9 May 2019 - The 'Aladdin' European Gala

May 9th, 2019.

After Tuesday’s horror event in Chelsea that I’m still not removing the profanity from the Journal of, it was nice to have an actual event in Leicester Square for once - even if a wristband #49 wasn’t enough to get a front row spot and it rained.

Here’s how it went down:

Oh, look. Disney’s done itself another live-action adaptation of one of its cartoons.    “Dumbo”    is/was another, as were    “Beauty & The Beast”      ,      “Cinderella”     , “     Alice in Wonderland     ”   - with The Lion King, Mulan and… I don’t know… Basil The Great Mouse Detective still on the cards.

Oh, look. Disney’s done itself another live-action adaptation of one of its cartoons. “Dumbo” is/was another, as were “Beauty & The Beast” , “Cinderella”, “Alice in Wonderland- with The Lion King, Mulan and… I don’t know… Basil The Great Mouse Detective still on the cards.

That said : I’m always up for a premiere / gala.. and that carpet looks ace. I just hope they put a deliberate flaw into that carpet so as   not to offend or show hubris  . That could really come back to haunt a multibillion dollar entertainment conglomerate. (My deliberate flaw in this journal is in the next comment…)

That said : I’m always up for a premiere / gala.. and that carpet looks ace. I just hope they put a deliberate flaw into that carpet so as not to offend or show hubris. That could really come back to haunt a multibillion dollar entertainment conglomerate. (My deliberate flaw in this journal is in the next comment…)

“Yes, officer… there is a reason I brought this with me, but in order to maintain the cleverness of what I’m doing, I can’t tell you why. You, your sniffer dogs, and your officious rules, are just going to have to trust me. Also, this jacket isn’t made of an endangered specie.”

“Yes, officer… there is a reason I brought this with me, but in order to maintain the cleverness of what I’m doing, I can’t tell you why. You, your sniffer dogs, and your officious rules, are just going to have to trust me. Also, this jacket isn’t made of an endangered specie.”

“I’m not sure what setting I’ve got this thing on, but I seem to be able to look into the future!” ”Yeah…. and what are you seeing?” ”Disney, Marvel and Star Wars movies everywhere…..”

“I’m not sure what setting I’ve got this thing on, but I seem to be able to look into the future!”
”Yeah…. and what are you seeing?”
”Disney, Marvel and Star Wars movies everywhere…..”

“This is the precise look of disdain I’m going for…. nobody had better try to cheer me up… or I suppose make me feel any worse, either”

“This is the precise look of disdain I’m going for…. nobody had better try to cheer me up… or I suppose make me feel any worse, either”

“ He’s trained very hard to be a Paladdin / He never plays the Lute but he kicks it on Theramin / He has his own website and he is the sole Admin / And if he knocks on your door you’d better let A Lad In…” … your move, ma’am. Or your five year old daughter’s”  - good news everyone : Hakeem Mr Impact and his tame DJ LyveAckShonAdaptaShon are here to warm up the crowd with the finest in musically and culturally appropriate… erm……. RnB and HipHop.

“ He’s trained very hard to be a Paladdin / He never plays the Lute but he kicks it on Theramin / He has his own website and he is the sole Admin / And if he knocks on your door you’d better let A Lad In…” … your move, ma’am. Or your five year old daughter’s” - good news everyone : Hakeem Mr Impact and his tame DJ LyveAckShonAdaptaShon are here to warm up the crowd with the finest in musically and culturally appropriate… erm……. RnB and HipHop.

Good news everyone : it’s started, Will Smith has arrived, and my spot in the second row appears to be simply delightful for the quality photography you’ve come to expect from this site.

Good news everyone : it’s started, Will Smith has arrived, and my spot in the second row appears to be simply delightful for the quality photography you’ve come to expect from this site.

“Oh, I see. You’re doing a thing with that lamp…. no, don’t tell me. Let me guess… something to do with electricity?”  - Will Smiths’ career is such that even his fifth most successful film endeavour alone is more than you or I will probably accomplish in our lives. Not even Bad Boys, Independence Day, or the two movies he got Oscar nominated for, are in this top 4 imdb entries.

“Oh, I see. You’re doing a thing with that lamp…. no, don’t tell me. Let me guess… something to do with electricity?” - Will Smiths’ career is such that even his fifth most successful film endeavour alone is more than you or I will probably accomplish in our lives. Not even Bad Boys, Independence Day, or the two movies he got Oscar nominated for, are in this top 4 imdb entries.

“Yeah… I can probably sign that. I’m also a Justice of the Peace**”  - I’ve photographed Will Smith at premieres as diverse as    Hancock   ,    Men In Black 3   ,    Seven Pounds    ,    Focus    and    Suicide Squad   .  ** unverified.

“Yeah… I can probably sign that. I’m also a Justice of the Peace**” - I’ve photographed Will Smith at premieres as diverse as Hancock, Men In Black 3, Seven Pounds , Focus and Suicide Squad.

** unverified.

The only man at this event that would make me put down any of the 2-4 cameras I have on me to get an autograph sadly did not stop to sign in our area…. it’s composer Alan Menken!

The only man at this event that would make me put down any of the 2-4 cameras I have on me to get an autograph sadly did not stop to sign in our area…. it’s composer Alan Menken!

“There’s still two more of mine they haven’t made into live action adaptations… and I’m not averse to that at all….”  (Alan Menken has won not one but EIGHT Oscars - Best Song + Best Score for ‘Pocahontas’ (1996); Best Song + Best Score for ‘Aladdin’ (1993); Best Song + Best Score for ‘Beauty & The Beast’ (1992); and Best Song + Best Score for ‘The Little Mermaid’. (1990) )

“There’s still two more of mine they haven’t made into live action adaptations… and I’m not averse to that at all….”
(Alan Menken has won not one but EIGHT Oscars - Best Song + Best Score for ‘Pocahontas’ (1996); Best Song + Best Score for ‘Aladdin’ (1993); Best Song + Best Score for ‘Beauty & The Beast’ (1992); and Best Song + Best Score for ‘The Little Mermaid’. (1990) )

“Those guys over there - they’re going to say they’re big fans of yours, and the truth is they’re not. But it would be improper to call them on it, so that leaves you in a bit of an impasse, strategically speaking. I don’t know what to tell you… Game Theory is more my forte, and not being a personal assistant”  - Mena Massoud plays Aladdin in this movie.

“Those guys over there - they’re going to say they’re big fans of yours, and the truth is they’re not. But it would be improper to call them on it, so that leaves you in a bit of an impasse, strategically speaking. I don’t know what to tell you… Game Theory is more my forte, and not being a personal assistant”
- Mena Massoud plays Aladdin in this movie.

“Those women behind me are looking at me all funny, so I feel like I might have to choose my next words very carefully. What was your question again?”  - Mena Massoud is best known for being in “Tom Clancy’s Jack Ryan” TV Series, apparently.

“Those women behind me are looking at me all funny, so I feel like I might have to choose my next words very carefully. What was your question again?” - Mena Massoud is best known for being in “Tom Clancy’s Jack Ryan” TV Series, apparently.

“I don’t know, I don’t really like signing my name “Willard”…..but if I have to…”

“I don’t know, I don’t really like signing my name “Willard”…..but if I have to…”

“I think Will Smith remembers me!!! He looked at me and said “hey”!!!”  Naomi Scott plays Princess Jasmine in the film, and my only concern at learning she plays a stronger female character in this iteration is that I fear by making their female characters too empowered too quickly, Disney risks losing the opportunity to make their female characters incrementally more empowered in EVERY future ‘re’, ‘re-re’, and ‘re(re)-re’ adaptation of their classic tales. You don’t want to peak too soon… otherwise you’re heading into gender-swap territory far too early.

“I think Will Smith remembers me!!! He looked at me and said “hey”!!!”
Naomi Scott plays Princess Jasmine in the film, and my only concern at learning she plays a stronger female character in this iteration is that I fear by making their female characters too empowered too quickly, Disney risks losing the opportunity to make their female characters incrementally more empowered in EVERY future ‘re’, ‘re-re’, and ‘re(re)-re’ adaptation of their classic tales. You don’t want to peak too soon… otherwise you’re heading into gender-swap territory far too early.

