13 Nov - The 2016 Evening Standard Theatre Awards

November 13th, 2016.

I like theatre (citation needed) - enough so at least that I was willing to leave my gentle rustic hamlet of St Albans on a crisp Sunday to photograph the 2016 Evening Standard Theatre Awards and once again possibly reveal my innate lack of knowledge of all things theatre-related. That, or just take photos of people who I've seen in movies. I got there late, but the event's public pens don't usually fill up until it starts. Or so I recalled from last year's 2015 Evening Standard Awards.

Here's how it went down (with commentary to be fully filled in later....)

This building has about 5000x more facebook and twitter followers than I do. To be fair, it's a very nice building.

This building has about 5000x more facebook and twitter followers than I do. To be fair, it's a very nice building.

"They're going to lift the ban on live-tweeting at the theatre any day now..."

"They're going to lift the ban on live-tweeting at the theatre any day now..."

The Stage Door. As used by such luminaries as Elton John and Tom Hiddleson, who elected not to run the gauntlet of fans, dealers, paps and media. It's a nice looking and well-lit door.

The Stage Door. As used by such luminaries as Elton John and Tom Hiddleson, who elected not to run the gauntlet of fans, dealers, paps and media. It's a nice looking and well-lit door.

Much like more recent Marvel films, the cast is great, but it lacks a certain narrative flow.

Much like more recent Marvel films, the cast is great, but it lacks a certain narrative flow.

"What do you mean 'they're behind you'? It takes ten minutes to reorient this thing...."

"What do you mean 'they're behind you'? It takes ten minutes to reorient this thing...."

It's John Malkovich's trousers!!! Also : it's John Malkovich.

It's John Malkovich's trousers!!!
Also : it's John Malkovich.

Across over 400 events and 8(ish) years I have never previously photographed John Malkovich(or his trousers) - and tonight he won an award, too - Best Director for 'Good Canary'

Across over 400 events and 8(ish) years I have never previously photographed John Malkovich(or his trousers) - and tonight he won an award, too - Best Director for 'Good Canary'

"The free wifi here is excellent. I'm both taking photos and DJ-ing a nightclub in Los Angeles right now...."

"The free wifi here is excellent. I'm both taking photos and DJ-ing a nightclub in Los Angeles right now...."

I don't know who this is (yet) - and now less than 24 hours later, I do : he's Jaygann Ayeh.

I don't know who this is (yet)
- and now less than 24 hours later, I do : he's Jaygann Ayeh.

Michael Gambon is best known for playing Dumbledore in the Harry Potter series of films. And, quitely possibly, he's well known for theatre. I last photographed him at the premiere of "Dad's Army"

Michael Gambon is best known for playing Dumbledore in the Harry Potter series of films. And, quitely possibly, he's well known for theatre. I last photographed him at the premiere of "Dad's Army"

"I am NOT Dumbledore. I am the actor who PLAYED Dumbledore. There's a difference, and if you can't understand that... join the couple hundred people due to be camping out for wristbands for Tuesday's Fantastic Beasts premiere"

"I am NOT Dumbledore. I am the actor who PLAYED Dumbledore. There's a difference, and if you can't understand that... join the couple hundred people due to be camping out for wristbands for Tuesday's Fantastic Beasts premiere"

"What do you mean you don't know who I am?" - It's not that I don't know who this is, I just don't know who he is .... YET.

"What do you mean you don't know who I am?" - It's not that I don't know who this is, I just don't know who he is .... YET.

"Will they be serving beer at pizza at this event?" "Canapes and champagne only, I'm afraid"

"Will they be serving beer at pizza at this event?"
"Canapes and champagne only, I'm afraid"

"I'm not doing selfies, but I am handing out free sharpies if you like - this one used to belong to that guy over there, but he was too shy to ask for it back" - Ellie Bamber is also in 'Nocturnal Animals'

"I'm not doing selfies, but I am handing out free sharpies if you like - this one used to belong to that guy over there, but he was too shy to ask for it back" - Ellie Bamber is also in 'Nocturnal Animals'

Ellie Bamber and I are at an impasse - I haven't watched Nocturnal Animals yet, and that's on me.

Ellie Bamber and I are at an impasse - I haven't watched Nocturnal Animals yet, and that's on me.

