Nov 10, 2018 : The 603rd Lord Mayor's Show, London

November 10th, 2018.

Prior to today, my only outing to see the Lord Mayor’s Show was at that event’s 600th Anniversary back in 2015. But, realising that I might not be able to make it to the 700th, and perhaps London won’t even be around for (say) the 1000th… I decided to head out today. (Translation : rain was not forecast and I had a free afternoon).

Here’s how it went down:

My spot was between Temple and Blackfriars, nestled between somebody who knew a bit more about military things than I felt entirely comfortable being around, and a couple of younger girls who spent at least part of their time admiring guys in uniform.

My spot was between Temple and Blackfriars, nestled between somebody who knew a bit more about military things than I felt entirely comfortable being around, and a couple of younger girls who spent at least part of their time admiring guys in uniform.

Much like last time (thus, possibly, every time for the past 802 years) the approximate ratio of parade components was something like 40% military recruitment; 30% worshipful companies and guilds; 20% corporate sponsorship; 10% batshit bizarre. For the avoidance of doubt, I was here mostly for that last ten percent.

Much like last time (thus, possibly, every time for the past 802 years) the approximate ratio of parade components was something like 40% military recruitment; 30% worshipful companies and guilds; 20% corporate sponsorship; 10% batshit bizarre. For the avoidance of doubt, I was here mostly for that last ten percent.

The Worshipful Corporation Of Remembering Michael Jackson’s Moonwalker. Also Banking.

The Worshipful Corporation Of Remembering Michael Jackson’s Moonwalker. Also Banking.

“You’re far too young for me to tell you what’s going on at the head of our Order’s sacred staff. To be honest, even I’m too young to know. I wish nobody had told me, quite frankly.”

“You’re far too young for me to tell you what’s going on at the head of our Order’s sacred staff. To be honest, even I’m too young to know. I wish nobody had told me, quite frankly.”

“It’s our last one. We kinda want to make reassure you that we know where it is”

“It’s our last one. We kinda want to make reassure you that we know where it is”

The Worshipful Company of Straw Man Arguments and Rian Johnson’s The Last Jedi Apologists.  They’ve had a long and storied history, but you can’t argue they didn’t anticipate how important they’d eventually be.

The Worshipful Company of Straw Man Arguments and Rian Johnson’s The Last Jedi Apologists. They’ve had a long and storied history, but you can’t argue they didn’t anticipate how important they’d eventually be.

Dog Thinks :  “I’m going to have to pee on one of those floats eventually, and I just know it’s going to be interpreted as a political act. But it won’t be. Or at least… it mostly won’t be”

Dog Thinks : “I’m going to have to pee on one of those floats eventually, and I just know it’s going to be interpreted as a political act. But it won’t be. Or at least… it mostly won’t be”

Please tell me that this is the  Worshipful Company For Autograph Dealer Suppression At Premieres In 2019 .

Please tell me that this is the Worshipful Company For Autograph Dealer Suppression At Premieres In 2019.

The Worshipful Company Of Pre-Recorded But Supposedly Genuine Apologies For The Inconvenience .

The Worshipful Company Of Pre-Recorded But Supposedly Genuine Apologies For The Inconvenience.

The Worshipful Company Of On Hold Musicians .

The Worshipful Company Of On Hold Musicians.

I forgot my Oyster Card And They Made Me Wear This .

I forgot my Oyster Card And They Made Me Wear This.

It’s not the greatest Air Force in the world, but it is the third most fabulous.

It’s not the greatest Air Force in the world, but it is the third most fabulous.

“Y’all should be bursting into flame when you’re this close to the sun, people. At least wear some sunscreen and shadez”

“Y’all should be bursting into flame when you’re this close to the sun, people. At least wear some sunscreen and shadez”

“Mostly for a bet, if you’re interested…”

“Mostly for a bet, if you’re interested…”

The Worshipful Corporation Of Our Beloved Robot Overlords .

The Worshipful Corporation Of Our Beloved Robot Overlords.

“He only wants one or two human sacrifices. And given he could kill us all, that’s a really generous offer…..”

“He only wants one or two human sacrifices. And given he could kill us all, that’s a really generous offer…..”

“Are you not using that mobile phone? It’s been sixteen minutes since I last tweeted or hashtagged anything. I’m a millennial, and this verges on cruel and unusual punishment…”

“Are you not using that mobile phone? It’s been sixteen minutes since I last tweeted or hashtagged anything. I’m a millennial, and this verges on cruel and unusual punishment…”

The Worshipful Company Of Rail Fare Delay Repay Calculators.

The Worshipful Company Of Rail Fare Delay Repay Calculators.

“No need to tell Disney about the gloves we’re wearing. They’re totally Intellectual Property Law compliant. We swear it!”

“No need to tell Disney about the gloves we’re wearing. They’re totally Intellectual Property Law compliant. We swear it!”

Sadly, the fifth building in the band (ie. The Gherkin) is obscured behind the texting millennial in the foreground.

Sadly, the fifth building in the band (ie. The Gherkin) is obscured behind the texting millennial in the foreground.

“Damn, I think I Sharded”  (and I think I’m (mostly) sober while typing this)

“Damn, I think I Sharded”
(and I think I’m (mostly) sober while typing this)

I was at a London Symphony Orchestra concert about two weeks ago, and you know what they DIDN’T have? A WALKING XYLOPHONIST!!! That’s… pretty damn impressive.

