20 Mar 2019 - The "Shazam!" - Superpowered Funfair opening

March 20th, 2019.

It’s not every day you photograph a premiere (or superpowered funfair opening) with a single lens on a single camera… and moreover (arguably) the wrong lens and wrong camera. But what the hell, the UK is in crisis and at least I didn’t bring a banana to a knife fight, merely a lumpy stick. It’s all going to be all right, though, if you believe that sort of thing. Meanwhile, I’m stocked up on alcohol - let’s do this.

Here’s how it went down:

It’s not a premiere, it’s not a gala, it’s not a screening…. it’s a FUNFAIR OPENING. Well, by the standard set by Marvel, this is pretty amazing…. and by the standard set by DC, it’s at least in attendance.

It’s not a premiere, it’s not a gala, it’s not a screening…. it’s a FUNFAIR OPENING. Well, by the standard set by Marvel, this is pretty amazing…. and by the standard set by DC, it’s at least in attendance.

“White logo on yellow…. it’s almost like they’re trying to hide who this movie is from….?”

“White logo on yellow…. it’s almost like they’re trying to hide who this movie is from….?”

“Just as long as you make this look entirely spontaneous and not at all rehearsed”

“Just as long as you make this look entirely spontaneous and not at all rehearsed”

“It’s not that we don’t trust you… it’s just that we know you prefer Marvel”.  Well… if it helps I’d rather watch Aquaman again than Avengers Infinity War again (I realise I am in the minority in this)

“It’s not that we don’t trust you… it’s just that we know you prefer Marvel”. Well… if it helps I’d rather watch Aquaman again than Avengers Infinity War again (I realise I am in the minority in this)

“I like him. He’s like me, only smaller. “

“I like him. He’s like me, only smaller. “

“Somebody’s putting pineapple on pizza? There’s no greater crime - I’ll be right there!”

“Somebody’s putting pineapple on pizza? There’s no greater crime - I’ll be right there!”

“I hear the Brexit negotiations are going well and it should all be over quickly and painlessly. Also.. which way to France?”

“I hear the Brexit negotiations are going well and it should all be over quickly and painlessly. Also.. which way to France?”

“I LOVE YOU ZACHARY LEVI !!!!” ”He isn’t here yet - you’re shouting at a tree……” ”Oh, okay….. Is it at least a gorgeously handsome tree?”

“I LOVE YOU ZACHARY LEVI !!!!”
”He isn’t here yet - you’re shouting at a tree……”
”Oh, okay….. Is it at least a gorgeously handsome tree?”

“I know he’s the world’s tallest security guard, but why is everyone looking at him and not me?”  - It’s Zachary Levi! He was the voice of Flynn Rider in Disney’s Tangled (which was far superior than the highly overrated Frozen, if you ask me…. which sadly nobody ever does.)

“I know he’s the world’s tallest security guard, but why is everyone looking at him and not me?”
- It’s Zachary Levi! He was the voice of Flynn Rider in Disney’s Tangled (which was far superior than the highly overrated Frozen, if you ask me…. which sadly nobody ever does.)

“He’s behind me, isn’t he?”  - Zachary Levi has done what few people have done - switched from playing a named character in TWO Marvel films (Fandral in the second and third Thor movies) into a lead character in a DC film. Then again, I once worked for Company A, quit to join Company B, left to REJOIN Company A, and then resigned to work on a short term contract for Company B…. and not for more money in all but one case.  (I’m sorry, I heard they were opening a funfair in London somewhere?)

“He’s behind me, isn’t he?” - Zachary Levi has done what few people have done - switched from playing a named character in TWO Marvel films (Fandral in the second and third Thor movies) into a lead character in a DC film. Then again, I once worked for Company A, quit to join Company B, left to REJOIN Company A, and then resigned to work on a short term contract for Company B…. and not for more money in all but one case. (I’m sorry, I heard they were opening a funfair in London somewhere?)

'“I know the cardboard cutout behind is dressed and posed more playfully than I am, but my agent says I need to think about the next role and hey, it could still be Batman, so here I am, dressed like this.”

'“I know the cardboard cutout behind is dressed and posed more playfully than I am, but my agent says I need to think about the next role and hey, it could still be Batman, so here I am, dressed like this.”

“A big hello to all you non-paparazzi people out there in the cold and wristband-less wilderness at this event … all because you didn’t buy DC Merch at Forbidden Planet two days ago. I don’t want to be the one to take the obvious route and say we’re all about taking the “F” out of “FUnfair”, but you’re the real heroes in this scenario.” . Well, I have my pride and my anger. The anger keeps me warm.

“A big hello to all you non-paparazzi people out there in the cold and wristband-less wilderness at this event … all because you didn’t buy DC Merch at Forbidden Planet two days ago. I don’t want to be the one to take the obvious route and say we’re all about taking the “F” out of “FUnfair”, but you’re the real heroes in this scenario.”. Well, I have my pride and my anger. The anger keeps me warm.

“He’s so much more flamboyant than me. I know it’s not the hair… but what IS it??”  - Mark Strong plays (and I’m only guessing here) the villain in this movie (as he has done in DC’s Green Lantern, Kick-Ass and Guy Ritchie’s Sherlock Holmes)

“He’s so much more flamboyant than me. I know it’s not the hair… but what IS it??”
- Mark Strong plays (and I’m only guessing here) the villain in this movie (as he has done in DC’s Green Lantern, Kick-Ass and Guy Ritchie’s Sherlock Holmes)

“All the coolest people are standing over there” ”Don’t you mean over THERE?” ”Well, yeah… but even if you’re right, it still looks more authoritative when I do it”

“All the coolest people are standing over there”
”Don’t you mean over THERE?”
”Well, yeah… but even if you’re right, it still looks more authoritative when I do it”

And this is why, basically, it’s not a good idea to have the movie’s Hero and Villain posing next to each other at a photo shoot.

And this is why, basically, it’s not a good idea to have the movie’s Hero and Villain posing next to each other at a photo shoot.

“So this uncomfortable silence could go on for a while….”

“So this uncomfortable silence could go on for a while….”

“She’s the nicest person you could possibly drive between us except for that delightful life-sized standee of me standing behind us” ”Enough with the life-sized standee, already….”

“She’s the nicest person you could possibly drive between us except for that delightful life-sized standee of me standing behind us”
”Enough with the life-sized standee, already….”

“But Mark, you promised to repay me those five dollars you still owe me…..” ”And as you can see by my fumbling, my coat doesn’t actually have pockets, Peter”

“But Mark, you promised to repay me those five dollars you still owe me…..”
”And as you can see by my fumbling, my coat doesn’t actually have pockets, Peter”

“Is it wrong that I kind of want the world’s tallest security guard to join us in the photo?” ”….” ”So it’s just me?” ”….” ”Or we could put the lifesized Shazam Standee into our group shot ….?”

“Is it wrong that I kind of want the world’s tallest security guard to join us in the photo?”
”….”
”So it’s just me?”
”….”
”Or we could put the lifesized Shazam Standee into our group shot ….?”

David F. Sandberg’s two most notable directorial gigs to date : the horror/thrillers “Annabelle : Creation” and “Lights Out”. imdb.com has not yet put Shazam! into his top four. A bold call, I suppose.

David F. Sandberg’s two most notable directorial gigs to date : the horror/thrillers “Annabelle : Creation” and “Lights Out”. imdb.com has not yet put Shazam! into his top four. A bold call, I suppose.

Write caption here.

Write caption here.

“Well, we got the “B“ drunk… now we just gotta work on “R”, “E”, “X”, “I” and “T”. “

“Well, we got the “B“ drunk… now we just gotta work on “R”, “E”, “X”, “I” and “T”. “

“That man is looking at your life-size statuette in a way I wouldn’t allow if it was me…”

“That man is looking at your life-size statuette in a way I wouldn’t allow if it was me…”

So, that was that. I spent about 3 hours longer waiting for this event than would have been the case had anyone from security been upfront about when this event started, and given the funfair was open for at least an hour and a half before it was <ahem> “OPENED”, perhaps it’s time to suggest that like the word “premiere”, the fact that the word “opening” seems now to be misunderstood, it’s time we rethought how this weird language is meant to function.

Then again, it’s English. Functionality not guaranteed.
(On which note, off to catch my privatised, deregulated train home if almighty Zeus allows it).

Until next time (possibly tomorrow)

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12 Mar 2019 - 'The White Crow' UK Premiere

March 12th, 2019.

For what I think is only the third time ever, I got a chance to go to a SECOND premiere for a movie that already had a FIRST premiere. In this case, the movie ‘The White Crow’ had a BFI London Film Festival Premiere last October, but today it had its (official?) UK Premiere. The other two times something like this has happened were with “A Little Chaos” and “A Little Chaos” (nb. the second premiere was the better one); and “Their Finest” and “Their Finest” (nb. in that case the first one was the better one).

As for today? Anyone’s guess. Here’s how it went down:

A rare BLACK carpet premiere, and it’s for a movie called “White Crow”. It’s so overt it’s basically covert.

A rare BLACK carpet premiere, and it’s for a movie called “White Crow”. It’s so overt it’s basically covert.

“F**k it. I’m putting a hard border right here. Let’s see anyone try to stop me.”

“F**k it. I’m putting a hard border right here. Let’s see anyone try to stop me.”

The list of attendees for this premiere is quite long and wide, covering every combination of cast, crew, reality TV stars, chefs, choreographers… and Stanley Tucci !

The list of attendees for this premiere is quite long and wide, covering every combination of cast, crew, reality TV stars, chefs, choreographers… and Stanley Tucci !

“I wanna say you’re all too young to appreciate how this scarf recalls the signal test patterns of early televisions… but I’m also too young. So make of it what you will”.  I’m just going to stand here and feel old.

“I wanna say you’re all too young to appreciate how this scarf recalls the signal test patterns of early televisions… but I’m also too young. So make of it what you will”. I’m just going to stand here and feel old.

“It took two different identical focus groups to decide on the optimum number of undone buttons for my shirt. I still think they lowballed by one or two, but nonetheless I accept the decision.”  Oleg Ivenko stars as the titular white crow Rudolf Nureyev in the film.

“It took two different identical focus groups to decide on the optimum number of undone buttons for my shirt. I still think they lowballed by one or two, but nonetheless I accept the decision.”
Oleg Ivenko stars as the titular white crow Rudolf Nureyev in the film.

