8 Aug 2019 - The 'Pain and Glory' Premiere

August 8th, 2019.

Somerset House usually hosts one premiere per year, and that is the opening night of Film4’s Filmfest. IN prior years those premieres have been variously sized, and variously accessible. Last year, for ‘The Wife’, all fans were held back behind distant rope barriers and only allowed access to the stars when they indicated a willingness to sign, but in prior years only a small ‘wedge’ of barrier space was made available (‘2 Days 1 Night’ and ‘An Inconvenient Sequel’), or the premiere was literally too small to even have barriers (‘Pattycake$’).

But for this one… erm…. Antonio Banderas, Penelope Cruz (Oscar Winner), and Pedro Almodovar (Oscar Winner). BIG…. and inevitably things would get weird. Here’s how it went down:

“I don’t know what to tell you.. the carpet will end where it ends… tis not for you nor I nor anyone to tell a carpet what it must or must not do.”  I’ve tried to argue with a carpet. It doesn’t work.

“I don’t know what to tell you.. the carpet will end where it ends… tis not for you nor I nor anyone to tell a carpet what it must or must not do.” I’ve tried to argue with a carpet. It doesn’t work.

There have never been quite this many fans at a Somerset House premiere before, and it is very clear that any hopes that an entire edge of the three sides of this rectangle will be bestowed upon us are entirely unrealistica. Typically interview media gets the ‘right and left’ edges, and paparazzi get the edge facing the doorway. The question is… what happens to us?

There have never been quite this many fans at a Somerset House premiere before, and it is very clear that any hopes that an entire edge of the three sides of this rectangle will be bestowed upon us are entirely unrealistica. Typically interview media gets the ‘right and left’ edges, and paparazzi get the edge facing the doorway. The question is… what happens to us?

I join you know from my spot at this premiere : OUTSIDE the premiere. In this case, the only place outside the premiere where you can get views INSIDE the premiere is the convenient San Miguel summer bar set up right next to the premiere. Two pints of beer and a small whiskey-glass of salted almonds doesn’t give you much change from a crisp twenty pound note… but here I am.

I join you know from my spot at this premiere : OUTSIDE the premiere. In this case, the only place outside the premiere where you can get views INSIDE the premiere is the convenient San Miguel summer bar set up right next to the premiere. Two pints of beer and a small whiskey-glass of salted almonds doesn’t give you much change from a crisp twenty pound note… but here I am.

My view to the hallowed doorway of Somerset House is not what you’d call “ideal”, and I’m too scared to remove my Nikon D4 and its trusty 80-200mm f2.8 lens from my backpack too soon lest it draw unwanted attention. On the other hand… I’m a paying customer, my beer is delicious, and if I want to take selfies with the most ridiculous camera-and-lens-combination imaginable, who’s to stop me?

My view to the hallowed doorway of Somerset House is not what you’d call “ideal”, and I’m too scared to remove my Nikon D4 and its trusty 80-200mm f2.8 lens from my backpack too soon lest it draw unwanted attention. On the other hand… I’m a paying customer, my beer is delicious, and if I want to take selfies with the most ridiculous camera-and-lens-combination imaginable, who’s to stop me?

“This pole is NOT a euphemism, damnit!” - I actually brought my monopod AND my GoPro-on-a-selfie-stick to the premiere, but based on my current spot the ideal camera and lens is my Pentax with a mid-range non-zoom lens which actually looks like something a normal person might carry into a bar. (Code for : I’ll remove the Nikon when I know I can do it discreetly!)

“This pole is NOT a euphemism, damnit!” - I actually brought my monopod AND my GoPro-on-a-selfie-stick to the premiere, but based on my current spot the ideal camera and lens is my Pentax with a mid-range non-zoom lens which actually looks like something a normal person might carry into a bar. (Code for : I’ll remove the Nikon when I know I can do it discreetly!)

It’s Antonio Banderas! He’s arguably still best known for playing ‘Zorro’ in ‘The Mask Of Zorro’ and ‘The Legend of Zorro’ and a large percentage of those ‘Shrek’ movies (75%? 80%? I don’t know…).

It’s Antonio Banderas! He’s arguably still best known for playing ‘Zorro’ in ‘The Mask Of Zorro’ and ‘The Legend of Zorro’ and a large percentage of those ‘Shrek’ movies (75%? 80%? I don’t know…).

“You have never watched those Zorro movies? Then I must insist you do so. Now if you don’t mind, your camerawoman is very pretty and I am obliged by my Spanish heritage to flirt with her…”  I took a grand total of 116 frames on the Nikon at this premiere, which at 10 frames per second suggests I used it for approximately 11.6 seconds in total. Actually, it was slightly longer - steady, controlled bursts are definitely the way to go.

