17 Sep 2018 - The 'A Simple Favour' UK Premiere

Monday, 17th September 2018.

It’s been a long, long, LONG time since I last went to a premiere where there was a lead star I’d never photographed before and really, REALLY wanted to. Possibly The Dark Knight Rises and director Christopher Nolan… possibly The Avengers and Scarlett Johansson?

I dropped by BFI Southbank at 6:30am for a wristband…. and there were no fans, no barriers, no wristbands, no security. And then I returned at 11:30am for a wristband…. and there were still no fans, no barriers, no wristband, no security… but i was given #54 to write on my wrist just in case something happened.

So I returned at 3:30pm…… and here’s how it went down.

 When I returned around 3:30pm the number of people with numbers was closer to 100, and I had no wristband, and there wasn’t a lot of pen space available. But far from being panicked, I felt I had a pretty good spot overlooking the event. What can I say… I’m an optimist… with three cameras and a combined 20 frames per second.

When I returned around 3:30pm the number of people with numbers was closer to 100, and I had no wristband, and there wasn’t a lot of pen space available. But far from being panicked, I felt I had a pretty good spot overlooking the event. What can I say… I’m an optimist… with three cameras and a combined 20 frames per second.

 The main object of my… erm…. attention : the lovely Blake Lively, of ‘The Shallows’, ‘The Age of Adaline’ and (if you know me well enough to force an admission out of me that I might be more than aware of the show….) ‘Gossip Girl’. AND she’s never been to a London Premiere before.

The main object of my… erm…. attention : the lovely Blake Lively, of ‘The Shallows’, ‘The Age of Adaline’ and (if you know me well enough to force an admission out of me that I might be more than aware of the show….) ‘Gossip Girl’. AND she’s never been to a London Premiere before.

 The first car arrives and… and… and!!

The first car arrives and… and… and!!

 It’s Director Paul Feig! He directed    ‘The Heat’    with Sandra Bullock and Melissa McCarthy,    ‘Spy’    with Jason Statham and Melissa McCarthy… and that Ghostbusters reboot I might not mention.

It’s Director Paul Feig! He directed ‘The Heat’ with Sandra Bullock and Melissa McCarthy, ‘Spy’ with Jason Statham and Melissa McCarthy… and that Ghostbusters reboot I might not mention.

  “No, you can not be as dapper as me. Because if you were as dapper as me, I would no longer be as uniquely dapper, which would mean you would no longer be dapper, and then neither of us would be dapper…. and if so then why did I even bring a freakin’ CANE to this thing!”

“No, you can not be as dapper as me. Because if you were as dapper as me, I would no longer be as uniquely dapper, which would mean you would no longer be dapper, and then neither of us would be dapper…. and if so then why did I even bring a freakin’ CANE to this thing!”

  “Ah, I’m kidding. Your t-shirt’s ace, man. You rock that look, bro!”

“Ah, I’m kidding. Your t-shirt’s ace, man. You rock that look, bro!”

  “So as you can see while I’m accepting your graciously given bluray of some movie, I’m simultaneously pickpocketing the lady to my right” ”That’s your wife, I believe?” ”And she perfect mark, since she’ll never expect it”

“So as you can see while I’m accepting your graciously given bluray of some movie, I’m simultaneously pickpocketing the lady to my right”
”That’s your wife, I believe?”
”And she perfect mark, since she’ll never expect it”

  “And now I’ve got your bluray as well… and all you’ll remember later is how well I was dressed. That’s magic.”  It’s currently    London Fashion Week   , and I myself am wearing jeans, a pair of sketchers, and a black t-shirt under a Marks & Spencer suit jacket. I was wearing vintage Raybans earlier, but I took them off to take photos…

“And now I’ve got your bluray as well… and all you’ll remember later is how well I was dressed. That’s magic.” It’s currently London Fashion Week, and I myself am wearing jeans, a pair of sketchers, and a black t-shirt under a Marks & Spencer suit jacket. I was wearing vintage Raybans earlier, but I took them off to take photos…

 It’s Stanley Tucci ! He wasn’t at the    premiere for ‘The Children Act’    a few weeks back, but I’ve photographed him now.

It’s Stanley Tucci ! He wasn’t at the premiere for ‘The Children Act’ a few weeks back, but I’ve photographed him now.

  “Me? I intend to stand here as long as is necessary to chat up either or both of Blake Lively and Anna Kendrick when they arrive…. are you saying you’d do any different?”