“Your politicians are voting on a deal to leave the EU and all anyone wants to ask me is about the shoes I’m wearing. Good call - I was hoping they’d be controversial”

“Your politicians are voting on a deal to leave the EU and all anyone wants to ask me is about the shoes I’m wearing. Good call - I was hoping they’d be controversial”

“I’m equal parts relieved and devastated that in my discreet position he doesn’t even notice me…”

“I’m equal parts relieved and devastated that in my discreet position he doesn’t even notice me…”

Oleg Ivenko looks so cool in this picture that I had to entirely remove the reflective bald head of the dude behind him rather than risk it being a distraction. Given my lamentable lack of hair myself, I don’t really feel entirely comfortable with my decision, but damnit I made that call.

Oleg Ivenko looks so cool in this picture that I had to entirely remove the reflective bald head of the dude behind him rather than risk it being a distraction. Given my lamentable lack of hair myself, I don’t really feel entirely comfortable with my decision, but damnit I made that call.

I’m so taken aback by screenwiter David Hare’s expression I can’t actually find a comment to go with it. I mean… I’m wearing one of my better beanies today, and my jacket and jumper combination is quite adequate under the circumstances.

I’m so taken aback by screenwiter David Hare’s expression I can’t actually find a comment to go with it. I mean… I’m wearing one of my better beanies today, and my jacket and jumper combination is quite adequate under the circumstances.

“The only thumbs-up sign I’ve seen that’s more casual than this one is the one Tom Hardy gives in Mad Max Fury Road and I’m deliberately choosing not to contest its superiority. I’m sorry what was the question again?”

“The only thumbs-up sign I’ve seen that’s more casual than this one is the one Tom Hardy gives in Mad Max Fury Road and I’m deliberately choosing not to contest its superiority. I’m sorry what was the question again?”

“Okay, I’ll sign. But if I ever see this on ebay, then I’m telling everyone that I was never in ‘Shakespeare in Love’ - that was my brother”  - Ralph Fiennes both directs and stars in this movie.

“Okay, I’ll sign. But if I ever see this on ebay, then I’m telling everyone that I was never in ‘Shakespeare in Love’ - that was my brother” - Ralph Fiennes both directs and stars in this movie.

“The ‘t’ at the end of ‘Voldermort’ is a silent ‘t’. I’m pretty sure JK confirmed that years ago….”

“The ‘t’ at the end of ‘Voldermort’ is a silent ‘t’. I’m pretty sure JK confirmed that years ago….”

“I’m still looking at you… yes, you with that poster I signed”  Ralph Fiennes is arguably best known for being Voldemort in the Harry Potter films…  and he ‘s also the current incarnation of “M” in the Daniel Craig James Bond films.

“I’m still looking at you… yes, you with that poster I signed”
Ralph Fiennes is arguably best known for being Voldemort in the Harry Potter films… and he ‘s also the current incarnation of “M” in the Daniel Craig James Bond films.

He’s Ralph Fiennes… and you are not. (Unless you actually are Ralph Fiennes, in which case  Welcome to my website, Sir ).

He’s Ralph Fiennes… and you are not. (Unless you actually are Ralph Fiennes, in which case Welcome to my website, Sir).

“This is how all the cool kids wear watches, now that they put the time on mobile phones..”  Special guest at this premiere : Helena Bonham Carter, whose connection with Ralph Fiennes (outside of the possibility that they’re actually friends) is that she was also a death-eater under Voldemort as Bellatrix Lestrange in the Harry Potter films.

“This is how all the cool kids wear watches, now that they put the time on mobile phones..”
Special guest at this premiere : Helena Bonham Carter, whose connection with Ralph Fiennes (outside of the possibility that they’re actually friends) is that she was also a death-eater under Voldemort as Bellatrix Lestrange in the Harry Potter films.

“So you think the Death Eaters lost?  Ha! You obviously haven’t looked too closely at parliament in this country”

“So you think the Death Eaters lost? Ha! You obviously haven’t looked too closely at parliament in this country”

“That’s the smartest question I’ve been asked all day. And the answer is YES. Yes I do want to go inside and have a nice warm tea”

“That’s the smartest question I’ve been asked all day. And the answer is YES. Yes I do want to go inside and have a nice warm tea”

I don’t know who this is, but I feel I need to admit that I don’t wear my beanies quite this stylishly.

I don’t know who this is, but I feel I need to admit that I don’t wear my beanies quite this stylishly.

“You’re right. We absolutely should catch up and talk about beanies and stuff.”  I’m busy most of this week, but sometime late-next week might work?

“You’re right. We absolutely should catch up and talk about beanies and stuff.”
I’m busy most of this week, but sometime late-next week might work?

“And now that I put my glasses back on, maybe people will stop mistaking me for a superhero…”  Stanley Tucci’s superhero credentials are that his character developed the serum that turned Chris Evans into Captain America.

“And now that I put my glasses back on, maybe people will stop mistaking me for a superhero…”
Stanley Tucci’s superhero credentials are that his character developed the serum that turned Chris Evans into Captain America.

“So you kids are holding phones like this to take selfies now? Okay… I’ll make sure to tell all my friends”

“So you kids are holding phones like this to take selfies now? Okay… I’ll make sure to tell all my friends”

It’s Liam Neeson! Again, outside of the possibility that he’s friends with Ralph Fiennes, they both starred in the unlikely duo of “Schindler’s List” and “The Lego Movie” together. (Neeson is the voice of Good Cop/Bad Cop; while Fiennes is the voice of Lego Batman’s butler Aflred)

It’s Liam Neeson! Again, outside of the possibility that he’s friends with Ralph Fiennes, they both starred in the unlikely duo of “Schindler’s List” and “The Lego Movie” together. (Neeson is the voice of Good Cop/Bad Cop; while Fiennes is the voice of Lego Batman’s butler Aflred)

“I was in a Star Wars? I have no idea what you’re talking about…”

“I was in a Star Wars? I have no idea what you’re talking about…”

Some days you get within arm’s length of Liam Neeson… and sometimes your camera’s lens gets even closer. Eye contact not guaranteed, though.

Some days you get within arm’s length of Liam Neeson… and sometimes your camera’s lens gets even closer. Eye contact not guaranteed, though.

Excitingly, now that I know what Eve Delf looks like, it should be slightly easier to answer the question of “who is Eve Delf?”.

Excitingly, now that I know what Eve Delf looks like, it should be slightly easier to answer the question of “who is Eve Delf?”.

“I’m not saying I doubt that you guys are the kind of people who have ever watched Schindler’s List… but I am saying that the complex messages of The Lego Movie might prove somewhat beyond several of you”

“I’m not saying I doubt that you guys are the kind of people who have ever watched Schindler’s List… but I am saying that the complex messages of The Lego Movie might prove somewhat beyond several of you”

“It’s a pretty sweet jacket, yes. And it’s telling me I don’t have to sign autographs for you guys”  The third of three people from the Class Of Harry Potter : it’s Rhys Ifans - he played Luna Lovegood’s dad / The Minister of Magic in the films.

“It’s a pretty sweet jacket, yes. And it’s telling me I don’t have to sign autographs for you guys”
The third of three people from the Class Of Harry Potter : it’s Rhys Ifans - he played Luna Lovegood’s dad / The Minister of Magic in the films.

Rhys Ifans’ imdb credits include such exciting roles as the villain in the Andrew Garfield Amazing Spider-Man movie, a DJ / Rock God in The Boat That Rocked, and the Earl of Oxford in the Shakespeare conspiracy theory movie “Anonymous”… as well as arguably still his most famous role as Hugh Grant’s flatmate in “Notting Hill”

Rhys Ifans’ imdb credits include such exciting roles as the villain in the Andrew Garfield Amazing Spider-Man movie, a DJ / Rock God in The Boat That Rocked, and the Earl of Oxford in the Shakespeare conspiracy theory movie “Anonymous”… as well as arguably still his most famous role as Hugh Grant’s flatmate in “Notting Hill”

“Stop looking at me… especially when my hand is quite obviously answering the question”

“Stop looking at me… especially when my hand is quite obviously answering the question”

“The T-shirt? It’s barely keeping me warm, but it’s not for sale”  - Wayne Sleep is (I believe) a dancer/choreographer.

“The T-shirt? It’s barely keeping me warm, but it’s not for sale” - Wayne Sleep is (I believe) a dancer/choreographer.

“I saw the pretty girl do a pose that went a bit like this and it worked for her… but I probably should have practiced it more…”  - Louis Hofmann is also in this film.

“I saw the pretty girl do a pose that went a bit like this and it worked for her… but I probably should have practiced it more…” - Louis Hofmann is also in this film.

“Okay, I’m done answering questions. Now hand me that sharpie and let me draw a moustache and glasses on every poster featuring Oleg… I don’t care how childish it is, I’ve been wanting to do it all evening.”

“Okay, I’m done answering questions. Now hand me that sharpie and let me draw a moustache and glasses on every poster featuring Oleg… I don’t care how childish it is, I’ve been wanting to do it all evening.”

So.. .that was that. An enjoyable enough chilly evening spent in a small, not-overcrowded pen outside the Curzon Mayfair. Meanwhile, in a country where asking a population that voted 52% to 48% to leave the EU to reconsider that vote over two years later would be a ‘betrayal of Democracy’, a government that was defeated something like 69% to 31% on their Brexit deal in January was allowed to ask substantively the same question in Parliament again, and the result was another large defeat albeit with a shift of 10% just two months later. Ask me again how Democracy works… I forget.

In any event, it’s +1 for The Archive of Premieres… and is that what REALLY matters? (It is)

Until next time!

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27 Feb 2019 - The 'Captain Marvel' UK Gala and/or European Premiere

February 27th, 2019.

Depending on who or what you believe, London’s “Captain Marvel” event was either a “European Premiere” (as promoted on Premierescene and Markmeets beforehand, and WhatsOnTheRedCarpet afterwards), a “London Premiere” (as promoted by AllinLondon), a “UK Gala” (as promoted on the giant poster on the side of the cinema), or even a “European Gala” (as promoted afterwards on wireimage). Whatever it was, however, I couldn’t get in because the organisers only gave out somewhere between 68 and 80 wristbands to their closest Autograph Dealer friends.