I don't know who she is. Also, I don't know what the species of plant behind her is, and I don't even know how many paparazzi elbows I'm shooting through in this photo... (Edited to add : Irish actress Caitriona Balfe)

I don't know who she is. Also, I don't know what the species of plant behind her is, and I don't even know how many paparazzi elbows I'm shooting through in this photo...
(Edited to add : Irish actress Caitriona Balfe)

"I hope nobody notices I took the chandelier as a necklace..."

"I hope nobody notices I took the chandelier as a necklace..."

It's theatre, and everyone's arranging their hair just so.

It's theatre, and everyone's arranging their hair just so.

"OMG John Malkovich's trousers!!!" - James McAvoy poses for photos. I think I last photographed him at the premiere of 'X-Men Apocalypse' earlier this year.

"OMG John Malkovich's trousers!!!" - James McAvoy poses for photos. I think I last photographed him at the premiere of 'X-Men Apocalypse' earlier this year.

"Hey, you didn't take those photos of me : they're from off the internet!!"

"Hey, you didn't take those photos of me : they're from off the internet!!"

"And none of you are even going to comment on the curtain I used to make this dress? It was that or the vertical blinds in the master bedroom..."

"And none of you are even going to comment on the curtain I used to make this dress? It was that or the vertical blinds in the master bedroom..."

"I know I was the Dark Lord, but don't any of you have photos of me as Voldemort that are more flattering? Like wearing party hats and funny sunglasses or somesuch?" - Ralph Fiennes.

"I know I was the Dark Lord, but don't any of you have photos of me as Voldemort that are more flattering? Like wearing party hats and funny sunglasses or somesuch?" - Ralph Fiennes.

"No.... neither DC nor Marvel have as yet called, but thanks for asking" - Ralph Fiennes won the Best Actor award on the evening, so surely that's good for at least some kind of Stan Lee-esque cameo in Ant-Man 3?

"No.... neither DC nor Marvel have as yet called, but thanks for asking" - Ralph Fiennes won the Best Actor award on the evening, so surely that's good for at least some kind of Stan Lee-esque cameo in Ant-Man 3?

"No.... neither DC nor Marvel have as yet called, but thanks for asking" - Jeremy Irvine

"No.... neither DC nor Marvel have as yet called, but thanks for asking" - Jeremy Irvine

"No.... neither DC nor Marvel have as yet called, but thanks for asking. Oh wait... I'm Professor X."

"No.... neither DC nor Marvel have as yet called, but thanks for asking. Oh wait... I'm Professor X."

I don't know. Edited to add : Sherridan Smith. (Thanks! - me of the past)

I don't know.
Edited to add : Sherridan Smith. (Thanks! - me of the past)

"well if I'd known everyone was going to be wearing a bow-tie, I wouldn't have...." - Rob Brydon

"well if I'd known everyone was going to be wearing a bow-tie, I wouldn't have...." - Rob Brydon

"No.... look MORE displeased. It's for a thing I'm doing" - Zoe Wanamaker, among other roles, played the Quidditch techer Miss...Madam.... I'm going to say Hooch? in the Harry Potter films.

"No.... look MORE displeased. It's for a thing I'm doing" - Zoe Wanamaker, among other roles, played the Quidditch techer Miss...Madam.... I'm going to say Hooch? in the Harry Potter films.

Possibly "Ben" (more information as it becomes available) Edited to add : it's Damien Molony, and he's in 'No Man's Land' (with thanks to April)

Possibly "Ben" (more information as it becomes available)
Edited to add : it's Damien Molony, and he's in 'No Man's Land' (with thanks to April)

I don't know who this is, but conversely I don't think he knows (OR cares) who I am.

I don't know who this is, but conversely I don't think he knows (OR cares) who I am.

It's Sir Patrick Stewart! Or, as one of the security guys rather excitedly expressed : this event now has not one but TWO Professor X'es present.

It's Sir Patrick Stewart! Or, as one of the security guys rather excitedly expressed : this event now has not one but TWO Professor X'es present.

I don't know who this is, but I'm quite taken by the dress she's wearing, which looks almost like it's made out of something ceramic. (Edited to add : Clara Paget)

I don't know who this is, but I'm quite taken by the dress she's wearing, which looks almost like it's made out of something ceramic.
(Edited to add : Clara Paget)

Sir (Lord?) (Viscount?) Andrew Lloyd-Webber.

