The 2018 Olivier Awards, Royal Albert Hall

April 8th, 2018.

Well, it's that time of year again : time to go to a major London awards ceremony, grab a wristband, take upwards of 3000 photos and then admit sheepishly to myself or anyone who asks that unless they were also in a movie, I know almost nobody I'm photographing. I am, indeed a fraud. Two years ago, I saw just one (1) play in London, and last year I celebrated by reducing my count.

Still... I'm here and I passed the mandatory sniffer dog and bag check, and just to make things interesting it seems the majority of Wireimage's staff of photographers are at that Avengers Infinity War thing that's happening elsewhere in London, so I've got next to no help when it comes to tagging and identifying people afterwards.

Oh, and it's raining. Here's how it went down:

 Just like    last year,    the Olivier Awards are being held at Royal Albert Hall. But whereas last year's was a stunning and warm day; today I think I'll be looking for a spot on the stairs just in case The Floodwaters rise.

Just like last year, the Olivier Awards are being held at Royal Albert Hall. But whereas last year's was a stunning and warm day; today I think I'll be looking for a spot on the stairs just in case The Floodwaters rise.

 I have a spot, and after the dust settles and security assure me that I don't have a (f**king) choice of pen, even if it means people who arrived and got wristbands after me get front row in a pen I'd prefer to be in..... I have a second-row spot to call my own. Hey, nobody said Theatre was fair. Except the Olivier Awards. Those are very fair.

I have a spot, and after the dust settles and security assure me that I don't have a (f**king) choice of pen, even if it means people who arrived and got wristbands after me get front row in a pen I'd prefer to be in..... I have a second-row spot to call my own. Hey, nobody said Theatre was fair. Except the Olivier Awards. Those are very fair.

 My view to the bottom of the stairs is well within range of my camera's zoom, but only if there are no umbrellas blocking my view. (Did I mention it rained for pretty much the whole event?)

My view to the bottom of the stairs is well within range of my camera's zoom, but only if there are no umbrellas blocking my view. (Did I mention it rained for pretty much the whole event?)

  "The fact that it's raining and you're attaching wires to me.... that's not a problem or anything, is it?"  Our hosts for this evening are, fortunately for them, standing under a plastic marquee.

"The fact that it's raining and you're attaching wires to me.... that's not a problem or anything, is it?" Our hosts for this evening are, fortunately for them, standing under a plastic marquee.

  "Hey, you're no Theatreist. What are you doing here??".  I know so little about theatre I don't even know what the collective noun for a group of afficionados is. Not in English, or in Italian, which is the language most of the highly knowledgeable and excitable girls in front of me are speaking.

"Hey, you're no Theatreist. What are you doing here??". I know so little about theatre I don't even know what the collective noun for a group of afficionados is. Not in English, or in Italian, which is the language most of the highly knowledgeable and excitable girls in front of me are speaking.

 Some of the cast of the musical Hamilton. Or so I am assured. The play won 7 awards on the night, so I want to make sure I photograph as many people as possible, for the likelihood that they, like everyone else, eventually sells out to Disney and gets roles in Star Wars or a Marvel film.

Some of the cast of the musical Hamilton. Or so I am assured. The play won 7 awards on the night, so I want to make sure I photograph as many people as possible, for the likelihood that they, like everyone else, eventually sells out to Disney and gets roles in Star Wars or a Marvel film.

 Some of the same cast of the same musical, equally assured.  (edited to add : I think the man in side-profile in this and the previous photo is Giles Terera, who won best actor in a musical on the night)

Some of the same cast of the same musical, equally assured. (edited to add : I think the man in side-profile in this and the previous photo is Giles Terera, who won best actor in a musical on the night)

  "If you're photographing me just 'cause I'm black and Hamilton is nominated for 11 Oliviers, then that's pretty racist. Although... it's a pretty awesome musical" .

"If you're photographing me just 'cause I'm black and Hamilton is nominated for 11 Oliviers, then that's pretty racist. Although... it's a pretty awesome musical".

  "I don't regret wearing this dress... in this length... in this weather... but I am pissed that you declined to dress in a matching style".  This is Christine Allado... and one day this week I might do the requisite research to determine her connection to this event. (edited to add : she's in HAMILTON!)

"I don't regret wearing this dress... in this length... in this weather... but I am pissed that you declined to dress in a matching style". This is Christine Allado... and one day this week I might do the requisite research to determine her connection to this event. (edited to add : she's in HAMILTON!)

  "You like it? It's not for sale. Also, please don't take a high resolution photo and send it to an overseas design-and-manufacture sweatshop to make cheap copies of...."

"You like it? It's not for sale. Also, please don't take a high resolution photo and send it to an overseas design-and-manufacture sweatshop to make cheap copies of...."

 Elsewhere in London, a private red carpet was being trod by a small portion of the Avengers Infinity Wars cast to showcase 30mins of footage from the movie for select fans. If you weren't part of that, you can probably assume it's because Marvel are Arrogant, and Hate you. But still want you to buy tickets to the movie.

Elsewhere in London, a private red carpet was being trod by a small portion of the Avengers Infinity Wars cast to showcase 30mins of footage from the movie for select fans. If you weren't part of that, you can probably assume it's because Marvel are Arrogant, and Hate you. But still want you to buy tickets to the movie.

 Meera Syal is (thanks to wikipedia) an MBE and a British comedian, writer, playwright, singer, journalist, producer and actress.  I meanwhile, can not even claim to be British.

Meera Syal is (thanks to wikipedia) an MBE and a British comedian, writer, playwright, singer, journalist, producer and actress.  I meanwhile, can not even claim to be British.

