March 19th, 2018
For the fifth time in nine days, I get to photograph an event in London ('Peter Rabbit', 'A Wrinkle in Time', 'Pacific Rim Uprising', yesterday's Empire Movie Awards and today's premiere). After this there's nothing announced until possibly next month's Oliviers, but for today it was a Big one, with Steven Spielberg himself expected.
Sorry for the length, but here's how it went down:
I don't know what to tell you... less than 24 hours ago it was freaking SNOWING at the Empire Awards. One day later? Blue sky. Temperatures the same, though : 1 to 2 degrees celsius.
They brought a DeLorean to the blue carpet!! That alone should stop me thinking about how I can't feel many of my toes and fingers and there's only <checks> about 150 minutes til the premiere is set to start.
If I had to choose between this car or a Nissan GTR... I'd probably choose the Nissan GTR. But I'd feel bad about not choosing the DeLorean, sometimes.
"Why won't Olivia Cooke so much as look at me when I tell her I love her? I thought the plight of loveless amphibians everywhere had been so eloquently made by 'The Shape Of Water'...."
Does this technically mean I've been in a Spielberg film?
.... and it's begun! I don't have a view of drop-off or all the way to the Paparazzi pen, but this is Hannah John-Kamen, who is set to be in the upcoming AntMan & The Wasp and was also in (but not at the premiere of) Tomb Raider (2018)
"I can get you a beanie. Guy over there with the Nikon/Pentax combination has more than one and I'd only take a slight cut. You interested?" - this is producer Donald De Line, and his decision not to wear a beanie on the evening with temperatures like this and a hairstyle like that goes way beyond brave.
"So many fans - all shouting for my autograph?" actually, by volume, weight (and unpleasantness) the majority of the noise came from autograph dealer scum, who wanted director Steven Spielberg's autograph just as much - maybe more so - than many true fans.
"It's true. After this role, it's all going to be compromises" - Philip Zhao makes his screen debut in a Steven Spielberg movie as the character 'Shoto'
"Wow. It's beautiful. How did you get the paper to do that with the glow?"
"...."
"Uh-huh. And the heavenly choir of voices. How did you incorporate that?"
Edited to (later) add : Author Ernest Cline, who wrote the book the movie was adapted from, which I found really enjoyable (the Green Frog on the poster-board, on the other hand represents my reaction to the author's following book 'Armada', which I felt was a cheap knock-off of Ready Player One with unwanted shades of 'Pixels' thrown in)
"Nononono... this expression means that I'm honored by your request and impressed by your bravery, not that I'm worried in any way about how you're planning to use this picture" - Win Morisaki is also in this movie.
"That guy! I'm sure I've seen him at my local Book-Off hunting through the soundtracks section" - that joke would, of course, be mildly funnier if Win Morisaki was Japanese.... he is in fact Burmese. Though he's been in several Japanese productions, so the comment stands.
"You've got ideas for Star Wars 9? Hell yeah I want to hear them - we start filming this year!" - surprise attendee at the premiere : JJ Abrams, who directed Star Wars Episode 7, had most if its ideas and setups summarily discarded by Rian Johnson in Star Wars Episode 8, and surprisingly agreed to direct Episode 9, possibly to explain that most of The Last Jedi was a dream.
"What did I think of your idea? Well look what it's done to my hair...."
"I just hope I don't accidentally make eye-contact with that guy I still owe money to...." - Simon Pegg, of Star Trek (the JJ-verse ones here, here and here) fame (as well as Spielberg's Tintin movie) is in this movie.
"Oh. I've found him. Quick, ask me what it was like to work with Steven Spielberg so I can lie and distract everyone"
"My over-exuberant lie might have cost my career more than any money I owed...."
"Forget asking me what it was like to work with Spielberg, Alex. Let's play scissors-paper-rock for your jacket...."
"You can't simultaneously play rock AND scissors!"
"My right hook and left cut beg to differ. Hand over the jacket...."
For the record, my upper layer wardrobe for this event was : singlet, thermal t-shirt, thermal jumper, thick jacket lining, and medium ski jacket (plus beanie and two layer trousers). The gloves I wore were useless, though.
"Yeah... I'm pretty sure this is one of mine. One of the better ones, actually. Good choice".
I meanwhile wanted a signature in my Moleskine journal, but some a55h0le dealer held a poster directly above it from behind me, had it batted away by security, and by then Spielberg had moved on, and the dealer gleefully headed to another spot further along the line to have further attempts.