“You have never watched those Zorro movies? Then I must insist you do so. Now if you don’t mind, your camerawoman is very pretty and I am obliged by my Spanish heritage to flirt with her…”
I took a grand total of 116 frames on the Nikon at this premiere, which at 10 frames per second suggests I used it for approximately 11.6 seconds in total. Actually, it was slightly longer - steady, controlled bursts are definitely the way to go.

“I’m not sure why she’s grabbing your arm and not mine… where am I going wrong here?”  Antonio Banderas looks confused.

“I’m not sure why she’s grabbing your arm and not mine… where am I going wrong here?”
Antonio Banderas looks confused.

“I don’t care if those headphones are drowning out all ambient sounds or what, my good man… but she clearly likes you more than me. It might make no sense, but you insult me if you don’t make something of this budding relationship”  Antonio Banderas will be checking your relationship status on facebook after the premiere.

“I don’t care if those headphones are drowning out all ambient sounds or what, my good man… but she clearly likes you more than me. It might make no sense, but you insult me if you don’t make something of this budding relationship”
Antonio Banderas will be checking your relationship status on facebook after the premiere.

Well, it’s finally happened. I’ve now become someone who photographs people through bushes. I always kind of hoped it’d be for Scarlett Johansson, but no, turns out it’s for Pedro Almodovar. Then again, he HAS won an Oscar. And    my feud with Scarlett Johansson    has not yet ended.

Well, it’s finally happened. I’ve now become someone who photographs people through bushes. I always kind of hoped it’d be for Scarlett Johansson, but no, turns out it’s for Pedro Almodovar. Then again, he HAS won an Oscar. And my feud with Scarlett Johansson has not yet ended.

If you can tear your eyes away from the blurry Antonio Banderas in the foreground ( ,…. ladies,   ) - Penelope Cruz might finally have finished doing interviews at the far end and could be moving over here. And I might take another sip from my San Miguel as she makes her way over.

If you can tear your eyes away from the blurry Antonio Banderas in the foreground (,….ladies, ) - Penelope Cruz might finally have finished doing interviews at the far end and could be moving over here. And I might take another sip from my San Miguel as she makes her way over.

Penelope Cruz, like Pedro Almodovar, has an Academy Award to her name. But there’s a rope barrier, two metal barriers, two Security and at least one guy with a fetching vertically-striped shirt between us. Regrettably, while I’m on two pints of the Amber Liquid and may have just enough confidence that stupid ideas work, I’m probably not physically nimble enough to carry them out.

Penelope Cruz, like Pedro Almodovar, has an Academy Award to her name. But there’s a rope barrier, two metal barriers, two Security and at least one guy with a fetching vertically-striped shirt between us. Regrettably, while I’m on two pints of the Amber Liquid and may have just enough confidence that stupid ideas work, I’m probably not physically nimble enough to carry them out.

“Well… your loss”  Well… damnit.

“Well… your loss”
Well… damnit.

“Have I ever considered a return to black’n’white film? Never more than now, if I’m honest”  Pedro Almodovar is regarding that cameraman’s amazing shirt with about a third of the awe it should really be entitled to, in my opinion.

“Have I ever considered a return to black’n’white film? Never more than now, if I’m honest”
Pedro Almodovar is regarding that cameraman’s amazing shirt with about a third of the awe it should really be entitled to, in my opinion.

“Swing round again… is that PENELOPE CRUZ??” ”I have no idea… but that is SOME SHIRT that guy is wearing”

“Swing round again… is that PENELOPE CRUZ??”
”I have no idea… but that is SOME SHIRT that guy is wearing”

“Neither of us are trying to look at it directly…. but it’s not like we don’t know it’s there”  I just want to know whether that shirt should be worn out in public. Shouldn’t it, like, be in a museum or something?

“Neither of us are trying to look at it directly…. but it’s not like we don’t know it’s there”
I just want to know whether that shirt should be worn out in public. Shouldn’t it, like, be in a museum or something?

“If I could ask you a question about anything other than the shirt my cameraman is wearing?” ”Any question on any other subject would be an insult to that shirt, and I won’t have it…”

“If I could ask you a question about anything other than the shirt my cameraman is wearing?”
”Any question on any other subject would be an insult to that shirt, and I won’t have it…”

Penelope Cruz and I share a moment that will echo through the ages, but I’d be lying to myself and everyone if I cropped THAT SHIRT out of the picture.

Penelope Cruz and I share a moment that will echo through the ages, but I’d be lying to myself and everyone if I cropped THAT SHIRT out of the picture.

Between you and me, I know that this website and these journals’ views don’t really justify the amount of time, effort and money I spend on hosting these images. In a hundred years, will anyone care to remember premieres from the opening decades of the 21st Century? Maybe not… but if war, or famine, or global warming or zombie apocalypse were to destroy this shirt and my photo of it one day assists in its reconstruction… it will all have been worth it.