Oh well. Here’s how it went down, as photographed from outside the event.

Please allow me to reminisce about the days when Disney/Marvel premieres filled shopping centres (eg.    The Avengers   ) or had full-blown Leicester Square premieres (eg.    Thor The Dark World   ,    Iron Man 3   ), and didn’t limit attendances to sub-100 people and hold them in one of London’s smallest cinemas.

Please allow me to reminisce about the days when Disney/Marvel premieres filled shopping centres (eg. The Avengers) or had full-blown Leicester Square premieres (eg. Thor The Dark World, Iron Man 3), and didn’t limit attendances to sub-100 people and hold them in one of London’s smallest cinemas.

Of course for a long time Disney/Marvel didn’t have any premieres at all for their movies (eg. Thor Ragnarok, Antman and the Wasp), or made them large but entirely invitation only (eg.    Black Panther   , Avengers Infinity War). Bottom line .. this is not the side of an exclusion barrier I want to be on when there IS a premiere. Less than a hundred wristbands, though... pretty lame.

Of course for a long time Disney/Marvel didn’t have any premieres at all for their movies (eg. Thor Ragnarok, Antman and the Wasp), or made them large but entirely invitation only (eg. Black Panther, Avengers Infinity War). Bottom line .. this is not the side of an exclusion barrier I want to be on when there IS a premiere. Less than a hundred wristbands, though... pretty lame.

“I’d show you who’s on the list, but SHE might not like that”  I meanwhile am in a line of half a dozen people optimistically lining up for the possibility of a spare pen being opened (indeed : we could see one that, half an hour before event starting, was empty) (They ended up filling it… with three cosplayers. Lucky them…. I couldn’t convince security that I was in cosplay as a production unit accountant or second lead caterer…)

“I’d show you who’s on the list, but SHE might not like that”
I meanwhile am in a line of half a dozen people optimistically lining up for the possibility of a spare pen being opened (indeed : we could see one that, half an hour before event starting, was empty)
(They ended up filling it… with three cosplayers. Lucky them…. I couldn’t convince security that I was in cosplay as a production unit accountant or second lead caterer…)

“You’re Samuel L Jackson!!! Wait… let me remove those exclamation marks and insert some question marks so it forces you to answer….”  - it is indeed Samuel L Jackson, and his imdb entry is basically most of your DVD collection, listed (if you’re too young to remember DVDs, they’re kind of like small round drinks coasters, but shinier and with a hole in the middle)

“You’re Samuel L Jackson!!! Wait… let me remove those exclamation marks and insert some question marks so it forces you to answer….” - it is indeed Samuel L Jackson, and his imdb entry is basically most of your DVD collection, listed (if you’re too young to remember DVDs, they’re kind of like small round drinks coasters, but shinier and with a hole in the middle)

“I like what you’re doing with the giant star here. It’s making me feel really, really special. Please don’t break my heart and tell me you’re letting other people stand in front of it too….”  - I last photographed him    at 2018’s “The Incredibles 2”   , since I wasn’t in town early enough in January to photograph him at “Glass”

“I like what you’re doing with the giant star here. It’s making me feel really, really special. Please don’t break my heart and tell me you’re letting other people stand in front of it too….” - I last photographed him at 2018’s “The Incredibles 2”, since I wasn’t in town early enough in January to photograph him at “Glass”

“Don’t tell Sam that we stood here”  I didn’t have much luck photographing this film’s directors Ryan Fleck and Anna Boden - and I was going to say I’d never heard of them, but I’ve watched two of their co-directed films : “It’s Kind Of A Funny Story” which I sadly didn’t think was that funny; and “Mississippi Grind” which I quite liked.

“Don’t tell Sam that we stood here”
I didn’t have much luck photographing this film’s directors Ryan Fleck and Anna Boden - and I was going to say I’d never heard of them, but I’ve watched two of their co-directed films : “It’s Kind Of A Funny Story” which I sadly didn’t think was that funny; and “Mississippi Grind” which I quite liked.

Tragically, I found myself crowded out of a good spot to photograph the beautiful Gemma Chan. Moreover, look at this freaking setup : from the two ladies chatting in the background to Edith Bowman wearing a blue/pink striped suit to the insanely white fleecy hoodie turned inside out and the surprisingly blonde hair of the lady in front, all I could do was convert to black’n’white… and that doesn’t make me happy.

Tragically, I found myself crowded out of a good spot to photograph the beautiful Gemma Chan. Moreover, look at this freaking setup : from the two ladies chatting in the background to Edith Bowman wearing a blue/pink striped suit to the insanely white fleecy hoodie turned inside out and the surprisingly blonde hair of the lady in front, all I could do was convert to black’n’white… and that doesn’t make me happy.

Gemma Chan, this time in colour, but you’ve got the lady in the cowboy hat looking at me like I kidnapped her pomeranian, you’ve got the lady in the mustard dress standing behind her… and you have Gemma Chan, an island of beautiful calm that’s so serene my eyes keep sliding away to the lady with the damn cowboy hat!

Gemma Chan, this time in colour, but you’ve got the lady in the cowboy hat looking at me like I kidnapped her pomeranian, you’ve got the lady in the mustard dress standing behind her… and you have Gemma Chan, an island of beautiful calm that’s so serene my eyes keep sliding away to the lady with the damn cowboy hat!

So now I only have to worry about the giant mural in the background… and Gemma Chan disappearing from all further photos for some reason, goshdarnit.

So now I only have to worry about the giant mural in the background… and Gemma Chan disappearing from all further photos for some reason, goshdarnit.

“My agent assured me they were niche films, unlikely to be seen by a large audience, but you’re telling me that these Marvel films are actually a REALLY BIG DEAL? Wow.. I gotta check my bank account again…”  Jude Law is in this film.

“My agent assured me they were niche films, unlikely to be seen by a large audience, but you’re telling me that these Marvel films are actually a REALLY BIG DEAL? Wow.. I gotta check my bank account again…”
Jude Law is in this film.

“Wait a minute.. this isn’t secretly one of those DC films, is it? I’ve heard they’re not as good…”  I dunno. I watched Aquaman, and through the careful reduction in standards brought about by the awfulness of most of the other films in that franchise, Aquaman could almost be described as a “kind of good” film.

“Wait a minute.. this isn’t secretly one of those DC films, is it? I’ve heard they’re not as good…” I dunno. I watched Aquaman, and through the careful reduction in standards brought about by the awfulness of most of the other films in that franchise, Aquaman could almost be described as a “kind of good” film.

“So they didn’t let you in? That’s pretty bad. I’d say something nasty about the film company involved, but I’ve just heard they’re Disney and they’re, like, really really rich. So I’d rather not piss them off. Have a nice evening, though”

“So they didn’t let you in? That’s pretty bad. I’d say something nasty about the film company involved, but I’ve just heard they’re Disney and they’re, like, really really rich. So I’d rather not piss them off. Have a nice evening, though”

Behind a pink so searing my camera’s sensor wasn’t quite sure what to make of it (worn by Lashana Lynch, who is in this movie), and next to a lady wearing a leopardskin (print?) jacket…. it’s kind of hard to appreciate the importance of that fact that Brie Larson, who plays the titular Captain Marvel, has arrived.

Behind a pink so searing my camera’s sensor wasn’t quite sure what to make of it (worn by Lashana Lynch, who is in this movie), and next to a lady wearing a leopardskin (print?) jacket…. it’s kind of hard to appreciate the importance of that fact that Brie Larson, who plays the titular Captain Marvel, has arrived.

“It was so searingly pink I had to look away immediately — how are you guys!!!”   Brie Larson was excellent in the movie “Short Term 12” which nobody’s heard of, won an Oscar for “The Room” which I liked, and was also in “Kong Skull Island” which I quite liked too. I still can’t quite believe she was “envy” in Scott Pilgrim vs The World… so I will continue not to believe that.

“It was so searingly pink I had to look away immediately — how are you guys!!!”
Brie Larson was excellent in the movie “Short Term 12” which nobody’s heard of, won an Oscar for “The Room” which I liked, and was also in “Kong Skull Island” which I quite liked too. I still can’t quite believe she was “envy” in Scott Pilgrim vs The World… so I will continue not to believe that.

“I’m not sure what’s going on, but it’s not necessary for my Art that anybody tell me”

“I’m not sure what’s going on, but it’s not necessary for my Art that anybody tell me”

“So don’t you think it’s either ridiculously lazy writing or frikkin’ lame that after spending 20 movies in a franchise to sett up the most powerful villain in the Marvel Universe, the 21st movie retrospectively introduces for the first time the most powerful hero in the universe, so she can fight him in the 22nd movie of the franchise?”  The reporter in the foreground might be tiny, but she makes an excellent point. Lame and lazy, though independently of this I hope the movie is still good. I have lower hopes for Avengers 4, though.

“So don’t you think it’s either ridiculously lazy writing or frikkin’ lame that after spending 20 movies in a franchise to sett up the most powerful villain in the Marvel Universe, the 21st movie retrospectively introduces for the first time the most powerful hero in the universe, so she can fight him in the 22nd movie of the franchise?”
The reporter in the foreground might be tiny, but she makes an excellent point. Lame and lazy, though independently of this I hope the movie is still good. I have lower hopes for Avengers 4, though.

“Your question is awesome and you’re really pretty. Is that a good enough answer?”  The only previous time I photographed Brie Larson was at    the premiere of “Kong : Skull Island”    - which Samuel L Jackson also attended.

“Your question is awesome and you’re really pretty. Is that a good enough answer?”
The only previous time I photographed Brie Larson was at the premiere of “Kong : Skull Island” - which Samuel L Jackson also attended.

“Look into infinite distance, projecting a profound knowledge”.  I tried that in my Year 12 school photo. I think I looked more like I was about to throw up… but Brie Larson manages it a lot better than I did.

“Look into infinite distance, projecting a profound knowledge”.
I tried that in my Year 12 school photo. I think I looked more like I was about to throw up… but Brie Larson manages it a lot better than I did.

This photo looks even better in Black’n’White…and would have looked better than that if either the dress (or the carpet) was red, instead of both being blue. Also : Brie Larson is pretty.

This photo looks even better in Black’n’White…and would have looked better than that if either the dress (or the carpet) was red, instead of both being blue. Also : Brie Larson is pretty.