 I don't know who this is, and that saddens me greatly. The badge on her dress says "TIME'S UP", just in case you wanted to know. I checked. To... find out what it says.

I don't know who this is, and that saddens me greatly. The badge on her dress says "TIME'S UP", just in case you wanted to know. I checked. To... find out what it says.

 Ophelia Lovibond (in red) accepted the best supporting actress award on behalf of Denise Gough for Angels in America. She (and several actresses) it was reported brought female activists as their +1 to their event, (in her case Marai Larasi). I did not bring a female activist with me as my +1, but if it helps I do tend to think of my Nikon as being intrinsically female

Ophelia Lovibond (in red) accepted the best supporting actress award on behalf of Denise Gough for Angels in America. She (and several actresses) it was reported brought female activists as their +1 to their event, (in her case Marai Larasi). I did not bring a female activist with me as my +1, but if it helps I do tend to think of my Nikon as being intrinsically female

  "Of course I love the theatre. Can't you tell by my bow tie??"  Meanwhile, foreground : Summer Strallen. With thanks again to wikipedia, she's currently in the musical "Young Frankenstein" and has also played Maria von Trapp in the theatre musical The Sound of Music.

"Of course I love the theatre. Can't you tell by my bow tie??" Meanwhile, foreground : Summer Strallen. With thanks again to wikipedia, she's currently in the musical "Young Frankenstein" and has also played Maria von Trapp in the theatre musical The Sound of Music.

 I don't know who this is, but you know the rule about photography, bow ties and theatre events : take the photo first, confess to a complete and humiliating lack of knowledge second.  (edited to add : he's Michael Jibson, and he won best supporting actor in a musical for Hamilton)

I don't know who this is, but you know the rule about photography, bow ties and theatre events : take the photo first, confess to a complete and humiliating lack of knowledge second. (edited to add : he's Michael Jibson, and he won best supporting actor in a musical for Hamilton)

 I'm even doubling down on photographs of this gentleman : the Italian girls in front of me were very excited to get selfies with him, and I've decided to use their apparent expertise, coupled with my aforementioned Bow Tie Theory, as the basis for my photography today.  (edited to add : I am pleased to have doubled down)

I'm even doubling down on photographs of this gentleman : the Italian girls in front of me were very excited to get selfies with him, and I've decided to use their apparent expertise, coupled with my aforementioned Bow Tie Theory, as the basis for my photography today. (edited to add : I am pleased to have doubled down)

 Please wake me when Queen Latifah plays Winston Churchill in a new biopic under what I assume is the charter of the 50:50 AER organisastion. Because I'd get out of bed for that.

Please wake me when Queen Latifah plays Winston Churchill in a new biopic under what I assume is the charter of the 50:50 AER organisastion. Because I'd get out of bed for that.

 Jamie Campbell is... wearing a dress and earrings and signing autographs with cheerful abandon. Research reveals that he's the inspiration (indeed the titular real life Jamie) behind the musical "Everyone's Talking About Jamie"

Jamie Campbell is... wearing a dress and earrings and signing autographs with cheerful abandon. Research reveals that he's the inspiration (indeed the titular real life Jamie) behind the musical "Everyone's Talking About Jamie"

  "This umbrella isn't to keep the rain off me : have you seen how light my skin is? It's to protect me from the sun even when it's overcast"  - John McCrea is, conveniently, in the musical Everybody's Talking About Jamie.

"This umbrella isn't to keep the rain off me : have you seen how light my skin is? It's to protect me from the sun even when it's overcast" - John McCrea is, conveniently, in the musical Everybody's Talking About Jamie.

 Tracie Bennett has won no less than two Olivier Awards in the past, both for best supporting role in a musical. And if you think I know that off the top of my head, let me tell you about The Internet, and how all the kids are talking about it. Or tweeting. Or sending emojis or what have you.

Tracie Bennett has won no less than two Olivier Awards in the past, both for best supporting role in a musical. And if you think I know that off the top of my head, let me tell you about The Internet, and how all the kids are talking about it. Or tweeting. Or sending emojis or what have you.

 I don't know who this is, but the Italian girls in front of me managed to get him to commit to return to sign and take selfies with them, and were persuasive enough that this worked. Note to self : Italian girls are persuasive.

I don't know who this is, but the Italian girls in front of me managed to get him to commit to return to sign and take selfies with them, and were persuasive enough that this worked. Note to self : Italian girls are persuasive.

  "Take a photo of us! We're ever so zany!" -  the Italian girls in front of me weren't excited, and I was taking my lead from them. Still... a bow tie and an umbrella not blocking my view of proceedings is always appreciated.

"Take a photo of us! We're ever so zany!" - the Italian girls in front of me weren't excited, and I was taking my lead from them. Still... a bow tie and an umbrella not blocking my view of proceedings is always appreciated.

 I don't know who this is, but if you put your hair into a double-helix, you get photographed. That's a rule I'll stick to even outside on the streets, nowhere near theatre award shows

I don't know who this is, but if you put your hair into a double-helix, you get photographed. That's a rule I'll stick to even outside on the streets, nowhere near theatre award shows

 I'm given to understand that this gentleman used to host some kind of game show in the 1990s? Okay....  I'll post his photo. But only because he's wearing a white suit jacket.

I'm given to understand that this gentleman used to host some kind of game show in the 1990s? Okay....  I'll post his photo. But only because he's wearing a white suit jacket.

 I don't know who she is but she was interviewed, and she was wearing one of those dresses that look like they're some kind of billowing curtain fabric but of the kind that really doesn't take well to water.

I don't know who she is but she was interviewed, and she was wearing one of those dresses that look like they're some kind of billowing curtain fabric but of the kind that really doesn't take well to water.

