. Your call is important to us."

"If your hair dye is behaving erratically, press >four< and please hold. Your call is important to us."

"Yes, ladies <burp> I *totally* run a major fashion label."

"Yes, ladies <burp> I *totally* run a major fashion label."

"London Fashion Week? No idea what you're talking about - we're just going out for Chipotle"

"London Fashion Week? No idea what you're talking about - we're just going out for Chipotle"

Sweater of the Day. Also : good news, kids!!! Smoking is Still Cool.

Sweater of the Day. Also : good news, kids!!! Smoking is Still Cool.

"Tthat's your SECOND piece of popcorn, Barbara, you PIG!"

"Tthat's your SECOND piece of popcorn, Barbara, you PIG!"

"The list? I have no idea - these glasses aren't actually functional." They look fabulous, tho.

"The list? I have no idea - these glasses aren't actually functional." They look fabulous, tho.

If they make a male version of these that I can wear at premieres to give me an extra 15cm of height, I'll buy several.

If they make a male version of these that I can wear at premieres to give me an extra 15cm of height, I'll buy several.

Sadly, my multicultural group of friends is nowhere as cool as this.

Sadly, my multicultural group of friends is nowhere as cool as this.

"Dancing to the music in my head? No... I just love Freakonomics podcasts really REALLY much."

"Dancing to the music in my head? No... I just love Freakonomics podcasts really REALLY much."

"Yes, the fairy floss is edible... but I'm saving it for the show"

"Yes, the fairy floss is edible... but I'm saving it for the show"

DAY 2.

(note to self : need bowler hat to this look cool when photographing London Fashion Week)

(note to self : need bowler hat to this look cool when photographing London Fashion Week)

"You have no idea how hard it is to make sure I always have one hair fluttering in front of my face...."

"You have no idea how hard it is to make sure I always have one hair fluttering in front of my face...."

"Julie, there's photographers EVERYWHERE... and none of them are photographing me...."

"Julie, there's photographers EVERYWHERE... and none of them are photographing me...."

"I'm actually on the way to the gym and not part of the show. But I'm flattered anyway..."

"I'm actually on the way to the gym and not part of the show. But I'm flattered anyway..."

"No, I'm not photographing you. But come over here and check out this photo I took of another girl earlier. It's amazing!!!"

"No, I'm not photographing you. But come over here and check out this photo I took of another girl earlier. It's amazing!!!"

Please let this be Kylo Ren's costume in Episode VIII. That character needs some *real* complexity and nuance.

Please let this be Kylo Ren's costume in Episode VIII. That character needs some *real* complexity and nuance.

"These humans are crazy"

"These humans are crazy"

"Every one of these slices in my jeans was hand-cut by me. I was halfway through when I realised it would be better if I wasn't wearing them while doing it...."

"Every one of these slices in my jeans was hand-cut by me. I was halfway through when I realised it would be better if I wasn't wearing them while doing it...."

"I'm too cool to stop for anyone, I'm too cool to look at anyone... but please don't stop photographing me!!"

"I'm too cool to stop for anyone, I'm too cool to look at anyone... but please don't stop photographing me!!"

"You're going to make me ask you about the skateboard, aren't you?"

"You're going to make me ask you about the skateboard, aren't you?"

DAY 3.

"My handbag is so heavy it has wheels. Is that normal?"

"My handbag is so heavy it has wheels. Is that normal?"

"If blue isn't *IN* this year, I am so screwed..."

"If blue isn't *IN* this year, I am so screwed..."

Some wear blue, some wear red, and some realise that what you really need this season is to carry an orange traffic cone with you everywhere..

Some wear blue, some wear red, and some realise that what you really need this season is to carry an orange traffic cone with you everywhere..

"My ex-boyfriend loved that velour jacket, but I had a better plan...."

"My ex-boyfriend loved that velour jacket, but I had a better plan...."

"Jerry? I dropped them into blue food colouring and somehow they multiplied....."

"Jerry? I dropped them into blue food colouring and somehow they multiplied....."

"Check it out! I managed to put an Angry Birds app onto my DSLR!"

"Check it out! I managed to put an Angry Birds app onto my DSLR!"

"When I found out which one of my flatmates stole my yellow shoes there's going to be trouble...."

"When I found out which one of my flatmates stole my yellow shoes there's going to be trouble...."

"Mmmm... coconut conditioner"

"Mmmm... coconut conditioner"

"Jerry? I fed them after midnight and now they look like this... what do I do??"

"Jerry? I fed them after midnight and now they look like this... what do I do??"

"I regret none of my choices.... " except losing the hat, I guess?

"I regret none of my choices.... " except losing the hat, I guess?

"At least it keeps my elbows warm"

"At least it keeps my elbows warm"

Good news everyone, bellybuttons are in this year (I'm so glad I kept mine...)

Good news everyone, bellybuttons are in this year (I'm so glad I kept mine...)

Legitimately : this is the only time I regretted only having business cards reading "Senior Benchmarking Analyst" on me... call me!!

Legitimately : this is the only time I regretted only having business cards reading "Senior Benchmarking Analyst" on me... call me!!

"The sunglasses are there to provide anonymity, obviously."

"The sunglasses are there to provide anonymity, obviously."