"It's not a toy, it's a scale model replica!" (and excellently for the guy standing next to me, it was signed)
But to continue my rant : What security fail (or rather, refuse) to realise is that if you let selfish a55h01es get away with being selfish a55ho1es, the zero-consequence environment means they will never have any incentive to change their behaviour. They will continue to behave like a55h01es every time. This is true of children, criminals, politicians, pets and, yes, autograph dealers.
"The picture quality is very good and the sound quality is remarkable. But I don't think I'd ever want to watch a two-hour movie standing like this"
Steven Spielberg has made it to the stage, and I continue to contemplate whether (hypothetically), if I could convince a judge that since most dealers are animals, I could (hypothetically) escape a murder rap if I killed one, and maybe simply plea-bargain down to some kind of soft animal cruelty charge. Hypothetically.
Also : Steven Spielberg. Pretty great director.
"This is not meant to suggest an endorsement of mobile phones generally or specifically for capturing quality photo or video, you understand" I feel like Spielberg should be shooting medium format digital, somehow....)
If Steven Spielberg were to ask to borrow my camera right now.... I'd be inclined to say yes. Maybe I'd also ask him to ask JJ Abrams whether those rumours of Disney having squads of hit-men are true, and how much it costs to hire them for a vermin infestation at this premiere I'd like taken care of. Hypothetically, I mean.
"Well, sure I'd consider directing a Star Wars film; possibly even a Marvel film... but a DC film? I'm kind of busy.... doing all kinds of things".
"<THINKS> I'm starting to worry about being typcast as a villain too often. Gotta stop looking intrinsically evil. But how ...?" Australia-originating Ben Mendelsohnis arguably best known currently for being the villainous Krennic in Star Wars : Rogue One. He's also set to play the Sheriff of Nottingham in an upcoming version of Robin Hood... and was a kind of d1ckhead investor in The Dark Knight Rises.... and unless this movie's trailer is hiding a twist, he plays a villain in this film too.
"<THINKS> I should say something encouraging. Give a nice smile.... get people to like me...."
"Success?!"
Random attendee from the world of Directing : Colin Trevorrow, who directed the Jurassic Park sequel Jurassic World (and even more random, on the left side next to him is actor Josh Gad, best known as the voice of that snowman in Disney's 'Frozen')
"What do you mean you've lost the questions you're meant to ask me? I'm losing body-heat at a rate that would cause you to collapse! But not before I do, obviously" - Olivia Cooke plays the female lead Art3mis in the film. I've photographed her once before, at the premiere for 'The Quiet Ones'
"We need that beanie you're wearing. We don't care how unstylish it is, as long as it's warm." Oh, its warm. But oh, it's unstylish.
"It's cold, so I just want to let you know that no matter what the next question is, whether it's "what was it like to work with Spielberg?" or "how much fun did you have on set?" my answer will be 'yes' " - Tye Sheridan at right plays the lead Parzival in this film (I completely forgot that I'd photographed him at the X-Men Apocalypse premiere in 2016.)
"My fake laugh is better than your fake laugh"
"I beg to differ."
Lena Waithe offers her jacket to Olivia Cooke, who is wearing the least number of layers of anyone on stage. Very classy - you rock, Lena Waithe!
"I just want to say : no, I'm NOT Ansel Elgort, but if you're making a prequel or need a younger brother for a Baby Driver sequel, I thought that movie rocked and yes I'm interested. Sorry, what was your question again, Alex?"
"Seriously, I'm interested. Call me, Edgar."
"Anyway, we're going inside now where it's warm. We have no idea how you guys stand out in the cold for so long, or why. But thanks!" I think the dealers are fairly cold-blooded so they just take up the ambient temperature of their surroundings. I, on the other hand, am looking forward to going home and thawing myself out.
And finally...
"It's nice that the kids get so excited about these things, Alex...." Ralph Ineson was at yesterday's snowy 2018 Empire Awards, but his imdb credits reveal a very interesting series of smaller roles in surprising movies and shows like Sherlock, Guardians of the Galaxy, Star Wars the Last Jedi, Game of Thrones and even two Harry Potter movies.
So... that was pretty big, and photographically speaking quite enjoyable and worthwhile. I'm glad two people I know who traveled a long way to be here at considerable expense did get the Spielberg autograph they so wanted. And it's +1 for the archive of movie premieres, and it's for a movie I look forward to watching, too.
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