“People keep asking me about the colour of the dress and then looking away. What’s that all about?”  - Lashana Lynch has been in a lot of TV series I haven’t seen, and was in the movie “Fast Girls” whose premiere in 2012 I sadly missed. But I have now seen the dress she’s wearing here, so I know what people are talking about when they mention it.

“People keep asking me about the colour of the dress and then looking away. What’s that all about?” - Lashana Lynch has been in a lot of TV series I haven’t seen, and was in the movie “Fast Girls” whose premiere in 2012 I sadly missed. But I have now seen the dress she’s wearing here, so I know what people are talking about when they mention it.

I think it’s pretty amazing that despite the dim (and ultimately impatient) view of security patrolling the exclusion barriers, the fans were allowed to stay and take photos over the barrier so long as we didn’t touch it or block the passage of people walking past. I also can not believe that an aerial is necessary on a camera, and that it would block the face of the person I’m trying to photograph..

I think it’s pretty amazing that despite the dim (and ultimately impatient) view of security patrolling the exclusion barriers, the fans were allowed to stay and take photos over the barrier so long as we didn’t touch it or block the passage of people walking past. I also can not believe that an aerial is necessary on a camera, and that it would block the face of the person I’m trying to photograph..

“You wanna see the snaps I took of the giant ape when I played a photographer in Kong Skull Island? Well, the thing is I wasn’t even taking any photos…. that’s ACTING, baby, and I’m kinda good at it”  The challenge I set myself was to take a photo of Brie Larson in focus, with the Captain Marvel poster directly behind her. Sounds simple… but proved impossible.

“You wanna see the snaps I took of the giant ape when I played a photographer in Kong Skull Island? Well, the thing is I wasn’t even taking any photos…. that’s ACTING, baby, and I’m kinda good at it”
The challenge I set myself was to take a photo of Brie Larson in focus, with the Captain Marvel poster directly behind her. Sounds simple… but proved impossible.

So basically the only thing wrong with this photo of Brie Larson’s face sharp in the foreground with the face of Captain Marvel in the background is… everything. There’s a dude looking over his shoulder, a guy in a white polo shirt in the background chimping shots on his DSLR, leopard-print lady looking worriedly at the reporter whose hair takes up more photographing real estate than Brie Larson’s face. That’s photography.

So basically the only thing wrong with this photo of Brie Larson’s face sharp in the foreground with the face of Captain Marvel in the background is… everything. There’s a dude looking over his shoulder, a guy in a white polo shirt in the background chimping shots on his DSLR, leopard-print lady looking worriedly at the reporter whose hair takes up more photographing real estate than Brie Larson’s face. That’s photography.

Well, now it’s just Brie Larson’s expression that’s a problem, but otherwise everything is great. (Except security getting a bit more antsy at more people taking photos over the barrier, especially with that one freaking idiot who can not get it into his head not to touch the barrier whenever he’s told not to, which is seconds after he was last told not to). (I assume he’s allowed to vote. Democracy sure is awesome).

Well, now it’s just Brie Larson’s expression that’s a problem, but otherwise everything is great.
(Except security getting a bit more antsy at more people taking photos over the barrier, especially with that one freaking idiot who can not get it into his head not to touch the barrier whenever he’s told not to, which is seconds after he was last told not to). (I assume he’s allowed to vote. Democracy sure is awesome).

“So…. bald or balding guys who wear glasses… do you find them more attractive than the alternative?"  Shut up everybody… the answer to this question could be very important, and I’m really interested in the response. Because I want to know…. for a friend, you understand.

“So…. bald or balding guys who wear glasses… do you find them more attractive than the alternative?"
Shut up everybody… the answer to this question could be very important, and I’m really interested in the response. Because I want to know…. for a friend, you understand.

“Well… I think I might just trail off with this answer and make it look like I’m still thinking about it…..”

“Well… I think I might just trail off with this answer and make it look like I’m still thinking about it…..”

“She just asked me the same question about the 20 movies to set up Thanos, then using the 21st to set up Captain Marvel in the past so she can fight Thanos in the 22nd… is she asking on your behalf? I’m guessing not, because she’s the one wearing the Captain Marvel costume and you’re not”

“She just asked me the same question about the 20 movies to set up Thanos, then using the 21st to set up Captain Marvel in the past so she can fight Thanos in the 22nd… is she asking on your behalf? I’m guessing not, because she’s the one wearing the Captain Marvel costume and you’re not”

“I don’t know how to say this, EVERY woman around here is NOT looking at me. That’s kind of a new feeling for me…. and I’ve decided I really don’t like it.”

“I don’t know how to say this, EVERY woman around here is NOT looking at me. That’s kind of a new feeling for me…. and I’ve decided I really don’t like it.”

“The dress is outside of my peripheral vision, but my brain knows it’s there just outside it, and it’s not letting me think about anything else….”

“The dress is outside of my peripheral vision, but my brain knows it’s there just outside it, and it’s not letting me think about anything else….”

“OMG somebody’s getting away with that giant star! If only there was somebody with a military rank who was kind of, well, marvelous at fighting crime that we could call for help…”

“OMG somebody’s getting away with that giant star! If only there was somebody with a military rank who was kind of, well, marvelous at fighting crime that we could call for help…”

So.. .that was that. Not my preferred way to photograph a premiere, but security indulged us for about 2/3 of the event before starting to insist that people leave. Given the alternative to photographing this event would have been to stay home, eat a nice meal and relax, I think……. I’m not sure how to finish that sentence, except to note that it’s +1 for the archive (and my first ‘real’ Marvel premiere since… I think Ant-Man? Woah. Wait.. no… it was Captain America Civil War)

Until next time!

ps. if you want to know when I post one of these journals, feel free to follow me on facebook at premieresdotco, or twitter at berndt2_photo.

24 Feb 2019 - The 'Destination : Dewsbury' London Premiere

February 24th, 2019.

It’s not every Sunday evening I look around at what I’ve accomplished that day, conclude it was very little, and head in at 7pm for an 8pm arrival for an 8:30pm start to a premiere. Mainly because premieres don’t usually start that late. But it happened today, and it was for a movie I don’t know anyone from, but that’s never stopped me before.

Here’s how it went down:

It’s late, it’s dark, and I’m at a premiere without autograph dealers, barriers, wristbands, or security. It’s so strange I almost feel like leaving because this scarcely counts as a premiere as I’ve come to define it.. but that’s silly, because this is the BEST kind of premiere.

It’s late, it’s dark, and I’m at a premiere without autograph dealers, barriers, wristbands, or security. It’s so strange I almost feel like leaving because this scarcely counts as a premiere as I’ve come to define it.. but that’s silly, because this is the BEST kind of premiere.

“Do we need a permit for this equipment?” ”I don’t know. Do you HAVE a permit for this equipment”? ”Ummm… as long as you don’t ask me to show it to you as proof, then yes. Yes, absolutely I have a permit.”

“Do we need a permit for this equipment?”
”I don’t know. Do you HAVE a permit for this equipment”?
”Ummm… as long as you don’t ask me to show it to you as proof, then yes. Yes, absolutely I have a permit.”

“Strangle me if you feel you must, but if you mess up my tie you’ll have several people to answer to…”

“Strangle me if you feel you must, but if you mess up my tie you’ll have several people to answer to…”

“I gotta keep strangling people. It’s my art, and I don’t feel any need to explain it”

“I gotta keep strangling people. It’s my art, and I don’t feel any need to explain it”

“I feel I explained too much of my art… I can’t help but feel this might compromise its authenticity”

“I feel I explained too much of my art… I can’t help but feel this might compromise its authenticity”

“The detail is fantastic. It feel just like I’m here experiencing this event, and holding a phone and pointing it at the people at the event…”

“The detail is fantastic. It feel just like I’m here experiencing this event, and holding a phone and pointing it at the people at the event…”

“I’m here with three members of the cast… .or so I assume, owing to the fact that the wifi here is really bad and I can’t access imdb.”  Also, problematically, most of the cast listing on imdb.com is comprised of featureless silhouettes.

“I’m here with three members of the cast… .or so I assume, owing to the fact that the wifi here is really bad and I can’t access imdb.” Also, problematically, most of the cast listing on imdb.com is comprised of featureless silhouettes.

“I don’t know what to tell you… but I think this expression covers it adequately”

“I don’t know what to tell you… but I think this expression covers it adequately”

“I have nothing to add, except my relief that there’s at least one person between me and the guy on the far left of this photo who keeps strangling people as part of his Art.”

“I have nothing to add, except my relief that there’s at least one person between me and the guy on the far left of this photo who keeps strangling people as part of his Art.”

“Are they symbolic? Yes. Are they for sale? No. Are they load-bearing? I suspect so….”

“Are they symbolic? Yes. Are they for sale? No. Are they load-bearing? I suspect so….”

“I asked if you had any spare gold flowers left from the set and you said ‘no’. And now I see you standing there, mocking me with the bountiful quantities you claimed didn’t exist. I’m shocked, appalled, and whatever the expression on the face of that other guy is. I can’t see it so I don’t know”

“I asked if you had any spare gold flowers left from the set and you said ‘no’. And now I see you standing there, mocking me with the bountiful quantities you claimed didn’t exist. I’m shocked, appalled, and whatever the expression on the face of that other guy is. I can’t see it so I don’t know”

“Is that Samuel L Jackson? Did he accept our invite?” ”I don’t know… did we invite him?” ”Well… no.” ”Damnit, it occurs to me now that maybe we should have”

“Is that Samuel L Jackson? Did he accept our invite?”
”I don’t know… did we invite him?”
”Well… no.”
”Damnit, it occurs to me now that maybe we should have”

“And if I move further backwards, they’ll be the same size as they are on screen and it’ll be just like being there.”

“And if I move further backwards, they’ll be the same size as they are on screen and it’ll be just like being there.”

“Sadly I can’t do that thing where I independently have one eye pointing at each of your cameras, and I don’t want to choose between you.”

“Sadly I can’t do that thing where I independently have one eye pointing at each of your cameras, and I don’t want to choose between you.”

“Obviously we do want to start a “Destination…” cinematic universe. It’s not like there aren’t a lot of destinations out there, Sharon.”

“Obviously we do want to start a “Destination…” cinematic universe. It’s not like there aren’t a lot of destinations out there, Sharon.”