  "And now the lens flare is BEHIND my camera? Damn these new smartphone cameras are hard to get the hang of..."

"And now the lens flare is BEHIND my camera? Damn these new smartphone cameras are hard to get the hang of..."

 Lesley Manville was nominated for best actress (for which she's won an Olivier Award before). However, in a different entertainment genre, she was also nominated for a best supporting actress Oscar this year for PTA's "Phantom Thread".

Lesley Manville was nominated for best actress (for which she's won an Olivier Award before). However, in a different entertainment genre, she was also nominated for a best supporting actress Oscar this year for PTA's "Phantom Thread".

  "That guy's still behind me, right? The courts have told him he's not allowed to, but he doesn't listen" . Imogen Poots is best known as an actress, in such things as the pretty awesome and underrated "Green Room" (2015)

"That guy's still behind me, right? The courts have told him he's not allowed to, but he doesn't listen". Imogen Poots is best known as an actress, in such things as the pretty awesome and underrated "Green Room" (2015)

  "That network of veins across my chest is a weird thing to mention in that comment you're going to write".  That Awkward Moment (2014), appropriately, is another movie Imogen Poots has been in .

"That network of veins across my chest is a weird thing to mention in that comment you're going to write". That Awkward Moment (2014), appropriately, is another movie Imogen Poots has been in .

 Close range! Apparently she was the little girl (?) in the original (?) Les Miserables. I'll take those Italian Girls' word for it.

Close range! Apparently she was the little girl (?) in the original (?) Les Miserables. I'll take those Italian Girls' word for it.

  "If you write even one halfway cynical thing about the Time's Up movement, be aware you might have half the planet's population against you ". Sure, but how would that be different to any other day?

"If you write even one halfway cynical thing about the Time's Up movement, be aware you might have half the planet's population against you". Sure, but how would that be different to any other day?

 Is it about the look of stunned shock in the foreground, or the recipient of a pretty amazing medal in the background? Actually, it's the moire pattern on the dude's suit jacket.

Is it about the look of stunned shock in the foreground, or the recipient of a pretty amazing medal in the background? Actually, it's the moire pattern on the dude's suit jacket.

  "Still taking those 'on suspicion of being in Hamilton' photos, huh?"  Who... me? Erm... no.

"Still taking those 'on suspicion of being in Hamilton' photos, huh?" Who... me? Erm... no.

 Identification (or takedown notice) pending. (Edited to add : She's Laura Donnelly, and she won an Olivier Award for Best Actress!)

Identification (or takedown notice) pending.
(Edited to add : She's Laura Donnelly, and she won an Olivier Award for Best Actress!)

 Another one of the people the Italian girls in front of me were very exited to see. I've decided trust Italian girls where theatre is concerned. (Yes, even London theatre)

Another one of the people the Italian girls in front of me were very exited to see. I've decided trust Italian girls where theatre is concerned. (Yes, even London theatre)

   "OMG! I know this is theatre and I'm meant to be totally understated but that man's hand appears to be FREAKISHLY HUGE!!"  . In other momentous news, Wireimage has finally come through for once and identified the lady as Danielle Hope.

"OMG! I know this is theatre and I'm meant to be totally understated but that man's hand appears to be FREAKISHLY HUGE!!". In other momentous news, Wireimage has finally come through for once and identified the lady as Danielle Hope.

 Excitingly, we might be getting to the part in the proceedings where the 'bigger' name arrivals start... arriving. I know Sergei Polunin - not for theatre, but because he was in    Kenneth Branagh's 'Murder on the Orient Express'    which had its World Premiere last year... also at the Royal Albert Hall.

Excitingly, we might be getting to the part in the proceedings where the 'bigger' name arrivals start... arriving. I know Sergei Polunin - not for theatre, but because he was in Kenneth Branagh's 'Murder on the Orient Express' which had its World Premiere last year... also at the Royal Albert Hall.

  "I know you're wondering : is it that I'm short or that guy next to me is incredibly tall? I'm not telling - #KeepThe Mystery"  Leanne Cope is per wikipedia, a ballet and theatre artist.

"I know you're wondering : is it that I'm short or that guy next to me is incredibly tall? I'm not telling - #KeepThe Mystery" Leanne Cope is per wikipedia, a ballet and theatre artist.

  "Awww... come on, stop making me sign stuff from 'Sherlock' and stuff where I'm   'C' from Spectre  "  - Andrew Scott is perhaps best known for both of those things, but on this night he was a nominee for best actor for "Hamlet".

"Awww... come on, stop making me sign stuff from 'Sherlock' and stuff where I'm 'C' from Spectre" - Andrew Scott is perhaps best known for both of those things, but on this night he was a nominee for best actor for "Hamlet".

  "We can get people in the crowd to hold up their umbrellas even higher if you want"  Jez Butterworth won an Olivier award on the night as writer of the best new play "The Ferryman" (I'd photographed him looking much more startled at    last year's Evening Standard Theatre Awards   )

"We can get people in the crowd to hold up their umbrellas even higher if you want" Jez Butterworth won an Olivier award on the night as writer of the best new play "The Ferryman" (I'd photographed him looking much more startled at last year's Evening Standard Theatre Awards)

 .... I don't know who this is, but he's endorsed by Italian Girls worldwide (or at least the 3-4 around me), and that's good enough for me.

.... I don't know who this is, but he's endorsed by Italian Girls worldwide (or at least the 3-4 around me), and that's good enough for me.

 Although perhaps best known (okay... by me...) for being in several Harry Potter movies as well as Shakespeare in Love and Maleficent, Imelda Staunton has won one Olivier Award for Best Actress and another THREE for Best Actress in a Musical.