Sir (Lord?) (Viscount?) Andrew Lloyd-Webber.

I'm not sure who this is, but this is the second of three (four?) women tonight that people in the dealer pen were excitedly calling "Lily". I think she kind of looks like actress Tuppence Middleton, but I generally don't bet against autograph dealers.

I'm not sure who this is, but this is the second of three (four?) women tonight that people in the dealer pen were excitedly calling "Lily". I think she kind of looks like actress Tuppence Middleton, but I generally don't bet against autograph dealers.

I don't know who this is, but I've got a dress quality/style threshold I'm using when any woman shows up, and for men it's whether there's a bow tie or not.

I don't know who this is, but I've got a dress quality/style threshold I'm using when any woman shows up, and for men it's whether there's a bow tie or not.

This is the third (fourth?) of three (or four?) Lillies identified by autograph dealers at this event. I hope her name ends up being Steve. Edited to add : she's Billie Piper, and she won Best Actress, for 'Yerma' on the evening.

This is the third (fourth?) of three (or four?) Lillies identified by autograph dealers at this event. I hope her name ends up being Steve.
Edited to add : she's Billie Piper, and she won Best Actress, for 'Yerma' on the evening.

The profile at left is of Kenneth Branagh, and unfortunately I couldn't get a front-on shot due to the presence of the bald head of Sir Patrick Stewart in the foreground. Given the choice, that might be as it should be.

The profile at left is of Kenneth Branagh, and unfortunately I couldn't get a front-on shot due to the presence of the bald head of Sir Patrick Stewart in the foreground. Given the choice, that might be as it should be.

"Starfleet Captain. Mutant.... I kind of feel that if I can just get myself cast in a Tarantino flick I'll have ticked that last box" - Meanwhile "No Man's Land" starring Patrick Stewart and Ian McKellen, won the award for 'Best Revival' on the night. It's also the only play I saw this calendar year, and was very good (and I loved The Lego Movie, so you know I'm qualified to judge!)

"Starfleet Captain. Mutant.... I kind of feel that if I can just get myself cast in a Tarantino flick I'll have ticked that last box" - Meanwhile "No Man's Land" starring Patrick Stewart and Ian McKellen, won the award for 'Best Revival' on the night. It's also the only play I saw this calendar year, and was very good (and I loved The Lego Movie, so you know I'm qualified to judge!)

A bow tie, a boom mike and more than two bald spots facing me. It's all happening at the Old Vic, London.

A bow tie, a boom mike and more than two bald spots facing me. It's all happening at the Old Vic, London.

Somewhere in a secluded shrine atop a misty mountain there is a scroll containing a prophecy, and that prophecy states that I will never photograph Actress Ruth Wilson, sharply, front-on and unobstructed. Somebody needs to destroy that scroll, because it's been absolutely right for four or five years and I'm tired of it. I like Ruth Wilson.....

Somewhere in a secluded shrine atop a misty mountain there is a scroll containing a prophecy, and that prophecy states that I will never photograph Actress Ruth Wilson, sharply, front-on and unobstructed. Somebody needs to destroy that scroll, because it's been absolutely right for four or five years and I'm tired of it. I like Ruth Wilson.....

"This is my phone number. Call me anytime. It goes without saying that this isn't my phone number." - Liz Hurley.

"This is my phone number. Call me anytime. It goes without saying that this isn't my phone number." - Liz Hurley.

Ophelia Lovibond (I think) - also, both horizontal AND vertical stripes in an outfit cause to remindme that the British Fashion Awards are on in about a fortnight...

Ophelia Lovibond (I think) - also, both horizontal AND vertical stripes in an outfit cause to remindme that the British Fashion Awards are on in about a fortnight...

I don't know who this is, or sadly who designed her rather awesome jumper / top. (Edited to add : Emily Berrington, Jumper Designer : TBA)

I don't know who this is, or sadly who designed her rather awesome jumper / top.
(Edited to add : Emily Berrington, Jumper Designer : TBA)

Dame (Lady?) (Viscount?) Joan Collins.

Dame (Lady?) (Viscount?) Joan Collins.

