17 Jul 2019 - From The Edge of 'The Edge' (World) Premiere

July 17th, 2019.

When it’s announced that a premiere is confirmed at the Picturehouse Central cinema, my heart typically sinks. That’s because although occasionally diverting and sometimes unusual, a Picturehouse Central event typically involves standing outside the cinema in an alleyway while stars all but sprint 5 metres from a car drop-off point to the cinema entry, sometimes looking left, sometimes looking right, occasionally looking in neither direction and often not stopping or even slowing down.

But hey, this was a WORLD PREMIERE. Surely this would go a whole heap better… right? Well, here’s a seven** (**now eight) -photo journal entry…. make of that what you will.

The good news is, since I’m from Australia, I’m naturally not much of a fan of English cricket, so there was never a lot to miss if it all went either horribly wrong, or (meaning the same thing: ) “as expected”.

If nothing else, the Picturehouse Cenral is one of the few London cinemas where it’s possible to order a coffee and quite nice matcha-and-apricot-muffin/blondie just two hours before a world premiere is set to get underway.

If nothing else, the Picturehouse Cenral is one of the few London cinemas where it’s possible to order a coffee and quite nice matcha-and-apricot-muffin/blondie just two hours before a world premiere is set to get underway.

And you probably thought the lack of balloons, twigs, branches and other celebratory decorations (as well as Dealers, Carpets, Barriers, Wristbands, Securities) meant nothing was happening! All the evidence you’d ever need to conclude a World Premiere was taking place is right here in this photo.

And you probably thought the lack of balloons, twigs, branches and other celebratory decorations (as well as Dealers, Carpets, Barriers, Wristbands, Securities) meant nothing was happening! All the evidence you’d ever need to conclude a World Premiere was taking place is right here in this photo.

We now have an old dude and a unidirectinal microphone sitting next to the “poster” for the film. So that’s something. Meanwhile, I’m using my Huawei phone to take photos discreetly as any other camera might be considered overkill. The resolution is a bit disappointing for a 40MP phone camera even at short distances, but the colour rendition on the floor is pretty neat.

We now have an old dude and a unidirectinal microphone sitting next to the “poster” for the film. So that’s something. Meanwhile, I’m using my Huawei phone to take photos discreetly as any other camera might be considered overkill. The resolution is a bit disappointing for a 40MP phone camera even at short distances, but the colour rendition on the floor is pretty neat.

We have an arrival! (And it’s the only arrival I stayed for!). The director of this documentary is Barney Douglas, and though he’s currently a grey featureless silhouette on imdb.com, I recognised him from an online image search I conducted earlier in the day.

We have an arrival! (And it’s the only arrival I stayed for!). The director of this documentary is Barney Douglas, and though he’s currently a grey featureless silhouette on imdb.com, I recognised him from an online image search I conducted earlier in the day.

Although I’m focussing on director Barney Douglas, I’ve realised that the woman on the left has an incredible range of facial expressions that is in many ways more compelling than the director (with apologies to both her AND the director…).

Although I’m focussing on director Barney Douglas, I’ve realised that the woman on the left has an incredible range of facial expressions that is in many ways more compelling than the director (with apologies to both her AND the director…).

Total number of diptych-style shots taken of   “Lady At Left, Director In Distance At Right”   - approximately 140. But I’ll leave the sample size at three, and save the other 137-ish for an exhibition I could actually be induced to hold one day.

Total number of diptych-style shots taken of “Lady At Left, Director In Distance At Right” - approximately 140. But I’ll leave the sample size at three, and save the other 137-ish for an exhibition I could actually be induced to hold one day.

Okay one more. It’s not like I don’t have another 136-ish spare. Also, I think this is the best ‘mirroring’ of expressions by the Lady at left, and Director in distance at right. (You’re welcome!!)

Okay one more. It’s not like I don’t have another 136-ish spare. Also, I think this is the best ‘mirroring’ of expressions by the Lady at left, and Director in distance at right. (You’re welcome!!)

“I’m not saying you need a wristband… after all you directed the film. But would you like one? We’ve got several.”

“I’m not saying you need a wristband… after all you directed the film. But would you like one? We’ve got several.”

So that… was more or less that : a few cricketers did attend, but near as I can tell I’d have to have waited another hour to photograph them.

I doubt I’ll bother posting social media ‘arrows’ pointing at this journal, so if you’re reading this : congratulations - you’re reading something crappy, but it’s EXCLUSIVE and crappy, and you have to admit that that’s kind of special..

I’m going to go home now, and rethink my life. (Oh wait.. I’m already there, typing this. That was fast).

Until next time!

14 Jul 2019 - The 'Lion King (2019)' European Premiere

July 14th, 2019.

Before you even ask, no I did not photograph Beyonce at this premiere. She arrived after the Royals did, and as far as I can tell she never posed for a single outdoor paparazzi let alone set foot in the centre part of Leicester Square where all of what I’ll loosely call ‘The Fans’ were. But fair enough, maybe she was running late, the Limo got lost, or she didn’t want to upstage actual royalty by overshading them at her movie’s premiere. And Elton John didn’t go into the centre part of the Square either, and somehow I missed Vin Diesel. Other than that, though, here’s how it went down:

It rained heavily in the morning of the event, so the Covers stayed on into the aftenoon. And initially, Security had planned to place us ALL outside the centre of Leicester Square, on the assumption that all of us with low number wrisbands were autograph dealers and wanted to be at drop-off. My preference : stay where the ‘action’ was… fortunately there was a pen next to the stage for people who wanted to stay.