I was at a London Symphony Orchestra concert about two weeks ago, and you know what they DIDN’T have? A WALKING XYLOPHONIST!!! That’s… pretty damn impressive.

“Don’t ask questions - it’s not meant to be a standalone narrative. Just read the prequel comic and it all makes sense!”  - I will concede I was impressed when I zoomed in and saw that the sheet music resting on the piano was “These 101 Black Cats”.

“Don’t ask questions - it’s not meant to be a standalone narrative. Just read the prequel comic and it all makes sense!” - I will concede I was impressed when I zoomed in and saw that the sheet music resting on the piano was “These 101 Black Cats”.

It’s a PUB ON A TRUCK! How is this not a Thing? (other than the drunken motion sickness and a myriad of other reasons why it would be a very bad thing, I mean)

It’s a PUB ON A TRUCK! How is this not a Thing? (other than the drunken motion sickness and a myriad of other reasons why it would be a very bad thing, I mean)

“Team Sodium goes on this side, team Chlorine on the other. Pick a side, people!”

“Team Sodium goes on this side, team Chlorine on the other. Pick a side, people!”

Write a caption here.  (The Squarespace default is pretty much spot-on for this one)

Write a caption here.
(The Squarespace default is pretty much spot-on for this one)

Never too far from my mind. I’ve still got a bottle of XXXX and an old packet of TimTams in the fridge….

Never too far from my mind. I’ve still got a bottle of XXXX and an old packet of TimTams in the fridge….

“No, I will not tell you what we call the animal on the tip of this staff like it’s some kind of demigod our order worships. It would demean you, me, and…. I’m gonna call her The Glorious One….”

“No, I will not tell you what we call the animal on the tip of this staff like it’s some kind of demigod our order worships. It would demean you, me, and…. I’m gonna call her The Glorious One….”

“I’m pretty sure Superman’s cape can do this too… I’m not sure why he doesn’t do it…”

“I’m pretty sure Superman’s cape can do this too… I’m not sure why he doesn’t do it…”

The Worshipful Company Of Your Feedback Is Both Welcome And Appreciated.

The Worshipful Company Of Your Feedback Is Both Welcome And Appreciated.

“I hear rumours that the Smearers want to join and make it a three-way organisation….”

“I hear rumours that the Smearers want to join and make it a three-way organisation….”

The Worshipful Company Of Quit It With The Cat Videos .

The Worshipful Company Of Quit It With The Cat Videos.

Excitingly, it’s a Repeat Float!! - the floating pig was also used in the 2015 parade.

Excitingly, it’s a Repeat Float!! - the floating pig was also used in the 2015 parade.

“We’ll don’t need Europe to patrol our territorial waters post-Brexit. Our navy is still one of the finest out there….”

“We’ll don’t need Europe to patrol our territorial waters post-Brexit. Our navy is still one of the finest out there….”

“I assure you both the lanyard and security tag are period-appropriate.”

“I assure you both the lanyard and security tag are period-appropriate.”

I…. Uh….. don’t know what’s going on here. But I’m glad I photographed it so I can tell my therapist that the nightmare I keep waking from has its basis in something that actually happened.

I…. Uh….. don’t know what’s going on here. But I’m glad I photographed it so I can tell my therapist that the nightmare I keep waking from has its basis in something that actually happened.

The worshipful company of cyborgs considers any raised hand, even for a high-five, an act of aggression that will be met with force.

The worshipful company of cyborgs considers any raised hand, even for a high-five, an act of aggression that will be met with force.

“The Worshipful Company Of Vapers are still deciding on whether their float should smell of fairy floss or salted caramel. They’ll be in the parade as soon as they’ve made up their mind.”

“The Worshipful Company Of Vapers are still deciding on whether their float should smell of fairy floss or salted caramel. They’ll be in the parade as soon as they’ve made up their mind.”

The worshipful corporation of opthamologists suggest if you’re walking around like this you really need to see them. Or be led to them by somebody who can.

The worshipful corporation of opthamologists suggest if you’re walking around like this you really need to see them. Or be led to them by somebody who can.

“This is not extravagant. I’m sure you do no less whenever you get drive-thru”  - I believe this is London’s Lord Mayor. As distinct (   confirmed by Wikipedia   ) from The Mayor Of London… who maybe uses a helicopter to pick up drycleaning or something.

“This is not extravagant. I’m sure you do no less whenever you get drive-thru” - I believe this is London’s Lord Mayor. As distinct (confirmed by Wikipedia) from The Mayor Of London… who maybe uses a helicopter to pick up drycleaning or something.

“Happy to drag-race your Nissan Pulsar any day of the week, young man…”

“Happy to drag-race your Nissan Pulsar any day of the week, young man…”

“If there’s a ‘For Sale’ sign on the back of this thing, I assure you I didn’t put it there….”

“If there’s a ‘For Sale’ sign on the back of this thing, I assure you I didn’t put it there….”

So… that was that. Between this and the journal for The Pride of Britain Awards, I believe it’s obvious that I’m still Australian where cultural acclimatisation to the United Kingdom is concerned.

Until next …. time?

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