13 Nov - The 'Fantastic Beasts : The Crimes of Grindelwald' Premiere

November 13th, 2018.

After waiting the longest I’ve ever waited for a wristband (with the exception of the Baftas), it only took until approximately ten minutes before this premiere started (and I’d been in a pen for nearly three hours) a day later…. that I abruptly abandoned my spot and took a back-row position for this premiere… probably the biggest one I’ll do in London this year.

Note : the first Fantastic Beasts premiere was certainly huge. It was so big I did colour and monochrome journals for it… this one?

And today was one of those days….. actually it was one of those days where it wasn’t even the worst decision I could have made. Here’s how it went down:

A fortnight earlier: Harry Potter wands in the avenue between St Paul’s and the Millennium Bridge:

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  “Not exactly discreet….”

“Not exactly discreet….”

And then, on the day…

 It was called the longest carpet in Leicester Square, and that was kind of true. If you took a regular premiere at the Empire, and a regular premiere at the Vue, and had the red (blue) carpet for each AND a third bit of carpet JOINING the two carpets, that’s what this was. And you know the WORST place to be on that carpet. Dead centre - equidistant from both ends.  And guess where I was? Yep. And next to the screaming fans from Brazil.

It was called the longest carpet in Leicester Square, and that was kind of true. If you took a regular premiere at the Empire, and a regular premiere at the Vue, and had the red (blue) carpet for each AND a third bit of carpet JOINING the two carpets, that’s what this was. And you know the WORST place to be on that carpet. Dead centre - equidistant from both ends.

And guess where I was? Yep. And next to the screaming fans from Brazil.

 What I do have, though, that the average over-excited mobile-phone-toting Brazilian Harry Potter fan does not, is a camera that can nail this shot of a falling leaf on a single attempt. Coupled with an overall sense of pessimism I take with me everywhere, the two almost cancel each other out.

What I do have, though, that the average over-excited mobile-phone-toting Brazilian Harry Potter fan does not, is a camera that can nail this shot of a falling leaf on a single attempt. Coupled with an overall sense of pessimism I take with me everywhere, the two almost cancel each other out.

 Of course there’s always sixth row at the King of Burgers, and a possible view of the stage in the far distance, along with cheap(ish) price/quality food and beverages. And relative warmth.

Of course there’s always sixth row at the King of Burgers, and a possible view of the stage in the far distance, along with cheap(ish) price/quality food and beverages. And relative warmth.

  “Yoyoyo… who’s gonna come at me with something that rhymes with ‘Scamander, or ‘Grindelwald’? ” - good news : your friend and mine Mr Impact and his tame DJ PhantastiK Beatz (partial copyright Carlos) were up in this hizzouse', givin’ away freeness at this event. And any deafness caused by manic screaming fans from Brazil constitutes a plausible risk.

“Yoyoyo… who’s gonna come at me with something that rhymes with ‘Scamander, or ‘Grindelwald’?” - good news : your friend and mine Mr Impact and his tame DJ PhantastiK Beatz (partial copyright Carlos) were up in this hizzouse', givin’ away freeness at this event. And any deafness caused by manic screaming fans from Brazil constitutes a plausible risk.

 That stage is a LONG way away. And those security guys are tall. And the people in the SECOND pen between me and the stage are no doubt going to want to photograph the stage with their high-held mobile phones, too.

That stage is a LONG way away. And those security guys are tall. And the people in the SECOND pen between me and the stage are no doubt going to want to photograph the stage with their high-held mobile phones, too.

 With minutes to go, and to the astonishment of the person behind me, I shifted from a front row spot to a roaming third-row spot, and it paid off immediately : our pen faced side-on to a small interview stage, and first to be interviewed on it is the man who defeated a larger version of the same animal Cate Blanchett slew for her top at    the ‘Oceans 8’ premiere    earlier this year : Ezra Miller!!

With minutes to go, and to the astonishment of the person behind me, I shifted from a front row spot to a roaming third-row spot, and it paid off immediately : our pen faced side-on to a small interview stage, and first to be interviewed on it is the man who defeated a larger version of the same animal Cate Blanchett slew for her top at the ‘Oceans 8’ premiere earlier this year : Ezra Miller!!