It rained heavily in the morning of the event, so the Covers stayed on into the aftenoon. And initially, Security had planned to place us ALL outside the centre of Leicester Square, on the assumption that all of us with low number wrisbands were autograph dealers and wanted to be at drop-off. My preference : stay where the ‘action’ was… fortunately there was a pen next to the stage for people who wanted to stay.

The view from my spot (or rather, the top of my GoPro-on-a-selfie-stick) - with the stage behind and to my right. (Obviously the carpet was never this empty once it got started…. and obviously the words “Lion King” weren’t written upside-down on the carpet. Disney are fairly coldly professional like that.)

The view from my spot (or rather, the top of my GoPro-on-a-selfie-stick) - with the stage behind and to my right. (Obviously the carpet was never this empty once it got started…. and obviously the words “Lion King” weren’t written upside-down on the carpet. Disney are fairly coldly professional like that.)

“Please don’t ask me what’s in the plastic bag. And on a related note, please keep that sniffer dog away from me. And finally, on a possibly only tangential note, please don’t ask me about the live meerkats Disney had planned to have roaming the carpet to liven up the premiere. Okay, bye, now!!”

“Please don’t ask me what’s in the plastic bag. And on a related note, please keep that sniffer dog away from me. And finally, on a possibly only tangential note, please don’t ask me about the live meerkats Disney had planned to have roaming the carpet to liven up the premiere. Okay, bye, now!!”

“Who soiled the carpet? I have no idea, but the giant footprints might offer some clue…”

“Who soiled the carpet? I have no idea, but the giant footprints might offer some clue…”

“Tom, I’m here in what I’m guessing is “Europe” for the “European Premiere” of a movie I’m certain was already a Disney animated feature back in 1994., but has now been made into a computer-generated animated feature More information once the confusion clears….or whenever they release “Mulan” in theatres.”

“Tom, I’m here in what I’m guessing is “Europe” for the “European Premiere” of a movie I’m certain was already a Disney animated feature back in 1994., but has now been made into a computer-generated animated feature More information once the confusion clears….or whenever they release “Mulan” in theatres.”

“Can I have another look at that map?” ”Why, can you understand it?” ”No…”

“Can I have another look at that map?”
”Why, can you understand it?”
”No…”

Excellent news : your good friend and mine Hakeem Mister Impact and his tame dejay Pryde Rockz Da Hizzie were on-hand for the warmup component of the event. He didn’t invite anyone to rap for valuable Freeness, which is a pity as I’d shortlisted Flyin’, Lyin’, Cryin’, Sighin’ and Vibin'’ as things that tentatively rhyme with “Lion”. (And I was wearing my shiny brass “L.A.” cap for most of the event, too…)

Excellent news : your good friend and mine Hakeem Mister Impact and his tame dejay Pryde Rockz Da Hizzie were on-hand for the warmup component of the event. He didn’t invite anyone to rap for valuable Freeness, which is a pity as I’d shortlisted Flyin’, Lyin’, Cryin’, Sighin’ and Vibin'’ as things that tentatively rhyme with “Lion”. (And I was wearing my shiny brass “L.A.” cap for most of the event, too…)

“Puttin’ lights under the words of the parchment doesn’t suddenly make it ironic, people….”   Will.I.Am Shakesman has a point.

“Puttin’ lights under the words of the parchment doesn’t suddenly make it ironic, people….”
Will.I.Am Shakesman has a point.

“OMG is that PRINCE HARRY???” ”No, and you’re about an hour early and there’s no way they’ll let you stay on the carpet until he arrives” ”But he’s wearing a jacket, shirt and tie, Debra… are you sure???”

“OMG is that PRINCE HARRY???”
”No, and you’re about an hour early and there’s no way they’ll let you stay on the carpet until he arrives”
”But he’s wearing a jacket, shirt and tie, Debra… are you sure???”

“He’s here?? He’s HERE!! By the way, I hope you’re talking about me. Because I’m here.”  Keegan-Michael Key plays the role of the Hyena ‘Kamari’ in the film, and also had a voice role in ‘Toy Story 4’ which had its premiere in London a few weeks ago.

“He’s here?? He’s HERE!! By the way, I hope you’re talking about me. Because I’m here.”
Keegan-Michael Key plays the role of the Hyena ‘Kamari’ in the film, and also had a voice role in ‘Toy Story 4’ which had its premiere in London a few weeks ago.

In the absence of photographing Beyonce at this premiere (and having never photographed her before), I dub this Beyonce. I hope her new album and/or fragrance and/or diversified hedge fund does well.

In the absence of photographing Beyonce at this premiere (and having never photographed her before), I dub this Beyonce. I hope her new album and/or fragrance and/or diversified hedge fund does well.

Although there’s no real evidence, I like to think this is Nathalie Emmanuel, who played ‘Missandei’ in Game of Thrones. But then I like to think a lot of things about people I photograph.