“Nobody would have read that last comment. But I did.”  I’ve moved on, and now I’m wondering just exactly how tall that guy on the right is.

“Nobody would have read that last comment. But I did.”
I’ve moved on, and now I’m wondering just exactly how tall that guy on the right is.

“Is that a script treatment for a sequel that also sets up an Aladdin franchise, a Disney Princesses Live-Action franchise AND ties into the Marvel Cinematic Universe? I NEED THAT!!!”  - Naomi Scott was the Pink Power Ranger in 2017s super-hip, super-edgy and borderline unwatchable Power Rangers movie. Not her fault, though…

“Is that a script treatment for a sequel that also sets up an Aladdin franchise, a Disney Princesses Live-Action franchise AND ties into the Marvel Cinematic Universe? I NEED THAT!!!” - Naomi Scott was the Pink Power Ranger in 2017s super-hip, super-edgy and borderline unwatchable Power Rangers movie. Not her fault, though…

“You can come back for a second autograph at a later date, you know… I don’t mind”  Will Smith returns to sign yet more autographs. I got a photo of him that I took at ‘7 Pounds’ signed at ‘Men in Black 3’ if memory serves ….

“You can come back for a second autograph at a later date, you know… I don’t mind”
Will Smith returns to sign yet more autographs. I got a photo of him that I took at ‘7 Pounds’ signed at ‘Men in Black 3’ if memory serves ….

“And now, Mr Smith if you could just offer her a role in an upcoming movie to go with the autograph and selfie, I think she’ll truly finally be happy with how her day has gone…”

“And now, Mr Smith if you could just offer her a role in an upcoming movie to go with the autograph and selfie, I think she’ll truly finally be happy with how her day has gone…”

Will Smith might now be writing a foreword to the young girl’s autobiography or an introduction to her theories on curved space.. I can’t tell from where I’m standing. But he’s certainly very nice.

Will Smith might now be writing a foreword to the young girl’s autobiography or an introduction to her theories on curved space.. I can’t tell from where I’m standing. But he’s certainly very nice.

“Well…. let’s not count our franchises before they’re hatched, but yes I am aware that the animated Aladdin had several straight-to-video sequels….”  - Guy Ritchie directed this movie, as well as (among the movies whose premieres I’ve attended)    RockNRolla   ,    Sherlock Holmes    and    King Arthur : Legend of the Sword   .

“Well…. let’s not count our franchises before they’re hatched, but yes I am aware that the animated Aladdin had several straight-to-video sequels….” - Guy Ritchie directed this movie, as well as (among the movies whose premieres I’ve attended) RockNRolla, Sherlock Holmes and King Arthur : Legend of the Sword.

“ “Lock, Stock,and THREE Smoking Barrels”?? - I love it. Send me a script and we’ll talk. Not you and me talk… but me and some people… who are not you.”

“ “Lock, Stock,and THREE Smoking Barrels”?? - I love it. Send me a script and we’ll talk. Not you and me talk… but me and some people… who are not you.”

“What on earth is a ‘Funko Pop’ and why have I never heard of one prior to today??”

“What on earth is a ‘Funko Pop’ and why have I never heard of one prior to today??”

“If I paused right here and told you that you’re beautiful… would that be romantic? I’m just asking because there’s this other girl I’ve seen further down the row…… oh, right. I’ve just probably broken your heart right now. Sorry.”

“If I paused right here and told you that you’re beautiful… would that be romantic? I’m just asking because there’s this other girl I’ve seen further down the row…… oh, right. I’ve just probably broken your heart right now. Sorry.”

‘The precise shaver setting you’d need to get your stubble looking like this? I’m not sure I’m allowed by my stylist to tell you that…. erm…. ma’am"‘

‘The precise shaver setting you’d need to get your stubble looking like this? I’m not sure I’m allowed by my stylist to tell you that…. erm…. ma’am"‘

“What’s it like getting to hang out Will Smith? Well… he and I are more or less the same size, so I get to borrow his clothes. He’s pretty stylish..….”

“What’s it like getting to hang out Will Smith? Well… he and I are more or less the same size, so I get to borrow his clothes. He’s pretty stylish..….”

“Yes, yes… I’ll be right down momentarily to sign more autographs, pose for selfies, and pen some wee testimonials as to the safety of your dinosaur park… whatever y’all want”

“Yes, yes… I’ll be right down momentarily to sign more autographs, pose for selfies, and pen some wee testimonials as to the safety of your dinosaur park… whatever y’all want”

“That man never stops working… how do we make him stop? He’s making us all look bad…”

“That man never stops working… how do we make him stop? He’s making us all look bad…”

“You need to check out that guy’s website - it’s amazing!! No, not the premieres one, but the one about Cloud Price Modelling that’s probably lapsed by now. That rocked!!!”.  Yeah… I let that lapse. Contact me directly, if you’re interested.

“You need to check out that guy’s website - it’s amazing!! No, not the premieres one, but the one about Cloud Price Modelling that’s probably lapsed by now. That rocked!!!”.
Yeah… I let that lapse. Contact me directly, if you’re interested.

“I’m just saying…. there’s more to cloud computing price modelling than just checking up websites for pricing. I’m sorry…. it’s my passion, and I’m not letting it change who I am.”

“I’m just saying…. there’s more to cloud computing price modelling than just checking up websites for pricing. I’m sorry…. it’s my passion, and I’m not letting it change who I am.”

“She does know it’s not a living monkey, right? I just want to make sure…”

“She does know it’s not a living monkey, right? I just want to make sure…”

“What’s it like hanging out with Will Smith? Well, we’re more or less the same clothes size, so ….”

“What’s it like hanging out with Will Smith? Well, we’re more or less the same clothes size, so ….”

“No, it’s perfectly acceptable to like DC movies as much as the Marvel Cinematic Universe. Of course, this being a Disney film and with Disney owning Marvel, what it really means is I should probably just let this sentence trail off and hope too many people are still clamouring for selfies with Will Smith… and oh, look - there’s Mena Massoud everybody : ask him for his autograph!!”

“No, it’s perfectly acceptable to like DC movies as much as the Marvel Cinematic Universe. Of course, this being a Disney film and with Disney owning Marvel, what it really means is I should probably just let this sentence trail off and hope too many people are still clamouring for selfies with Will Smith… and oh, look - there’s Mena Massoud everybody : ask him for his autograph!!”

A late(ish) but emphatic arrival : Marwan Kenzari plays the villainous Jafar in this film, and while I’d love to report that he snarled at kids, threatened adults and accumulated market dominance among entertainment companies that antitrust regulators in the US should really have had a look at and quite frankly, stopped…. he seemed pretty charming.

A late(ish) but emphatic arrival : Marwan Kenzari plays the villainous Jafar in this film, and while I’d love to report that he snarled at kids, threatened adults and accumulated market dominance among entertainment companies that antitrust regulators in the US should really have had a look at and quite frankly, stopped…. he seemed pretty charming.

“That small hand appearing to grow out of my shoulder actually belongs to the lady behind me, but good on you for noticing and letting me know”  - Marwan Kenzari has been in such movies as the 2017 film “What Happened To Monday?” (which I think I might have been the only person to watch), the 2016 Ben Hur remake (which I think I might be the only person to remember), and the Murder on the Orient Express remake (from which I don’t remember him).

“That small hand appearing to grow out of my shoulder actually belongs to the lady behind me, but good on you for noticing and letting me know” - Marwan Kenzari has been in such movies as the 2017 film “What Happened To Monday?” (which I think I might have been the only person to watch), the 2016 Ben Hur remake (which I think I might be the only person to remember), and the Murder on the Orient Express remake (from which I don’t remember him).

“Well… we certainly want you to watch our movie, of course. But it’s also Mother’s Day coming up in places like Australia this weekend - would it kill you to call your Mom and tell her you love her??”