  “I want you to know that this comes from me to you… and it’s pure and special and true. But it’s not love, my friend, it’s something altogether different. Treasure it always”  - I’m not sure what’s going on here, but I’m glad my camera’s sensor and most of an 80-200mm lens are between me and what’s going on.

“I want you to know that this comes from me to you… and it’s pure and special and true. But it’s not love, my friend, it’s something altogether different. Treasure it always” - I’m not sure what’s going on here, but I’m glad my camera’s sensor and most of an 80-200mm lens are between me and what’s going on.

  “You appear to have melted into a puddle. Yeah… that’s more or less what I was going for”

“You appear to have melted into a puddle. Yeah… that’s more or less what I was going for”

  “I appreciate the hug, but I’m not really that influential where future casting decisions are made…. by which I mean, I’m right there at the Big Table : keep hugging!!”  - Callum Turner plays Newt Scamander’s brother in the movie.

“I appreciate the hug, but I’m not really that influential where future casting decisions are made…. by which I mean, I’m right there at the Big Table : keep hugging!!” - Callum Turner plays Newt Scamander’s brother in the movie.

  “I wanna make sure the trademark for    Fantastic Beats    is in my hands by day’s end. I have an idea for a range of premium Speakers”  It’s JK Rowling! She’s the writer of all the Harry Potter books (including the    6th    and    8th    which I attended), the co(?)-writer of the theatre production of    Harry Potter and the Cursed Child   , and also creator/screenwriter of the    Fantastic Beasts    Series of movies. She’s rich…. I’m guessing.

“I wanna make sure the trademark for Fantastic Beats is in my hands by day’s end. I have an idea for a range of premium Speakers”
It’s JK Rowling! She’s the writer of all the Harry Potter books (including the 6th and 8th which I attended), the co(?)-writer of the theatre production of Harry Potter and the Cursed Child, and also creator/screenwriter of the Fantastic Beasts Series of movies. She’s rich…. I’m guessing.

 In good news, I’d say JK Rowling clearly thinks my Hufflepuff fanfiction shows literary promise.

In good news, I’d say JK Rowling clearly thinks my Hufflepuff fanfiction shows literary promise.

  “Anyway, if I don’t see you, my lawyers will!!”

“Anyway, if I don’t see you, my lawyers will!!”

 It’s Eddie Redmayne!! Sure, he’s won an Oscar for portraying Professor Stephen Hawking in    “The Theory of Everything”   , but he’s surely better known for his delivery of  “   I CREATE LIFE!!!!!!    <whisphers> … and I destroy it”  in Jupiter Ascending?

It’s Eddie Redmayne!! Sure, he’s won an Oscar for portraying Professor Stephen Hawking in “The Theory of Everything”, but he’s surely better known for his delivery of I CREATE LIFE!!!!!! <whisphers> … and I destroy it” in Jupiter Ascending?

  “Don’t call me Albus. I’m a professor and first names aren’t for you”  - it’s Jude Law! He plays the young(er) Professor Dumbledore in this movie.

“Don’t call me Albus. I’m a professor and first names aren’t for you” - it’s Jude Law! He plays the young(er) Professor Dumbledore in this movie.

  “I notice you’re not wearing the knitted beanie with the Pom-pom on top”  Jude Law’s hat doesn’t sort you into a house, but it can make you look cooler. And my beanie is far too heat-generating for mere single-digit London temperatures.

“I notice you’re not wearing the knitted beanie with the Pom-pom on top” Jude Law’s hat doesn’t sort you into a house, but it can make you look cooler. And my beanie is far too heat-generating for mere single-digit London temperatures.

  “I loved you in that thing you were in” ”I’m still wearing the hat right now, bro….”

“I loved you in that thing you were in”
”I’m still wearing the hat right now, bro….”

 x

x

 It’s true. That stage is VERY distant. And I’m about to have my first attempt at photographing somebody on it.

It’s true. That stage is VERY distant. And I’m about to have my first attempt at photographing somebody on it.

   "I just want to stress again : this is not part of the DC Cinematic Universe. You can safely see this film"


"I just want to stress again : this is not part of the DC Cinematic Universe. You can safely see this film"

  "If I close my eyes, all the screaming people disappear. Why didn’t anyone tell me??”  In news closer to where I’m standing, it’s Zoe Kravitz! She was in, among other things, the awesome Mad Max Fury Road.

