London Fashion Week 2013.2

September 14-16th, 2013

London Fashion Week is not a week-long event (don't ask...) and in addition to this I am not always able to make it to *every* day. Various things, up to and including "could I really be bothered?" and "what if people laugh at my beanie collection" conspire to keep me away. However, it's an event and photography isn't merely tolerated, it's encouraged. So, to quote myself in my journal of the time:

"The last time I did one of these (and not the premieres or awards I usually slum at), I had a enough of a good time that I noted there was another one scheduled six months later. And had a generally favourable intention to head down there for at least a couple of the days. And then, one day, the first of those days dawned. And two more. So.... here's how this particular one went down:"

I’d handwritten “yo, this is f&&king fashion” onto my black t-shirt in order to gain credible entry into this event, only to learn that gimmick glasses could have accomplished the same. That liquid paper is going to take half a dozen washes to get out…

I’d handwritten “yo, this is f&&king fashion” onto my black t-shirt in order to gain credible entry into this event, only to learn that gimmick glasses could have accomplished the same. That liquid paper is going to take half a dozen washes to get out

London Fashion Week. It’s so on right now.

London Fashion Week. It’s so on right now.

The early draft costume for the new Superman Villain was dismissed as ‘too dark’.

The early draft costume for the new Superman Villain was dismissed as ‘too dark’.

News from the Front Lines of fashion week : Smoking? Is still cool. (ps. don’t smoke. it’s not cool) (pps. except at fashion week. there it’s tres cool)

News from the Front Lines of fashion week : Smoking? Is still cool.
(ps. don’t smoke. it’s not cool)
(pps. except at fashion week. there it’s tres cool)

She’d slept in a standing position for two weeks to get the sideburns to grow out just right. Worth every minute.

She’d slept in a standing position for two weeks to get the sideburns to grow out just right. Worth every minute.

… and everyone agreed that it was the best remake of Les Miserables ever.

… and everyone agreed that it was the best remake of Les Miserables ever.

I don’t want anybody to panic just yet, but I think I saw it move.

I don’t want anybody to panic just yet, but I think I saw it move.

“Please look at us, we’re being ever so zany” Hmpf. Last fashion week they had an animatronic polar bear so I was expecting an escalation to open-air taxidermy at this one.

“Please look at us, we’re being ever so zany” Hmpf. Last fashion week they had an animatronic polar bear so I was expecting an escalation to open-air taxidermy at this one.

Meanwhile, Art...

Meanwhile, Art...

On second thoughts… not cool.

On second thoughts… not cool.

My head of hair is not conducive to such activity, but I will not deny others the pleasure.

My head of hair is not conducive to such activity, but I will not deny others the pleasure.

Ventriloquism meets Fashion. At last.

Ventriloquism meets Fashion. At last.

Either smoking is cool, or giant shoulderpads are cool. Or possibly both.

Either smoking is cool, or giant shoulderpads are cool. Or possibly both.

It’s early September and I’m wearing a cap. Joke’s on me : it’s already beanie season (why didn’t anybody tell me??)

It’s early September and I’m wearing a cap. Joke’s on me : it’s already beanie season (why didn’t anybody tell me??)

If you’re one of the 0.001% of people who look at this and go “Now why didn’t I think of that??” then you, sir/madam, may take my place at this event. (ps. winners don’t steal their Aunt’s lace doilies for use at fashion week).

If you’re one of the 0.001% of people who look at this and go “Now why didn’t I think of that??” then you, sir/madam, may take my place at this event. (ps. winners don’t steal their Aunt’s lace doilies for use at fashion week).

And to think, somebody’s sweet old Grandma hand-stitched that…

And to think, somebody’s sweet old Grandma hand-stitched that…

And to think, somebody’s edgy/emo art graduate cousin hand-stiched that….

And to think, somebody’s edgy/emo art graduate cousin hand-stiched that….

Ladies and Gentlemen of the Fictional People’s African Republic of Mondobo, your new Glorious Regime Leader is here. And his portrait on notes and coins is going to look amazing.

Ladies and Gentlemen of the Fictional People’s African Republic of Mondobo, your new Glorious Regime Leader is here. And his portrait on notes and coins is going to look amazing.

Beekeeping.... so hot right now.

Beekeeping.... so hot right now.

Quick, think of a compliment that’s not “I like your net” Damn. Missed the moment.

Quick, think of a compliment that’s not “I like your net”
Damn. Missed the moment.

I don’t care how many flightless papua new guinean birds gave their butt feathers to make this, it’s awesome. The rhinestone-studded showercap I can do without.

I don’t care how many flightless papua new guinean birds gave their butt feathers to make this, it’s awesome. The rhinestone-studded showercap I can do without.

Quick, think of a compliment that’s not “I like your net” Farq. Missed THAT moment, too. What are the odds?

Quick, think of a compliment that’s not “I like your net”
Farq. Missed THAT moment, too. What are the odds?

Sign me up for one of these if the hat’s tubular extension is robotic and can be used to steal watches and wallets.

Sign me up for one of these if the hat’s tubular extension is robotic and can be used to steal watches and wallets.