“Well… we certainly want you to watch our movie, of course. But it’s also Mother’s Day coming up in places like Australia this weekend - would it kill you to call your Mom and tell her you love her??”

So that was that… a somewhat tough but ultimately enjoyable enough event, and I only got mildly waterlogged in the process - and for a Disney event that’s a pretty glowing recommendation from me, even if all events are fundamentally just another +1 for the Archive of Premieres.

Until next time!

PS. If you ever want to know when I post one of these journals (and… why wouldn’t you?) feel free to follow me on facebook at premieresdotco, or twitter at berndt2_photo.

29 Apr 2019 - The 'Tolkien' UK Premiere

April 29th, 2019.

For the third time in less than a week, the Curzon Mayfair in London got one over on Leicester Square, the self-proclaimed ‘Home of Premieres’, holding the premiere of the biopic for everyone’s favourite JRR : ‘Tolkien’.

Here’s how it went down:

For the first time in quite some time, I’m INSIDE a premiere rather than outside it. What changed? Well… last premiere, security weren’t just helping people to steps with a view of the premiere, happily allowing people to take photos over the barriers and even literally advising me on where a good shot was to be had.. but this time I/we were told it was a Strictly Private Event - wristband… or keep on walking. What could cause this? Well.. this is a Fox Searchlight picture… and they?    Are owned by Disney   .

For the first time in quite some time, I’m INSIDE a premiere rather than outside it. What changed? Well… last premiere, security weren’t just helping people to steps with a view of the premiere, happily allowing people to take photos over the barriers and even literally advising me on where a good shot was to be had.. but this time I/we were told it was a Strictly Private Event - wristband… or keep on walking. What could cause this? Well.. this is a Fox Searchlight picture… and they? Are owned by Disney.

“So many people… and they’re so much younger and more talented than I am…. and I’m TIRED of it”  Yes, it’s frustrating, but we all have our place in the happy ecosystem of movies - some of us are Dealers, some Cave Smearers, some journalists… and others just have little else to occupy ourselves with.

“So many people… and they’re so much younger and more talented than I am…. and I’m TIRED of it”
Yes, it’s frustrating, but we all have our place in the happy ecosystem of movies - some of us are Dealers, some Cave Smearers, some journalists… and others just have little else to occupy ourselves with.

“Oh, yeah. With the new AI they’re building into products I barely even need to point the camera anymore. I can just stand here and…. wait, please don’t tell my boss. I NEED THIS JOB!!”

“Oh, yeah. With the new AI they’re building into products I barely even need to point the camera anymore. I can just stand here and…. wait, please don’t tell my boss. I NEED THIS JOB!!”

“Don’t knock it… it’s a comfortable way to travel…”   Ian Holm played Bilbo Baggins in the Peter Jackson-directed Lord of the Rings Trilogy from 2001-2003 (and had a couple of flash-forward scenes in The Hobbit too)

“Don’t knock it… it’s a comfortable way to travel…”
Ian Holm played Bilbo Baggins in the Peter Jackson-directed Lord of the Rings Trilogy from 2001-2003 (and had a couple of flash-forward scenes in The Hobbit too)

“No eye-contact? Seriously, bro?”

“No eye-contact? Seriously, bro?”

“The photographers took their shots, and now I’m nothing to them… I’m trying not to take this very personally, but it’s hard…”  Adam Bregman plays Geoffrey Bache Smith, a wartime poet in the movie

“The photographers took their shots, and now I’m nothing to them… I’m trying not to take this very personally, but it’s hard…”
Adam Bregman plays Geoffrey Bache Smith, a wartime poet in the movie

“Hold on - I wanna know how he does this trick… it’s gotta be more than just sleight-of-hand”  Ty Tennant, Son of past Dr Who David, plays Young Christopher Wiseman in the movie. And sadly for my feelings of being young and contemporary, I’ve subsequently photographed the actor who plays the older Young Christopher Wiseman …. and he looks disarmingly young, too.

“Hold on - I wanna know how he does this trick… it’s gotta be more than just sleight-of-hand”
Ty Tennant, Son of past Dr Who David, plays Young Christopher Wiseman in the movie. And sadly for my feelings of being young and contemporary, I’ve subsequently photographed the actor who plays the older Young Christopher Wiseman …. and he looks disarmingly young, too.

“If your camera’s any good, this shirt should look a lot more awesome than if it’s some crap camera”  Owing to miscalculation of the distances I figured I’d be shooting at today, my photography is mainly subject to the tender mercies of my Pentax, and its slightly longer zoom and half-the-Nikon’s framerate, and autofocus based on the ancient Babylonian lunar calendar.

“If your camera’s any good, this shirt should look a lot more awesome than if it’s some crap camera”
Owing to miscalculation of the distances I figured I’d be shooting at today, my photography is mainly subject to the tender mercies of my Pentax, and its slightly longer zoom and half-the-Nikon’s framerate, and autofocus based on the ancient Babylonian lunar calendar.

“Yes, I can see you’ve taken a photo of my son. I have also taken photos of him…. except I’m his Dad, which makes what you’re doing fairly considerably more creepy, if you think about it…”  Damnit, after a mere 496 premieres. I may now have to rethink what it is that I do from a moral standpoint.

“Yes, I can see you’ve taken a photo of my son. I have also taken photos of him…. except I’m his Dad, which makes what you’re doing fairly considerably more creepy, if you think about it…”
Damnit, after a mere 496 premieres. I may now have to rethink what it is that I do from a moral standpoint.

“You want me to sign that as the name of the character from the movie I was in? If it’s the one I think you’re thinking of… I’d really not”  - Craig Roberts was excellent in the 2010 movie “Submarine”, but the name of his character in the 2014 movie “Neighbors” is probably best not uttered on this website… check out    imdb   .

“You want me to sign that as the name of the character from the movie I was in? If it’s the one I think you’re thinking of… I’d really not” - Craig Roberts was excellent in the 2010 movie “Submarine”, but the name of his character in the 2014 movie “Neighbors” is probably best not uttered on this website… check out imdb.

“I’ll leave you to figure out my nationality from my country of birth, country I’m from, my name and my parents’ origin countries”  - Dome Karukoski is the director of this movie, and since my country of birth, citizenship, residency and abode are all different… it can be fun, even if not easy….

“I’ll leave you to figure out my nationality from my country of birth, country I’m from, my name and my parents’ origin countries” - Dome Karukoski is the director of this movie, and since my country of birth, citizenship, residency and abode are all different… it can be fun, even if not easy….

I was fairly confident in suggesting that I’ve never previously heard of or seen Genevieve O'Reilly , but it turns out that she played Mon Mothma in    Star Wars Episode III    and again in    Rogue One   , Tarzan’s mother in ‘   Legend of Tarzan   ’, and she was in ‘   The Kid Who Would Be King   ’. And unless I’m told otherwise, I didn’t photograph her at ANY of those premieres.

I was fairly confident in suggesting that I’ve never previously heard of or seen Genevieve O'Reilly , but it turns out that she played Mon Mothma in Star Wars Episode III and again in Rogue One, Tarzan’s mother in ‘Legend of Tarzan’, and she was in ‘The Kid Who Would Be King’. And unless I’m told otherwise, I didn’t photograph her at ANY of those premieres.

At this distance, the pinstripes on Nicholas Hoult’s suit are a very useful baseline for contrast-detect autofocus systems. Unfortunately, my Pentax’s method is the more arcane and esoteric “Phase Shift”, which seems to be based mostly on computational coin tossing. Still, it worked here.

At this distance, the pinstripes on Nicholas Hoult’s suit are a very useful baseline for contrast-detect autofocus systems. Unfortunately, my Pentax’s method is the more arcane and esoteric “Phase Shift”, which seems to be based mostly on computational coin tossing. Still, it worked here.

“The dress with the heart-shaped front? So very last week!”  - Indeed, I last photographed Lily Collins at the    ‘Extremely Wicked, Shockingly Evil and Vile’ premiere    at this very cinema last week.

“The dress with the heart-shaped front? So very last week!” - Indeed, I last photographed Lily Collins at the ‘Extremely Wicked, Shockingly Evil and Vile’ premiere at this very cinema last week.