“I don’t care about the event, I’m just glad I finally got reception”

“I don’t care about the event, I’m just glad I finally got reception”

“So…. is there free popcorn at this premiere or not? It’s kind of an important question”

“So…. is there free popcorn at this premiere or not? It’s kind of an important question”

“That’s the guy who strangles people for his Art. I don’t want you to feel like I’m using you as a human shield, dear, but if you could just stand between us I’d feel a whole lot safer. I mean better.”

“That’s the guy who strangles people for his Art. I don’t want you to feel like I’m using you as a human shield, dear, but if you could just stand between us I’d feel a whole lot safer. I mean better.”

“Look up at that thing! I don’t know what it’s called or what it does but look at it! …and if you could, try to look at it as if you know what it is!”

“Look up at that thing! I don’t know what it’s called or what it does but look at it! …and if you could, try to look at it as if you know what it is!”

“I looked at it. What do I do next?”

“I looked at it. What do I do next?”

“The brickwork on the far side of this alley really is exquisite. I gotta come back here when it’s quieter.”

“The brickwork on the far side of this alley really is exquisite. I gotta come back here when it’s quieter.”

“I don’t know what to tell you, you gotta move further back or this won’t work”

“I don’t know what to tell you, you gotta move further back or this won’t work”

“This goes out to Disney/Marvel, who dared to schedule a premiere in London the same week we’re releasing our movie”

“This goes out to Disney/Marvel, who dared to schedule a premiere in London the same week we’re releasing our movie”

“They’re out of control. Run for your lives. Flee. But not into the cinema… that’s where I’m going. The seats are comfortable in there”

“They’re out of control. Run for your lives. Flee. But not into the cinema… that’s where I’m going. The seats are comfortable in there”

“We’re looking into the lens. It’s all up to you now. Don’t steal our souls, and do cool stuff with the photo. Also… think about taking off that lens cap. But we don’t want to tell you what to do.”

“We’re looking into the lens. It’s all up to you now. Don’t steal our souls, and do cool stuff with the photo. Also… think about taking off that lens cap. But we don’t want to tell you what to do.”

“This looks like an event. Might take a selfie of myself looking at it” ”And I’ll take a photo of you doing it. That way we’ve recorded all aspects of the event that are truly important”

“This looks like an event. Might take a selfie of myself looking at it”
”And I’ll take a photo of you doing it. That way we’ve recorded all aspects of the event that are truly important”

So… that was that. I’ll see if imdb gets its act together at some stage and perhaps I’ll be able to identify some of these fine fold (beyond the director, who is the tall gentleman and whose name is Jack Spring).

Until next time!

ps. If you want to know when I post one of these journals, feel free to follow me on facebook or on twitter… and if you want to see what else I’ve photographed and journalised, check out the archive.

18 Feb 2019 - 'The Aftermath' 'World' 'Premiere'

February 18th, 2019.

Premieres at the Picturehouse Central are never an easy affair, since they’re often difficult to distinguish from a small riot of people shouting at other people in a dingey, tiled alleway that if you’re lucky is filled with construction debris, and if you’re less lucky is filled with the kind of thing most cafes request you ask staff for the key to so you can have some privacy.

I’d been there just one day earlier (as a paying customer no less) for a 30th Anniversary Screening of ‘Batman (1989)’ But hey, if they’re holding a WORLD PREMIERE one day later, I’m sure it’ll all go awesomely. Here’s how it went down:

A pile of media accreditation lanyards sits in front of me, mocking me. They feel close enough to grab one, but sadly they’re behind glass.

A pile of media accreditation lanyards sits in front of me, mocking me. They feel close enough to grab one, but sadly they’re behind glass.

“The Aftermath (2019)”   - not to be mistaken for “The Aftermath (1982)” or “Aftermath (2012)”, “or Aftermath (2014)”, or “Aftermath (2016)” or even “Aftermath (2017)” (The Arnold Schwarzennegger zombie daughter film) stars Keira Knightley. I don’t know what it’s about or what happens in the film, but I gather from the title it’s more about what happens after something happens.

“The Aftermath (2019)” - not to be mistaken for “The Aftermath (1982)” or “Aftermath (2012)”, “or Aftermath (2014)”, or “Aftermath (2016)” or even “Aftermath (2017)” (The Arnold Schwarzennegger zombie daughter film) stars Keira Knightley. I don’t know what it’s about or what happens in the film, but I gather from the title it’s more about what happens after something happens.

My position is in the third row of a pen, and I gave up a spot in the second row of the  other  pen to be here. Mainly because it has a view of the stairs leading up (not that any photographer has ever EVERY asked a star to pose at the midpoint, which the stairs would be perfect for), and also because of the small sliver of view to the right that might just give me a view of the interview / posing area. Unless… you know.. .they put a giant f**king pot plant there to block my view….

My position is in the third row of a pen, and I gave up a spot in the second row of the other pen to be here. Mainly because it has a view of the stairs leading up (not that any photographer has ever EVERY asked a star to pose at the midpoint, which the stairs would be perfect for), and also because of the small sliver of view to the right that might just give me a view of the interview / posing area. Unless… you know.. .they put a giant f**king pot plant there to block my view….

“Did somebody order a giant f**king potplant?”  only just my own sense of inevitability.

“Did somebody order a giant f**king potplant?” only just my own sense of inevitability.

“I hear Keira Knightley can clear it in a single bound” ”Even in heels?” ”Well.. she can clear it without stopping”

“I hear Keira Knightley can clear it in a single bound”
”Even in heels?”
”Well.. she can clear it without stopping”

“Wait… that’s a REFLECTION of a cameraman standing right where I’m standing!”

“Wait… that’s a REFLECTION of a cameraman standing right where I’m standing!”

Stood there, looked pretty, left, came back wearing a boyfriend and something considerably skimpier…. it’s all very glamorous.

Stood there, looked pretty, left, came back wearing a boyfriend and something considerably skimpier…. it’s all very glamorous.

It’s Alexander Skarsgard! I think I last photographed him at another Picturehouse Central premiere that went slightly worse than this one - for    “War On Everyone”   , a movie I liken to staying at a hotel where they put you in subhuman accommodation, rob you and punch you in the face daily, and the best you’re allowed to do is leave a negative review on tripadvisor.

It’s Alexander Skarsgard! I think I last photographed him at another Picturehouse Central premiere that went slightly worse than this one - for “War On Everyone”, a movie I liken to staying at a hotel where they put you in subhuman accommodation, rob you and punch you in the face daily, and the best you’re allowed to do is leave a negative review on tripadvisor.

Alexander Skarsgard only signed on the Autograph Dealer side, declining to head over to where the normal(ish) people were. It’s an odd choice, but some people swear by it.

Alexander Skarsgard only signed on the Autograph Dealer side, declining to head over to where the normal(ish) people were. It’s an odd choice, but some people swear by it.

I have no idea who this is - possibly Kate Phillips - not only did she only sign for the Dealer Pen, but she didn’t even look in the direction of the pen I was in before heading inside. I mean… feel free to choose your friends, lady… but feel free to be judged by that criteria.

I have no idea who this is - possibly Kate Phillips - not only did she only sign for the Dealer Pen, but she didn’t even look in the direction of the pen I was in before heading inside. I mean… feel free to choose your friends, lady… but feel free to be judged by that criteria.

“Wouldn’t you rather I stare dreamily into your eyes than sign a lined notepad you’ll probably later write your shopping list on?”  Jason Clarke, meanwhile, is a gentleman of the highest order - signing and posing for selfies on both sides of the red carpet.

“Wouldn’t you rather I stare dreamily into your eyes than sign a lined notepad you’ll probably later write your shopping list on?” Jason Clarke, meanwhile, is a gentleman of the highest order - signing and posing for selfies on both sides of the red carpet.

“Okay… I asked a genuine question, and you emphatically gave a genuine answer, and I can only respect that”  - Jason Clarke’s imdb entry is quite long and impressive, but I’ve photographed him only once before, at    the premiere of “Mudbound”   ., back in 2017.

“Okay… I asked a genuine question, and you emphatically gave a genuine answer, and I can only respect that” - Jason Clarke’s imdb entry is quite long and impressive, but I’ve photographed him only once before, at the premiere of “Mudbound”., back in 2017.

“Okay, I gotta go in, but if anyone wants my autograph, feel free to copy it from the lady over here. Just don’t misuse the privilege I’m giving to you all, okay?”

“Okay, I gotta go in, but if anyone wants my autograph, feel free to copy it from the lady over here. Just don’t misuse the privilege I’m giving to you all, okay?”

“You guys are all right - say hi to Keira for me when she rushes in….. oh, who am I kidding, you won’t even have time to finish the sentence from the time she arrives”

“You guys are all right - say hi to Keira for me when she rushes in….. oh, who am I kidding, you won’t even have time to finish the sentence from the time she arrives”

OMG it’s Keira Knightley!! And she’s only running about 15 minutes later!!

OMG it’s Keira Knightley!! And she’s only running about 15 minutes later!!

“Hey, Miss Knightley, Jason Clarke says to s…..”   As predicted,   she made it in before I had time to finish the sentence.

“Hey, Miss Knightley, Jason Clarke says to s…..”
As predicted, she made it in before I had time to finish the sentence.

Not so much an attempt to photograph Alexander Skarsgard (I photographed him properly at    “The Legend of Tarzan”    back in 2016) but an attempt to see what I might have to do in order to photograph Keira Knightley when she gets interviewed.  Fronds ahoy,  basically.

Not so much an attempt to photograph Alexander Skarsgard (I photographed him properly at “The Legend of Tarzan” back in 2016) but an attempt to see what I might have to do in order to photograph Keira Knightley when she gets interviewed. Fronds ahoy, basically.

“ “Fronds Ahoy”? Has anyone trademarked that? I’d start a tie brand, myself…”

“ “Fronds Ahoy”? Has anyone trademarked that? I’d start a tie brand, myself…”

Jason Clarke and impending botanical takeover.

Jason Clarke and impending botanical takeover.

Well THIS certainly isn’t bringing back all the…

Well THIS certainly isn’t bringing back all the…

…bad memories of 2018’s    “Colette” premiere   …

…bad memories of 2018’s “Colette” premiere

“Shoot me through plant fronds? Why would anyone be so desperate to do that, and yet not be desperate enough to just apply for a press pass??”  - good question.   Something Something ‘Art’, Baby.