Although perhaps best known (okay... by me...) for being in several Harry Potter movies as well as Shakespeare in Love and Maleficent, Imelda Staunton has won one Olivier Award for Best Actress and another THREE for Best Actress in a Musical.

  "Please don't two-finger point at me. I'm not in tune with today's youth, and I have no idea what it means".  Alfred Molina : best known as the kid who throws Indiana Jones The Whip in exchange for The Idol in the opening of Raiders of the Lost Ark (1981), and as Doc Ock in Spider-Man 2.

"Please don't two-finger point at me. I'm not in tune with today's youth, and I have no idea what it means". Alfred Molina : best known as the kid who throws Indiana Jones The Whip in exchange for The Idol in the opening of Raiders of the Lost Ark (1981), and as Doc Ock in Spider-Man 2.

 Possibly not in the musical 'Hamilton', but I respect the intense stare, and would like to borrow it to gain access to closed-invite Marvel and Disney premieres and events, if that's okay.

Possibly not in the musical 'Hamilton', but I respect the intense stare, and would like to borrow it to gain access to closed-invite Marvel and Disney premieres and events, if that's okay.

  "Okay, you sign as me and I'll sign as you" . The Italians in front of me sometimes seem happy just to be in proximity to famous (?) theatre people - they'd probably accept this compromise. (Also : I don't know who they are)

"Okay, you sign as me and I'll sign as you". The Italians in front of me sometimes seem happy just to be in proximity to famous (?) theatre people - they'd probably accept this compromise. (Also : I don't know who they are)

 Ciaran Hinds is possibly best known for being the villain Steppenwolf in the 'Justice League' movie, which basically nobody saw and even less people cared about (and for which there was no premiere) and for which nobody blames him because DC are crap. But point is, he's a really nice guy a very good actor and among other things, he played Dumbledore's brother in the last two Harry Potter films.

Ciaran Hinds is possibly best known for being the villain Steppenwolf in the 'Justice League' movie, which basically nobody saw and even less people cared about (and for which there was no premiere) and for which nobody blames him because DC are crap. But point is, he's a really nice guy a very good actor and among other things, he played Dumbledore's brother in the last two Harry Potter films.

 Passing by Ciaran Hinds is Shirley Henderson, arguably best known for being Moaning Mirtle across a few Harry Potter films, but she won Best Actress in a Musical on the night.

Passing by Ciaran Hinds is Shirley Henderson, arguably best known for being Moaning Mirtle across a few Harry Potter films, but she won Best Actress in a Musical on the night.

  "Wait a minute. I just figured out a third, fifth and tenth thing I could be doing that's more satisfying than signing that piece of paper you're holding in front of me...."

"Wait a minute. I just figured out a third, fifth and tenth thing I could be doing that's more satisfying than signing that piece of paper you're holding in front of me...."

  "It was straight when I got out of the car.... but then it rained and... well... as you can see, no way I'm going to be able to be wearing a baseball cap tonight"  Identified as : Beverley Knight, singer.

"It was straight when I got out of the car.... but then it rained and... well... as you can see, no way I'm going to be able to be wearing a baseball cap tonight" Identified as : Beverley Knight, singer.

  "That's a cool poster, but I was never in Star Wars"  Chita Rivera is famous for being in the original Broadway cast of 'Chicago', and was also in the 2002 movie. She's been nominated for 10 Tony Awards (the US Version of the Oliviers, I take it...), winning two.

"That's a cool poster, but I was never in Star Wars" Chita Rivera is famous for being in the original Broadway cast of 'Chicago', and was also in the 2002 movie. She's been nominated for 10 Tony Awards (the US Version of the Oliviers, I take it...), winning two.

  "Nothing. Just standing here looking pretty and diffident." "Okay.... as long as that's all you're doing"

"Nothing. Just standing here looking pretty and diffident."
"Okay.... as long as that's all you're doing"

 Sam Mendes won a fourth Olivier Award for best director on the night for The Ferryman (He's also won an Academy Award for directing) (plus he directed the last two James Bond movies -    Skyfall    and    Spectre   )

Sam Mendes won a fourth Olivier Award for best director on the night for The Ferryman (He's also won an Academy Award for directing) (plus he directed the last two James Bond movies - Skyfall and Spectre)

 Italian Girl Excitement Level at seeing this gentleman: medium by their standards, high by anybody else's

Italian Girl Excitement Level at seeing this gentleman: medium by their standards, high by anybody else's

 Laura Pradelska.... she's got an entry on imdb but not on wikipedia, but the autograph dealers knew her well enough to call out for her signature, which is a kind of fame, I guess.

Laura Pradelska.... she's got an entry on imdb but not on wikipedia, but the autograph dealers knew her well enough to call out for her signature, which is a kind of fame, I guess.

  "Time's up when I say it is, and I say it is. Also, you had your one chance, and you blew it, and you know it" . Bryan Cranston is    correct   .

"Time's up when I say it is, and I say it is. Also, you had your one chance, and you blew it, and you know it". Bryan Cranston is correct.

 Ronnie Wood is a member of the Rolling Stones, and as usual I'm not game to choose between 'wife', 'great granddaughter' and 'babysitter' as to who the women he's with is.

Ronnie Wood is a member of the Rolling Stones, and as usual I'm not game to choose between 'wife', 'great granddaughter' and 'babysitter' as to who the women he's with is.

  "I've been a member of the Rolling Stones for several decades longer than anyone thought we'd survive, so I'm not willing to tempt fate by wearing a "Time's Up" badge. But hurrah for the cause, certainly"

"I've been a member of the Rolling Stones for several decades longer than anyone thought we'd survive, so I'm not willing to tempt fate by wearing a "Time's Up" badge. But hurrah for the cause, certainly"

 ?