Although there’s no real evidence, I like to think this is Nathalie Emmanuel, who played ‘Missandei’ in Game of Thrones. But then I like to think a lot of things about people I photograph.

"Of course I'd love to save up money and travel to Wakanda myself... I hear it's lovely this time of year" "That's nice. I'm based in Germany, actually" "Oh...."  Florence Kasumba is possibly best known for playing the role of ‘Ayo’ in Black Panther / Avengers.

"Of course I'd love to save up money and travel to Wakanda myself... I hear it's lovely this time of year"
"That's nice. I'm based in Germany, actually"
"Oh...."

Florence Kasumba is possibly best known for playing the role of ‘Ayo’ in Black Panther / Avengers.

“I never said I was better than Whoopi Goldberg as being a hyena : I merely pointed out that I’m TALLER. NO, not in animation terms… are you even listening to me??”

“I never said I was better than Whoopi Goldberg as being a hyena : I merely pointed out that I’m TALLER. NO, not in animation terms… are you even listening to me??”

“Okay, I’ll smile. But mainly because I also have money riding on that bet you placed”  Florence Kasumba is a German-based actress who’d actually had a year of experience playing her character on stage before playing it in this film.

“Okay, I’ll smile. But mainly because I also have money riding on that bet you placed”
Florence Kasumba is a German-based actress who’d actually had a year of experience playing her character on stage before playing it in this film.

“So the reason they’re not showing either the Wimbledon Final or the cricket World Cup final on the big screen they’ve got up there is….?” ”Because there’s a European premiere on….” ”But literally everyone looking at the screen is at the European Premiere anyway!!”

“So the reason they’re not showing either the Wimbledon Final or the cricket World Cup final on the big screen they’ve got up there is….?”
”Because there’s a European premiere on….”
”But literally everyone looking at the screen is at the European Premiere anyway!!”

“Right now you’re wondering if this beard is real, or CG. And THAT’S how good Disney has gotten at this”  Seth Rogen plays the role of the warthog Pumbaa in this film. I’ve only photographed him once before, and that was this year at    the premiere of “Long Shot”    with Charlize Theron

“Right now you’re wondering if this beard is real, or CG. And THAT’S how good Disney has gotten at this”
Seth Rogen plays the role of the warthog Pumbaa in this film. I’ve only photographed him once before, and that was this year at the premiere of “Long Shot” with Charlize Theron

“And now you’re wondering if the slight wisps of wind moving the beard might also be CG… am I right? Please don’t ask me any questions on any subject other than this. As you can see I’m very passionate about this”

“And now you’re wondering if the slight wisps of wind moving the beard might also be CG… am I right? Please don’t ask me any questions on any subject other than this. As you can see I’m very passionate about this”

“Finally - remember to stay hydrated. Look at me : I’m carrying a bottle of water that’s not even open and yet I feel as hydrated as if I’d just taken a shower. Hydration is important, people…” ”…..” ”Oh, and also : watch this movie. Disney loves you.”

“Finally - remember to stay hydrated. Look at me : I’m carrying a bottle of water that’s not even open and yet I feel as hydrated as if I’d just taken a shower. Hydration is important, people…”
”…..”
”Oh, and also : watch this movie. Disney loves you.”

You might not have heard of Lebo M, but I’m almost 100% you’ve HEARD Lebo M - his is the voice that’s the first thing you hear in this and the original Lion King movie - the sun rising and somebody singing something that sounds like   “NAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANTS ingonyama bagithi baba“   (or nearest equivalent)

You might not have heard of Lebo M, but I’m almost 100% you’ve HEARD Lebo M - his is the voice that’s the first thing you hear in this and the original Lion King movie - the sun rising and somebody singing something that sounds like “NAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANTS ingonyama bagithi baba“ (or nearest equivalent)

“You wanna hear me sing it MY way? Okay… stand by”

“You wanna hear me sing it MY way? Okay… stand by”

“NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-sing along if you have the skill of circular breathing otherwise this is gonna get you light-headed as we continue - AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA—-”

“NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-sing along if you have the skill of circular breathing otherwise this is gonna get you light-headed as we continue - AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA—-”

“That lady over there looks unhappy. Maybe my dress will cheer her up? It certainly cheered ME up!”  I believe this is Maya Jama but I’m not entirely familiar with her, or the emotional possibilities of her attire.

“That lady over there looks unhappy. Maybe my dress will cheer her up? It certainly cheered ME up!”
I believe this is Maya Jama but I’m not entirely familiar with her, or the emotional possibilities of her attire.

“You didn’t have to write the answers to the questions they’re about to ask me on your hand. I don’t think they’ll be THAT hard….”  comedian Billy Eichner plays the role of the meerkat Timon in the film.

“You didn’t have to write the answers to the questions they’re about to ask me on your hand. I don’t think they’ll be THAT hard….” comedian Billy Eichner plays the role of the meerkat Timon in the film.