Between you and me, I know that this website and these journals’ views don’t really justify the amount of time, effort and money I spend on hosting these images. In a hundred years, will anyone care to remember premieres from the opening decades of the 21st Century? Maybe not… but if war, or famine, or global warming or zombie apocalypse were to destroy this shirt and my photo of it one day assists in its reconstruction… it will all have been worth it.

…. but until that day, I’ll be happy with this photo.

…. but until that day, I’ll be happy with this photo.

So… that was that. A premiere photographed from a paying, semi-unsanctioned vantagepoint, and on 2 pints of beer. Was it worth it? (If your answer is “yes”, feel free to track me down and let me know… sometimes I forget).

Until next time!

And as usual, it’s +1 to the archive, and an invitation to follow me on Facebook, or on Twitter, or on future Social Media Platforms yet to be devised once they come online and I can be bothered to join them.

30 Jul 2019 - The 'Once Upon A Time In... Hollywood' Premiere

July 30th, 2019.

Among other things, this was the second premiere in two days AND the second in a row to feature an orange carpet… my wristband promised untold potential for misery, and forecasts of rain (both heavy and frequent) solidified the ominous nature of the event. And yet… i stayed. Obviously…. for Quentin’s 9th…. and also my 4th of Quentin’s 9.

Here’s how it went down:

Rather incredibly, my #132 wristband has gotten me a spot on the FRONT ROW. Yes, the view of the stage will be sketchy, and yes my view of the posing board will be blocked by attendants and all manner of security, and yes there appears to be no on-carpet interview at dropoff, and yes if it rains my view will consist mostly of umbrellas…. I’m sorry I forgot where my optimism went.

Rather incredibly, my #132 wristband has gotten me a spot on the FRONT ROW. Yes, the view of the stage will be sketchy, and yes my view of the posing board will be blocked by attendants and all manner of security, and yes there appears to be no on-carpet interview at dropoff, and yes if it rains my view will consist mostly of umbrellas…. I’m sorry I forgot where my optimism went.

“Check the horizon: it’s the stairs that are at an angle”  It’s London today…. but you know it’ll all be better after Brexit.

“Check the horizon: it’s the stairs that are at an angle”
It’s London today…. but you know it’ll all be better after Brexit.

“Of course I trained him to immediately approach Margot Robbie once she arrives, thus forcing me to apologise on his behalf, and thus strike up an inevitable yet improbable friendship”  And yet I can’t help notice that while the signs all around the premiere (and all the posters) put the triple dots (“…”) in the title after the word “in”, on imdb.com they’re after the word “time”. Lift your game, imdb.

“Of course I trained him to immediately approach Margot Robbie once she arrives, thus forcing me to apologise on his behalf, and thus strike up an inevitable yet improbable friendship”
And yet I can’t help notice that while the signs all around the premiere (and all the posters) put the triple dots (“…”) in the title after the word “in”, on imdb.com they’re after the word “time”. Lift your game, imdb.

“When I grab a coffee I make sure its    moccachino    / my fav’rite sides at Nandos are the ones that are the    Fino    / Given the choice of either I’d take Vegas over    Reno    / Listen up y’all it’s Number NINE from    TARANTINO   !! Oh, come on guys… just because it’s raining doesn’t mean you can’t be impressed…”  Your good friend and mine Hakeem Mr Impact and his deejay Wearz Da Tripple Dotz did warmup duties at the event.

“When I grab a coffee I make sure its moccachino / my fav’rite sides at Nandos are the ones that are the Fino / Given the choice of either I’d take Vegas over Reno / Listen up y’all it’s Number NINE from TARANTINO!! Oh, come on guys… just because it’s raining doesn’t mean you can’t be impressed…”
Your good friend and mine Hakeem Mr Impact and his deejay Wearz Da Tripple Dotz did warmup duties at the event.

“It swallowed somebody’s puppy earlier in the day, and I think that’ll keep it full til dinner so I wouldn’t worry about it…”  Lena Dunham is (was) the unusual combination of sometime Director / Writer / Creator /Star of TV Series ‘Girls’ which I was forced to watch two episodes of once. I lost a bet… or something. The feather boa wrapped around moved at times, but I assume it was the wind.

“It swallowed somebody’s puppy earlier in the day, and I think that’ll keep it full til dinner so I wouldn’t worry about it…” Lena Dunham is (was) the unusual combination of sometime Director / Writer / Creator /Star of TV Series ‘Girls’ which I was forced to watch two episodes of once. I lost a bet… or something. The feather boa wrapped around moved at times, but I assume it was the wind.

“It’s cutting off circulation…. it does that when it’s happy. I think”

“It’s cutting off circulation…. it does that when it’s happy. I think”

“If you have a chance, however small, of photographing Margot Robbie, you take it”.  I believe it was Sun Tzu who wrote that bit of advice, confusing many at the time as photography hadn’t been invented yet..

“If you have a chance, however small, of photographing Margot Robbie, you take it”.
I believe it was Sun Tzu who wrote that bit of advice, confusing many at the time as photography hadn’t been invented yet..