?

  "I don't want to say too much, but...... What if I told you I'm not wearing a dress.... and in related news that I got a full body tattoo over Easter?"

"I don't want to say too much, but...... What if I told you I'm not wearing a dress.... and in related news that I got a full body tattoo over Easter?"

 I'm not sure who he is, but apparently he is/was instrumental in (something) to do with the musical Hamilton. (Italian Girl Excitement Level : High, even by their standards) -  edited to add : he's Sir Cameron Mackintosh (further research required)

I'm not sure who he is, but apparently he is/was instrumental in (something) to do with the musical Hamilton. (Italian Girl Excitement Level : High, even by their standards) - edited to add : he's Sir Cameron Mackintosh (further research required)

  "Awww.. come on. You're all wearing beanies and waterproof jackets to this event? THIS IS THEATRE, People!!"  Edited to add : I don't know who this is.

"Awww.. come on. You're all wearing beanies and waterproof jackets to this event? THIS IS THEATRE, People!!" Edited to add : I don't know who this is.

  "You're welcome, of course"  - Michael Sheen is both a fantastic serious actor in movies like Frost/Nixon and The Damned United.... as well as a fantastic comedic actor pitch-perfect in such movies as several Twilight films and Tron Legacy.

"You're welcome, of course" - Michael Sheen is both a fantastic serious actor in movies like Frost/Nixon and The Damned United.... as well as a fantastic comedic actor pitch-perfect in such movies as several Twilight films and Tron Legacy.

 Alexandra Burke - singer. Time I'm writing this : 0:02 Monday morning. Tiredness : problematically slim. Hours til I'm meant to get up for work : less than five.

Alexandra Burke - singer. Time I'm writing this : 0:02 Monday morning. Tiredness : problematically slim. Hours til I'm meant to get up for work : less than five.

 Cuba Gooding Jr has recently been in Chicago (I know this because although I'm not exactly a theatre-ist, I do occasionally look at the side of buses)

Cuba Gooding Jr has recently been in Chicago (I know this because although I'm not exactly a theatre-ist, I do occasionally look at the side of buses)

  "Arm wrestle? Here? Now? Okay, bring it on"  Janie Dee has won two previous Olivier Awards. And may or may not be great at arm-wrestling.

"Arm wrestle? Here? Now? Okay, bring it on" Janie Dee has won two previous Olivier Awards. And may or may not be great at arm-wrestling.

 Cuba Gooding Jnr battles the desire to head into the Royal Albert Hall, where things are calm and civilised and warm and dry.... against the possibility he may have promised to return and sign autographs near the Italian Girls in front of me.

Cuba Gooding Jnr battles the desire to head into the Royal Albert Hall, where things are calm and civilised and warm and dry.... against the possibility he may have promised to return and sign autographs near the Italian Girls in front of me.

  "If it means an autograph, hug or even high-five from Cuba Gooding Jnr, I'll be Italian for just one day..."

"If it means an autograph, hug or even high-five from Cuba Gooding Jnr, I'll be Italian for just one day..."

  "And you thought I wouldn't be back".  He was. I never doubted him for a moment.

"And you thought I wouldn't be back". He was. I never doubted him for a moment.

So... that was that. It was a long, tiring, wet and occasionally interesting day. Rumours had it that the Avengers "VIP Fan Screening" at White City would actually be a legitimate event, with a red carpet and fans and pens and wristbands.... but those rumours overstated the largesse of the Disney Corporation, who prefers not to have premieres when they can spend millions on advertising and negotiating fairly one-sided distribution deals with cinema-owners. I, meanwhile, got to spend the day in the company of the cultured, the civilised, and the only-slight-soggy-from-the-rain people who chose to attend the Olivers.

Which means that these Oliviers, can join the journals for the ones I attended in 2014, 2015, 2016 and 2017 in the Archive. And while my knowledge of all things Theatre-related might not have increased over half a decade, my attendance record is fairly exemplary.

Until next time!

ps. If you ever want to know when I post one of these journals (usually shorter, and for movie-related events), feel free to follow me on facebook at premeiresdotco, or on twitter at berndt2_photo.

London Fashion Week 2018.1

Well... I'm not going to lie : the last couple of days have been several shades of awful, to the point where I missed the Baftas, missed the Red Sparrow Premiere, and turned coughing fits and 16 hour days in bed into kind of an Olympic sport.

And among it all, there was London Fashion Week. I only made it to one day:

 It takes a certain kind of skill (and a brief lull in passing garbage trucks) to create large format environmental fashion photographs in urban environments.

It takes a certain kind of skill (and a brief lull in passing garbage trucks) to create large format environmental fashion photographs in urban environments.

  "Absolute quiet while I try to remember the name for this shade of yellow, please... my designer is gonna kill me...."

"Absolute quiet while I try to remember the name for this shade of yellow, please... my designer is gonna kill me...."

  "Don't let the guy behind me fool you : dual-wielding mobile phones is NOT fashion. What I'm wearing is"

"Don't let the guy behind me fool you : dual-wielding mobile phones is NOT fashion. What I'm wearing is"

  "Hey, lady could you look over here where the camera is? Oh... oh.. I see, you're doing a thing"

"Hey, lady could you look over here where the camera is? Oh... oh.. I see, you're doing a thing"

  "He doesn't talk. He looks enigmatic and he dresses fabulously.... and he doesn't feel a third skill is necessary"

"He doesn't talk. He looks enigmatic and he dresses fabulously.... and he doesn't feel a third skill is necessary"

  "Are naked plastic babies symbolic of anything? Erm... yes of course. How about you take a guess and I'll tell you if you're right"

"Are naked plastic babies symbolic of anything? Erm... yes of course. How about you take a guess and I'll tell you if you're right"

  "I'd love to look directly at your camera, but I'm looking elsewhere for fabulous people I can network with"

"I'd love to look directly at your camera, but I'm looking elsewhere for fabulous people I can network with"

  "Bro, I don't mind you photographing me.... just don't let whitebread on my right spoil the Coolz of this shot, yeah?"  Umm... sorry, Bro.