“This isn’t a Jedi mind trick per se… but I’d appreciate it if you could move my car so it’s more conveniently parked for when I want to leave the cinema later on…”

“This isn’t a Jedi mind trick per se… but I’d appreciate it if you could move my car so it’s more conveniently parked for when I want to leave the cinema later on…”

“Wait a minute, Jo… I just want to see what that guy’s going to do with my car…”

“Wait a minute, Jo… I just want to see what that guy’s going to do with my car…”

Okay, fine, so I somehow missed photographing Vin Diesel when he failed to come anywhere near me, or entirely face in my direction through the crowds of people on the red (yellow) carpet. At least, and possibly more importantly, the photos of the lion, monkey and warthog in this photo are in focus.

Okay, fine, so I somehow missed photographing Vin Diesel when he failed to come anywhere near me, or entirely face in my direction through the crowds of people on the red (yellow) carpet. At least, and possibly more importantly, the photos of the lion, monkey and warthog in this photo are in focus.

“Is that lady photobombing me? Damnit… I’m wearing SHORTS especially at this premiere”  - behind the smiling lady is 13-time-Grammy Winner Pharell Williams, who produced several songs for the soundtrack of this movie (or I’m guessing ‘variants of songs from the original’?)

“Is that lady photobombing me? Damnit… I’m wearing SHORTS especially at this premiere” - behind the smiling lady is 13-time-Grammy Winner Pharell Williams, who produced several songs for the soundtrack of this movie (or I’m guessing ‘variants of songs from the original’?)

“You composed above the shorts…. what does that say about you?”  My opinion on shorts is limited to the temperature above which I will consider wearing them (and thereby subjecting innocent bystanders to the whiteness of my legs). It’s 40 degrees Celsius. Or anytime I’m in Singapore.

“You composed above the shorts…. what does that say about you?” My opinion on shorts is limited to the temperature above which I will consider wearing them (and thereby subjecting innocent bystanders to the whiteness of my legs). It’s 40 degrees Celsius. Or anytime I’m in Singapore.

“No, that button boots up the AI so that it can digitally remove your hat from appearing in the photo so you don’t have to suffer the inconvenience of having to take it off and risk looking ridiculous” ”But what if I WANT to look ridiculous” ”The A.I. knows better than you do, dear…”

“No, that button boots up the AI so that it can digitally remove your hat from appearing in the photo so you don’t have to suffer the inconvenience of having to take it off and risk looking ridiculous”
”But what if I WANT to look ridiculous”
”The A.I. knows better than you do, dear…”

“Well, on behalf of my good friends at Disney, I’d certainly prefer you watch the movie than NOT watch this movie, of course!”  - Jon Favreau directed this film - his second in the vague category of “live-action remake of Disney animated properties” - the other being    ‘The Jungle Book’ in 2016   .

“Well, on behalf of my good friends at Disney, I’d certainly prefer you watch the movie than NOT watch this movie, of course!” - Jon Favreau directed this film - his second in the vague category of “live-action remake of Disney animated properties” - the other being ‘The Jungle Book’ in 2016.

“Have any of you ever TRIED to pick up a lion cub and hand it to a monkey, especially when its parents are around? Of course we were never going to do this as a live-action film! We’d be MAD to try!”  Interesting fact: when I posted this photo on facebook and attempted to tag it “Jon Favreau” (who has 400K followers) it said I don’t have permission to do that. (Although I do have permission to tag the Duke, Duchess, Hans Zimmer, Tim Rice and everyone else… just not Jon Favreau.)

“Have any of you ever TRIED to pick up a lion cub and hand it to a monkey, especially when its parents are around? Of course we were never going to do this as a live-action film! We’d be MAD to try!”
Interesting fact: when I posted this photo on facebook and attempted to tag it “Jon Favreau” (who has 400K followers) it said I don’t have permission to do that. (Although I do have permission to tag the Duke, Duchess, Hans Zimmer, Tim Rice and everyone else… just not Jon Favreau.)

“Alfre Woodard? I can sign as her. Chiwetel Ejiofor? I don’t think he’s coming either - i can totally sign as him. Elton John? Hell why not - I’ll sign as him. James Earl Jones? He’s awesome… I’ll totally sign as him…. anyone else??”

“Alfre Woodard? I can sign as her. Chiwetel Ejiofor? I don’t think he’s coming either - i can totally sign as him. Elton John? Hell why not - I’ll sign as him. James Earl Jones? He’s awesome… I’ll totally sign as him…. anyone else??”

“I didn’t bring them with me… but they are shiny”  - Tim Rice was the lyricist for the songs in the original Lion King (which are also in this movie) - and has won three Best Original Song Oscars - for Evita (“You Must Love Me”), Aladdin (“A Whole New World”) and, appropriately, “The Lion King” (“Circle of Life”)

“I didn’t bring them with me… but they are shiny” - Tim Rice was the lyricist for the songs in the original Lion King (which are also in this movie) - and has won three Best Original Song Oscars - for Evita (“You Must Love Me”), Aladdin (“A Whole New World”) and, appropriately, “The Lion King” (“Circle of Life”)

“Oh, I see Jon Favreau already did most of the names you need, including mine…. but I can sign as Hans Zimmer or Pharrell Williams if you want?”

“Oh, I see Jon Favreau already did most of the names you need, including mine…. but I can sign as Hans Zimmer or Pharrell Williams if you want?”