“Okay, my dress is made of garbage bag plastic and the plunging neckline can’t get much lower. What do I need to do next in order to get cast in a Tarantino film?”

“Okay, my dress is made of garbage bag plastic and the plunging neckline can’t get much lower. What do I need to do next in order to get cast in a Tarantino film?”

“But he's been in a Tarantino Movie!! Well, no you wouldn't have seen it - it's only just been released! And I'm with him!”  Damian Lewis is indeed in this movie - he plays Steve McQueen (the actor, not the director). His wife is actress Helen McCrory - not in this movie

“But he's been in a Tarantino Movie!! Well, no you wouldn't have seen it - it's only just been released! And I'm with him!”
Damian Lewis is indeed in this movie - he plays Steve McQueen (the actor, not the director). His wife is actress Helen McCrory - not in this movie

“I’m sorry.. that came out kind of snitty… I meant to say I’VE been in a JAMES BOND movie, and HE’S with ME”

“I’m sorry.. that came out kind of snitty… I meant to say I’VE been in a JAMES BOND movie, and HE’S with ME”

“You wanna meet Tarantino? I already have! He’s great! You get paid to be in his movies and everything! Well.. you kinda gotta pass an audition and stuff…. but still. Totally try to do that. You’ve still got one movie left”  - Costa Ronin, like Damian Lewis, was also in ‘Homeland’ across several series AND is in this movie.

“You wanna meet Tarantino? I already have! He’s great! You get paid to be in his movies and everything! Well.. you kinda gotta pass an audition and stuff…. but still. Totally try to do that. You’ve still got one movie left” - Costa Ronin, like Damian Lewis, was also in ‘Homeland’ across several series AND is in this movie.

“I’m going to accept this ticket gratefully as a gift.I may or may not repay the favour, though - true gifts are given without strings attached, and I feel like that is what this is”   In other news… (Australia’s Own) Margot Robbie has arrived, and is undergoing a complicated, view-obstructing session of grooming…

“I’m going to accept this ticket gratefully as a gift.I may or may not repay the favour, though - true gifts are given without strings attached, and I feel like that is what this is”

In other news… (Australia’s Own) Margot Robbie has arrived, and is undergoing a complicated, view-obstructing session of grooming…

“I love it.. don’t stop”

“I love it.. don’t stop”

“Switch hands… it’s better with your left…”

“Switch hands… it’s better with your left…”

“I could also go for a flat white…”

“I could also go for a flat white…”

“They’re making it Pomegranite flavour now?”

“They’re making it Pomegranite flavour now?”

Margot Robbie’s hair feels the effect of that grooming. It’s pretty sensational. It would require multiple recurring solar eclipses and numerous improbable prophecies to be fulfilled for my hair to do that.

Margot Robbie’s hair feels the effect of that grooming. It’s pretty sensational. It would require multiple recurring solar eclipses and numerous improbable prophecies to be fulfilled for my hair to do that.

“Y’all liked ‘Seven Years in Tibet’ THAT much, huh?”  It’s Brad Pitt! I’ve only previously photographed him at    the premieres of ‘Allied’    and (from a great distance with a wide-angle lens) at    ‘World War Z’.

“Y’all liked ‘Seven Years in Tibet’ THAT much, huh?”
It’s Brad Pitt! I’ve only previously photographed him at the premieres of ‘Allied’ and (from a great distance with a wide-angle lens) at ‘World War Z’.

If it ever comes in handy at a pub quiz or something, Brad Pitt has actually won an OSCAR - not for acting, but for producing (he was a producer on ‘12 Years A Slave’) (you’re welcome!)

If it ever comes in handy at a pub quiz or something, Brad Pitt has actually won an OSCAR - not for acting, but for producing (he was a producer on ‘12 Years A Slave’) (you’re welcome!)

OMG It’s Leonardo DiCaprio!!! (those exclamation marks are best accompanied by the tears of screaming teenage…. perhaps now twenty-something… potentially now even thirty- or forty-something… or even your aunt or grandma’s age, female fans)

OMG It’s Leonardo DiCaprio!!! (those exclamation marks are best accompanied by the tears of screaming teenage…. perhaps now twenty-something… potentially now even thirty- or forty-something… or even your aunt or grandma’s age, female fans)

“All right, which one of you guys once said that eating raw meat for a role isn’t acting because when you’re actually eating it you are by definition not acting like you’re eating it??”  Might’ve been me. I’m a stickler for technicalities, though I’m not in a position to ask or lobby for the Oscar to be returned.

“All right, which one of you guys once said that eating raw meat for a role isn’t acting because when you’re actually eating it you are by definition not acting like you’re eating it??” Might’ve been me. I’m a stickler for technicalities, though I’m not in a position to ask or lobby for the Oscar to be returned.