"Bro, I don't mind you photographing me.... just don't let whitebread on my right spoil the Coolz of this shot, yeah?" Umm... sorry, Bro.

 Ten out of ten for fashion.... three out of ten for wearing it appropriately.

Ten out of ten for fashion.... three out of ten for wearing it appropriately.

  "We're not talking anymore. Not until he stops wearing yellow underneath black plastic"

"We're not talking anymore. Not until he stops wearing yellow underneath black plastic"

  "Sorry, can't talk about how awesome I am... I'm busy tweeting about how awesome I am"

"Sorry, can't talk about how awesome I am... I'm busy tweeting about how awesome I am"

  "You mark my words, once Elon Musk buys this ensemble, every CEO on the planet will start dressing like this"

"You mark my words, once Elon Musk buys this ensemble, every CEO on the planet will start dressing like this"

  "I don't take well to photographers holding things up and shaking them in order to attract eye contact. Why not offer treats? I haven't eaten since last Tuesday"

"I don't take well to photographers holding things up and shaking them in order to attract eye contact. Why not offer treats? I haven't eaten since last Tuesday"

 Not talking anymore. Not since The Thing Happened.

Not talking anymore. Not since The Thing Happened.

  "It takes over half an hour longer every time I go through airport security, but I find it mostly worth it!"

"It takes over half an hour longer every time I go through airport security, but I find it mostly worth it!"

  "This ensemble doesn't work when sitting on a regular chair. But for all other forms of repose it's fantastic"

"This ensemble doesn't work when sitting on a regular chair. But for all other forms of repose it's fantastic"

 SUBTEXT. At London Fashion Week.

SUBTEXT.
At London Fashion Week.

  "Must look ahead into the infinite future and not wonder what those plastic bags are doing and where they're going"

"Must look ahead into the infinite future and not wonder what those plastic bags are doing and where they're going"

  I had a suntan once. I didn't like it.

I had a suntan once. I didn't like it.

  "You could dress warm like the dude in front of me, or you could look awesome like me. And who wouldn't want to look awesome like me?"

"You could dress warm like the dude in front of me, or you could look awesome like me. And who wouldn't want to look awesome like me?"

  "I could interact with it better if I knew what it was, beyond merely "purple" "

"I could interact with it better if I knew what it was, beyond merely "purple" "

  "Black. During fashion week. Lightweights."

"Black. During fashion week. Lightweights."

  "Janice, you know I try to support you in your Fashion thing. But making me responsible for your peripheral vision isn't cool"

"Janice, you know I try to support you in your Fashion thing. But making me responsible for your peripheral vision isn't cool"

  "At first I got pissed at them for ruining a $1000 jacket with their damn scrawls. But it's fashion week, so I'm going to see if I can sell it for $10,000 and then see if I can STILL get them to reimburse me for the jacket"

"At first I got pissed at them for ruining a $1000 jacket with their damn scrawls. But it's fashion week, so I'm going to see if I can sell it for $10,000 and then see if I can STILL get them to reimburse me for the jacket"

  "Don't even look left, Karen. I hear his blog is about premieres, not fashion"

"Don't even look left, Karen. I hear his blog is about premieres, not fashion"

Oh, wait... I did manage to skirt by and take just ONE photo on the Sunday before I was suitably deafened by the asshole meat-is-fur-is-testing-is-murder protesters shouting at security and passersby who, near as I could tell, were wearing wholly synthetic clothing.

 It's making a point about something while protestors are shouting in your ear about unspecified crimes being committed by people who aren't there and therefore aren't listening.

It's making a point about something while protestors are shouting in your ear about unspecified crimes being committed by people who aren't there and therefore aren't listening.

So.... hopefully I've retained and refreshed by fashion credentials until I'm physically stable and upright six months from now to do it properly!

 Traditional gratuitous pigeon shot to end the journal....

Traditional gratuitous pigeon shot to end the journal....

Until next time *air kiss* *air kiss*

Previous London Fashion weeks have included : LFW2017.2 , LFW2017.1 , The Fashion Awards and (I suppose) the alleyway hosting the 2017 Elle Style Awards.

The 2017 British Fashion Awards

December 4th, 2017.

For the website-owner of the coveted "premieres.co" domain, the twin terrors of Theatre and Fashion represent occasional challengest to my efforts to appear competent and knowledgeable on other items of (ahem) great importance.

Speaking of Twin Terrors... yesterday it was the Evening Standard Theatre Awards.... and today it's the British Fashion Awards, which like last year were at Royal Albert Hall. Well.... here's how it went down:

  "I don't have time to get a design house to come up with a custom font - here, use this scrawl I just came up with"

"I don't have time to get a design house to come up with a custom font - here, use this scrawl I just came up with"

 Security at Fashion events is at least 14% more fabulous and mohair-attired than at regular film premieres, but they still can't tell you why some wristbands have an "R" prefix while others have "P" and yet everyone's swimming in one big pen. They're also a bit hazy on the logic behind letting people into pens and then having staff get people to use the 'honour' system to answer the question of whether they've had their bags checked.