"If I close my eyes, all the screaming people disappear. Why didn’t anyone tell me??”
In news closer to where I’m standing, it’s Zoe Kravitz! She was in, among other things, the awesome Mad Max Fury Road.

  “You know that thing that happens when you really want to say something to somebody standing right in front of you at a huge event? Well, that’s happening right now….” ”… and are you going to finish that sentence?” ”I might not…”

“You know that thing that happens when you really want to say something to somebody standing right in front of you at a huge event? Well, that’s happening right now….”
”… and are you going to finish that sentence?”
”I might not…”

 Sadly this is as good a shot of Thea Lamb as I was able to get : she faced away from me/us while on stage, and kept a profile angle upon leaving the stage before disappearing into the throng on the blue carpet. She plays Young Leta in the movie.

Sadly this is as good a shot of Thea Lamb as I was able to get : she faced away from me/us while on stage, and kept a profile angle upon leaving the stage before disappearing into the throng on the blue carpet. She plays Young Leta in the movie.

  “And so I said    “Niffler? But I hardly even know her ! ”    Oh, how we laughed….” ”Well… you laughed. We all looked at you like you were odd.”

“And so I said “Niffler? But I hardly even know her ! ” Oh, how we laughed….”
”Well… you laughed. We all looked at you like you were odd.”

  “You fought your way past dozens and dozens of screaming Harry Potter fan just to get me to autograph your Jupiter Ascending poster? You’re so brave that, inspired by that bravery, I’m going to refuse. What do you say to that?”

“You fought your way past dozens and dozens of screaming Harry Potter fan just to get me to autograph your Jupiter Ascending poster? You’re so brave that, inspired by that bravery, I’m going to refuse. What do you say to that?”

  “Good movie. I wasn’t in it, but happy to sign it.”

“Good movie. I wasn’t in it, but happy to sign it.”

 I’m not sure who this is, but (a) she was interviewed, and (b) the cast listing for this premiere runs DEEEEEP.

I’m not sure who this is, but (a) she was interviewed, and (b) the cast listing for this premiere runs DEEEEEP.

  “Have you checked imdb, or the movie’s cast and crew listing? Everyone on the carpet right now barely covers the number of digital effects artists on this film”  - this is potentially Victoria Yeates, who is in this movie as the enigmatically/unhelpfully named “Bunty”.

“Have you checked imdb, or the movie’s cast and crew listing? Everyone on the carpet right now barely covers the number of digital effects artists on this film” - this is potentially Victoria Yeates, who is in this movie as the enigmatically/unhelpfully named “Bunty”.

  “Was the hat in the background once a fantastic beast? Or even a fairly adequate one? I’m not sure how to feel about it, but now i can’t look at it”

“Was the hat in the background once a fantastic beast? Or even a fairly adequate one? I’m not sure how to feel about it, but now i can’t look at it”

 Not sure who this is, but between the screaming Brazilian fans, the screaming Chinese fans, and the screaming French fans, somebody screamed when he passed by.

Not sure who this is, but between the screaming Brazilian fans, the screaming Chinese fans, and the screaming French fans, somebody screamed when he passed by.

  “OMG It’s Johnny Depp!!!!! … no, not that guy in the prior photo, but he’s coming! HE’S COMING!!!” -  this is Alison Sudol, who plays Queenie Goldstein in this (   and the prior   ) movie.

“OMG It’s Johnny Depp!!!!! … no, not that guy in the prior photo, but he’s coming! HE’S COMING!!!” - this is Alison Sudol, who plays Queenie Goldstein in this (and the prior) movie.

  “Johnny!! Depp!! I Swear he’s coming!!!”

“Johnny!! Depp!! I Swear he’s coming!!!”

  "I need a new assistant. She's more cheerful than I am, and I'm CHEERFUL ENOUGH"

"I need a new assistant. She's more cheerful than I am, and I'm CHEERFUL ENOUGH"

  “And you’re absolutely certain shoulder pads are back? Because I was out and about during London Fashion Week and I honestly didn’t see them”  - in any event, Poppy Corby-Tuech is in this film.