“Shoot me through plant fronds? Why would anyone be so desperate to do that, and yet not be desperate enough to just apply for a press pass??” - good question. Something Something ‘Art’, Baby.

I’m shooting with the Pentax, but even the Nikon would take two shots to focus on Keira Knightley after she cleared the plant. Problem is, it’s only one shot until the dude in the middle slips in front of her, blocking her from all view, and needless to say Ms Knightley does not stop, or pause, or turn around as she heads up the stairs. World Premiere, they’re calling it.

I’m shooting with the Pentax, but even the Nikon would take two shots to focus on Keira Knightley after she cleared the plant. Problem is, it’s only one shot until the dude in the middle slips in front of her, blocking her from all view, and needless to say Ms Knightley does not stop, or pause, or turn around as she heads up the stairs. World Premiere, they’re calling it.

… I’m a pessimist, but that’s no reason to stop shooting - I keep tracking Keira Knightley as she gets to the top, and turns right. I kinda like this shot.

… I’m a pessimist, but that’s no reason to stop shooting - I keep tracking Keira Knightley as she gets to the top, and turns right. I kinda like this shot.

So… time to head back to the apartment and pretend that never happened. A “World Premiere” were 2 of 4 attendees didn’t even face half the crowd, a third only glanced at it, and one person happily signed.

But the flowers were exquisite, and it’s +1 for the Archive of Premieres, which is something. If you’re a fan of disappointment, free follow me on facebook, or follow me on twitter

Oh, and to the three people I carelessly barged through on the way to the window after Keira Knightley went in, I am sorry for my rudeness - in my partial defence I am used to people at premieres actively trying to get photos/selfies/autographs (which you weren’t), or to improve their position in the pen (which you weren’t), or leaving (which you weren’t) - thus confused by an unmoving cluster of three people, I moved hastily and roughly in whichever one of in/through/around seemed to work. In retribution, one of you then deliberately nudged me off my step-stool to which I said nothing, after which I was confronted about my rudeness to which I responded with noncommittal brusqueness.

I’m not a social person. Until next time!

24hrs earlier….

“Who’d care about an aftermath when you can have THE MAIN EVENT?”   From left to right - John Evans (Special Effects Supervisor, ‘Batman (1989)’), Terry Ackland-Snow (Art Director, ‘Batman (1989)’), Eddy Joseph (Sound Editor, ‘Batman (1989)’), Chris Kenny (Co-Producer, ‘Batman (1989)’), and interviewer.

“Who’d care about an aftermath when you can have THE MAIN EVENT?”
From left to right - John Evans (Special Effects Supervisor, ‘Batman (1989)’), Terry Ackland-Snow (Art Director, ‘Batman (1989)’), Eddy Joseph (Sound Editor, ‘Batman (1989)’), Chris Kenny (Co-Producer, ‘Batman (1989)’), and interviewer.

3 Feb 2019 - 'The Kid Who Would Be King' Gala Screening

February 3rd, 2019.

It’s a Sunday in London, the snow has melted to the point where the trains can almost claim to be reliable again, and as is often the case I don’t have quite enough to do to prevent me from going to a world premiere. Or premiere. Or even opening gala. Or, as in this case, merely Family Gala Screening.

And yet it ended up being pretty good. Here’s how it went down:

It’s an early February afternoon in London, and it’s not too cold. But more  importantly, I’m wearing a lot of layers and I didn’t have to queue for wristbands or a spot in the public pen for this one.

It’s an early February afternoon in London, and it’s not too cold. But more importantly, I’m wearing a lot of layers and I didn’t have to queue for wristbands or a spot in the public pen for this one.

“You will tell me if anyone important shows up, won’t you?”  - Unlike last Thursday’s “Alita : Battle Angel” (which was a WORLD PREMIERE), this was a weekend “Family Gala Screening”. So re-evaluating expectations downwards is probably a good thing.

“You will tell me if anyone important shows up, won’t you?” - Unlike last Thursday’s “Alita : Battle Angel” (which was a WORLD PREMIERE), this was a weekend “Family Gala Screening”. So re-evaluating expectations downwards is probably a good thing.

Has seen The List for this event and has no idea who Sir Patrick Stewart is.

Has seen The List for this event and has no idea who Sir Patrick Stewart is.

“It’s not as slippery as I’d hoped, but let’s do this”  Joe Cornish is the writer/director of this film - the last time he wrote/directed it was for 2009’s ‘Attack The Block’ though in the meantime he was the writer of such films as Marvel’s Ant-Man, and TinTin Secret of the Unicorn.

“It’s not as slippery as I’d hoped, but let’s do this” Joe Cornish is the writer/director of this film - the last time he wrote/directed it was for 2009’s ‘Attack The Block’ though in the meantime he was the writer of such films as Marvel’s Ant-Man, and TinTin Secret of the Unicorn.

I’ll admit I was slightly distracted from hearing Joe Cornish answer whatever question he was asked because I was keeping an eye on the intense stare of the girl in the urban suit of armour in the background.

I’ll admit I was slightly distracted from hearing Joe Cornish answer whatever question he was asked because I was keeping an eye on the intense stare of the girl in the urban suit of armour in the background.

The German couple to my right (who I discreetly eavesdropped upon without revealing I could understand what they were saying) were good at identifying arrivals : this is Eddie Marsan, who is not actually in this movie… though he was the creepy / slimy headmaster in Deadpool2 among many other roles.

The German couple to my right (who I discreetly eavesdropped upon without revealing I could understand what they were saying) were good at identifying arrivals : this is Eddie Marsan, who is not actually in this movie… though he was the creepy / slimy headmaster in Deadpool2 among many other roles.

I’m kind of worried that of the four expressions in this photo, the one of Tom Taylor (foreground, male) is sadly the least interesting. Given a second chance, I’d have photographed the security guy on the far left.

I’m kind of worried that of the four expressions in this photo, the one of Tom Taylor (foreground, male) is sadly the least interesting. Given a second chance, I’d have photographed the security guy on the far left.

Tom Taylor played the role of ‘Jake’ in ‘The Dark Tower’ a movie I’ve seen and subsequently rewatched to redetermine that I neither liked it nor felt it was quite as awful as everyone said it was. Anyway, I have no idea who the character of ‘Jake’ is from ‘The Dark Tower’…. … I’ve just checked imdb - oh. right. he was the lead.

Tom Taylor played the role of ‘Jake’ in ‘The Dark Tower’ a movie I’ve seen and subsequently rewatched to redetermine that I neither liked it nor felt it was quite as awful as everyone said it was. Anyway, I have no idea who the character of ‘Jake’ is from ‘The Dark Tower’….
… I’ve just checked imdb - oh. right. he was the lead.

Either Rhianna Dorris is reminding me that London Fashion Week is on in less than a fortnight, or something else somewhere is causing me to remember.

Either Rhianna Dorris is reminding me that London Fashion Week is on in less than a fortnight, or something else somewhere is causing me to remember.

“The spotlights are no way near as dense over here as they are where you are…but this could improve your public exposure….”  - Rhianna Dorris’ imdb entry reveals 8 episodes of something called “The Secret Life Of Boys 2”, and 20 episodes of something where she played “herself”

“The spotlights are no way near as dense over here as they are where you are…but this could improve your public exposure….” - Rhianna Dorris’ imdb entry reveals 8 episodes of something called “The Secret Life Of Boys 2”, and 20 episodes of something where she played “herself”

“It would be incorrect to say I had no input into this movie….”  Andy Serkis was Gollum in Lord of the Rings / The Hobbit, Ulysees Klaw in two Marvel films, Snoke in two Star Wars films and he directed ‘Breathe’ and ‘Mowgli’. His attendance here, however, is due to his son, who is in this movie.

“It would be incorrect to say I had no input into this movie….”
Andy Serkis was Gollum in Lord of the Rings / The Hobbit, Ulysees Klaw in two Marvel films, Snoke in two Star Wars films and he directed ‘Breathe’ and ‘Mowgli’. His attendance here, however, is due to his son, who is in this movie.

“They followed me here and they think I’m awesome… can I keep them??” ”….” ”Well obviously they’re paid to say it, I’m just saying What If We Kept Paying Them?”  Louis Ashbourne Serkis plays the lead character ‘Alex’ in this film.

“They followed me here and they think I’m awesome… can I keep them??”
”….”
”Well obviously they’re paid to say it, I’m just saying What If We Kept Paying Them?”

Louis Ashbourne Serkis plays the lead character ‘Alex’ in this film.

“Not on my pocket money, they’re not….”

“Not on my pocket money, they’re not….”

I’m using the quirky 360 degree Ricoh Theta on this shot, not just because I like it as a gimmick, but because I’ve noted that, just like any proud father, Andy Serkis has angled himself in front of the paparazzi cordon to photograph his son being interviewed by Edith Bowman.

I’m using the quirky 360 degree Ricoh Theta on this shot, not just because I like it as a gimmick, but because I’ve noted that, just like any proud father, Andy Serkis has angled himself in front of the paparazzi cordon to photograph his son being interviewed by Edith Bowman.

“Wait… can I somehow tether one or more of your flashes to this mobile phone? I think it would help in the exposure…” -  I can’t even tether the Ricoh Theta to my android phone, something that’s necessary for remote shooting, interval shooting and exposure compensation. It works fine on the iPhone.

“Wait… can I somehow tether one or more of your flashes to this mobile phone? I think it would help in the exposure…” - I can’t even tether the Ricoh Theta to my android phone, something that’s necessary for remote shooting, interval shooting and exposure compensation. It works fine on the iPhone.

“You’re currently an anonymous grey cartoon outline in imdb.com. How many Oscars do you think you’ll want to win before insisting they change that?”  Dean Chaumoo plays third-billed “Bedders” in this film.

“You’re currently an anonymous grey cartoon outline in imdb.com. How many Oscars do you think you’ll want to win before insisting they change that?” Dean Chaumoo plays third-billed “Bedders” in this film.

Despite the momentary excitement of The Germans To My Right, the man on the far left of this photo is (almost certainly) not Oscar winning director Peter Jackson. Or so I (almost certainly) think.

Despite the momentary excitement of The Germans To My Right, the man on the far left of this photo is (almost certainly) not Oscar winning director Peter Jackson. Or so I (almost certainly) think.