“Me? I intend to stand here as long as is necessary to chat up either or both of Blake Lively and Anna Kendrick when they arrive…. are you saying you’d do any different?”

  “Is the grumpy dude behind me in frame? He is? Outstanding!”  I gotta be honest, I don’t generally get nervous when I’m photographing insanely good-looking actresses (otherwise I’d have to have quit in shame after my first premiere, which Charlize Theron attended), but as usual… the challenge is on. Because… I kinda want eye-contact. Is that wrong? Please tell me it’s not wrong.

“Is the grumpy dude behind me in frame? He is? Outstanding!”
I gotta be honest, I don’t generally get nervous when I’m photographing insanely good-looking actresses (otherwise I’d have to have quit in shame after my first premiere, which Charlize Theron attended), but as usual… the challenge is on. Because… I kinda want eye-contact. Is that wrong? Please tell me it’s not wrong.

  “You’re all going to have to get this girl’s cellphone if you want this group shot…”  Blake Lively does mass-selfies!

“You’re all going to have to get this girl’s cellphone if you want this group shot…”
Blake Lively does mass-selfies!

 It’s about this time that the part of my brain that isn’t determining by feel whether my autofocus is catching focus, or the limiter on the lens zoom has slipped, or the AF/MF lever has gotten loose again wonders how extreme this angle I’ve chosen is, and what the likelihood is that Blake Lively will at any point look up at a 45 degree angle to provide eye-contact.

It’s about this time that the part of my brain that isn’t determining by feel whether my autofocus is catching focus, or the limiter on the lens zoom has slipped, or the AF/MF lever has gotten loose again wonders how extreme this angle I’ve chosen is, and what the likelihood is that Blake Lively will at any point look up at a 45 degree angle to provide eye-contact.

 In other, and rather surprising news, Blake Lively will all but use calligraphy to transcribe your school essay answers for you. If you ask nicely.

In other, and rather surprising news, Blake Lively will all but use calligraphy to transcribe your school essay answers for you. If you ask nicely.

  “Okay. Time to look stylish. Am I looking stylish?”  - I don’t want to alarm anyone, but I think Blake Lively isn’t merely wearing a TIE, but that TIE has a TIE-PIN.

“Okay. Time to look stylish. Am I looking stylish?” - I don’t want to alarm anyone, but I think Blake Lively isn’t merely wearing a TIE, but that TIE has a TIE-PIN.

 Blake Lively also has a lady who holds an additional satin-y jacket just in case she needs some variation in stylishness. I did bring my LA Dodgers baseball cap to this premiere… but I’m also currently not wearing it.

Blake Lively also has a lady who holds an additional satin-y jacket just in case she needs some variation in stylishness. I did bring my LA Dodgers baseball cap to this premiere… but I’m also currently not wearing it.

  “You’re right it’s a really cute puppy and you should totally adopt it. And if the opinion of just one hollywood starlet makes any difference, tweet me and I’ll tell your Mom I said it was okay”

“You’re right it’s a really cute puppy and you should totally adopt it. And if the opinion of just one hollywood starlet makes any difference, tweet me and I’ll tell your Mom I said it was okay”

 It’s Eye-Contact… and I think she likes me. And look, I know she’s married to Deadpool and all, but I think between the two (or, if need be, the three) of us… we can make this work.

It’s Eye-Contact… and I think she likes me. And look, I know she’s married to Deadpool and all, but I think between the two (or, if need be, the three) of us… we can make this work.

  “Eye contact? Puppy endorsements? Bluray thefts? Stanley Tucci? What on earth else have I missed!?”  - Anna Kendrick is also in this movie (and its poster) and if there’s less of her in this journal than there should be, it’s because I have photographed her at such premieres as    “Drinking Buddies”    and    “The Accountant”    with Ben Affleck.

“Eye contact? Puppy endorsements? Bluray thefts? Stanley Tucci? What on earth else have I missed!?” - Anna Kendrick is also in this movie (and its poster) and if there’s less of her in this journal than there should be, it’s because I have photographed her at such premieres as “Drinking Buddies” and “The Accountant” with Ben Affleck.

  “I… I… like that thing you’re wearing. What is that?” ”It’s a white t-shirt” ”Right… right….”

“I… I… like that thing you’re wearing. What is that?”
”It’s a white t-shirt”
”Right… right….”