“And you’re absolutely certain shoulder pads are back? Because I was out and about during London Fashion Week and I honestly didn’t see them” - in any event, Poppy Corby-Tuech is in this film.

 This is not Johnny Depp, this is director Terry Gilliam. Who did not direct this movie, but did direct ‘Don Quixote’ which had a premiere at BFI London Film Festival last month. I didn’t photograph him at that premiere, but I did photograph him at the premiere of    Widows,    which he ALSO didn’t direct. It’s not complicated… just convoluted.

This is not Johnny Depp, this is director Terry Gilliam. Who did not direct this movie, but did direct ‘Don Quixote’ which had a premiere at BFI London Film Festival last month. I didn’t photograph him at that premiere, but I did photograph him at the premiere of Widows, which he ALSO didn’t direct. It’s not complicated… just convoluted.

  “Hello, screaming fans. And hello NON-screaming fans standing next to screaming fans.”

“Hello, screaming fans. And hello NON-screaming fans standing next to screaming fans.”

  “Keep hugging me, man. I’m six down, three to go!”  It’s David Yates! He directed the last four Harry Potter movies, the first two Fantastic Beasts movies, AND has been confirmed as director of the NEXT three Fantastic Beasts movies.

“Keep hugging me, man. I’m six down, three to go!” It’s David Yates! He directed the last four Harry Potter movies, the first two Fantastic Beasts movies, AND has been confirmed as director of the NEXT three Fantastic Beasts movies.

  "I'll pose while you do render a charcoal live sketch of me, sure..."

"I'll pose while you do render a charcoal live sketch of me, sure..."

 Apparently Jamie Campbell-Bower’s character in the movie constitutes a spoiler, so I’m just going to wildly theorise that he plays Luke Skywalker.

Apparently Jamie Campbell-Bower’s character in the movie constitutes a spoiler, so I’m just going to wildly theorise that he plays Luke Skywalker.

  ““From here, everyone from about half the carpet length onwards all look like tiny ants…” ”Cinema ticket buying ants?” ”I certainly hope so!”

““From here, everyone from about half the carpet length onwards all look like tiny ants…”
”Cinema ticket buying ants?”
”I certainly hope so!”

  "You do realise the crowds you're trying to block are on the OTHER side of me?"   A thousand mobile phones go up in one hand, and pieces of paper to be signed in the other - it’s Johnny Depp!

"You do realise the crowds you're trying to block are on the OTHER side of me?"
A thousand mobile phones go up in one hand, and pieces of paper to be signed in the other - it’s Johnny Depp!

  “I’m pretty sure Ms Rowling said you weren’t allowed to endorse fanfiction anymore, Johnny” ”I’ll endorse it if I like it, Trevor”

“I’m pretty sure Ms Rowling said you weren’t allowed to endorse fanfiction anymore, Johnny”
”I’ll endorse it if I like it, Trevor”

  “I’m not sure I like this one, Trevor. Can you take a look at it and make the appropriate changes by tomorrow?” ”I’m a security guy, Johnny. I don’t do screenplays”

“I’m not sure I like this one, Trevor. Can you take a look at it and make the appropriate changes by tomorrow?”
”I’m a security guy, Johnny. I don’t do screenplays”

  “I’m almost afraid to ask my next guest up here any question at all…. can you just keep screaming crazily for another three or four minutes?”

“I’m almost afraid to ask my next guest up here any question at all…. can you just keep screaming crazily for another three or four minutes?”

 Confusion reins, and Katherine Waterston, who plays Tina Goldstein in the movie, has arrived. The look of confusion on the face of the dude on the right is similar, but I don’t know who he is.

Confusion reins, and Katherine Waterston, who plays Tina Goldstein in the movie, has arrived. The look of confusion on the face of the dude on the right is similar, but I don’t know who he is.

  “Alright, I’ll sign your stuff. But I should warn you, I’m a natural lefthander so this could get messy”

“Alright, I’ll sign your stuff. But I should warn you, I’m a natural lefthander so this could get messy”

  “Sorry about the moustache I drew on you…. but if it’s any consolation it does suit you!”

“Sorry about the moustache I drew on you…. but if it’s any consolation it does suit you!”