Me  : “You see - if you’re eating a jellybean and you can make me believe it’s bison liver, THAT’S acting!”  Everyone around me  : “He’s not with us - please sign for us!”

Me : “You see - if you’re eating a jellybean and you can make me believe it’s bison liver, THAT’S acting!”
Everyone around me : “He’s not with us - please sign for us!”

“I just signed for a whole row of people and not one of them noticed I signed as George Clooney. THAT’S confidence. THAT’S acting”  - can’t disagree. Clooney’s a great actor.

“I just signed for a whole row of people and not one of them noticed I signed as George Clooney. THAT’S confidence. THAT’S acting” - can’t disagree. Clooney’s a great actor.

“You’re all so polite…..if none of you has the courage to scream at me to motherf—king stand over by the motherf—king posing board, there’s every chance I’m not going to take you seriously”  it’s writer/director Quentin Tarantino!! - I’ve previously photographed him at the premieres of    ‘Inglourious Basterds’   ,    ‘Django Unchained   ’ and    ‘The H8teful Eight’    (and i have a signed framed photo of him that I took hanging on my wall)

“You’re all so polite…..if none of you has the courage to scream at me to motherf—king stand over by the motherf—king posing board, there’s every chance I’m not going to take you seriously”
it’s writer/director Quentin Tarantino!! - I’ve previously photographed him at the premieres of ‘Inglourious Basterds’, ‘Django Unchained’ and ‘The H8teful Eight’ (and i have a signed framed photo of him that I took hanging on my wall)

“I’ve never heard of     “Once Upon A Time In London”,     but I’m sure my lawyers would love to know more”  That premiere was considerably … stranger than this one.

“I’ve never heard of “Once Upon A Time In London”, but I’m sure my lawyers would love to know more”
That premiere was considerably … stranger than this one.

“The longer this hug lasts, the longer I can avoid going over there and signing stuff and posing for selfies. And yes sure, admitting this makes this moment less romantic.. but it doesn’t mean I don’t need you any less right now”

“The longer this hug lasts, the longer I can avoid going over there and signing stuff and posing for selfies. And yes sure, admitting this makes this moment less romantic.. but it doesn’t mean I don’t need you any less right now”

“Okay, I’ve seen it and I’m appalled, and once I recover from the shock I’ll never be the same. Now let’s never refer to it again”  In good news for people standing in front rows at premieres who are interested in losing centimetres off their waist for summer : three rows of people behind are about to push forward in desperation.

“Okay, I’ve seen it and I’m appalled, and once I recover from the shock I’ll never be the same. Now let’s never refer to it again”
In good news for people standing in front rows at premieres who are interested in losing centimetres off their waist for summer : three rows of people behind are about to push forward in desperation.

“Yeah, I saw it too. I’ll probably have to burn these glasses. Now let’s never refer to it again”  Good news for people in the front row of a premiere who think ribs are mainly superfluous : Brad Pitt has come over to sign autographs!  In other news… Margot Robbie is getting some makeup reapplied.

“Yeah, I saw it too. I’ll probably have to burn these glasses. Now let’s never refer to it again”
Good news for people in the front row of a premiere who think ribs are mainly superfluous : Brad Pitt has come over to sign autographs!

In other news… Margot Robbie is getting some makeup reapplied.

“Is there room for a Malteser while you’re at it?”

“Is there room for a Malteser while you’re at it?”

“Is it at least spelled correctly?”

“Is it at least spelled correctly?”

“If I find that’s some kind of gang-sign tag…”

“If I find that’s some kind of gang-sign tag…”

“Skin pores are totally natural, people…”

“Skin pores are totally natural, people…”

“Suitably beautified, my aides have informed me I can once again face my fans. Their words, not mine!”  In the crush, my Theta was the only camera I was able to reach.

“Suitably beautified, my aides have informed me I can once again face my fans. Their words, not mine!”
In the crush, my Theta was the only camera I was able to reach.

“Could you just read from this script I’ve written, whichonly appears by coincidence to imply that you endorse my online business, and vouch to my foreign investors that my business plan is sound?” ”Erm….” ”But I’ve heard you’re a great actress…. and Leonardo said ‘no’” ”Well, in that case…”

“Could you just read from this script I’ve written, whichonly appears by coincidence to imply that you endorse my online business, and vouch to my foreign investors that my business plan is sound?”
”Erm….”
”But I’ve heard you’re a great actress…. and Leonardo said ‘no’”
”Well, in that case…”

“Yeah, okay. You can totally text your boyfriend to tell him I said that…. ”  I’ve previously photographed Margot Robbie at premieres such as    ‘Focus’    with Will Smith,    ‘The Legend of Tarzan’   , and the hard-to-remember / hard-to-forget    ‘Suicide Squad’   .