 Blake Lively. Further comments pending once I stop being distracted by the photos of Blake Lively my camera seems to have somehow taken while I was holding it, being distracted by Blake Lively.

Blake Lively. Further comments pending once I stop being distracted by the photos of Blake Lively my camera seems to have somehow taken while I was holding it, being distracted by Blake Lively.

 While my brain is still reeling from the circular reasoning chain of the prior comment, I appear to have gotten more eye-contact from Blake Lively! I’m realising this back in my apartment, but somehow that doesn’t seem to matter so much.

While my brain is still reeling from the circular reasoning chain of the prior comment, I appear to have gotten more eye-contact from Blake Lively! I’m realising this back in my apartment, but somehow that doesn’t seem to matter so much.

  “OMG you’re so much smaller than we remember!”

“OMG you’re so much smaller than we remember!”

  “Excuse me, little gir… oh. Wait. You’re the lady on the poster. My mistake. ”

“Excuse me, little gir… oh. Wait. You’re the lady on the poster. My mistake.

  “And, oh, how we laughed. I don’t remember specifically why, but it felt great. You should all try it”

“And, oh, how we laughed. I don’t remember specifically why, but it felt great. You should all try it”

  “This is starting to hurt. You security people just going to stand here??”

“This is starting to hurt. You security people just going to stand here??”

  “Well… yeah I feel better, more limber and in less pain. But that doesn’t mean you shoulda stood there while it happened”

“Well… yeah I feel better, more limber and in less pain. But that doesn’t mean you shoulda stood there while it happened”

  “High-five? At this distance? Well, if you think you can manage it….”

“High-five? At this distance? Well, if you think you can manage it….”

  “High-TEN?? I realise i’m not here in London all that often, but you sure are confident!”

“High-TEN?? I realise i’m not here in London all that often, but you sure are confident!”

  “Sure I’ll admit ‘Pitch Perfect 2’ was no ‘Pitch Perfect 1’, but this angle is hardly the way to watch it to prove your point….”

“Sure I’ll admit ‘Pitch Perfect 2’ was no ‘Pitch Perfect 1’, but this angle is hardly the way to watch it to prove your point….”

  “If I say that, yes, that potato does look a lot like Rebel Wilson will you allow me to move on and chat to the rest of these people?”

“If I say that, yes, that potato does look a lot like Rebel Wilson will you allow me to move on and chat to the rest of these people?”

  “Shell-shocked isn’t the word. Confused is better”

“Shell-shocked isn’t the word. Confused is better”

 Not only did Blake Lively stay out to do more selfies and sign, she even grabbed one dude’s SLR to do a selfie with him - THAT COULDA BEEN ME!!… I mean, I’m on a footbridge up two flights of stairs and the Nikon has a 200mm lens that needs a minimum 90cm for focussing… but what’s the impediment, here, really?

Not only did Blake Lively stay out to do more selfies and sign, she even grabbed one dude’s SLR to do a selfie with him - THAT COULDA BEEN ME!!… I mean, I’m on a footbridge up two flights of stairs and the Nikon has a 200mm lens that needs a minimum 90cm for focussing… but what’s the impediment, here, really?

  “No, thanks : brought my own!”

“No, thanks : brought my own!”

And… well… I gotta be honest, I think this might be my favourite premiere of the year so far (although Ready Player One, Mamma Mia2 , Mission Impossible Fallout and the mighty The Man Who Killed Hitler And Then The Bigfoot all had their charms) - the crowd was cool, the dealers were distant, the stars were gorgeous and/or well dressed (and/or Stanley Tucci). And that happens pretty rarely. AND it’s a +1 for the Archive of Movie Premieres. AND it was good enough that I opened a bottle of my favourite (and achingly difficult to acquire) vodka to celebrate : Saaremaa Rabarber (rhubarb) Vodka.

And hey, even if it probably won’t be quite as good…. until next time!

ps. if you ever want to know when I post one of these journals, +/- the fawning over an attractive lady(ies), feel free to follow me on facebook at premieresdotco, or on twitter at berndt2_photo.

13 Sep 2018 - The 'Maniac' World Premiere

September 13th, 2018

After two events in one day yesterday (‘King of Thieves’ and ‘The Room (2003)’ ), I was out again today for another one - for a Netflix series at Southbank Centre, a venue that typically hosts the TV Baftas rather than premieres. And though I had wristband #45 to my name, it provided me with the prospect of shooting a premiere side-on to the action, from the THIRD row of a relatively small public pen : no monopod, no stepstool…. not even a fisheye lens to shoot high and blind with.