At left : it’s Hans Zimmer!! He’s won an Oscar (appropriately for ‘The Lion King’ (1994)’) and been nominated another TEN times. I’ve previously photographed him at such premieres as    Man of Steel   ,    Rush   , and    Batman v Superman   …    The Dark Knight Rises   … and so on.

At left : it’s Hans Zimmer!! He’s won an Oscar (appropriately for ‘The Lion King’ (1994)’) and been nominated another TEN times. I’ve previously photographed him at such premieres as Man of Steel, Rush, and Batman v SupermanThe Dark Knight Rises… and so on.

“I’d love to sign some autographs and take some selfies… but as you can see this lady is walking in front of us, and I want to be ready if she decides to start a conga line…. plus I’m sure Tim Rice did an exceptional job signing autographs as me”

“I’d love to sign some autographs and take some selfies… but as you can see this lady is walking in front of us, and I want to be ready if she decides to start a conga line…. plus I’m sure Tim Rice did an exceptional job signing autographs as me”

“CANT SEE U. WEAR R U?” ”Awwww…. come on, Mom… the suit isn’t THAT camouflaged….”

“CANT SEE U. WEAR R U?”
”Awwww…. come on, Mom… the suit isn’t THAT camouflaged….”

A suitable time after the yellow carpet is cleared of civilians, the Royals - in this case Harry and Meghan - the Duke and Duchess of Sussex - arrive to cheers that were exceeded only in volume by those showing the arrival of Beyonce’s car while they were on the carpet. But Beyonce never came into Leicester Square, or did any on-carpet interviews, or pause or stop for any outside media, while the Royals did a full circuit of the centre of the square..

A suitable time after the yellow carpet is cleared of civilians, the Royals - in this case Harry and Meghan - the Duke and Duchess of Sussex - arrive to cheers that were exceeded only in volume by those showing the arrival of Beyonce’s car while they were on the carpet. But Beyonce never came into Leicester Square, or did any on-carpet interviews, or pause or stop for any outside media, while the Royals did a full circuit of the centre of the square..

“What do you mean ‘did I get her’? Of course I got her. Well… not all of her, of course. With this zoom I can get three, maybe four teeth at minimum focus distance. But damn the resolution is great. Look at that…”

“What do you mean ‘did I get her’? Of course I got her. Well… not all of her, of course. With this zoom I can get three, maybe four teeth at minimum focus distance. But damn the resolution is great. Look at that…”

“One will keep walking this circuit until one can be assured of not having to queue for popcorn inside the Odeon. One does not queue for popcorn… it’s just corn… and nobody queues for corn.”

“One will keep walking this circuit until one can be assured of not having to queue for popcorn inside the Odeon. One does not queue for popcorn… it’s just corn… and nobody queues for corn.”

“Wait… I think that guy might be willing to part with his popcorn in exchange for a Selfie… quick, tell me….what’s a “Selfie” again?”

“Wait… I think that guy might be willing to part with his popcorn in exchange for a Selfie… quick, tell me….what’s a “Selfie” again?”

“As long as you realise that an entire armada of the royal family’s private lawyers will defend me at all costs in denying I said any such thing, yes me and the rest of the Royal Family absolutely endorse your upcoming rap album”

“As long as you realise that an entire armada of the royal family’s private lawyers will defend me at all costs in denying I said any such thing, yes me and the rest of the Royal Family absolutely endorse your upcoming rap album”

So… that was that. I briefly headed over to the Odeon Cinema ‘edge’ to see if I could potentially photograph Beyonce or any of the other guests if they left the screening early, ultimately we were told we had to make room for trucks that were coming to help dismantle the whole setup.

And that’s how I spent my Sunday. Worth it? Don’t ask me - ask the Russian bots that faithfully follow this site, giving it a large percentage of my total views, and the 1/4 of all my twitter followers who seemingly followed me to publicise their political views, which I’m not familiar enough with to describe (or confident at drawing the connection to my premiere photography…..).

Until next time? Sure, why not.

ps. feel free to follow me on twitter at berndt2_photo (for political or other reasons), or the $5-billion fine suffering-for-privacy-breaching Facebook at premieresdotco.

7 Jul 2019 - The 'Horrible Histories : The Movie' World Premiere

July 7th, 2019.

For the second Sunday in a row (and with a third yet to come, perhaps), London paid host to a premiere - not just a premiere, though, but a WORLD PREMIERE. And it was for a movie that, near as I can tell, is related to a book series / TV Series, and also part of London Comedy festival…. something BIG, in other words.

Here’s how it went down…

For those having attended Pride the prior day, the presence of daylight and a hell of a hangover might not have been a reminder of what time of day it was.

For those having attended Pride the prior day, the presence of daylight and a hell of a hangover might not have been a reminder of what time of day it was.

Well, it’s a World Premiere, so the presence of less than 10 people with less than an hour to go, and the absence of a red carpet or barriers or wristbands all seems pretty much normal thanks to the fine efforts of studios like Disney who have totally warped what a WORLD PREMIERE is.  Still.. I’m here. And there ARE two imitation Roman columns under the ‘Home of Premieres’

Well, it’s a World Premiere, so the presence of less than 10 people with less than an hour to go, and the absence of a red carpet or barriers or wristbands all seems pretty much normal thanks to the fine efforts of studios like Disney who have totally warped what a WORLD PREMIERE is.