“Yeah, okay. You can totally text your boyfriend to tell him I said that…. ”
I’ve previously photographed Margot Robbie at premieres such as ‘Focus’ with Will Smith, ‘The Legend of Tarzan’, and the hard-to-remember / hard-to-forget ‘Suicide Squad’.

“But you didn’t sign EVERYTHING!!”

“But you didn’t sign EVERYTHING!!”

My view of the stage in the far distance is limited from where I stand….. and shooting high-and-blind with live-view switched on doesn’t seem to bring out the best in the Nikon. However… it’s better than nothing.

My view of the stage in the far distance is limited from where I stand….. and shooting high-and-blind with live-view switched on doesn’t seem to bring out the best in the Nikon. However… it’s better than nothing.

“So…. and I’m struggling to ask a question that’s truly unique but I think I should go with my first instinct : which one of you would win in an arm wrestle?” ”Margot” ”Margot” ”I’m Margot… and I’m going to say… also Margot”

“So…. and I’m struggling to ask a question that’s truly unique but I think I should go with my first instinct : which one of you would win in an arm wrestle?”
”Margot”
”Margot”
”I’m Margot… and I’m going to say… also Margot”

Australian Flag and Margot Robbie. Because I care…. enough to notice, not carry a flag along with the two-plus-three cameras I already have with me.

Australian Flag and Margot Robbie. Because I care…. enough to notice, not carry a flag along with the two-plus-three cameras I already have with me.

“Check out that guy’s website. You might as well say I told you, since I can’t stop him typing it”  In my (partial/legal) defence, I’m currently drinking something strange, alcoholic, and Icelandic.

“Check out that guy’s website. You might as well say I told you, since I can’t stop him typing it”
In my (partial/legal) defence, I’m currently drinking something strange, alcoholic, and Icelandic.

So… that was that. Given the intermittent rain, the large crowds, the profusion of security / attendants / guests and gawkers on the carpet, and the limited opportunities… I think it was worth it, overall. And just for once it’s a movie I’m actually looking forward to watching - not just as part of my ‘close the circle’ commitment to eventually watch every movie I’ve been to the premiere of, that’s located in my Archive of Premieres here.

Until next time!

ps. if you ever want to know when I post one of these journals, feel free to follow me on facebook at premieresdotco, or twitter at berndt2_photo, or instagram at…. erm…. i totally forget.

36 hours and after trawling / culling my way through the 4000(ish) photos I took on the night…. I found a shot with Margot Robbie looking at me from over 50 metres away!

36 hours and after trawling / culling my way through the 4000(ish) photos I took on the night…. I found a shot with Margot Robbie looking at me from over 50 metres away!

29 Jul 2019 - The 'Blinded by the Light' Premiere

July 29th, 2019.

It was just late last week that Curzon Mayfair (the unheralded “Home of Premieres” in London, if numbers count more than just saying it) hosted the ‘Fast & Furious Presents : Hobbs & Shaw’ premiere (previously advertised as a ‘Screening’), and today its ‘Gala’ for ‘Blinded by the Light’ was upgraded to full ‘premiere’ status too. Tomorrow will / should be different - it’s Leicester Square for QT’s Ninth, and Latest.

But for now we’re at Curzon, and here’s how it went down:

In my opinion, eight of the sweetest letters in the English language. Or five, from a certain point of view.

In my opinion, eight of the sweetest letters in the English language.
Or five, from a certain point of view.

“I don’t know why they keep printing out lists at premieres. Aren’t we getting to the point where it’d just be cheaper and more environmentally friendly to just hand out iPads?”

“I don’t know why they keep printing out lists at premieres. Aren’t we getting to the point where it’d just be cheaper and more environmentally friendly to just hand out iPads?”

“What do you mean ‘Leo isn’t coming’? Why not? And don’t tell me it’s because he’s not in the movie - because the question would be why ISN’T he in this movie? — didn’t they ask him? And if they didn’t and he auditioned… well, how would LEO fail an audition??”

“What do you mean ‘Leo isn’t coming’? Why not? And don’t tell me it’s because he’s not in the movie - because the question would be why ISN’T he in this movie? — didn’t they ask him? And if they didn’t and he auditioned… well, how would LEO fail an audition??”

One very exciting (?) element of Curzon Mayfair premieres is that when they fail to shut down the road, you have the opportunity (?) of shooting through and around cars, vans, taxis and even the odd truck. But only once the premiere starts… before that it’s usually easy enough.

One very exciting (?) element of Curzon Mayfair premieres is that when they fail to shut down the road, you have the opportunity (?) of shooting through and around cars, vans, taxis and even the odd truck. But only once the premiere starts… before that it’s usually easy enough.

Oh, look. The premiere appears to be starting.

Oh, look. The premiere appears to be starting.