Here’s how it went down:

 The spot I wanted gave me this view (above) and it was from the yellow stairs I used (with acquiescence of Southbank Security at the time) at the TV Baftas once. However this time there was a Force that would not be denied that instructed us (and everyone else) to (basically) Pi55 Off.

The spot I wanted gave me this view (above) and it was from the yellow stairs I used (with acquiescence of Southbank Security at the time) at the TV Baftas once. However this time there was a Force that would not be denied that instructed us (and everyone else) to (basically) Pi55 Off.

  “It’s not about premiere photography. It’s about Respect. And Democracy. And kickass sunglasses”.  This man is That Force. And there’s no denying This Man And His Determination That You Will Not Photograph From Where He’s Standing.

“It’s not about premiere photography. It’s about Respect. And Democracy. And kickass sunglasses”. This man is That Force. And there’s no denying This Man And His Determination That You Will Not Photograph From Where He’s Standing.

 So…. with some trepidation, and with no desire / way to return to the public pen, I found a spot. It was almost directly behind the paparazzi (who were on ladders)… and also there was nearby event security who could more or less ask anyone at any time to move on. Huzzah for Risk.

So…. with some trepidation, and with no desire / way to return to the public pen, I found a spot. It was almost directly behind the paparazzi (who were on ladders)… and also there was nearby event security who could more or less ask anyone at any time to move on. Huzzah for Risk.

 But hey, if it all goes horribly wrong, I can maybe take photos of the press sheet and call that a journal? I’m not saying I’ve done worse… but I’m also not saying that I haven’t not.

But hey, if it all goes horribly wrong, I can maybe take photos of the press sheet and call that a journal? I’m not saying I’ve done worse… but I’m also not saying that I haven’t not.

  “It occurs to me now that we should have made extra sure that there wasn’t a second Emma in the cast listing…..”  - the Oscar-winning Emma Stone is the lead in this series (she won best Actress for    ‘La La Land’   , whose London Film Fest premiere she sadly did not attend)

“It occurs to me now that we should have made extra sure that there wasn’t a second Emma in the cast listing…..” - the Oscar-winning Emma Stone is the lead in this series (she won best Actress for ‘La La Land’, whose London Film Fest premiere she sadly did not attend)

  “Ma’am? Could I just get you to sign just one more copy of La La Land on DVD? Yes, I really own five… I just love it that much” . When I watched that movie, I kind of didn’t like it that much…. maybe I was watching it wrong. Don’t get me wrong : I still love Emma Stone, though.

“Ma’am? Could I just get you to sign just one more copy of La La Land on DVD? Yes, I really own five… I just love it that much”. When I watched that movie, I kind of didn’t like it that much…. maybe I was watching it wrong. Don’t get me wrong : I still love Emma Stone, though.

 This is Cary Joji Fukunaga, who directed all ten episodes of ‘Maniac’, which also stars Jonah Hill. His eyes are presumably drawn to the fetching hat worn by the hairy paparazzo in front and to my right. Sadly, I myself am caught between seasons : it’s too cool to wear my LA cap, and not cool enough to start bringing out my killer style beanies.

This is Cary Joji Fukunaga, who directed all ten episodes of ‘Maniac’, which also stars Jonah Hill. His eyes are presumably drawn to the fetching hat worn by the hairy paparazzo in front and to my right. Sadly, I myself am caught between seasons : it’s too cool to wear my LA cap, and not cool enough to start bringing out my killer style beanies.

 Don’t tell the guys with the sign : this is Emma Mackey. She’s not in this particular series, but she is in the Netflix series “Sex Education”

Don’t tell the guys with the sign : this is Emma Mackey. She’s not in this particular series, but she is in the Netflix series “Sex Education”

 Possible candidate for Pentax ambassador is Asa Butterfield - who was in such movies as Scorsese’s “Hugo” (2010) and Ender’s Game, but whose high-contrast top was able to transfix the autofocus on my K1 to an extent few people (or their clothes) have done. But why, you might ask, was I shooting Pentax when I have access to a pro Nikon?