Still.. I’m here. And there ARE two imitation Roman columns under the ‘Home of Premieres’

“The Romans DID have iPhones, Terry. Just not the newer models…”  Upstairs, through the glass, Centurions and peasant wenches get changed into quasi-historically accurate costumes.

“The Romans DID have iPhones, Terry. Just not the newer models…”
Upstairs, through the glass, Centurions and peasant wenches get changed into quasi-historically accurate costumes.

Remarkably, in light of the lack of carpet, wristbands, barriers and even most of the Grade-A dealers you look to in order to give an event a certain legitimacy, there IS a list, and it’s not bad.

Remarkably, in light of the lack of carpet, wristbands, barriers and even most of the Grade-A dealers you look to in order to give an event a certain legitimacy, there IS a list, and it’s not bad.

“I know it says ‘World Premiere’, Judy. But I’ve been stung before”  Only complex post-event assistance revealed this to be puppeteer Andy Heath.

“I know it says ‘World Premiere’, Judy. But I’ve been stung before”
Only complex post-event assistance revealed this to be puppeteer Andy Heath.

“Now I want you to testify in front of the live twitter stream that we won’t have a repeat of what happened last time.”  The mammal with a human’s hand up its… erm… has subsequently been identified as one  Hacker T.Dog .

“Now I want you to testify in front of the live twitter stream that we won’t have a repeat of what happened last time.” The mammal with a human’s hand up its… erm… has subsequently been identified as one Hacker T.Dog.

“On behalf of my ancestors, who were primarily Irish and Welsh, I still wish to state how offensive I find this movie’s title and what it implies about that great civilisation”  I don’t want to alarm any historians, but I believe there’s a character called “Fartacus” in the film.

“On behalf of my ancestors, who were primarily Irish and Welsh, I still wish to state how offensive I find this movie’s title and what it implies about that great civilisation”
I don’t want to alarm any historians, but I believe there’s a character called “Fartacus” in the film.

Sanjeev Bhaskar is best known for any number of things on British Television that I have not seen, and was in the movie “Yesterday” whose premiere I missed, and is in this movie in an unspecified role. (The pink suitcase in the background is of uncertain purpose.)

Sanjeev Bhaskar is best known for any number of things on British Television that I have not seen, and was in the movie “Yesterday” whose premiere I missed, and is in this movie in an unspecified role. (The pink suitcase in the background is of uncertain purpose.)

“If they’d been considerate, they would’ve let me keep that hard-hat I took….”  Like Sanjeev Bhaskar, Tony Gardner has an impressively long imdb entry that features many roles in British Television series I’ve never heard of, let alone seen. Lest there be any doubt, I haven’t had a Television License for years now, and I take my Not Watching British Television very seriously.

“If they’d been considerate, they would’ve let me keep that hard-hat I took….”
Like Sanjeev Bhaskar, Tony Gardner has an impressively long imdb entry that features many roles in British Television series I’ve never heard of, let alone seen. Lest there be any doubt, I haven’t had a Television License for years now, and I take my Not Watching British Television very seriously.

I have no idea what the majority of attendees at this premiere look like, but every now and then I take a chance on a particularly interestingly-dressed arrival, even if they’re just walking along a regular London footpath. But it turns out this is Sebastian Croft, who is in this movie AND played Young Ned Stark in two episodes of the recently-concluded Game of Thrones.

I have no idea what the majority of attendees at this premiere look like, but every now and then I take a chance on a particularly interestingly-dressed arrival, even if they’re just walking along a regular London footpath. But it turns out this is Sebastian Croft, who is in this movie AND played Young Ned Stark in two episodes of the recently-concluded Game of Thrones.

“Touch that neckline, and what I can do with my open palm on a person’s back will suddenly become very apparent”  - Sebastian Croft plays the role of “Atti” in the movie.

“Touch that neckline, and what I can do with my open palm on a person’s back will suddenly become very apparent” - Sebastian Croft plays the role of “Atti” in the movie.

“I love your jacket - which is why I didn’t press charges when you stole it from me since all it truly revealed your good taste!”  Rather ironically, Sarah Hadland (who has no role in this movie but has been a voice in the TV Series) attended this premiere while last week’s    “The Queen’s Corgi”    had no human attendees, and she provided the voice of “Mitzi” in it.

“I love your jacket - which is why I didn’t press charges when you stole it from me since all it truly revealed your good taste!” Rather ironically, Sarah Hadland (who has no role in this movie but has been a voice in the TV Series) attended this premiere while last week’s “The Queen’s Corgi” had no human attendees, and she provided the voice of “Mitzi” in it.

“Listen - if you haven’t got time to sign an autograph, could you at least endorse the religion I’m starting? I ask because I’m one of only ten people who know the name of the character you played in the movie “Bad Neighbours” and you don’t want the number to increase, do you? ” - Craig Roberts is in this movie, and I last photographed him at the premiere of the biopic “   Tolkien   ” this year.