  “She’s right. It does suit you, ma’am”

“She’s right. It does suit you, ma’am”

  “This man! This… this… MAN, man!!!” ”…..” ”I’m sorry, I forgot the question”  It’s Dan Fogler - the only main person I missed on stage and interviewing and (possibly) signing. Primarily because he’s fairly short. And by sheer coincidence, he’s standing on the part of the stage closest to tall people in the foreground blocking shots.

“This man! This… this… MAN, man!!!”
”…..”
”I’m sorry, I forgot the question”
It’s Dan Fogler - the only main person I missed on stage and interviewing and (possibly) signing. Primarily because he’s fairly short. And by sheer coincidence, he’s standing on the part of the stage closest to tall people in the foreground blocking shots.

  “OMG - you guys are in the Burger King!!! I would totally rather join you instead of going to that lame afterparty they’re going to force me to go to and drink expensive champagne at”

“OMG - you guys are in the Burger King!!! I would totally rather join you instead of going to that lame afterparty they’re going to force me to go to and drink expensive champagne at”

  So…. I’m guessing they’re not staying to watch the movie?

So…. I’m guessing they’re not staying to watch the movie?

And so… that was that. it was big, it was hard to photograph and given all the weird colour issues I might sit down and do a Redcarpet Monochrome Journal before too long!

Until…..next time?

  “Is it a wand? Is it a mobile telephone? either way, it’s totally magic.”

“Is it a wand? Is it a mobile telephone? either way, it’s totally magic.”

If you ever want to know when I post one of these journals, feel free to follow me on facebook at premieresdotco, or twitter at berndt2_photo. As you can see by me putting such invitations at the bottom of a fifty photo journal, I’m keeping it an exclusive club for cool people only.

More at : my archive of movie premieres. It’s not quite at 500 premieres yet, but it is close to 600 events of all kinds.

1 Nov - Another ' "F**& YOU" European Premiere' From Disney

November 1st, 2018.

Firstly, yes I know this is trivial. I bought and run a website called “premieres.co” - so believe me I know about Trivial.

But.

In much the same way as I was pissed off when Disney called its Black Panther private/closed event a “European Premiere” earlier this year, I was able to be pissed off yet again by the House Of Mouse, when its “Nutcracker and the Four Realms” EUROPEAN PREMIERE ended up being a closed event with no public access.

Here’s how it went down:

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So they called it a Confirmed “European Premiere” at both premierescene and markmeets….. and had done so for WEEKS…

 And “ What’s On The Redcarpet ” went one further…. not just HOSTING the event   but explicitly calling it “PUBLIC” on their facebook page.    (I’ve underlined it for emphasis)

And “What’s On The Redcarpet” went one further…. not just HOSTING the event but explicitly calling it “PUBLIC” on their facebook page. (I’ve underlined it for emphasis)

 So I get to Westfield Shepherds Bush and ominously they have a huge adverting screen showing a trailer for the movie, but instead of saying something like “EUROPEAN PREMIERE HERE TONIGHT” it just says “In Cinemas Tomorrow”

So I get to Westfield Shepherds Bush and ominously they have a huge adverting screen showing a trailer for the movie, but instead of saying something like “EUROPEAN PREMIERE HERE TONIGHT” it just says “In Cinemas Tomorrow”

 Inside, it’s fairly immediately obvious (by the lack of stage, barriers, dealers, and fans) that there’s no premiere. They’re certainly setting up something at the Top Floor VUE Cinema though.

Inside, it’s fairly immediately obvious (by the lack of stage, barriers, dealers, and fans) that there’s no premiere. They’re certainly setting up something at the Top Floor VUE Cinema though.

 I ask both one of the managers and a security guy and they confirm : today’s “AHEM” European premiere is not a public event.

I ask both one of the managers and a security guy and they confirm : today’s “AHEM” European premiere is not a public event.

 Oh, wait. There’s a correction!! … it’s actually a “European GALA” now, per the giant (?) sign on the far wall of the VUE…. that you can just see if you happen to be walking past the popcorn stand.

Oh, wait. There’s a correction!! … it’s actually a “European GALA” now, per the giant (?) sign on the far wall of the VUE…. that you can just see if you happen to be walking past the popcorn stand.