Security at Fashion events is at least 14% more fabulous and mohair-attired than at regular film premieres, but they still can't tell you why some wristbands have an "R" prefix while others have "P" and yet everyone's swimming in one big pen. They're also a bit hazy on the logic behind letting people into pens and then having staff get people to use the 'honour' system to answer the question of whether they've had their bags checked.

  "It started a countdown from 100 about a minute ago, but the electronic voice was alluringly feminine...."

"It started a countdown from 100 about a minute ago, but the electronic voice was alluringly feminine...."

  "The girl in the background says she'd rather tear out her own throat than sing swing jazz duets with me, but until she inevitably changes her mind, I guess it's just you and me, GoPro sphere"

"The girl in the background says she'd rather tear out her own throat than sing swing jazz duets with me, but until she inevitably changes her mind, I guess it's just you and me, GoPro sphere"

 <I don't know who this is, but the beret, man. THE BERET!!>

<I don't know who this is, but the beret, man. THE BERET!!>

 I photographed Poppy Delevingne just yesterday, but this time (, your honour) it wasn't creepy : it was at the   Evening Standard Theatre Awards

I photographed Poppy Delevingne just yesterday, but this time (, your honour) it wasn't creepy : it was at the Evening Standard Theatre Awards

  "Is it Broken or is it Art, do we know?"  - they don't make it easy in the avant-garde world of fashion.

"Is it Broken or is it Art, do we know?" - they don't make it easy in the avant-garde world of fashion.

 Holly Willoughby - last photographed at the   Pride of Britain Awards  . Character synopsis : appears cheerful. That's all I've got so far.

Holly Willoughby - last photographed at the Pride of Britain Awards. Character synopsis : appears cheerful. That's all I've got so far.

  "She doesn't have an invitation, but says these aren't the droids I'm looking for and that she should move along..... move along"

"She doesn't have an invitation, but says these aren't the droids I'm looking for and that she should move along..... move along"

 Her identity remains unknown, but I think she's eyeing my beanie and/or warm jacket with an interest that goes slightly beyond purely professional.

Her identity remains unknown, but I think she's eyeing my beanie and/or warm jacket with an interest that goes slightly beyond purely professional.

 I'm given to understand that this is Tallia Storm, but the sources providing me with this information are vague as to the precise nature of her fame.

I'm given to understand that this is Tallia Storm, but the sources providing me with this information are vague as to the precise nature of her fame.

 I don't know who this is, but I'll be irked and ired if that cape she's wearing turns out not to be unisex because I feel me and my hobbit troop could wear those when we're trekking to destroy the one true ring. (edited to add : Bianca Jagger)

I don't know who this is, but I'll be irked and ired if that cape she's wearing turns out not to be unisex because I feel me and my hobbit troop could wear those when we're trekking to destroy the one true ring. (edited to add : Bianca Jagger)

 I don't know but if you're a woman in a ballgown or a dude with more than the top three buttons on your shirt undone, you're famous enough to get photographed  (edited to add... I've already forgotten)

I don't know but if you're a woman in a ballgown or a dude with more than the top three buttons on your shirt undone, you're famous enough to get photographed (edited to add... I've already forgotten)

 I've now photographed Pamela Anderson about 20 years after my 20yr younger self would have been truly impressed, but it's happened.

I've now photographed Pamela Anderson about 20 years after my 20yr younger self would have been truly impressed, but it's happened.

  "Oh, come on. There's no way Barb Wire got a Bluray release...."

"Oh, come on. There's no way Barb Wire got a Bluray release...."

 I don't know who this is, but I'm going to put my fashion credibility on the line and say there's no way this guy's not famous.

I don't know who this is, but I'm going to put my fashion credibility on the line and say there's no way this guy's not famous.

 Hailey Baldwin. Also : don't tell me this isn't the greatest photo I've taken, possibly, ever. I won't hear of it.

Hailey Baldwin. Also : don't tell me this isn't the greatest photo I've taken, possibly, ever. I won't hear of it.

 I accordance with all prophecies, I continue to not take a decent photo of Ruth Wilson.

I accordance with all prophecies, I continue to not take a decent photo of Ruth Wilson.

 &lt;I don't know who this is. And that saddens me&gt;

<I don't know who this is. And that saddens me>

 &lt;unknown, but the hair, man. THE HAIR!!&gt;

<unknown, but the hair, man. THE HAIR!!>

 Olga Kurylenko, rather alluringly backlit (alternate comment : I had the D4 set to underexpose a bit too much and decided to run with it)

Olga Kurylenko, rather alluringly backlit (alternate comment : I had the D4 set to underexpose a bit too much and decided to run with it)

 Rita Ora is a singer, but in possibly even more exciting news I've decided I really like this spot Ive been hemmed into. While most of my shots of dropoff are being blocked by people taller, better-placed and more assertive in their camera-work... this backlit view has its merits, dynamic lighting-wise. Also : there's pretty women, as that's relevant, too.

Rita Ora is a singer, but in possibly even more exciting news I've decided I really like this spot Ive been hemmed into. While most of my shots of dropoff are being blocked by people taller, better-placed and more assertive in their camera-work... this backlit view has its merits, dynamic lighting-wise. Also : there's pretty women, as that's relevant, too.

 &lt;unknown, but backlighting, man. BACKLIGHTING!!&gt;

<unknown, but backlighting, man. BACKLIGHTING!!>

 Georgia May Jagger, realising as we head into Christmas, that a groovy new QP-themed multicoloured dress can't make you happy if you're not already happy.

Georgia May Jagger, realising as we head into Christmas, that a groovy new QP-themed multicoloured dress can't make you happy if you're not already happy.