“… and I suppose all of you want some combination of Signature, Selfie, or Both from me? Well, what about Me? What about what I NEED?”  - true to her pleasant nature, Lily Collins did not demand anybody’s autograph or a photo with her in return for her generosity.

“… and I suppose all of you want some combination of Signature, Selfie, or Both from me? Well, what about Me? What about what I NEED?” - true to her pleasant nature, Lily Collins did not demand anybody’s autograph or a photo with her in return for her generosity.

“Whatever else I know, it’s that JRR Tolkien didn’t wear ties when he was my age. Or at least as certain as I’m able without further research, which at present I am unwilling to do because it sounds boring”  Harry Gilby plays the young JRR Tolkien in the movie.

“Whatever else I know, it’s that JRR Tolkien didn’t wear ties when he was my age. Or at least as certain as I’m able without further research, which at present I am unwilling to do because it sounds boring”
Harry Gilby plays the young JRR Tolkien in the movie.

“How did you know I was in that movie? What the hell is an imdb? How did you know I’d even be here this evening? What, in other words, is going on??”  Apparently Lily Collins is still best known on imdb for being in the ‘Mortal Instruments’ movie… but I first saw in the fun Snow-White inspired movie ‘Mirror, Mirror’ with Julia Roberts.

“How did you know I was in that movie? What the hell is an imdb? How did you know I’d even be here this evening? What, in other words, is going on??” Apparently Lily Collins is still best known on imdb for being in the ‘Mortal Instruments’ movie… but I first saw in the fun Snow-White inspired movie ‘Mirror, Mirror’ with Julia Roberts.

“I could sign that… but legally and for reasons I’m not going to go into, I will not”.  Some days you want to see what’s on the other side of that piece of paper… other days you probably don’t.

“I could sign that… but legally and for reasons I’m not going to go into, I will not”. Some days you want to see what’s on the other side of that piece of paper… other days you probably don’t.

Nicholas Hoult is best known for playing the role of warboy Nux in the brilliant Mad Max : Fury Road, but he’s also known for playing the younger ‘Beast’ in the X-Men series of films.

Nicholas Hoult is best known for playing the role of warboy Nux in the brilliant Mad Max : Fury Road, but he’s also known for playing the younger ‘Beast’ in the X-Men series of films.

“Hey, hey, now. I’m an actress. I don’t need to be told where to stand by anyone… except maybe a director or photographer”

“Hey, hey, now. I’m an actress. I don’t need to be told where to stand by anyone… except maybe a director or photographer”

“The shirt I’m wearing under this is possibly the greatest feat of seamstressing skill this country has seen in decades… but there’s a slight breeze, you understand.”  Patrick Gibson is also in this movie, whose cast is turning this into a journal totally inconsistent with me getting this journal done any time soon.

“The shirt I’m wearing under this is possibly the greatest feat of seamstressing skill this country has seen in decades… but there’s a slight breeze, you understand.”
Patrick Gibson is also in this movie, whose cast is turning this into a journal totally inconsistent with me getting this journal done any time soon.

“I heartily endorse this product, service, blog or whatever!!”   Albie Marber plays someone or something called ‘young robert’ in this movie.

“I heartily endorse this product, service, blog or whatever!!”
Albie Marber plays someone or something called ‘young robert’ in this movie.

“I actually prefer my right shoulder, but since you’re all so set in your ways…”

“I actually prefer my right shoulder, but since you’re all so set in your ways…”

“Right shoulder… I know, right??”

“Right shoulder… I know, right??”

Tom Glynn-Carney’s other big movie credit is Christopher Nolan’s “Dunkirk”. And if that’s not enough to win a staring contest… then, well, he’s still been in a Christopher Nolan movie.

Tom Glynn-Carney’s other big movie credit is Christopher Nolan’s “Dunkirk”. And if that’s not enough to win a staring contest… then, well, he’s still been in a Christopher Nolan movie.

A single mobile phone is raised above the parapet, and I’m guessing that the same security staff (who supported, nay encouraged photography of this fashion a week ago) probably tasered this poor person and dragged them to some kind of non-extradition black-site. All Hail Disney.

A single mobile phone is raised above the parapet, and I’m guessing that the same security staff (who supported, nay encouraged photography of this fashion a week ago) probably tasered this poor person and dragged them to some kind of non-extradition black-site. All Hail Disney.

“We don’t know what it is, or what is’ made of. I mean… it’s probably a red carpet, but this one’s green so we’re wary of it, is all I’m saying”

“We don’t know what it is, or what is’ made of. I mean… it’s probably a red carpet, but this one’s green so we’re wary of it, is all I’m saying”

Lily Collins: “ ‘What was Zac Efron like to work with?’… Why is everyone asking me that?” Nicholas Hoult : ”Okay, then… what was    I    like to work with?” Lily Collins : ”Zac was charming, obviously…”

Lily Collins: “ ‘What was Zac Efron like to work with?’… Why is everyone asking me that?”
Nicholas Hoult : ”Okay, then… what was
I like to work with?”
Lily Collins : ”Zac was charming, obviously…”

“Well, yes, obviously they considered turning his biopic into a trilogy….”

“Well, yes, obviously they considered turning his biopic into a trilogy….”

“I don’t really want to head to the Convention circuit yet…”  - Anthony Boyle’s rather lengthy imdb.com credits include an episode of Game of Thrones as a guard of Ramsay Bolton.

“I don’t really want to head to the Convention circuit yet…” - Anthony Boyle’s rather lengthy imdb.com credits include an episode of Game of Thrones as a guard of Ramsay Bolton.

“The essence of this selfie is that you’re not in it… I hope you appreciate it’s part of my Art. Do you want your phone back, by the way?”

“The essence of this selfie is that you’re not in it… I hope you appreciate it’s part of my Art. Do you want your phone back, by the way?”

“The suit’s not for sale. Also, the guy behind me asked if he could have it. Yes, he’s far too big for it to fit him, but do you want to be the one to try telling him that?”

“The suit’s not for sale. Also, the guy behind me asked if he could have it. Yes, he’s far too big for it to fit him, but do you want to be the one to try telling him that?”

“What was ‘he’ like to work with? Have you seen the cast list? - you’re going to have to be more specific”

“What was ‘he’ like to work with? Have you seen the cast list? - you’re going to have to be more specific”

“Okay… that’s enough. Now just promise me that you’re not going to put this journal anywhere near any anti-Disney rants. Because if they bought Fox, they can buy us all, and quite frankly I want to keep on their good side” . Well, if Disney want to buy this website, all they need to do is put a “1” on a cheque and just keep adding zeroes til I tell them to stop

“Okay… that’s enough. Now just promise me that you’re not going to put this journal anywhere near any anti-Disney rants. Because if they bought Fox, they can buy us all, and quite frankly I want to keep on their good side”.
Well, if Disney want to buy this website, all they need to do is put a “1” on a cheque and just keep adding zeroes til I tell them to stop

So… that was that, and I’m tired now…. so Until Next time!

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25 Apr 2019 - The 'Long Shot' Premiere

April 25th, 2019.

It was just yesterday that the Curzon Mayfair hosted the premiere for the twelve-syllable behemoth “Extremely Wicked, Shockingly Evil, And Vile”…. and just one day later, it’s two syllables and no road closure for the premiere of a movie starring probably my favourite actress, and a co-star and director I’ve heard of but never previously photographed.

Here’s how it went down:

A regular shot from The Nikon gets processed through my 360-degree Theta editing suite and…. not a bad result. Taken en route to the premiere, once again held not at the self-proclaimed “Home Of Premieres” in Leicester Square, but a cinema that’s outgunned it by 6-2 so far this year : Curzon Mayfair.

A regular shot from The Nikon gets processed through my 360-degree Theta editing suite and…. not a bad result. Taken en route to the premiere, once again held not at the self-proclaimed “Home Of Premieres” in Leicester Square, but a cinema that’s outgunned it by 6-2 so far this year : Curzon Mayfair.