“Listen - if you haven’t got time to sign an autograph, could you at least endorse the religion I’m starting? I ask because I’m one of only ten people who know the name of the character you played in the movie “Bad Neighbours” and you don’t want the number to increase, do you?” - Craig Roberts is in this movie, and I last photographed him at the premiere of the biopic “Tolkien” this year.

“Don’t become the eleventh person to call me that, Bruv”.  Craig Roberts plays the role of Nero in the film.

“Don’t become the eleventh person to call me that, Bruv”.
Craig Roberts plays the role of Nero in the film.

“What are they? Good question, but the answer is not half as interesting as how I’m keeping them attached to my t-shirt and the difficulty with which I expect to have taking them off later”

“What are they? Good question, but the answer is not half as interesting as how I’m keeping them attached to my t-shirt and the difficulty with which I expect to have taking them off later”

Martin Brown was an attendee at this premiere important enough to be identified on wireimage (and I photographed him mainly on the strength of his excellent t-shirt) - but I’m not aware of him having any connection to this film. Except the t-shirt, which of course is excellent.

Martin Brown was an attendee at this premiere important enough to be identified on wireimage (and I photographed him mainly on the strength of his excellent t-shirt) - but I’m not aware of him having any connection to this film. Except the t-shirt, which of course is excellent.

It’s Warwick Davis! He’s been in four mainline Star Wars movies (eps 1, 6, 7 and 8 - all as different characters!), AND Rogue One and Solo (as two additionally different characters!) (AND two Ewok Adventure films as the same character) … AND he was in all EIGHT Harry Potter films (as two different characters!). (By coincidence, today is the ten year anniversary of the    World Premiere of Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince   , where I was unable to photograph him)

It’s Warwick Davis! He’s been in four mainline Star Wars movies (eps 1, 6, 7 and 8 - all as different characters!), AND Rogue One and Solo (as two additionally different characters!) (AND two Ewok Adventure films as the same character) … AND he was in all EIGHT Harry Potter films (as two different characters!).
(By coincidence, today is the ten year anniversary of the World Premiere of Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, where I was unable to photograph him)

“Wait… is photo I’m autographing printed on top of a CONTRACT I’m signing? Because I dispute several of these terms!”

“Wait… is photo I’m autographing printed on top of a CONTRACT I’m signing? Because I dispute several of these terms!”

“I enjoyed many of the insults, actually”  - Rupert Graves played the somewhat hapless Inspector Lastrade across 14 episodes of the ‘Sherlock’ TV Series AND was also (perhaps even more importantly) in the excellent 2005 movie ‘V for Vendetta’.

“I enjoyed many of the insults, actually” - Rupert Graves played the somewhat hapless Inspector Lastrade across 14 episodes of the ‘Sherlock’ TV Series AND was also (perhaps even more importantly) in the excellent 2005 movie ‘V for Vendetta’.

“Yes, but if it’s pronounced “Vee Vee Vendetta” in German, doesn’t it lose a lot of impact?” ”Well, the movie was released in 2005 so if it did the reverberations will have lessened by now”  Rupert Graves plays the role of Paulinus in this movie… and I’ve just found out he was in the movie    “Swimming With Men”    which I photographed and am not sure he attended.

“Yes, but if it’s pronounced “Vee Vee Vendetta” in German, doesn’t it lose a lot of impact?”
”Well, the movie was released in 2005 so if it did the reverberations will have lessened by now”
Rupert Graves plays the role of Paulinus in this movie… and I’ve just found out he was in the movie “Swimming With Men” which I photographed and am not sure he attended.

“I’m wearing the camouflage so I can sneak in, and I’ve got the ticket in case that fails… How is that plan not completely obvious??”

“I’m wearing the camouflage so I can sneak in, and I’ve got the ticket in case that fails… How is that plan not completely obvious??”

“If anyone tries to sneak anything into anything I will absolutely ensure they fail. On a separate and possibly related note, does anyone know how to turn up the brightness on these transitions lenses? I’m scared to move in case I trip over anything in the darkness”

“If anyone tries to sneak anything into anything I will absolutely ensure they fail. On a separate and possibly related note, does anyone know how to turn up the brightness on these transitions lenses? I’m scared to move in case I trip over anything in the darkness”

Kate Nash is possibly better known as a singer than actress, but she plays the role of Boudicca in the film. And given the current unlikelihood of Jared Leto ever playing The Joker again, he might even let her keep the hair colour.

Kate Nash is possibly better known as a singer than actress, but she plays the role of Boudicca in the film. And given the current unlikelihood of Jared Leto ever playing The Joker again, he might even let her keep the hair colour.

“I’m more than my hair. Can you say the same?”  Given I have so little of it under my LA-cap, I can only hope so.

“I’m more than my hair. Can you say the same?”
Given I have so little of it under my LA-cap, I can only hope so.

Alexander Armstrong is in the cast of this movie in an unspecified capacity, but a look on imdb reveals the surprising fact that he’s been in two Woody Allen-directed movies that starred Scarlett Johansson (Scoop and Match Point). My feud with that actress, pretty though she might be, continues. And I assume she’s aware of it AND knows why.