Possible candidate for Pentax ambassador is Asa Butterfield - who was in such movies as Scorsese’s “Hugo” (2010) and Ender’s Game, but whose high-contrast top was able to transfix the autofocus on my K1 to an extent few people (or their clothes) have done. But why, you might ask, was I shooting Pentax when I have access to a pro Nikon?

 We switch to the Nikon I’d kept in my bag (not wanting to attract too much attention shooting with pro gear behind a paparazzi cordon) - because now the lovely Emma Stone has arrived!

We switch to the Nikon I’d kept in my bag (not wanting to attract too much attention shooting with pro gear behind a paparazzi cordon) - because now the lovely Emma Stone has arrived!

 This is Emma Stone. I like Emma Stone, and in the universe where I am able to judge for myself without fear of facts or contradictions, I choose to believe she likes me too (my website also gets sufficiently low views that my comments typically fall outside the view of the kind of people who might plausibly offer facts or contradictions)

This is Emma Stone. I like Emma Stone, and in the universe where I am able to judge for myself without fear of facts or contradictions, I choose to believe she likes me too (my website also gets sufficiently low views that my comments typically fall outside the view of the kind of people who might plausibly offer facts or contradictions)

 Emma Stone and Cary Fukunaga. Maybe I’m getting eye-contact from Cary Fukunaga….. or maybe I’m busy still looking at Emma Stone (who I’ve photographed numerous pleasant times, from    The Amazing Spider-Man    and    part 2   , and even last year’s    “Battle of the Sexes”   )

Emma Stone and Cary Fukunaga. Maybe I’m getting eye-contact from Cary Fukunaga….. or maybe I’m busy still looking at Emma Stone (who I’ve photographed numerous pleasant times, from The Amazing Spider-Man and part 2, and even last year’s “Battle of the Sexes”)

 Honestly, if you don’t like Emma Stone, you might as well scroll past much of this journal. But when doing so (and it may take a while), ask yourself : why don’t you like like Emma Stone, when she’s so delightful? (Please don’t send me links where she’s kicking babies or expressing opinions that radically differ to mine on subjects like The Last Jedi or The Lego Movie).

Honestly, if you don’t like Emma Stone, you might as well scroll past much of this journal. But when doing so (and it may take a while), ask yourself : why don’t you like like Emma Stone, when she’s so delightful? (Please don’t send me links where she’s kicking babies or expressing opinions that radically differ to mine on subjects like The Last Jedi or The Lego Movie).

  “Shhhh…. stop talking. I think that guy is still struggling to find an actual compliment among his lengthy commentary….”  I’m working on it!

“Shhhh…. stop talking. I think that guy is still struggling to find an actual compliment among his lengthy commentary….” I’m working on it!

 The answer to the question of  “how many paparazzi elbows would I happily shoot through to continue photographing Emma Stone?” … is at least two.

The answer to the question of “how many paparazzi elbows would I happily shoot through to continue photographing Emma Stone?”… is at least two.

  “Nice Try”

“Nice Try”

 Emma Stone’s shameless flirtation with me continues to dominate this journal, and I don’t mind to the extent that I’ve temporarily forgotten that there’s even a premiere on.

Emma Stone’s shameless flirtation with me continues to dominate this journal, and I don’t mind to the extent that I’ve temporarily forgotten that there’s even a premiere on.

 Although I am getting much better at checking that ring finger, believe me. (wikipedia says she’s currently not married, and wikipedia is so rarely wrong about important things….)

Although I am getting much better at checking that ring finger, believe me. (wikipedia says she’s currently not married, and wikipedia is so rarely wrong about important things….)

 The only expression that’s missing from this photo to complete the narrative is mine.

The only expression that’s missing from this photo to complete the narrative is mine.

 You want less photos of Emma Stone? Get your own website…. I stand by my decision!

You want less photos of Emma Stone? Get your own website…. I stand by my decision!

 What can I say… I have a Nikon that shoots at 10 frames per second and a Pentax that shoots at 5, I have (previously) empty cards on each, and fully charged batteries on both. Basically, I’ll stop taking photographs when I’m told to stop, or when I deem there are no more photos to be taken. That could be this time tomorrow, or about ten minutes from now, or if that Awesome Guy on the Yellow Stairs tells me to (f**kin) stop…. I’ll probably stop.

What can I say… I have a Nikon that shoots at 10 frames per second and a Pentax that shoots at 5, I have (previously) empty cards on each, and fully charged batteries on both. Basically, I’ll stop taking photographs when I’m told to stop, or when I deem there are no more photos to be taken. That could be this time tomorrow, or about ten minutes from now, or if that Awesome Guy on the Yellow Stairs tells me to (f**kin) stop…. I’ll probably stop.