"I'm not saying there's a problem with your ticket, Sir. I'm just asking how much of a problem it would be if there WAS a problem....." - the reason for the sniffer dogs, police presence and slightly higher excitement level of nearby American tourists might well be HRH Prince William...

"I'm not saying there's a problem with your ticket, Sir. I'm just asking how much of a problem it would be if there WAS a problem....." - the reason for the sniffer dogs, police presence and slightly higher excitement level of nearby American tourists might well be HRH Prince William...

"Y'all don't like the idea of Donald Trump being US President elect? Have any of you perhaps considered the many obvious benefits of a government based on the hereditary system?"

"Y'all don't like the idea of Donald Trump being US President elect? Have any of you perhaps considered the many obvious benefits of a government based on the hereditary system?"

"Anyway, I'll leave you all to think about it while I head indoors and grab some canapes and have a quick chat with Liz Hurley, Joan Collins and one or two of the Lillies"

"Anyway, I'll leave you all to think about it while I head indoors and grab some canapes and have a quick chat with Liz Hurley, Joan Collins and one or two of the Lillies"

I don't know who this is, but... you know. Bow tie.

I don't know who this is, but... you know. Bow tie.

I don't know who this is, but she's pretty and the guy in the background has red glasses. Sadly, Elton John who is presenting went in via the stage door much earlier, and a keen knowledge of things yet to happen based on writing this in the future tells me that to the chagrin of his fans, Tom Hiddleston will be doing the same. (edited to add : Elizabeth Debicki. I didn't watch 'The Night Manager')

I don't know who this is, but she's pretty and the guy in the background has red glasses. Sadly, Elton John who is presenting went in via the stage door much earlier, and a keen knowledge of things yet to happen based on writing this in the future tells me that to the chagrin of his fans, Tom Hiddleston will be doing the same. (edited to add : Elizabeth Debicki. I didn't watch 'The Night Manager')

I still don't know who this is, but I feel the angry (?) face of the guy on the right should be commemorated.

I still don't know who this is, but I feel the angry (?) face of the guy on the right should be commemorated.

"If you can high-five me at this distance, feel free to" - Helen McCrory

"If you can high-five me at this distance, feel free to" - Helen McCrory

Typically, when a magic amulet is broken up and its pieces buried in different parts of the globe to nullify its powers, it's too dangerous to let them be in the same place. I can't help but feel that (1) Dita von Teese's dress, (2) That guy's shirt, and (3) John Malkovich's trousers are three of the four parts of an amulet that shouldn't be allowed to be this close.

Typically, when a magic amulet is broken up and its pieces buried in different parts of the globe to nullify its powers, it's too dangerous to let them be in the same place. I can't help but feel that (1) Dita von Teese's dress, (2) That guy's shirt, and (3) John Malkovich's trousers are three of the four parts of an amulet that shouldn't be allowed to be this close.

"I shouldn't have worn these beaded pants over my ballgown....." "Then you shouldn't have placed that bet....."

"I shouldn't have worn these beaded pants over my ballgown....."
"Then you shouldn't have placed that bet....."

But wait, what light through yonder dealer pen is causing mass hysteria? It is blonde-haired, and Orlando Bloom is not wearing a tie.

But wait, what light through yonder dealer pen is causing mass hysteria? It is blonde-haired, and Orlando Bloom is not wearing a tie.

"Orlando Bloom. That's my name"

"Orlando Bloom. That's my name"

Orlando Bloom's hair. I can't stop looking at it, and Tom Hiddleston appears to have gone in via the side-entrance so there seems to be no point in continuing with this....

Orlando Bloom's hair. I can't stop looking at it, and Tom Hiddleston appears to have gone in via the side-entrance so there seems to be no point in continuing with this....

So... that was that. And since I have a 5am phone conference and it's past 11pm, discretion might be the better part of valour and I might get some sleep. I'll see what I can do about additional commentary..... later. For now I'll put it into the archive of premieres, and that's about it (sorry!)

Until next time!

ps. if you want to know whenever I post a full, part, lazy or barely bothering journal on (usually) film (sometimes) theatre or (slightly less frequently) fashion, feel free to follow me on facebook at premieresdotco ; or on twitter at @berndt2_photo; or go completely crazy-nuts and follow me on both (you should totally do that.....)