“Am I pissed off because that woman’s hair is even more blonde than mine? No. Well, Yes. But not only that.”  I don’t (yet) know who this is. (Edited to add : Nell Williams, who is in this movie)

“Am I pissed off because that woman’s hair is even more blonde than mine? No. Well, Yes. But not only that.” I don’t (yet) know who this is. (Edited to add : Nell Williams, who is in this movie)

“It’s much more fun in the non-blonde section…”  It’s even cooler where there’s little or no hair. Just saying.

“It’s much more fun in the non-blonde section…”
It’s even cooler where there’s little or no hair. Just saying.

“What do you mean you didn’t bring the hat that matches my suit jacket? it’s the ONLY one that does!”  I believe this is Frankie Fox, who according to imdb is currently best known for playing the role of “Dazza” in something called “Grandpa’s Great Escape”.

“What do you mean you didn’t bring the hat that matches my suit jacket? it’s the ONLY one that does!”
I believe this is Frankie Fox, who according to imdb is currently best known for playing the role of “Dazza” in something called “Grandpa’s Great Escape”.

“Nice car. How much does one of those cost? Oh, nothing. I just want to know if you’re in a position to be sued if you run over me in that car…”

“Nice car. How much does one of those cost? Oh, nothing. I just want to know if you’re in a position to be sued if you run over me in that car…”

Through-two-side-windows photography.  Because I can.

Through-two-side-windows photography. Because I can.

“Hey, Babes…. have you got that thing I can use to cut off another one of my shirt buttons? YES IT’S AN EMERGENCY!” -  identification of attendee (and name of that thing you can use to cut off another one of his shirt button) pending. (Edited to add : Aaron Phagura - who is in this movie)

“Hey, Babes…. have you got that thing I can use to cut off another one of my shirt buttons? YES IT’S AN EMERGENCY!” - identification of attendee (and name of that thing you can use to cut off another one of his shirt button) pending. (Edited to add : Aaron Phagura - who is in this movie)

“And now you know why I insisted on this red carpet being orange”  - Gurinder Chadha is the director of this movie - as well as movies such as ‘Bend it Like Beckham’ and    ‘Viceroy’s House’.

“And now you know why I insisted on this red carpet being orange” - Gurinder Chadha is the director of this movie - as well as movies such as ‘Bend it Like Beckham’ and ‘Viceroy’s House’.

“Okay, I’ll cross - but if I’m hit by any car it had better be a Mercedes or Higher.” . BMW or higher is my personal threshold, but this IS Mayfair, London. And Gurinder Chadha crosses the road to sign autographs (the only attendee brave enough to do so!)

“Okay, I’ll cross - but if I’m hit by any car it had better be a Mercedes or Higher.”.
BMW or higher is my personal threshold, but this IS Mayfair, London. And Gurinder Chadha crosses the road to sign autographs (the only attendee brave enough to do so!)

“Wait, guys… I’ll pose in a second, but first I need to find out why Babes is upset with me" ”Could it have something to do with you continuing to call me “Babes” after I’ve told you to stop?” ”That seems unlikely…”

“Wait, guys… I’ll pose in a second, but first I need to find out why Babes is upset with me"
”Could it have something to do with you continuing to call me “Babes” after I’ve told you to stop?”
”That seems unlikely…”

“This is going to come out wrong, but I’m going to ask it anyway : do you mind if I use your dress as a cape? I forgot mine in the back of the limo…”  Vivek Kalra (if this be he) is the male lead in this film.

“This is going to come out wrong, but I’m going to ask it anyway : do you mind if I use your dress as a cape? I forgot mine in the back of the limo…”
Vivek Kalra (if this be he) is the male lead in this film.

“Of course I was talking to you and not the DIRECTOR - can’t you see that red totally wouldn’t work with this ensemble?”

“Of course I was talking to you and not the DIRECTOR - can’t you see that red totally wouldn’t work with this ensemble?”

“Sigh. Some days you just can’t get a cape….”

“Sigh. Some days you just can’t get a cape….”

“The pattern on this top is trademarked, so I’d prefer if you don’t photograph it. My midriff is still having its paperwork finalised, so you’re probably safe with that.”  Always prepare for fame, is my advice (copyright : me). (Also : don’t piss off Disney (copyright : me)) (edited to add : Heida Reed, not in this movie, but apparently in something called  ‘Poldark’ )

“The pattern on this top is trademarked, so I’d prefer if you don’t photograph it. My midriff is still having its paperwork finalised, so you’re probably safe with that.”
Always prepare for fame, is my advice (copyright : me). (Also : don’t piss off Disney (copyright : me)) (edited to add : Heida Reed, not in this movie, but apparently in something called ‘Poldark’)

“The quality is good, but I’d prefer my portrait in landscape format like that other guy is doing.”  I believe this is Meera Ganatra, who is in this film. (And in related news, I wish Wireimage.com would load photos from this premiere so I can ID attendees and not look like I have no idea what I’m doing)

“The quality is good, but I’d prefer my portrait in landscape format like that other guy is doing.”
I believe this is Meera Ganatra, who is in this film. (And in related news, I wish Wireimage.com would load photos from this premiere so I can ID attendees and not look like I have no idea what I’m doing)

“Dutch Tilt portrait photography? That reeks of desperation, in my view”

“Dutch Tilt portrait photography? That reeks of desperation, in my view”

“People keep hugging each other and I have no idea if they even know each other! What do I do??”