Last London Fashion Week, I grudgingly acknowledged that there were two things I myself would get (rectangular block sunglasses and Back to the Future II power laces Nikes). This time around, I’ll admit that this and the dragon ear/bluetooth thing further below are the coolest. (That, and possibly the bunny ears cap. But only if pressed)

Last London Fashion Week, I grudgingly acknowledged that there were two things I myself would get (rectangular block sunglasses and Back to the Future II power laces Nikes). This time around, I’ll admit that this and the dragon ear/bluetooth thing further below are the coolest. (That, and possibly the bunny ears cap. But only if pressed)

<voice inside head> "when photographing London Fashion Week, look as good you do not" It's the heels that make all the difference

<voice inside head> "when photographing London Fashion Week, look as good you do not" It's the heels that make all the difference

“Actually, I was planning to rob a convenience store before you stopped to interview me, but yeah, checked shirts are totally IN again”

“Actually, I was planning to rob a convenience store before you stopped to interview me, but yeah, checked shirts are totally IN again”

Tintin goes emo. (To his credit, this model saw me shooting from across the roadway and adjusted his pose very adroitly. Well played, young Belgian detective)

Tintin goes emo. (To his credit, this model saw me shooting from across the roadway and adjusted his pose very adroitly. Well played, young Belgian detective)

Fashion Week really needs high-speed outdoor fashion shows with rainfall. I just trademarked that, by the way.

Fashion Week really needs high-speed outdoor fashion shows with rainfall. I just trademarked that, by the way.

If there was a male version, I’d consider wearing one to premieres as a defensive/offensive weapon/deterrent.

If there was a male version, I’d consider wearing one to premieres as a defensive/offensive weapon/deterrent.

“The hotel spent so long searching my bags for the stolen towels and bathrobes they assumed I’d taken that they never noticed I’d hung one of their chandeliers around my neck and walked out with it”. Genius.

“The hotel spent so long searching my bags for the stolen towels and bathrobes they assumed I’d taken that they never noticed I’d hung one of their chandeliers around my neck and walked out with it”. Genius.

Mum’s old alpaca rug had never been so well-received.

Mum’s old alpaca rug had never been so well-received.

“Guys? My eyes are UP HERE”. Yeah, sorry about that.

“Guys? My eyes are UP HERE”. Yeah, sorry about that.

“Horace? You’re right. These heels are too high. Send the Butler around to come rescue me, I’m not walking another step”

“Horace? You’re right. These heels are too high. Send the Butler around to come rescue me, I’m not walking another step”

Perhaps I’ve been at this event too long, but I immediately thought of three or four things you could turn into a purse/necklace that would have been a lot more provocative. No, don’t bubblemail me. I’m saving it for next fashion week.

Perhaps I’ve been at this event too long, but I immediately thought of three or four things you could turn into a purse/necklace that would have been a lot more provocative. No, don’t bubblemail me. I’m saving it for next fashion week.

“It makes data entry tricky, but with all that weight your fingers get a great workout”

“It makes data entry tricky, but with all that weight your fingers get a great workout”

“Is that a rocket propelled grenade launcher you’re carrying?” “In this context, it’s fashion, dahlink” I’m so trying that at airports.

“Is that a rocket propelled grenade launcher you’re carrying?”
“In this context, it’s fashion, dahlink”
I’m so trying that at airports.

Wow. I think each of her eyes is staring past a separate shoulder of mine simultaneously.

Wow. I think each of her eyes is staring past a separate shoulder of mine simultaneously.

Because depth perception is for losers.

Because depth perception is for losers.

"Compliment me on anything but the shoes and I'm punching you in the face"

"Compliment me on anything but the shoes and I'm punching you in the face"

Best ear-mounted bluetooth device ever.

Best ear-mounted bluetooth device ever.

Best use of static electricity to power an off-camera flash ever. And the colour really brings out her eyes.

Best use of static electricity to power an off-camera flash ever. And the colour really brings out her eyes.

“I’d laugh at your pathetically boring cap if I wasn’t far too cool to laugh”

“I’d laugh at your pathetically boring cap if I wasn’t far too cool to laugh”

I think she’s a designer, so in order to protect whatever faint hope I have of ever getting INTO one of the shows, I think she looks lovely, and the hat and glasses really suit the style she’s going for (hopefully that of ‘designer, fashion shows’ and not ‘Amish Winter Collection’)

I think she’s a designer, so in order to protect whatever faint hope I have of ever getting INTO one of the shows, I think she looks lovely, and the hat and glasses really suit the style she’s going for (hopefully that of ‘designer, fashion shows’ and not ‘Amish Winter Collection’)

Hail to thee, Camp Krusty.

Hail to thee, Camp Krusty.

“You only want my soul in exchange for my hair always looking this good? OBVIOUSLY yes.”

“You only want my soul in exchange for my hair always looking this good? OBVIOUSLY yes.”

"Well... sure it could provide protection from malarial mosquitoes for up to a dozen third-world children... but they wouldn't wear it as well as I'm wearing it..."

"Well... sure it could provide protection from malarial mosquitoes for up to a dozen third-world children... but they wouldn't wear it as well as I'm wearing it..."

“It was the only remaining one of its kind and to be honest it barely holds a bottle of water, but still… you know… ART

“It was the only remaining one of its kind and to be honest it barely holds a bottle of water, but still… you know… ART

To date, Harry’s combined love of smoking and sharp falconry gloves had only cost him partial sight in one eye

To date, Harry’s combined love of smoking and sharp falconry gloves had only cost him partial sight in one eye

This staredown just entered its fourth hour.

This staredown just entered its fourth hour.

I don’t really have a comment for this, except…. wow.

I don’t really have a comment for this, except…. wow.

Oh, good. I was worrying I was going to be spending all this time at London Fashion Week and wouldn’t photograph anything truly weird.

Oh, good. I was worrying I was going to be spending all this time at London Fashion Week and wouldn’t photograph anything truly weird.

Meanwhile on the streets of London, the little people go on with their ordinary dull lives, unaware of ‘fashion’ and what it means.

Meanwhile on the streets of London, the little people go on with their ordinary dull lives, unaware of ‘fashion’ and what it means.

Well... time to go home and look fabulous elsewhere....

Well... time to go home and look fabulous elsewhere....

Oh, what the hell… I’ll put it in as an event in my Archive of Movie Premieres....