“C’mon - he puts so much effort into (securing the right alcohol) for those journals he writes : why doesn’t he get more views?”  Jason Isaacs asks the questions I’d like answered at this premiere… though arguably not the one relating to his attendance. He’s not in this movie…. though I think he brought his daughter to see it.

“C’mon - he puts so much effort into (securing the right alcohol) for those journals he writes : why doesn’t he get more views?” Jason Isaacs asks the questions I’d like answered at this premiere… though arguably not the one relating to his attendance. He’s not in this movie…. though I think he brought his daughter to see it.

“I did all I could, bro”.  I know.

“I did all I could, bro”. I know.

“I’m almost completely certain that vertical stripes will NOT be the Next Big Thing coming out of London Fashion Week. But if I’m wrong, I guess I’d better get as much out of this ensemble as possible before that happens….” - Denise Gough is in this film, as well as last year’s    BFI LFF premiere-ing “Colette”    which I have not yet seen.

“I’m almost completely certain that vertical stripes will NOT be the Next Big Thing coming out of London Fashion Week. But if I’m wrong, I guess I’d better get as much out of this ensemble as possible before that happens….” - Denise Gough is in this film, as well as last year’s BFI LFF premiere-ing “Colette” which I have not yet seen.

“This keyring holds they keys to all the cars in my garage… as well as the garage itself. And I’m entrusting it to you, hoping like hell that I don’t kick myself later because I did it without even asking you for your name”  - Simon Pegg isn’t in this film but he’s worked with both Joe Cornish and the upcoming Rebecca Ferguson

“This keyring holds they keys to all the cars in my garage… as well as the garage itself. And I’m entrusting it to you, hoping like hell that I don’t kick myself later because I did it without even asking you for your name” - Simon Pegg isn’t in this film but he’s worked with both Joe Cornish and the upcoming Rebecca Ferguson

It’s Sir Patrick Stewart !  - he’s in this movie, and as long as this photo is the only thing required as evidence, he and I are great friends. Or I like to think we are, in the absence of any evidence to the contrary.

It’s Sir Patrick Stewart ! - he’s in this movie, and as long as this photo is the only thing required as evidence, he and I are great friends. Or I like to think we are, in the absence of any evidence to the contrary.

Angus Imrie plays the young Patrick Stewart in this movie (or alternatively Patrick Stewart the old Angus Imrie) - apparently they practiced reading speeches together to align their delivery, which is possibly where I’ve gone wrong in that I’ve spent most of the last few decades concentrating on aligning my hairline with Sir Patrick Stewart’s rather than his acting. Oh, well.

Angus Imrie plays the young Patrick Stewart in this movie (or alternatively Patrick Stewart the old Angus Imrie) - apparently they practiced reading speeches together to align their delivery, which is possibly where I’ve gone wrong in that I’ve spent most of the last few decades concentrating on aligning my hairline with Sir Patrick Stewart’s rather than his acting. Oh, well.

“Regardless of what any of them tell you, I did not bindingly agree to adopt any one or all of them”   - Patrick Stewart is best known for any number of iconic roles, ranging from Captain Jean-Luc Picard in Star Trek the Next Generation and Professor X in the X-Men films… to … erm… the Poop Emoji in that movie I’m not diginfying with its title.

“Regardless of what any of them tell you, I did not bindingly agree to adopt any one or all of them”
- Patrick Stewart is best known for any number of iconic roles, ranging from Captain Jean-Luc Picard in Star Trek the Next Generation and Professor X in the X-Men films… to … erm… the Poop Emoji in that movie I’m not diginfying with its title.

It’s Patrick Stewart… and the matter of the five dollars he still owes hangs uncomfortably between us.

It’s Patrick Stewart… and the matter of the five dollars he still owes hangs uncomfortably between us.

“Nope… I’m not uncomfortable in the least, Edith. Why do you ask?”

“Nope… I’m not uncomfortable in the least, Edith. Why do you ask?”

“I’m pretty sure these belong to Patrick. I have no idea what they’re doing here”  - It’s Rebecca Ferguson! She’s in this movie, and has also been in the last two mission impossible movies (   Rogue Nation    and    Fallout   )

“I’m pretty sure these belong to Patrick. I have no idea what they’re doing here”
- It’s Rebecca Ferguson! She’s in this movie, and has also been in the last two mission impossible movies (Rogue Nation and Fallout)

“You can keep the handbag if you give me Simon Pegg’s car keys”

“You can keep the handbag if you give me Simon Pegg’s car keys”

I feel like Rebecca Ferguson and I are sharing A Moment, but I fear the Germans next to me might claim ownership of some percentage of that moment.

I feel like Rebecca Ferguson and I are sharing A Moment, but I fear the Germans next to me might claim ownership of some percentage of that moment.

“If it’s not a cinematic universe, it soon will be”.  With any luck, any movie can have Bruce Willis or Nick Fury show up at the end.

“If it’s not a cinematic universe, it soon will be”.
With any luck, any movie can have Bruce Willis or Nick Fury show up at the end.

“All of a sudden, and apropos of nothing, I’ve suddenly realised why most cartoons characters are drawn with three or four fingers and not five. Isn’t that weird?”

“All of a sudden, and apropos of nothing, I’ve suddenly realised why most cartoons characters are drawn with three or four fingers and not five. Isn’t that weird?”

So.. that was that, and it was quite enjoyable. But London has only one film event and no confirmed premieres at all until the start of April, so it might be a bit quiet on this site again.

Unless you count London Fashion Week, of course (,darling!)

See you for that!

+1 for the Archive of Premieres (I’m still crawling towards 500)
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31 Jan 2019 - The 'Alita : Battle Angel' World Premiere

January 31st, 2019.

Well, it’s another year… and it seems I might just get to do This Hobby Of Mine again. Mainly because the exertions of these events continues to be compatible with the rest of my duties : dating supermodels, solving crimes internationally and running a burgeoning business empire. All that, and I’ve got leftovers in the fridge that I can heat up while doing the photo-editing.

So…. it’s Alita Battle Angel’s World Premiere to start off the year, and here’s how it went down:

First journal photo for the year comes from my new ‘toy’ - a Ricoh Theta 360-degree camera I picked up remarkably cheaply in Japan last time I was there  (“remarkably cheaply” in this case being defined as “we’ve got a new model coming out but this fool doesn’t know that… let’s sell him one of the old ones since he doesn’t know better”)  .

First journal photo for the year comes from my new ‘toy’ - a Ricoh Theta 360-degree camera I picked up remarkably cheaply in Japan last time I was there (“remarkably cheaply” in this case being defined as “we’ve got a new model coming out but this fool doesn’t know that… let’s sell him one of the old ones since he doesn’t know better”) .

The temperature for this one hovered around a balmy 2 degrees celsius, but fortunately I was wearing no less than four layers of clothing : two thermal, one fleecy, one a ski jacket. This isn’t my first rodeo… but it’s worth pointing out my last  actual  rodeo involved mid-thirty degree temperatures and sunburn.

The temperature for this one hovered around a balmy 2 degrees celsius, but fortunately I was wearing no less than four layers of clothing : two thermal, one fleecy, one a ski jacket. This isn’t my first rodeo… but it’s worth pointing out my last actual rodeo involved mid-thirty degree temperatures and sunburn.

“Please don’t disturb me - I hear James Cameron is going to show up and I really want to impress him with my mad camera-wielding skillz” ”Unless you’re dual-wielding handheld 3D cameras there’s almost no chance of that happening, Jack”

“Please don’t disturb me - I hear James Cameron is going to show up and I really want to impress him with my mad camera-wielding skillz”
”Unless you’re dual-wielding handheld 3D cameras there’s almost no chance of that happening, Jack”

“Check it out : it’s me and Robert Rodriguez!!!” ”Where’s Robert Rodriguez?” ”I’m going to composite him in later….”

“Check it out : it’s me and Robert Rodriguez!!!”
”Where’s Robert Rodriguez?”
”I’m going to composite him in later….”

“I don’t drive a family car - I gotta a twin-SEATER / My girlfriend’s real messy but I’m a lot NEATER / If you’re feeling cold maybe buy a new HEATER / Fly into Tokyo - via Haneda or NARITA / Come on all yo’ fools, rhyme something with ALITA !”    - your good friend and mine Mr Impact made close to one (1) of those rhymes as he presided over the warmup portion of the event. Sadly, I had double phone-conference calls scheduled from 8pm and was thus unable to unleash my fearsome rap skillz in aid of freeness at this premiere…

“I don’t drive a family car - I gotta a twin-SEATER / My girlfriend’s real messy but I’m a lot NEATER / If you’re feeling cold maybe buy a new HEATER / Fly into Tokyo - via Haneda or NARITA / Come on all yo’ fools, rhyme something with ALITA !”
- your good friend and mine Mr Impact made close to one (1) of those rhymes as he presided over the warmup portion of the event. Sadly, I had double phone-conference calls scheduled from 8pm and was thus unable to unleash my fearsome rap skillz in aid of freeness at this premiere…

With temperatures nervously eyeing freezing point, the event finally gets underway. As previously stated, I’m wearing four layers of clothing, but that’s on my upper body. Lower body, socks and hands are not quite as warmly attired.

With temperatures nervously eyeing freezing point, the event finally gets underway. As previously stated, I’m wearing four layers of clothing, but that’s on my upper body. Lower body, socks and hands are not quite as warmly attired.

With eyes that large, you can see weird angles and into all kind of uncanny valleys. Still… script by James Cameron, so I’m somewhat optimistic.

With eyes that large, you can see weird angles and into all kind of uncanny valleys. Still… script by James Cameron, so I’m somewhat optimistic.

“What do you mean ‘I can’t read that’? No, of course I can’t read that… it’s facing away from me!”

“What do you mean ‘I can’t read that’? No, of course I can’t read that… it’s facing away from me!”

“Damn straight the robots are taking over. Join us and get that early-mover advantage is my advice…”

“Damn straight the robots are taking over. Join us and get that early-mover advantage is my advice…”

Jon Landau is a producer on this film - he’s produced (among other things) the James Cameron directed    ‘Avatar’    and    ‘Titanic’   , as well as… .erm…. 1990’s Dick Tracy and 1989’s Honey I Shrunk The Kids.

Jon Landau is a producer on this film - he’s produced (among other things) the James Cameron directed ‘Avatar’ and ‘Titanic’, as well as… .erm…. 1990’s Dick Tracy and 1989’s Honey I Shrunk The Kids.