It’s a lot quieter today than yesterday, when the road was closed down and carpeted, and mothers, daughters and grandmothers gathered to cheer the mightiest of all the Efrons. In this case, road traffic will literally be able to drive through the road on the nearest lane, blocking all views across the road. That’s where the Dealers are.

It’s a lot quieter today than yesterday, when the road was closed down and carpeted, and mothers, daughters and grandmothers gathered to cheer the mightiest of all the Efrons. In this case, road traffic will literally be able to drive through the road on the nearest lane, blocking all views across the road. That’s where the Dealers are.

If this is garbage truck is being hired by New Line to Run D on Ms Charlize Theron for this premiere, I might almost believe there’s no chance between us, despite her being longterm single and me being… well… let’s just say “between supermodels” at the moment, and not quibble about the who’s and lengths of time we’re talking.

If this is garbage truck is being hired by New Line to Run D on Ms Charlize Theron for this premiere, I might almost believe there’s no chance between us, despite her being longterm single and me being… well… let’s just say “between supermodels” at the moment, and not quibble about the who’s and lengths of time we’re talking.

“I’m betting heavy odds that James Franco shows up at this premiere, along with Seth Rogen. Sure, he has nothing to do with this movie, but then neither do I and I’M here” . It’s flawless reasoning as far as I’m concerned.

“I’m betting heavy odds that James Franco shows up at this premiere, along with Seth Rogen. Sure, he has nothing to do with this movie, but then neither do I and I’M here”.
It’s flawless reasoning as far as I’m concerned.

Man on left :  “I used to have hair like that. They told me it was ill-suited to architecture….”  Erm… sure. That’s my excuse too. Meanwhile : it’s CHARLIZE THERON!

Man on left : “I used to have hair like that. They told me it was ill-suited to architecture….”
Erm… sure. That’s my excuse too. Meanwhile : it’s CHARLIZE THERON!

I photographed Charlize Theron at my very first premiere in London, for    “Hancock” back in 2008   , and as I approach the magic PREMIERE #500, it’s very nice that I can photograph her again….. and honestly none of these thoughts run through my head at all when I’m looking at Charlize Theron.

I photographed Charlize Theron at my very first premiere in London, for “Hancock” back in 2008, and as I approach the magic PREMIERE #500, it’s very nice that I can photograph her again….. and honestly none of these thoughts run through my head at all when I’m looking at Charlize Theron.

It’s not necessarily exactly the expression I was hoping for where eye-contact is concerned, but in the absence of being laughed at by a random Filipino master-chef……  I’m sorry I forgot where that sentence was going……

It’s not necessarily exactly the expression I was hoping for where eye-contact is concerned, but in the absence of being laughed at by a random Filipino master-chef…… I’m sorry I forgot where that sentence was going……

“……. is it wrong that I have nothing to say right now, but am willing to let this sentence run on and on until I think of something?”  - it’s Seth Rogen! I’ve never previously photographed him, and thought he was very good in such movies as Neighbours (the first, not second), Steve Jobs, and even Zack and Miri Make a Porno

“……. is it wrong that I have nothing to say right now, but am willing to let this sentence run on and on until I think of something?” - it’s Seth Rogen! I’ve never previously photographed him, and thought he was very good in such movies as Neighbours (the first, not second), Steve Jobs, and even Zack and Miri Make a Porno

The man at left is director Jonathan Levine - I’ve also never photographed him, and I really liked both the movies “50/50” (which Seth Rogen was also in) and the Zombie Rom-com “Warm Bodies”.

The man at left is director Jonathan Levine - I’ve also never photographed him, and I really liked both the movies “50/50” (which Seth Rogen was also in) and the Zombie Rom-com “Warm Bodies”.

Amazingly, I’m not shooting through Taxis, Minivans and .. I dunno, Tractors at this point. I am, however, briefly using my Pentax for a few wide shots… until it informs me that it’s memory card is full….. without switching automatically to the SD card in the second slot that contains space for 480 more photos, which it is absolutely set to do. Sigh… thanks, Pentax.

Amazingly, I’m not shooting through Taxis, Minivans and .. I dunno, Tractors at this point. I am, however, briefly using my Pentax for a few wide shots… until it informs me that it’s memory card is full….. without switching automatically to the SD card in the second slot that contains space for 480 more photos, which it is absolutely set to do. Sigh… thanks, Pentax.

The new arrival at left is one of the film’s ELEVEN producers (James Weaver)… however I’d be remiss if I didn’t point out that Charlize Theron and Seth Rogen are also producers of this film.

The new arrival at left is one of the film’s ELEVEN producers (James Weaver)… however I’d be remiss if I didn’t point out that Charlize Theron and Seth Rogen are also producers of this film.

“Moments ago I had Charlize Theron’s arm entwined in mine…. whatever you’ve got to tell me had better important in comparison…..”  I think if I had my arm entwined in Charlize Theron’s I’d tolerate being informed of Alien Invasions and Zombie Apocalypses, and that’s about it. And even then my first move afterwards would be to grab Charlize Theron….

“Moments ago I had Charlize Theron’s arm entwined in mine…. whatever you’ve got to tell me had better important in comparison…..” I think if I had my arm entwined in Charlize Theron’s I’d tolerate being informed of Alien Invasions and Zombie Apocalypses, and that’s about it. And even then my first move afterwards would be to grab Charlize Theron….

“What’s going on… and does it affect our access to the popcorn stand?”

“What’s going on… and does it affect our access to the popcorn stand?”

“The key to asking a woman out on a date is to ask for ONE…. and then negotiate down from there if you have to. Does that strategy work? Let’s just say Yes., for the sake of keeping our conversation short”

“The key to asking a woman out on a date is to ask for ONE…. and then negotiate down from there if you have to. Does that strategy work? Let’s just say Yes., for the sake of keeping our conversation short”

So far passing traffic has only been an intermittent problem, but my strategy when Charlize Theron leaves the cinema involves me being willing to run either left or right, use a step-stool I have handy, or push traffic out of the way using my mad Jedi powers, if it turns out I have them.

So far passing traffic has only been an intermittent problem, but my strategy when Charlize Theron leaves the cinema involves me being willing to run either left or right, use a step-stool I have handy, or push traffic out of the way using my mad Jedi powers, if it turns out I have them.

“About a third of you guys are getting me mixed up with Jonah Hill, but that’s okay - he and I have an agreement. Besides, I do really like Get Him To The Greek and those Jump Street films”

“About a third of you guys are getting me mixed up with Jonah Hill, but that’s okay - he and I have an agreement. Besides, I do really like Get Him To The Greek and those Jump Street films”

Seth Rogen Poster :  “Just exactly how many Taylor Swift songs does one iPod need??”

Seth Rogen Poster : “Just exactly how many Taylor Swift songs does one iPod need??”

I’ve been trying to avoid explicitly saying that with some luck with focus and exposure, I might actually be able to… well… nail a Long Shot at this premiere. And here, for better or worse, for euphemism or not,  it is.

I’ve been trying to avoid explicitly saying that with some luck with focus and exposure, I might actually be able to… well… nail a Long Shot at this premiere. And here, for better or worse, for euphemism or not, it is.

… pretty happy with this one.

… pretty happy with this one.

“It was nice of him to offer me his cowboy hat…. but my stylist would have killed me” … that’s also why I intuitively didn’t offer Charlize Theron the beanie I was wearing. It wouldn’t have worked, style-wise.

“It was nice of him to offer me his cowboy hat…. but my stylist would have killed me”… that’s also why I intuitively didn’t offer Charlize Theron the beanie I was wearing. It wouldn’t have worked, style-wise.

I was a bit sad that Charlize Theron didn’t look in my direction before entering the car, like she did for the Paparazzi to my right…. but the more I look at this shot, the less certain I am that it’s friendly.

I was a bit sad that Charlize Theron didn’t look in my direction before entering the car, like she did for the Paparazzi to my right…. but the more I look at this shot, the less certain I am that it’s friendly.

“Hold on… I’ll get in the car in a moment…”  They say the only thing cooler than hanging around with Charlize Theron is texting your friends that you’re hanging around with Charlize Theron. I’m not entirely sure about this.