Alexander Armstrong is in the cast of this movie in an unspecified capacity, but a look on imdb reveals the surprising fact that he’s been in two Woody Allen-directed movies that starred Scarlett Johansson (Scoop and Match Point). My feud with that actress, pretty though she might be, continues. And I assume she’s aware of it AND knows why.

“On these things? I’m listening to Taylor Swift.” ”Oh.” ”It keeps me focussed on my work….” ”… I didn’t ask.”

“On these things? I’m listening to Taylor Swift.”
”Oh.”
”It keeps me focussed on my work….”
”… I didn’t ask.”

“That’s how Keanu is looking these days? Well… I stand corrected”

“That’s how Keanu is looking these days? Well… I stand corrected”

“They told me to stay in the outfield. So I took a tube from Lord’s and kept going further until they told me to stop. I don’t think they like me.”

“They told me to stay in the outfield. So I took a tube from Lord’s and kept going further until they told me to stop. I don’t think they like me.”

“I dream of standing here, a view of the mighty Thames before me” ”But Sir, that would require the leveling of whole blocks of London as well as two rail stations!” ”It’s a dream that I intend to make happen, Jeffries. Also… please don’t tell anyone about my dream.”  Lee Mack is a comedian, and is in this film.

“I dream of standing here, a view of the mighty Thames before me”
”But Sir, that would require the leveling of whole blocks of London as well as two rail stations!”
”It’s a dream that I intend to make happen, Jeffries. Also… please don’t tell anyone about my dream.”

Lee Mack is a comedian, and is in this film.

“Next time you see me, my suit jacket will be made of the same material as that lady’s blouse. Also, you should photograph this guy. He’s ace”  While I have a fairly unique name and no degree of personal fame, this well known comedian bravely labours in the entertainment industry weighed down by having the name Will Smith.

“Next time you see me, my suit jacket will be made of the same material as that lady’s blouse. Also, you should photograph this guy. He’s ace”
While I have a fairly unique name and no degree of personal fame, this well known comedian bravely labours in the entertainment industry weighed down by having the name Will Smith.

Dominique Moore is in this movie as “Traveller”, and also in 18eps of the TV show with no specific role except the enigmatic “various”. The man behind her, possibly like me, is wondering why his browser is running so slow these days. (Isn’t the internet meant to be getting faster?)

Dominique Moore is in this movie as “Traveller”, and also in 18eps of the TV show with no specific role except the enigmatic “various”. The man behind her, possibly like me, is wondering why his browser is running so slow these days. (Isn’t the internet meant to be getting faster?)

Jo Joyner is apparently in Eastenders, a show I have never watched.

Jo Joyner is apparently in Eastenders, a show I have never watched.

“But why does history have to be horrible? And why do Romans have to be Rotten? And what alliterative defamation will they unleash upon the Greeks, Egyptians, and Spartans?”  The precise nature of the fame of Victoria Clay eludes me, but a quick Google Image search provides certain clues…

“But why does history have to be horrible? And why do Romans have to be Rotten? And what alliterative defamation will they unleash upon the Greeks, Egyptians, and Spartans?” The precise nature of the fame of Victoria Clay eludes me, but a quick Google Image search provides certain clues…

“I’m wearing my Beret as a tribute to you! A TRIBUTE! It’s not a judgement!!”  Paul Whitehouse’s fame seems to stem from Comedy - he’s been in such films as    The Death of Stalin   ,    Alice in Wonderland    (and    its sequel   ) as The March Hare, and    Mortdecai    - none of which I recall photographing him at, but I did at the premiere of    “Dying Laughing”   .

“I’m wearing my Beret as a tribute to you! A TRIBUTE! It’s not a judgement!!”
Paul Whitehouse’s fame seems to stem from Comedy - he’s been in such films as The Death of Stalin, Alice in Wonderland (and its sequel) as The March Hare, and Mortdecai - none of which I recall photographing him at, but I did at the premiere of “Dying Laughing”.

“Me? Just standing here looking pretty. You? Presumably not doing the same”  Harsh. Also, I don’t know who this is.

“Me? Just standing here looking pretty. You? Presumably not doing the same”
Harsh. Also, I don’t know who this is.

“Hey, I love your blog and how the quotes attributed to people are always actively misleading and untrue!”  Alex Mcqueen is in this movie, but like many of its stars does so in a capacity where their character(s) remain unnamed.

“Hey, I love your blog and how the quotes attributed to people are always actively misleading and untrue!” Alex Mcqueen is in this movie, but like many of its stars does so in a capacity where their character(s) remain unnamed.

“I’m not actually the actor Jonah Hill. My name’s Steve, and I’m from Woking. But okay, I’ll pose”

“I’m not actually the actor Jonah Hill. My name’s Steve, and I’m from Woking. But okay, I’ll pose”

So that was that. It was a big premiere in spite of the negligible setup, kind of chaotic, filled with people with a great an impressive history mainly in British television that I missed mainly because I don’t watch TV. And it’s the third of three premieres I’ve attended that have taken place on a Sunday, and the next…. probably next Sunday. But that’s in the future - all I/we ever have is today, and that means today I can add +1 to the Archive of Premieres.

Until next time!

ps. if you want to know when I post one of these increasingly strained premiere journals, feel free to follow me on facebook at premieresdotco, or twitter at berndt2_photo.