“No you can’t have my snakeskin jacket. I killed it and skinned it and it would be a betrayal of its will to live to hand it over cheaply”  - Robert Rodriguez is this film’s director (he’s directed such films as “Sin City”, “El Mariachi” and that one “Predators” sequel everyone’s forgotten that I think isn’t half bad.

“No you can’t have my snakeskin jacket. I killed it and skinned it and it would be a betrayal of its will to live to hand it over cheaply” - Robert Rodriguez is this film’s director (he’s directed such films as “Sin City”, “El Mariachi” and that one “Predators” sequel everyone’s forgotten that I think isn’t half bad.

“You see, there’s this ‘Talent Moat’ they put on carpets, and you’ll notice I’m on one side of it and… how best to put this…. you’re not. You’re on the other.”  - Robert Rodriguez was very nice - crossing the talent moat more than once to sign autograph, pose for selfies and (I’m guessing) accept well-deserved compliments on his hat and jacket.

“You see, there’s this ‘Talent Moat’ they put on carpets, and you’ll notice I’m on one side of it and… how best to put this…. you’re not. You’re on the other.” - Robert Rodriguez was very nice - crossing the talent moat more than once to sign autograph, pose for selfies and (I’m guessing) accept well-deserved compliments on his hat and jacket.

“It took six hours to defeat it, Alex. When its skin didn’t turn out to have pinstripes, sure, I was disappointed. But I moved on. Also… what was the question again?”  - This movie had long been one that screenwriter James Cameron had been attached to. But (sigh) James Cameron has dedicated the past decade to releasing a grand total of… erm… zero movies in order to work on &lt;checks&gt; those &lt;rechecks&gt; four Avatar Sequels that they are apparently really going to release. Eventually.

“It took six hours to defeat it, Alex. When its skin didn’t turn out to have pinstripes, sure, I was disappointed. But I moved on. Also… what was the question again?” - This movie had long been one that screenwriter James Cameron had been attached to. But (sigh) James Cameron has dedicated the past decade to releasing a grand total of… erm… zero movies in order to work on <checks> those <rechecks> four Avatar Sequels that they are apparently really going to release. Eventually.

“I didn’t kill an animal to secure the hat, but you’d better believe I’m willing to die to retain it…. just kidding I can give you the name of the shop I bought it from.”

“I didn’t kill an animal to secure the hat, but you’d better believe I’m willing to die to retain it…. just kidding I can give you the name of the shop I bought it from.”

Jennifer Connelly is both very pretty, and currently wearing a dress seemingly inspired by those styrofoam mesh/bags they use in Japan to stop individual fruits from bruising.

Jennifer Connelly is both very pretty, and currently wearing a dress seemingly inspired by those styrofoam mesh/bags they use in Japan to stop individual fruits from bruising.

Christoph Waltz, meanwhile has two Academy Awards to Jennifer Connelly’s one (and James Cameron’s three) - he won best supporting Actor for the two Quentin Tarantino movies    “Inglourious Basterds”    and “   Django Unchained   ”.

Christoph Waltz, meanwhile has two Academy Awards to Jennifer Connelly’s one (and James Cameron’s three) - he won best supporting Actor for the two Quentin Tarantino movies “Inglourious Basterds” and “Django Unchained”.

“So wait…. everyone I’ve seen ties a scarf so that the two ends pass through a central loop, creating a double layer of heat retention. You seem to have gone with some kind of…. tie… thing? Also while I’ve got you up here, what’s Robert Rodriguez like to work with. Is he nice? He seems nice”

“So wait…. everyone I’ve seen ties a scarf so that the two ends pass through a central loop, creating a double layer of heat retention. You seem to have gone with some kind of…. tie… thing? Also while I’ve got you up here, what’s Robert Rodriguez like to work with. Is he nice? He seems nice”

Are you reading an extract from a spec script you’re planning to submit to James Cameron when he gets here?” ”Perhaps, perhaps…. But what if I were to read it in the form of a question you could answer?”

Are you reading an extract from a spec script you’re planning to submit to James Cameron when he gets here?”
”Perhaps, perhaps…. But what if I were to read it in the form of a question you could answer?”

“Are you taking scans of my fingerprints for nefarious purposes or something?”  Robert Rodriguez signs in our area. RIGHT in our area.

“Are you taking scans of my fingerprints for nefarious purposes or something?”
Robert Rodriguez signs in our area. RIGHT in our area.

Christoph Waltz, it turns out (and I have this on very good authority) strongly prefers not to sign blank pieces of paper. I am presently unable to think of a plausible or suitably wacky reason for this.

Christoph Waltz, it turns out (and I have this on very good authority) strongly prefers not to sign blank pieces of paper. I am presently unable to think of a plausible or suitably wacky reason for this.

“You brought a large scale replica of the Titanic to sign? Erm… well… watch out for the freezing weather is all I can say…”

“You brought a large scale replica of the Titanic to sign? Erm… well… watch out for the freezing weather is all I can say…”

Rosa Salazar plays the titular Battle Angel named ‘Alita’ in the film, though she was also in two of those ‘Maze Runner’ movies all the millennials probably now deny having watched and loved

Rosa Salazar plays the titular Battle Angel named ‘Alita’ in the film, though she was also in two of those ‘Maze Runner’ movies all the millennials probably now deny having watched and loved

“So were you wearing eye implants to make your eyes look that big? Or was it a full mask? Or some kind of prosthetic? … or did they maybe shrink your whole body just to make your eyes look proportionally larger? I’m going to keep guessing even if you don’t give me a clue….”

“So were you wearing eye implants to make your eyes look that big? Or was it a full mask? Or some kind of prosthetic? … or did they maybe shrink your whole body just to make your eyes look proportionally larger? I’m going to keep guessing even if you don’t give me a clue….”

“Is it a spoiler if I tell him about how digital effects work?”

“Is it a spoiler if I tell him about how digital effects work?”

“No, honestly, I’m not in the least bit cold….. …… …….. ………. And I’m an Oscar winning actress, andTHAT’S why you believe me! And… of course I’m freaking cold!”

“No, honestly, I’m not in the least bit cold…..
……
…….. ……….
And I’m an Oscar winning actress, andTHAT’S why you believe me! And… of course I’m freaking cold!”

Jennifer Connelly has decided that she will answer those questions quickly, rather than linger on stage in what I’m loosely going to call “a dress”

Jennifer Connelly has decided that she will answer those questions quickly, rather than linger on stage in what I’m loosely going to call “a dress”

“Of course, any similarity between my spec script and the basic plot of Titanic is purely coincidental, and I’m fairly sure James Cameron will never notice…”

“Of course, any similarity between my spec script and the basic plot of Titanic is purely coincidental, and I’m fairly sure James Cameron will never notice…”

“The Girl behind you says she’s your biggest fan and knows what hotel you’re staying and looks forward to meeting you later this evening … that’s not creepy, right? Also, for legal reasons I just want to point out that Mad Jared who splices our camera feeds is pretty slow and my notes might refer to the girl we showed before this girl, … or the guy we show up next”  - Keean Johnson is in this film, and only partially as worried as he maybe should be.

“The Girl behind you says she’s your biggest fan and knows what hotel you’re staying and looks forward to meeting you later this evening … that’s not creepy, right? Also, for legal reasons I just want to point out that Mad Jared who splices our camera feeds is pretty slow and my notes might refer to the girl we showed before this girl, … or the guy we show up next”
- Keean Johnson is in this film, and only partially as worried as he maybe should be.

“It’s suddenly become too cold to ask questions, so I’m going to cut you a break. How about you ask yourself any question you want, and then you answer it. How does that work for you?”

“It’s suddenly become too cold to ask questions, so I’m going to cut you a break. How about you ask yourself any question you want, and then you answer it. How does that work for you?”

Yukito Kishiro is the creator of the manga upon which Alita Battle Angel was based. If his beret has a name, I am not presently able to determine what it is.

Yukito Kishiro is the creator of the manga upon which Alita Battle Angel was based. If his beret has a name, I am not presently able to determine what it is.

“Glad y’all showed up. Anyone wanna lend me a beanie? A single glove? Anything at all to keep me even slightly warm? “  Dua Lipa is a…. I’m going to say singer?

“Glad y’all showed up. Anyone wanna lend me a beanie? A single glove? Anything at all to keep me even slightly warm? “ Dua Lipa is a…. I’m going to say singer?

“Alex, if you don’t do the gentlemanly thing and offer me your jacket, I’m going to do the gentlemanly thing and threaten to shoot you”

“Alex, if you don’t do the gentlemanly thing and offer me your jacket, I’m going to do the gentlemanly thing and threaten to shoot you”

“I get the feeling she meant that… fortunately she was far too cold to hold the gun steady….Also, it’s James Cameron everybody!!!”

“I get the feeling she meant that… fortunately she was far too cold to hold the gun steady….Also, it’s James Cameron everybody!!!”

“I hope you haven’t brought me a spec script, Alex. I strongly prefer to write, produce and direct my own….”

“I hope you haven’t brought me a spec script, Alex. I strongly prefer to write, produce and direct my own….”

“Well, it’s not so much a spec script as a script that I’ve written that I’m also happy to produce and direct if you give it your blessing….. and maybe if you were to bankroll it to the tune of a couple hundred million….”

“Well, it’s not so much a spec script as a script that I’ve written that I’m also happy to produce and direct if you give it your blessing….. and maybe if you were to bankroll it to the tune of a couple hundred million….”

“Mom, if you’re watching this that tattoo on my arm is totally digital. TOTALLY DIGITAL. Peace, Out!”

“Mom, if you’re watching this that tattoo on my arm is totally digital. TOTALLY DIGITAL. Peace, Out!”

So… that was that. Premiere #1 for the year, Premiere #484 all-time… and let’s see how much time remains on the clock before this stops. There’s another one this weekend, and the Baftas the following weekend if I can somehow secure a wristband based on their “we’re handing out even LESS wristbands this year!!!” philosophy…

But that’s another issue for another time. For now, it’s +1 for the Archive of Premieres…. as well as my traditional invite for all-comers to feel free to follow me on twitter or facebook if you ever want to know when I post one of these things (or at times note the 5- or 10- year anniversary of a premiere I went to).

Until next time!