“Hold on… I’ll get in the car in a moment…”
They say the only thing cooler than hanging around with Charlize Theron is texting your friends that you’re hanging around with Charlize Theron. I’m not entirely sure about this.

“Dude… why are you texting me? I’m right here behind you….”

“Dude… why are you texting me? I’m right here behind you….”

So… for all the confusion and ambiguity, the waiting and the uncertainty, and the fact that not ONE website even had this premiere listed…. that was that. And if I’m lucky, next Monday, I’ll get to do another one, and add another +1 to the Archive of Premieres.

Until next time!

ps. If you ever want to know when I post one of these journals, feel free to follow me on facebook at premieresdotco, or twitter at berndt2_photo.

24 Apr 2019 - The 'Extremely Wicked, Shockingly Evil, and Vile' Premiere

April 24th,2019

Yesterday, there were as many as three events in London that might, under the right circumstances, be considered premieres : a Theatre Opening, a three-star Q&A, and at the Odeon Leicester Square, “The Home Of Premieres”… a world premiere that was subsequently downgraded to mere “gala”. Triple disappointment, in other words.

Today there was just one premiere, and just two choices : shoot from inside, or outside?

Here’s how it went down:

Far be it from me to prejudge this premiere based purely on the sign, but..….

Far be it from me to prejudge this premiere based purely on the sign, but..….

Not since    “The Guernsey Literary And Potato Peel Pie Society”    had its premiere at Curzon Mayfair last year have we seen the marquee strain quite this much to accommodate a film title.

Not since “The Guernsey Literary And Potato Peel Pie Society” had its premiere at Curzon Mayfair last year have we seen the marquee strain quite this much to accommodate a film title.

“I still feel like we could put a ‘very’, an ‘exceedingly’ and an ‘indubitably’ in there and make this title even more impressive”

“I still feel like we could put a ‘very’, an ‘exceedingly’ and an ‘indubitably’ in there and make this title even more impressive”

“Actually, to get stereo sound and 3D image, you only need two phones, not three…”  Joe Berlinger is the director of this film, but he probably underestimates the number of dimensions of Zac Efron these ladies want to capture.

“Actually, to get stereo sound and 3D image, you only need two phones, not three…”
Joe Berlinger is the director of this film, but he probably underestimates the number of dimensions of Zac Efron these ladies want to capture.

“In spite of everything, I’m still fairly satisfied with my mobile phone plan. But thanks for asking!!”  It’s Lily Collins! I’ve only really photographed her at one prior premiere - and not that well -    for “Love, Rosie” all the way back in 2014   .

“In spite of everything, I’m still fairly satisfied with my mobile phone plan. But thanks for asking!!”
It’s Lily Collins! I’ve only really photographed her at one prior premiere - and not that well - for “Love, Rosie” all the way back in 2014.

“It’s not much against a breeze, but it does discourage mosquitoes…”

“It’s not much against a breeze, but it does discourage mosquitoes…”

“The finger-love-heart design at the top is meant to draw the eye, but you are married, Sir”  I barely noticed it, but thanks for pointing it out!

“The finger-love-heart design at the top is meant to draw the eye, but you are married, Sir”
I barely noticed it, but thanks for pointing it out!

“Hey, Ladiez…”  - that sound of screaming you’re hearing is coming from you, not me, as not just any old Zac Efron, but THE Zac Efron arrives. I’ve photographed him at such premieres as    “Me and Orson Welles”   ,    “17 Again”   , and “   Charlie St Cloud”    at its Australian premiere back in 2010.

“Hey, Ladiez…” - that sound of screaming you’re hearing is coming from you, not me, as not just any old Zac Efron, but THE Zac Efron arrives.
I’ve photographed him at such premieres as “Me and Orson Welles”, “17 Again”, and “Charlie St Cloud” at its Australian premiere back in 2010.

“Every day on set, it was    ‘OMG, that’s Zac Efron!!’   ,and    ‘EEee!!! it’s Zac Efron!!”    - until he asked me to stop doing that. Then things mostly settled down.”

“Every day on set, it was ‘OMG, that’s Zac Efron!!’,and ‘EEee!!! it’s Zac Efron!!” - until he asked me to stop doing that. Then things mostly settled down.”

“Hello, fans to my left - I hope you’re enjoying my sultry side. Fans to my right, meanwhile, are having to make to with my demure side”

“Hello, fans to my left - I hope you’re enjoying my sultry side. Fans to my right, meanwhile, are having to make to with my demure side”

“Excuse me, are you Efron? My Mum says you’re going to be my new Step-Dad…”

“Excuse me, are you Efron? My Mum says you’re going to be my new Step-Dad…”

“This pose is mainly just to win a bet I have going, but nonetheless Peace Out, y’all”

“This pose is mainly just to win a bet I have going, but nonetheless Peace Out, y’all”

“If you can see a better-looking couple than us at this event, it’s probably because you’re looking at us in the live-view of your camera’s viewfinder…”

“If you can see a better-looking couple than us at this event, it’s probably because you’re looking at us in the live-view of your camera’s viewfinder…”

“Yes, sadly, I am standing closer to her than you will ever be, and no, it’s not just because of my stylish tie and immaculate hair…. the pin-stripe suit also has a part to play”

“Yes, sadly, I am standing closer to her than you will ever be, and no, it’s not just because of my stylish tie and immaculate hair…. the pin-stripe suit also has a part to play”

“that kid wasn’t serious about the step-dad thing, right? I’ve already picked up two since I got out of the limo at this thing…”

“that kid wasn’t serious about the step-dad thing, right? I’ve already picked up two since I got out of the limo at this thing…”

“Even wearing this top, I notice all of your attention is still drawn to Zac… I don’t really know what I could have done different to prevent this…”

“Even wearing this top, I notice all of your attention is still drawn to Zac… I don’t really know what I could have done different to prevent this…”

“Can you see him??” ”Sorry… can’t talk… too busy remembering to breathe so as not to die…”

“Can you see him??”
”Sorry… can’t talk… too busy remembering to breathe so as not to die…”

“And all four of the girls in the background are taking selfies of each other, and not me?? How is that even possible?”

“And all four of the girls in the background are taking selfies of each other, and not me?? How is that even possible?”

“Okay, now it’s time for one of us to ask you a question. That’s how this works, right?”

“Okay, now it’s time for one of us to ask you a question. That’s how this works, right?”

“And some days I literally have to stand like this just to accept all the babies I’m meant to bless at Premieres I attend. It’s no way to live, Olivia…”

“And some days I literally have to stand like this just to accept all the babies I’m meant to bless at Premieres I attend. It’s no way to live, Olivia…”

“He might have made some of that up. But not all of it.”

“He might have made some of that up. But not all of it.”

“Can I ask you one question, Lily?” ”Sure - what is it?” ”Can you ask if Zac will go out on a date with me?”

“Can I ask you one question, Lily?”
”Sure - what is it?”
”Can you ask if Zac will go out on a date with me?”

“Careful Dear….it’s only Zac Efon” ”If you were any other woman, Marjorie, I would kill you where you stand for that comment”

“Careful Dear….it’s only Zac Efon”
”If you were any other woman, Marjorie, I would kill you where you stand for that comment”

“That lady keeps taking photos of the side and back of my hair, and I don’t know why… and I’m too scared to ask.”

“That lady keeps taking photos of the side and back of my hair, and I don’t know why… and I’m too scared to ask.”

Insert Comment Later. Or Not.

Insert Comment Later. Or Not.

“It’s vitally important to carry your own mood lighting with you if the ambient lighting doesn’t provide it. That’s one of the first things I learned. Discard the advice at your peril”

“It’s vitally important to carry your own mood lighting with you if the ambient lighting doesn’t provide it. That’s one of the first things I learned. Discard the advice at your peril”

“It wasn’t actually funny, but future generations looking at this photo will never know”

“It wasn’t actually funny, but future generations looking at this photo will never know”

“You know that quiet, intimate interview you wanted? I’m not sure it’s quite as quiet and intimate as you think…”

“You know that quiet, intimate interview you wanted? I’m not sure it’s quite as quiet and intimate as you think…”

So… that wasn’t quite as stressful as I’d feared it might have been. And there may yet be another premiere or two at Curzon Mayfair before the month is out - something that the Odeon Leicester Square - “The Home Of Premieres” - can not promise.