 Justin Theroux is in this movie. I suppose there’s a chance that’s of interest.

Justin Theroux is in this movie. I suppose there’s a chance that’s of interest.

 But enough of such distractions. It feels like it’s been two, maybe even three photos since I last photographed Emma Stone, and I feel this appalling situation needs to be rectified post-haste.

But enough of such distractions. It feels like it’s been two, maybe even three photos since I last photographed Emma Stone, and I feel this appalling situation needs to be rectified post-haste.

 I don’t know who this is, but he’s not Emma Stone and I think that’s a problem, right there.  (edited to add he’s Patrick Somerville, who is the writer of the series)

I don’t know who this is, but he’s not Emma Stone and I think that’s a problem, right there.
(edited to add he’s Patrick Somerville, who is the writer of the series)

 It’s a group shot. Or a hoedown. Or a red carpet assembly for a Netflix series called “Maniac”

It’s a group shot. Or a hoedown. Or a red carpet assembly for a Netflix series called “Maniac”

  “You want us to scooch over? Well, we’re going to need somebody more charismatic : we’ve got an Oscar winner here”

“You want us to scooch over? Well, we’re going to need somebody more charismatic : we’ve got an Oscar winner here”

  “Man with three arms is telling us to move right? Alrightey then!”

“Man with three arms is telling us to move right? Alrightey then!”

 Justin Theroux is saying exactly what me and my management team at this website is thinking, here in my/our apartment : everyone needs to check out that guy’s website.

Justin Theroux is saying exactly what me and my management team at this website is thinking, here in my/our apartment : everyone needs to check out that guy’s website.

  “So when you’re, like, writing…. what’s that …… like?” ”…..” ”No, but like…. you know. You’re sitting down and you’re writing. How do you do that. Is it like … like texting? Do you use emojis?” ”….”

“So when you’re, like, writing…. what’s that …… like?”
”…..”
”No, but like…. you know. You’re sitting down and you’re writing. How do you do that. Is it like … like texting? Do you use emojis?”
”….”

 Bad news : I don’t know who Sorcha Groundsell is, and also I don’t know where I can get those curtains. (And I DO like those curtains.) (also I think Emma Stone has gone inside)

Bad news : I don’t know who Sorcha Groundsell is, and also I don’t know where I can get those curtains. (And I DO like those curtains.) (also I think Emma Stone has gone inside)

  “So I’m standing here surrounded by adoring women and it’s making me uncomfortable. You look like somebody who doesn’t have that problem… what’s your secret?”  Who, me? Well, it’s multifaceted. You can’t just walk into being this unpopular, basically.

“So I’m standing here surrounded by adoring women and it’s making me uncomfortable. You look like somebody who doesn’t have that problem… what’s your secret?” Who, me? Well, it’s multifaceted. You can’t just walk into being this unpopular, basically.

So….. that’s that then. An Emma Stone Dominated journal, and from where I sit that’s not remotely a bad thing. But sure, if Justin Theroux is your thing…. enjoy those two or three photos he’s in!

And hopefully I’ll get out to London Fashion Week to photograph The Streetz Outside London Fashion Week, and get myself to at least two of London’s (four?) scheduled premieres next week, and get myself some more Plus Ones for the Archive of Movie Premieres…. and maybe even get myself some of those Twitter or Facebook followers the kids and cats all have.

Until next time!

…. and I suspect you’re wondering is whatever happened to…..

 “I ain’t moving. Not until Democracy is safe, and not until every single person in this town has categorically guaranteed they’ll never go anywhere near these stairs. Ever. Even those tourists coming here. They need to sign guarantees. Then I’ll leave.”

“I ain’t moving. Not until Democracy is safe, and not until every single person in this town has categorically guaranteed they’ll never go anywhere near these stairs. Ever. Even those tourists coming here. They need to sign guarantees. Then I’ll leave.”

12 Sep 2018 - 'The Room' 15th Anniversary Screening

September 12th, 2018.

The World Premiere for ‘King of Thieves’ had just finished less than a block away, and a semi-comfortable wooden chair at The King Of Burgers might still have had my impression and/or body heat on it, when I rushed to the Prince Charles Cinema for my second event of the evening : the 15th Anniversary Screening of the notoriously so-bad-it’s-good movie/experience “The Room (2003)”.