But hold on just a second… there’s a facebook mob calling themselves “What’s on the Red Carpet” and they purported themselves to be the HOSTS of this premiere….

 It’s barely   an hour   til the premiere starts and it’s STILL a PUBLIC EVENT???

It’s barely an hour til the premiere starts and it’s STILL a PUBLIC EVENT???

… in other times I might have stayed around to see what I could accomplish from lower angles and creative timing, but that’s another time and another me. It’s not that I had better things to do… but I did have other things to do.

So I went back to The Apartment. And…..

 Oh, look! WIREIMAGE.COM is selling their images from the night as being from the  EUROPEAN PREMIERE  - what the hell??

Oh, look! WIREIMAGE.COM is selling their images from the night as being from the EUROPEAN PREMIERE - what the hell??

So as much as it pains me to agree with some fat orange in a white coloured house in the District of Columbia, USA… words like “FAKE” and “NEWS” do kind of go together here.

Because calling something “something”, then putting a correction in small print just before allowing everyone to refer to the “something” as “SOMETHING” anyway is just marketing bullshit. And once again, it’s f**king DISNEY that’s doing it. 

And again, I have no problem whatsoever with a company celebrating the launch of their new movie however they want. BUT CALLING IT A EUROPEAN PREMIERE or advertising it as a such and then closing it to the public, or retracting it WAY later, is not correct. And if you see stars’ smiling faces in front of a posing board in a newspaper or online and conclude that this was a premiere (wait…. EUROPEAN premiere) … well that’s what f**king Disney wants, and if it bears no resemblance to that implied “truth”, who gives a shit. Does that matter? YES, if language is meant to have any meaning it DOES!

And one day later, the circle is indeed complete:

 It’s the morning Metro, and what does it refer to yesterday’s event as? That’s right : a “premiere”, and not a “gala european screening”

It’s the morning Metro, and what does it refer to yesterday’s event as? That’s right : a “premiere”, and not a “gala european screening”

 And  The Times  has a photo of Keira Knightley   “at the premiere in London”   on its front page…. not at a “gala european screening”

And The Times has a photo of Keira Knightley “at the premiere in London” on its front page…. not at a “gala european screening”

 Zimbio (above) calls it a European Premiere.

Zimbio (above) calls it a European Premiere.

 and Facebook cites articles by the  DailyMail, GettyImages and CelebVegas … all of whom refer to it as a premiere. (Two of them call it a UK Premiere? Who gives a 5h1t about accuracy at this point, really…. )

and Facebook cites articles by the DailyMail, GettyImages and CelebVegas… all of whom refer to it as a premiere. (Two of them call it a UK Premiere? Who gives a 5h1t about accuracy at this point, really…. )

 And facebook also shows that 24 PEOPLE went to this event…. an event that DIDN’T HAPPEN, but because it was (a) scheduled and (b) was in the past, facebook just assumes it happened AND that everyone who said they intended to go DID go. Is this how history books (or apps or emoji-summaries) in the future will be written??

And facebook also shows that 24 PEOPLE went to this event…. an event that DIDN’T HAPPEN, but because it was (a) scheduled and (b) was in the past, facebook just assumes it happened AND that everyone who said they intended to go DID go. Is this how history books (or apps or emoji-summaries) in the future will be written??

So in summary : F**k you Disney. Keep buying up your competitors like it’s legal, but my website ain’t for sale.

On the plus side, apparently the movie sucks anyway:

  Awwww…. you’re 25% more popular than Batman v Superman : Dawn of Justice. You must be so proud.

Awwww…. you’re 25% more popular than Batman v Superman : Dawn of Justice. You must be so proud.

Until next time? Sure, whenever somebody explains to me what “Until” and “Next” and “Time” mean...

and finally….

 in the afternoon of November 2nd, premierescene retrospectively exonnerates itself by now referring to the “recent” event it previously called a “European Premiere” …. a hastily-corrected “European European Gala Screening”. Nice touch with the double-use of “European”. You’d call it successful revisionist history…. if your skills were slightly better.

in the afternoon of November 2nd, premierescene retrospectively exonnerates itself by now referring to the “recent” event it previously called a “European Premiere” …. a hastily-corrected “European European Gala Screening”. Nice touch with the double-use of “European”. You’d call it successful revisionist history…. if your skills were slightly better.

