2015 - The 600th Lord Mayors Show

November 14th, 2015. (Uploaded June, 2017)

 It started with a flotilla. Not exactly an invasion force, but then the weather is pretty crappy right now - who wants to invade anything on a day like this?

It started with a flotilla. Not exactly an invasion force, but then the weather is pretty crappy right now - who wants to invade anything on a day like this?

  “Are you sure we’re invading France? We’re heading UPSTREAM, man!!”

“Are you sure we’re invading France? We’re heading UPSTREAM, man!!”

  “We’ve taken out six canoeists already - they barely put up a fight!!”

“We’ve taken out six canoeists already - they barely put up a fight!!”

  “You should have thought of that before we left, Frank…”

“You should have thought of that before we left, Frank…”

 Well, it’s cold and raining and I’ve photographed some boats. Does it get more exciting than this?

Well, it’s cold and raining and I’ve photographed some boats. Does it get more exciting than this?

 Some time later, I’ve moved to St Pauls - the big Grandstand us ahead and around to the left. But you get to see the weirdness no matter where you are, or so is my understanding.

Some time later, I’ve moved to St Pauls - the big Grandstand us ahead and around to the left. But you get to see the weirdness no matter where you are, or so is my understanding.

 I'm going to be honest, not a lot of what follows makes much narrative sense. However, at least the 30% of participants in the parade who were from the armed forces wanting to Recruit You To Their Cause had a clear objective. And that at least was helpful.

I'm going to be honest, not a lot of what follows makes much narrative sense. However, at least the 30% of participants in the parade who were from the armed forces wanting to Recruit You To Their Cause had a clear objective. And that at least was helpful.

  "I mainly use it to cheat in Skill Testers, but yeah... no... totally awesome military hardware. Spared no expense"

"I mainly use it to cheat in Skill Testers, but yeah... no... totally awesome military hardware. Spared no expense"

 This? Uh… we’re the worshipful company of drag-racers and conspicuous consumption….

This? Uh… we’re the worshipful company of drag-racers and conspicuous consumption….

  “Well, it’s not as comfortable, but it is cheaper than rail travel.”

“Well, it’s not as comfortable, but it is cheaper than rail travel.”

 Awesomely, Batman showed up. (And in the background : a large metallic whale. Because...?)

Awesomely, Batman showed up. (And in the background : a large metallic whale. Because...?)

 Relevance to the City of London? Low. But if Batman takes up residence here in London, it might be pretty awesome (** not meant to be taken as an explicit endorsement of vigilantism, but I’m happy to keep it at an implied endorsement )

Relevance to the City of London? Low. But if Batman takes up residence here in London, it might be pretty awesome (**not meant to be taken as an explicit endorsement of vigilantism, but I’m happy to keep it at an implied endorsement)

  "It's what I DO that defines who I am"

"It's what I DO that defines who I am"

 the parade has - I kid you not - been going on for about an hour at this stage. I have not yet signed up for the armed forces to be All I Can Be

the parade has - I kid you not - been going on for about an hour at this stage. I have not yet signed up for the armed forces to be All I Can Be

 Awesomely, steam-drawn World War 1 artillery also showed up.

Awesomely, steam-drawn World War 1 artillery also showed up.

 Giant floating pig. Who knew?

Giant floating pig. Who knew?

 Yep. it’s still real, and still happening right here in front of my camera.

Yep. it’s still real, and still happening right here in front of my camera.

 I really want to say  “… and now I’ve photographed everything” . Because… floating pig’s a55 is kind of an accomplishment, or at least it feels like it should be.

I really want to say “… and now I’ve photographed everything”. Because… floating pig’s a55 is kind of an accomplishment, or at least it feels like it should be.

  “We don’t support it if it’s illegal to grow it. Our lawyers make us say that”

“We don’t support it if it’s illegal to grow it. Our lawyers make us say that”

 I actually assume I'm hallucinating 85% of all this.

I actually assume I'm hallucinating 85% of all this.

 This is - somehow- not a Macy's parade.

This is - somehow- not a Macy's parade.

  “It keeps the rain off. And the chiropractor’s kids i private school…”

“It keeps the rain off. And the chiropractor’s kids i private school…”

  "Fish and Chips? I got your halibut and wedges right here!"

"Fish and Chips? I got your halibut and wedges right here!"

  “Don’t laugh, but I can’t reach my mobile phone from here…”

“Don’t laugh, but I can’t reach my mobile phone from here…”

 I don't understand what I'm seeing here any more than you do.

I don't understand what I'm seeing here any more than you do.

 Degree to which I assume I'm hallucinating all this has risen to : approximately 87.25%

Degree to which I assume I'm hallucinating all this has risen to : approximately 87.25%

 The parade of The Five Sigourney Weavers approaches.

The parade of The Five Sigourney Weavers approaches.

  “You might dream of stealing this, but if you do, remember it weighs tons so you’re best to bring horses with you rather than assume your cheap hyundai can drag it off…”

“You might dream of stealing this, but if you do, remember it weighs tons so you’re best to bring horses with you rather than assume your cheap hyundai can drag it off…”

 (Finally) the Lord Mayor (of 'The Lord Mayors Show' fame) shows up. I'm not sure what the paddles on his honorary guard represent.

(Finally) the Lord Mayor (of 'The Lord Mayors Show' fame) shows up. I'm not sure what the paddles on his honorary guard represent.

  “No I am NOT drum-syncing to somebody’s itunes library!”

“No I am NOT drum-syncing to somebody’s itunes library!”

  “I told you we needed to get it lowered in order to skid it around this curve….”

“I told you we needed to get it lowered in order to skid it around this curve….”

 Taxpayer funds well-spent, I'm sure.

Taxpayer funds well-spent, I'm sure.

 "And remember.... vote!!"

"And remember.... vote!!"

So that… somehow… weirdly… was that.

Until next time? Actually no… due to complex future hypotheses and calculations mostly performed later, I’m not set to photograph the Lord Mayor’s parade until three years from now, in 2018. Enjoy!