Until next time!

+1 for the Archive and… feel free to follow me on Facebook or Twitter if you want. Or not, if you simply feel for some reason obliged to.

15 Apr 2019 - The 'Once Upon A Time In London' Premiere

April 15th, 2019.

After the insult that was Marvel’s attempt to convince anyone that their “fan screening” for Avengers <Yawn> Endgame wasn’t mainly for industry insiders and an online audience they could convince it was A Really Big Deal, it’s nice to get out and about and find myself at… erm….

(where the hell am I, and what the hell is a LIMEHOUSE and a TROXY?)

Turns out it’s all real. Here’s how it went down, with apologies for the length of this one… because like the Oliviers I didn’t know much about what was going on and who I was photographing....

It’s the Troxy! And until officially tweeted and told otherwise, it’s named after the former Marxist Revolutionary Leon Trotsky, after a tragic spelling mistake and an improper understanding of the Russian Cyrillic alphabet.

It’s the Troxy! And until officially tweeted and told otherwise, it’s named after the former Marxist Revolutionary Leon Trotsky, after a tragic spelling mistake and an improper understanding of the Russian Cyrillic alphabet.

I don’t specifically know for sure that this is a rough area, but at the same time I’m glad I’m shooting this mainly on the Pentax… because surely even the local crims know that’s got no real resale value… right??

I don’t specifically know for sure that this is a rough area, but at the same time I’m glad I’m shooting this mainly on the Pentax… because surely even the local crims know that’s got no real resale value… right??

Meanwhile, next to the cinema…. Gangster Tours. The front logo is of a knuckleduster, and right now I’m wondering how on Earth I could defend myself if I’m approached in a threatening manner by any of the locals, whether it’s an 80 year old woman carrying her groceries or something even more dangerous.

Meanwhile, next to the cinema…. Gangster Tours. The front logo is of a knuckleduster, and right now I’m wondering how on Earth I could defend myself if I’m approached in a threatening manner by any of the locals, whether it’s an 80 year old woman carrying her groceries or something even more dangerous.

The movie is “Once Upon A Time In London” and though I can see a few buildings I recognise in the far distance, and I was able to make purchases at a local establishment using British Currency, I have to admit I feel like a bit of an outsider here. You know…. beyond merely being outside…. the cinema I’m outside of.

The movie is “Once Upon A Time In London” and though I can see a few buildings I recognise in the far distance, and I was able to make purchases at a local establishment using British Currency, I have to admit I feel like a bit of an outsider here. You know…. beyond merely being outside…. the cinema I’m outside of.

Are they gangstas? independent businessmen? random guests? designated deliverers of the message to Slammin’ Steve that the outstanding money had better be repaid promptly if his kneecaps are still of value to him? It’s hard to say. But I’m avoiding eye-contact, and praying my camera’s shutter is silent enough.

Are they gangstas? independent businessmen? random guests? designated deliverers of the message to Slammin’ Steve that the outstanding money had better be repaid promptly if his kneecaps are still of value to him? It’s hard to say. But I’m avoiding eye-contact, and praying my camera’s shutter is silent enough.

“Let’s just say that when I say “Yo, Bruv” in a totally innocuous fashion, I don’t expect to have my motives questioned…okay, Bruv?”

“Let’s just say that when I say “Yo, Bruv” in a totally innocuous fashion, I don’t expect to have my motives questioned…okay, Bruv?”

Wireimage suggests that the man in the white jacket might be Dave Courtney, but this is probably the kind of event where it’s unwise to misidentify anyone. So this is… uh…. erm….

Wireimage suggests that the man in the white jacket might be Dave Courtney, but this is probably the kind of event where it’s unwise to misidentify anyone. So this is… uh…. erm….

I feel like every photo at this premiere should be edited with the grittiest, grainiest filter possible… but that would totally destroy the cool lens flares I’m getting in this picture. And gritty or not, a man has to have principles… and lens flares.

I feel like every photo at this premiere should be edited with the grittiest, grainiest filter possible… but that would totally destroy the cool lens flares I’m getting in this picture. And gritty or not, a man has to have principles… and lens flares.

“Don’t ask what’s in the bag. Or what I’m doing here. Or why I have a bodyguard standing across the road from me. Any of those things could result in extreme…    are you PHOTOGRAPHING ME??   ”  Me? No. Not at all. And I also don’t have a website and a blog that’s tagged with this movie’s name, with enough personally identifying information to make it somewhat easy for a suitably motivated crime syndicate to track me down….. at all.

“Don’t ask what’s in the bag. Or what I’m doing here. Or why I have a bodyguard standing across the road from me. Any of those things could result in extreme… are you PHOTOGRAPHING ME??
Me? No. Not at all. And I also don’t have a website and a blog that’s tagged with this movie’s name, with enough personally identifying information to make it somewhat easy for a suitably motivated crime syndicate to track me down….. at all.

“I just realised if we’d worn gold bling, bright sneakers and angled baseball caps rather than grey skintight dresses, we’d be a whole lot less obtrusive”  I believe the lady on the left is Laura Carter, but further information is not forthcoming and at this premiere I’m unwilling to do much research in case it causes people with baseball bats to come to my house, gently urging me to drop my “investigations”.

“I just realised if we’d worn gold bling, bright sneakers and angled baseball caps rather than grey skintight dresses, we’d be a whole lot less obtrusive”
I believe the lady on the left is Laura Carter, but further information is not forthcoming and at this premiere I’m unwilling to do much research in case it causes people with baseball bats to come to my house, gently urging me to drop my “investigations”.

“You eyeballin’ me, Mister?” - erm. No. Just got something in my eye.

“You eyeballin’ me, Mister?”- erm. No. Just got something in my eye.

“Great. Now how am I supposed to press the shutter button??”

“Great. Now how am I supposed to press the shutter button??”

Photography at this event involves stars and/or celebs and/or guests and/or locals walking their dogs coming from either direction on a wide footpath, where views of them can be blocked by guests, security, photographers, or other locals walking their dogs or carrying their shopping home. This man, Dominic Keating, is actually in this movie… and he came from a third direction : across the road.

Photography at this event involves stars and/or celebs and/or guests and/or locals walking their dogs coming from either direction on a wide footpath, where views of them can be blocked by guests, security, photographers, or other locals walking their dogs or carrying their shopping home.
This man, Dominic Keating, is actually in this movie… and he came from a third direction : across the road.

“They told me to come, and “dress undercover” - but as who? and for what?”  - fittingly, neither I nor the mighty wireimage.com can identify this man. (edited to add : I now know this man’s name (thanks, Paul!!) - but out of respect for his desire to remain undercover I will not reveal it… except in Pig Latin, which is of course indecipherable outside of quantum computing realms : he’s   Gimon Sross  )

“They told me to come, and “dress undercover” - but as who? and for what?”
- fittingly, neither I nor the mighty wireimage.com can identify this man.
(edited to add : I now know this man’s name (thanks, Paul!!) - but out of respect for his desire to remain undercover I will not reveal it… except in Pig Latin, which is of course indecipherable outside of quantum computing realms : he’s Gimon Sross)

The   ‘No Chewing Gum Policy’   stand-off enters its critical third hour. Songs shall be written about it and sung in Grand Alehouses…. as soon as the Limehouse area is properly gentrified and people start feeling safe enough to build Grand Alehouses.

The ‘No Chewing Gum Policy’ stand-off enters its critical third hour. Songs shall be written about it and sung in Grand Alehouses…. as soon as the Limehouse area is properly gentrified and people start feeling safe enough to build Grand Alehouses.

“You don’t know who I am? Good… and let’s keep it that way”  … but is it okay if I make inquiries as to how to get one of those ties?