Here’s how it went down….

 But how is that different to any other day?

But how is that different to any other day?

 The thought of me buying some merchandise but NOT getting a photo with Tommy’n’Greg was so confounding to the staff that they advised me to have a photo taken anyway just so it didn’t confuse them. So this is from my GoPro (which displays a black screen when in use) as held by one of the staffers.

The thought of me buying some merchandise but NOT getting a photo with Tommy’n’Greg was so confounding to the staff that they advised me to have a photo taken anyway just so it didn’t confuse them. So this is from my GoPro (which displays a black screen when in use) as held by one of the staffers.

 I’m not quite sure what I’m looking at here, but it’s set to music and the movie hasn’t started yet.

I’m not quite sure what I’m looking at here, but it’s set to music and the movie hasn’t started yet.

  “There’s going to be a Q&A beforehand, and just remember : there are no stupid questions, just confusing answers”  - this is actually what was said, and … yeah… it was fairly on-point.

“There’s going to be a Q&A beforehand, and just remember : there are no stupid questions, just confusing answers” - this is actually what was said, and … yeah… it was fairly on-point.

  “Okay….. if you just gonna ask me about what I think of the new Star Wars movie I’m just going to go back to the bar…..”

“Okay….. if you just gonna ask me about what I think of the new Star Wars movie I’m just going to go back to the bar…..”

  “It’s not a story about an Australian native jumping animal. The guy with the camera just needs to compose his photos better”.  That, or the person blocking the letter “M” during a Q&A session needs to get to his/her seat quicker, damnit.

“It’s not a story about an Australian native jumping animal. The guy with the camera just needs to compose his photos better”. That, or the person blocking the letter “M” during a Q&A session needs to get to his/her seat quicker, damnit.

  “Your question is not stupid. I just don’t feel like answering it. Next?”

“Your question is not stupid. I just don’t feel like answering it. Next?”

  “My true feelings about Tommy? Well, he’s standing right over there and he’s still scary and erratic sometimes, so I’m just going to say I love the guy.”

“My true feelings about Tommy? Well, he’s standing right over there and he’s still scary and erratic sometimes, so I’m just going to say I love the guy.”

  “If I could give you all just one bit of advice, it’s to always wear darker sunglasses than strictly necessary, and wear multiple belts with metal studs embedded in them. And if you think that’s actually two bits of advice, I have a third bit of advice for you….”

“If I could give you all just one bit of advice, it’s to always wear darker sunglasses than strictly necessary, and wear multiple belts with metal studs embedded in them. And if you think that’s actually two bits of advice, I have a third bit of advice for you….”

  “Remember what I said : dark sunglasses and belts with studs”  And also remember : making a movie that’s so bad that it’s good is like walking into a nuclear reactor core naked and hoping to get superpowers : don’t ever do it deliberately.

“Remember what I said : dark sunglasses and belts with studs”
And also remember : making a movie that’s so bad that it’s good is like walking into a nuclear reactor core naked and hoping to get superpowers : don’t ever do it deliberately.

  “Be enigmatic. Have an accent. Wear funky clothes. Never show your eyes. And if you can, always stand next to or near to relatively ordinary people” . I’d suggest that this kind of behaviour might also keep you cripplingly single… but I barely do one out of five of those things and I accomplish the sixth.

“Be enigmatic. Have an accent. Wear funky clothes. Never show your eyes. And if you can, always stand next to or near to relatively ordinary people”. I’d suggest that this kind of behaviour might also keep you cripplingly single… but I barely do one out of five of those things and I accomplish the sixth.

 … and I haven’t even made it to St Pancras to see if my train company has managed to f**k things up again.

… and I haven’t even made it to St Pancras to see if my train company has managed to f**k things up again.

So… that was that. And, true confession, despite knowing the basic gist I’d never actually SEEN The Room in full before. And with a crowd of fans throwing spoons (eh?) and shouting at people to close the (f**king) door and various other comments throughout, it was quite the little experience.

Until next time!

 Well…. I got it signed. Now to listen to that sweet, sweet music

Well…. I got it signed. Now to listen to that sweet, sweet music

 Some authentic Room-thrown plastic spoons. See me if you want one… or check my garbage about a week from now.

Some authentic Room-thrown plastic spoons. See me if you want one… or check my garbage about a week from now.