“People keep hugging each other and I have no idea if they even know each other! What do I do??”

People keep hugging each other. Once that might have made me slightly uncomfortable, but that was before I found out about    “The Hug Song”    by Splash’N Boots.. Now I feel like I should have photographed more people hugging… (edited to add : Man On Right is Kulvinder Ghir, who is in this movie)

People keep hugging each other. Once that might have made me slightly uncomfortable, but that was before I found out about “The Hug Song” by Splash’N Boots.. Now I feel like I should have photographed more people hugging…
(edited to add : Man On Right is Kulvinder Ghir, who is in this movie)

“Kinda feel like I need a hug right now…”  Sorry Lady, but I’m not crossing the road at a Curzon Mayfair premiere. Not on the day before a Quentin Tarantino premiere, at any rate.

“Kinda feel like I need a hug right now…”
Sorry Lady, but I’m not crossing the road at a Curzon Mayfair premiere. Not on the day before a Quentin Tarantino premiere, at any rate.

“Yes, I’m in this movie, but I don’t have a ticket. But somebody told me that this was the password to get in"  My personal go-to is “Jaruut Sent Me.” I live in hope. (edited to add : the lady on the left is Krupa Pattani, 106 episodes of Hollyoakes, but not in this movie)

“Yes, I’m in this movie, but I don’t have a ticket. But somebody told me that this was the password to get in" My personal go-to is “Jaruut Sent Me.” I live in hope. (edited to add : the lady on the left is Krupa Pattani, 106 episodes of Hollyoakes, but not in this movie)

“I’m sure if I were to look behind me, the placement of that guy on the poster would be just about perfect”  Possibly. Also : Possibly in this movie. (Edited to add : Amanda Clapham, not in this movie but apparently in 383 episodes of ‘Hollyoakes’)

“I’m sure if I were to look behind me, the placement of that guy on the poster would be just about perfect”
Possibly. Also : Possibly in this movie. (Edited to add : Amanda Clapham, not in this movie but apparently in 383 episodes of ‘Hollyoakes’)

“The better camera is typically on the other side, but don’t let that stop you….”  possibly Sonali Shah.

“The better camera is typically on the other side, but don’t let that stop you….”
possibly Sonali Shah.

“If you wanna go with the Dutch Tilt and that’s your first instinct, I say go with it. And absolutely do it if you can work that guy’s hat into the background…”

“If you wanna go with the Dutch Tilt and that’s your first instinct, I say go with it. And absolutely do it if you can work that guy’s hat into the background…”

“Security Man says he’s looking after that vital letter “N” on the wall, but that guy over there says he might help you track down the Starfleet communicator somebody callously ripped off your shirt” ”I have no idea what you’re talking about”  (Edited to add : Archie Panjabi : not in this movie)

“Security Man says he’s looking after that vital letter “N” on the wall, but that guy over there says he might help you track down the Starfleet communicator somebody callously ripped off your shirt”
”I have no idea what you’re talking about”
(Edited to add : Archie Panjabi : not in this movie)

<identification pending> <location of Starfleet communicator pending> (edited to add : Archie Panjabi, who has been in such movies as ‘San Andreas’ and ‘A Good Year’ and TV Series The Good Wife)

<identification pending>
<location of Starfleet communicator pending>
(edited to add : Archie Panjabi, who has been in such movies as ‘San Andreas’ and ‘A Good Year’ and TV Series The Good Wife)

“I’ve tried holding it down but the dress just refuses to co-operate. Fortunately my boyfriend’s shirt will distract most of you…. right? RIGHT?”  The main reason I recognise Victoria Clay is because I photographed her at the    ‘Welcome to Curiosity’ premiere    last year.

“I’ve tried holding it down but the dress just refuses to co-operate. Fortunately my boyfriend’s shirt will distract most of you…. right? RIGHT?” The main reason I recognise Victoria Clay is because I photographed her at the ‘Welcome to Curiosity’ premiere last year.

“Leo’s DEFINITELY not coming? Well… that’s a pity, of course…”

“Leo’s DEFINITELY not coming? Well… that’s a pity, of course…”

So, that was that. A bit light on detail and identification of attendees at time of uploading but I’ll make sure to discreetly smuggle in corrective narrative at a later time in a way that’s hopefully mostly invisible.

Until next time (hopefully tomorrow!), it’s +1 for the Archive of premieres, and a traditional invitation to follow me on facebook at premieresdotco, or twitter at berndt2_photo. if you aren’t already. But why not recommend me to friends? or confuse your enemies? The motivation is unimportant.