“You don’t know who I am? Good… and let’s keep it that way”
… but is it okay if I make inquiries as to how to get one of those ties?

A combination of wireimage, imdb and the fact that I’d never leave a man wearing that jacket unphotographed, means I’ve photographed Kem Croft - who is IN THIS MOVIE!!

A combination of wireimage, imdb and the fact that I’d never leave a man wearing that jacket unphotographed, means I’ve photographed Kem Croft - who is IN THIS MOVIE!!

You know, in retrospect, I’m not sure I should have photographed, much less uploaded, whatever financial transactions(s) may or may not be taking place in this photo. I’m sure somebody just owes somebody some money from the last time they bought a pizza and softdrinks for the group.

You know, in retrospect, I’m not sure I should have photographed, much less uploaded, whatever financial transactions(s) may or may not be taking place in this photo. I’m sure somebody just owes somebody some money from the last time they bought a pizza and softdrinks for the group.

I just got gang-signed by a man wearing tweed, and I feel pretty good about it.

I just got gang-signed by a man wearing tweed, and I feel pretty good about it.

“I’m not saying I want it, but I’m saying that, like, if you have a spare one …?”

“I’m not saying I want it, but I’m saying that, like, if you have a spare one …?”

I don’t know who Nadia Forde is. Or why that man in the background is looking so glum. I mean.. sure, I’d NEVER have worn a suit and tie to this event if I had a leather jacket and neck tattoos handy instead, but that’s a mistake he can hopefully bounce back from.

I don’t know who Nadia Forde is. Or why that man in the background is looking so glum. I mean.. sure, I’d NEVER have worn a suit and tie to this event if I had a leather jacket and neck tattoos handy instead, but that’s a mistake he can hopefully bounce back from.

“You were saying something about suits and ties?”  Well… not if they’re accompanied by sunglasses. Those make all the difference. Also, he’s Leo Gregory and he’s in the movie!!

“You were saying something about suits and ties?”
Well… not if they’re accompanied by sunglasses. Those make all the difference. Also, he’s Leo Gregory and he’s in the movie!!

“Well, if I have to stand here and watch the whole episode of Game of Thrones like this, then so be it…”

“Well, if I have to stand here and watch the whole episode of Game of Thrones like this, then so be it…”

I’m not saying that smoking IS cool, I’m just saying it LOOKS cool.

I’m not saying that smoking IS cool, I’m just saying it LOOKS cool.

I don’t know who the guy on the left is, but he indicated I should take this photo, and even if all I had on me was a sketchpad and a biro, I’d have somehow tried to make it work…

I don’t know who the guy on the left is, but he indicated I should take this photo, and even if all I had on me was a sketchpad and a biro, I’d have somehow tried to make it work…

“You’d better put this on your damn blog, man!!”  If that’s what he meant, I don’t know if that’s a threat, or, like, irony, but today I feel it’s important to know which…

“You’d better put this on your damn blog, man!!”
If that’s what he meant, I don’t know if that’s a threat, or, like, irony, but today I feel it’s important to know which…

Not the weirdest thing I’ve seen today. Move along.

Not the weirdest thing I’ve seen today. Move along.

“And you’re certain I have to stay within the lines? Okay… Imma try…”  - strangely, although nobody on the mighty wireimage.com seems to have photographed her, I believe this is Holly Earl, who is in this movie.

“And you’re certain I have to stay within the lines? Okay… Imma try…” - strangely, although nobody on the mighty wireimage.com seems to have photographed her, I believe this is Holly Earl, who is in this movie.

“Thanks, you too.” ”What did he say to you?” ”I have no idea. But it’s my go-to response”

“Thanks, you too.”
”What did he say to you?”
”I have no idea. But it’s my go-to response”

This is probably still more gangsta than anything in my summer wardrobe.

This is probably still more gangsta than anything in my summer wardrobe.

“Okay, but how do they get the picture so small?”   I believe the man on the left is Terry Stone - one of the writers of this movie.

“Okay, but how do they get the picture so small?”
I believe the man on the left is Terry Stone - one of the writers of this movie.

Regardless of the tense negotiations going on between these two gentlemen, I believe the lady in the back is Victoria Clay, who I recognise only because she was at the premiere of  “Welcome to Curiosity”  last year… I think? Hold on while I check..

Regardless of the tense negotiations going on between these two gentlemen, I believe the lady in the back is Victoria Clay, who I recognise only because she was at the premiere of “Welcome to Curiosity” last year… I think? Hold on while I check..

“I don’t care about the new Star Wars trailer, Jerry….”

“I don’t care about the new Star Wars trailer, Jerry….”

“Of course, all this would be a lot cooler if the flavour wasn’t caramel candy-floss”

“Of course, all this would be a lot cooler if the flavour wasn’t caramel candy-floss”

“Is anything the matter, Madam?” ”Yeah, that lady over there is wearing the same neck tattoo I am….” ”Is there anything I can do?” ”Yeah, call an ambulance - I’m about to settle this with a knife fight…”

“Is anything the matter, Madam?”
”Yeah, that lady over there is wearing the same neck tattoo I am….”
”Is there anything I can do?”
”Yeah, call an ambulance - I’m about to settle this with a knife fight…”

Good news. The red carpet (aka. sidewalk) has gotten a bit quieter, so I can now photograph passing dogs.

Good news. The red carpet (aka. sidewalk) has gotten a bit quieter, so I can now photograph passing dogs.

“Just because I’m coming from this direction doesn’t mean I’m Batman, ladies, but it also doesn’t mean that I’m not, if you know what I mean…”

“Just because I’m coming from this direction doesn’t mean I’m Batman, ladies, but it also doesn’t mean that I’m not, if you know what I mean…”

Scoff as much as you like, but I bet at least half of these people have an instagram following that’s bigger than yours. Or all of them, in the case of mine.

Scoff as much as you like, but I bet at least half of these people have an instagram following that’s bigger than yours. Or all of them, in the case of mine.

“Oh, no. I’m young, pretty and wearing a dress like this and I’ve been surrounded by Paparazzi whose photos of me will only increase my profile. Whatever shall I do??”  Obviously I have no idea who this is.

“Oh, no. I’m young, pretty and wearing a dress like this and I’ve been surrounded by Paparazzi whose photos of me will only increase my profile. Whatever shall I do??” Obviously I have no idea who this is.

“Please tell me I’m not too late to be Fashionably Late to this premiere….”

“Please tell me I’m not too late to be Fashionably Late to this premiere….”

“And yet I’m still stealing something from your purse, somehow, ma’am”  - it’s Billy Murray! As legally distinct from Bill Murray, who is also an actor.

“And yet I’m still stealing something from your purse, somehow, ma’am” - it’s Billy Murray! As legally distinct from Bill Murray, who is also an actor.

“And as I slowly increase the pressure on your shoulder and start getting the bones to grind against each other, your inclination to offer to let me keep your phone will increase…”  Jamie O’Hara is in this movie, playing the role of “Grinning Mike”

“And as I slowly increase the pressure on your shoulder and start getting the bones to grind against each other, your inclination to offer to let me keep your phone will increase…”
Jamie O’Hara is in this movie, playing the role of “Grinning Mike”

“Do you think they serve champagne and caviar in there?” ”I think there’s a better chance of finding some in the alley behind the place…”  Sun’s sure getting low, and I’m not saying I’m scared to be here, I’m just saying I'd better find my way back to civilisation. Or the safety and opulence of that alley behind the place.

“Do you think they serve champagne and caviar in there?”
”I think there’s a better chance of finding some in the alley behind the place…”

Sun’s sure getting low, and I’m not saying I’m scared to be here, I’m just saying I'd better find my way back to civilisation. Or the safety and opulence of that alley behind the place.

So… that was that. It was weird, I felt massively out of place, and it made me question what I’m doing with my life. It’s kind of exactly the same as Avengers Endgame last week… except this time people were at least nice about me being there.

And believe me, that makes a difference even when it’s just another +1 to the Archive of Premieres.

Until next time!

ps. Feel free to follow me (unless you’re very scary) on facebook at premieresdotco, or on twitter at berndt2_photo.