 &lt;unknown, but probably looking to steal your firstborns&gt;

<unknown, but probably looking to steal your firstborns>

 It's Zendaya! I'm not entirely aware of what combination of actress/model, model/actress, singer/model, actress/singer she represents, but she was good in Spider-Man Homecoming, and the two horses on the front of her dress are kind of hard not to focus on. Contrast-detect Autofocus-wise, I mean.

It's Zendaya! I'm not entirely aware of what combination of actress/model, model/actress, singer/model, actress/singer she represents, but she was good in Spider-Man Homecoming, and the two horses on the front of her dress are kind of hard not to focus on. Contrast-detect Autofocus-wise, I mean.

 Zendaya. Pronounced backwards it also sounds kind of coolly exotic.

Zendaya. Pronounced backwards it also sounds kind of coolly exotic.

 Zendaya. I don't know which of the three syllables of her name to put the accent on, which is why I'm glad I only write these journals and don't have spoken-word versions I need to commit to.

Zendaya. I don't know which of the three syllables of her name to put the accent on, which is why I'm glad I only write these journals and don't have spoken-word versions I need to commit to.

 Arizona Muse is still my favourite Snapple flavour I've never tried, but I suspect she's a model.

Arizona Muse is still my favourite Snapple flavour I've never tried, but I suspect she's a model.

 Lewis Hamilton and Donatella Versace are possibly the power couple you never knew you always wanted to see walking a red carpet together. I also think if she was wearing a dress with his pattern and he was wearing a jumpsuit made of her dress pattern, their combination would work almost as well.

Lewis Hamilton and Donatella Versace are possibly the power couple you never knew you always wanted to see walking a red carpet together. I also think if she was wearing a dress with his pattern and he was wearing a jumpsuit made of her dress pattern, their combination would work almost as well.

  "Don't even ask!"

"Don't even ask!"

 Conor McGregor is... I vaguely recall some kind of Boxer? MMA fighter? Probably not an accountant, but then why shouldn't he be.

Conor McGregor is... I vaguely recall some kind of Boxer? MMA fighter? Probably not an accountant, but then why shouldn't he be.

  "Why is everyone here dressed so poorly in comparison to me?"  Irina Shayk is a model, and my brain is trying to figure out how that sash of hers works three-dimensionally. Does it curl around the top and the bottom in some kind of moebius strip?

"Why is everyone here dressed so poorly in comparison to me?" Irina Shayk is a model, and my brain is trying to figure out how that sash of hers works three-dimensionally. Does it curl around the top and the bottom in some kind of moebius strip?

 I believe this is "Molly from The Saturdays" (edited to add : Mollie King, from The Saturdays)

I believe this is "Molly from The Saturdays" (edited to add : Mollie King, from The Saturdays)

 &lt;unknown, but probably not actress Lily James&gt;

<unknown, but probably not actress Lily James>

 When this happens to my jeans, I know it's time to buy new jeans.

When this happens to my jeans, I know it's time to buy new jeans.

  "I don't want to alarm you, but I think I'm going to need helium and a power-drill to fix this dress..."

"I don't want to alarm you, but I think I'm going to need helium and a power-drill to fix this dress..."

 Rejected Draft Kylo Ren Facepaint, Emo/Goth Phase 2.

Rejected Draft Kylo Ren Facepaint, Emo/Goth Phase 2.

 Eva Herzigova. Providing eye-contact to one of several paparazzi who have taken up residence in our public pen. It occurs to me now, some 12 hours later, that perhaps I might have joined them... but it's some 12 hours too late.

Eva Herzigova. Providing eye-contact to one of several paparazzi who have taken up residence in our public pen. It occurs to me now, some 12 hours later, that perhaps I might have joined them... but it's some 12 hours too late.

 Selena Gomez feels like somebody I've heard of in the vague collective unconscious I tap into at times.

Selena Gomez feels like somebody I've heard of in the vague collective unconscious I tap into at times.

 &lt;unknown, but implicitly denied being Naomi Campbell by declining to sign for people calling out "Naomi! Naomi!!!!". Weirdly, Naomi Campbell showed up later and explicitly declining to sign for people calling out "Naomi! Naomi!!!!" so it's all rather complex. &gt;

<unknown, but implicitly denied being Naomi Campbell by declining to sign for people calling out "Naomi! Naomi!!!!". Weirdly, Naomi Campbell showed up later and explicitly declining to sign for people calling out "Naomi! Naomi!!!!" so it's all rather complex. >

 &lt;unknown&gt;

<unknown>

 It's P!nk. Photographed with a white-balance shifted to blue. I'm calling it deliberately subversive, as opposed to the alternative.

It's P!nk. Photographed with a white-balance shifted to blue. I'm calling it deliberately subversive, as opposed to the alternative.

  "High Five?? Baby, this is how we say hello in L.A. now..."

"High Five?? Baby, this is how we say hello in L.A. now..."

  "Pink told you that's how people say hello in LA? I've been there and I'm not sure..."  - designer Stella McCartney

"Pink told you that's how people say hello in LA? I've been there and I'm not sure..." - designer Stella McCartney

 Naomi Campbell. And when your photos turn to this kind of light-smear, it's probably time to head off. Uh... I mean.... "Blurry Therefore Art"!!

Naomi Campbell. And when your photos turn to this kind of light-smear, it's probably time to head off. Uh... I mean.... "Blurry Therefore Art"!!

So... that was that, then. Two events in two days, and possibly as many as four events before I call time on this year's efforts and start thinking about next year. If I'm not otherwise distracted. And it's another one for The Archive of Premieres, which is nice.

Until next time!

ps. if you ever want to know when I post one of these, or if you have one of these events you want me to discreetly and (possibly) politely want me to cover, feel free to contact and/or follow me on facebook at premieresdotco, or on twitter at @berndt2_photo.