"You're a f**king ba**ard, Ken. There's no chance this is "only a coincidence" ". One of these two is about to burst into tears and run home and change.

"You're a f**king ba**ard, Ken. There's no chance this is "only a coincidence" ". One of these two is about to burst into tears and run home and change.

I hear Manchester City are outfitting their whole team in these next season

I hear Manchester City are outfitting their whole team in these next season

The problem with being too coolly detached is that it's hard to tell if you're part of fashion week, too cool to admit you're part of fashion week, or too cool to acknowledge fashion week even exists.

The problem with being too coolly detached is that it's hard to tell if you're part of fashion week, too cool to admit you're part of fashion week, or too cool to acknowledge fashion week even exists.

"Every one of these strands of hair is perfect..... and it's been 45minutes already but I can't move until this breeze goes away"

"Every one of these strands of hair is perfect..... and it's been 45minutes already but I can't move until this breeze goes away"

<me, mentally practicing> yeah, baby : I'm really a senior benchmarking analyst....

<me, mentally practicing> yeah, baby : I'm really a senior benchmarking analyst....

Just realised he needs about 1,960 more spikes to REALLY make this work.  

Just realised he needs about 1,960 more spikes to REALLY make this work.
 

"If anyone dressed like this as well, I'm going to cry.."

"If anyone dressed like this as well, I'm going to cry.."

DAY4

Just where you want your security to be standing (all thos anti-fashion protestors are eagerly looking at that gap above the low part of the "L")

Just where you want your security to be standing (all thos anti-fashion protestors are eagerly looking at that gap above the low part of the "L")

"I'm looking for the hay-bales and tumbleweeds...."

"I'm looking for the hay-bales and tumbleweeds...."

Brooklyn Hipster is so indifferent to #LFW that he doesn't know or care that he's in LONDON.

Brooklyn Hipster is so indifferent to #LFW that he doesn't know or care that he's in LONDON.

Can't tell if being ironic or fashionable. Damn you, fashion week!

Can't tell if being ironic or fashionable. Damn you, fashion week!

"Are you a model?" "For $2.50 an hour, I can be whatever you want me to be, moron..."

"Are you a model?"
"For $2.50 an hour, I can be whatever you want me to be, moron..."

" I gotta take a selfie of myself smoking so can send it to Mom. THAT'S how edgy I am"

" I gotta take a selfie of myself smoking so can send it to Mom. THAT'S how edgy I am"

"Yeah, I'm f**king hardcore... wanna see my piercings?"

"Yeah, I'm f**king hardcore... wanna see my piercings?"

"Mom... you now how you said that thing would happen if I wasn't careful, and I said I didn't believe you? Well... it happened"

"Mom... you now how you said that thing would happen if I wasn't careful, and I said I didn't believe you? Well... it happened"

"Lady, do you want a cab or are you just going to stand there prettily for another five minutes?"

"Lady, do you want a cab or are you just going to stand there prettily for another five minutes?"

Yeah... I might head down to the Grimsby World Premiere where it's safer...

Yeah... I might head down to the Grimsby World Premiere where it's safer...

DAY 5

And so for the last time... or at least until tonight's Elle Style Awards (separate journal here)... I'm off to photograph London Fashion Week 2016.1 (i'll see where I'm at come September for 2016.2).....

"Joke's on you guys - I never even studied electical engineering and know nothing about either AC or DC!"

"Joke's on you guys - I never even studied electical engineering and know nothing about either AC or DC!"

"I've got a pretty major back cramp, but I'm too cool to mention it. If I'm still here in a couple of hours, could somebody grab me a burrito?"

"I've got a pretty major back cramp, but I'm too cool to mention it. If I'm still here in a couple of hours, could somebody grab me a burrito?"

"I've got a WHAT on my head?" Actually, I prefer to think of it as the dog having a human to carry him around...

"I've got a WHAT on my head?" Actually, I prefer to think of it as the dog having a human to carry him around...

I'm actually slightly less excited about the ruby-esque shoes in the foreground than the Marty McFly Nikes from 1985's Back to the Future, blurry in the background ('erased... from EXISTANCE!)

I'm actually slightly less excited about the ruby-esque shoes in the foreground than the Marty McFly Nikes from 1985's Back to the Future, blurry in the background ('erased... from EXISTANCE!)

Not impressed by my efforts at this London Fashion Week, or merely annoyed that I absconded far too easily to get to The World Premiere of 'Grimsby' yesterday afternoon?

Not impressed by my efforts at this London Fashion Week, or merely annoyed that I absconded far too easily to get to The World Premiere of 'Grimsby' yesterday afternoon?

"It's a double-hoodie : it's all the rage in Japan" - I KNEW IT!!

"It's a double-hoodie : it's all the rage in Japan" - I KNEW IT!!

It's going to be sad when, tomorrow, the process of taking photos of random good-looking and/or well-dressed strangers on the street will once again be viewed with suspicion...

It's going to be sad when, tomorrow, the process of taking photos of random good-looking and/or well-dressed strangers on the street will once again be viewed with suspicion...

But until then....

But until then....

So that's that... London Fashion Week 2016.1 is done. Or rather, my "street" version of it is. However later tonight, at the Tate Britain, there's The Elle Style Awards.

I guess I'd better head down there.

Until next time *kiss* *kiss*