23 Oct - The 'BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY' World Premiere

October 23rd, 2018.

And so, after just a one day break since 12 consecutive days of premieres of London Film Festival, it’s time (already) for another premiere (#18 in 14 days!) - and it’s a World Premiere, in Wembley, with a Purple carpet and everything.

Here’s how it went down:

 The story of how I got my wristband for this premiere would fill a viking saga, and/or be used as testimony against me in a court of law, depending how much of the blood, violence, threats, recrimination, friendship and betrayal was true and how much was hyperbole.

The story of how I got my wristband for this premiere would fill a viking saga, and/or be used as testimony against me in a court of law, depending how much of the blood, violence, threats, recrimination, friendship and betrayal was true and how much was hyperbole.

 It’s mild, it’s autumn, and for those interested I am starting to unveil the lineup of beanies I hope to take into the more glamorous premieres in the colder months.

It’s mild, it’s autumn, and for those interested I am starting to unveil the lineup of beanies I hope to take into the more glamorous premieres in the colder months.

  “Put a gun against his head, pulled my trigger….. Hold on. Wait. There are kids here, are we allowed to be singing these lyrics??”

“Put a gun against his head, pulled my trigger….. Hold on. Wait. There are kids here, are we allowed to be singing these lyrics??”

  “This hair swish is about as rock’n’roll as I’m willing to get. Or at least for now, until Aiden Gillen shows up. He’s the guy I really want to impress.”

“This hair swish is about as rock’n’roll as I’m willing to get. Or at least for now, until Aiden Gillen shows up. He’s the guy I really want to impress.”

 Excellent news : your good friend and mine Hakeem Mr Impact and his tame DJ Nuffin Reely Matterz were officiating in the warm-up, and though a friend of mine coined the term “Bohemian Rap-Rap-Rhapsody”, he never said it. I maintain one of the gold backpacks on offer would have been his had he put it forth.

Excellent news : your good friend and mine Hakeem Mr Impact and his tame DJ Nuffin Reely Matterz were officiating in the warm-up, and though a friend of mine coined the term “Bohemian Rap-Rap-Rhapsody”, he never said it. I maintain one of the gold backpacks on offer would have been his had he put it forth.

 The girls on the right were robbed of freeness by their edge-spot in the long secondary pen. They had more kinds of scary exuberance than most.

The girls on the right were robbed of freeness by their edge-spot in the long secondary pen. They had more kinds of scary exuberance than most.

 The list for this world premiere is a very impressive one by size : a four by four grid per page, running for at least three pages. And with my spot being side-on to the posing board, and directly along the pathway all the stars would take AND my spot being directly behind the first media interview station all stars would be…. it couldn’t really be any easier.

The list for this world premiere is a very impressive one by size : a four by four grid per page, running for at least three pages. And with my spot being side-on to the posing board, and directly along the pathway all the stars would take AND my spot being directly behind the first media interview station all stars would be…. it couldn’t really be any easier.

 I reiterate. COULD. NOT. BE. EASIER. This is my GoPro at probably 2.5metres. Implausible for detailed shooting. But clearly… this thing is less a premiere than an oldschool post-Christmas sale.

I reiterate. COULD. NOT. BE. EASIER.
This is my GoPro at probably 2.5metres. Implausible for detailed shooting. But clearly… this thing is less a premiere than an oldschool post-Christmas sale.

 Jim Beach is the only person I was able to photograph long-range to the posing board before The Hordes descended upon the carpet. He is/was the band’s manager.

Jim Beach is the only person I was able to photograph long-range to the posing board before The Hordes descended upon the carpet. He is/was the band’s manager.

 Kashmira Bulsara is the late Freddie Mercury’s sister. I suppose a similar precedent was set at the premiere of    The Beatles’ Eight Days A Week    concert film, where ex-wives and relatives attended in place of members unable to attend.

Kashmira Bulsara is the late Freddie Mercury’s sister. I suppose a similar precedent was set at the premiere of The Beatles’ Eight Days A Week concert film, where ex-wives and relatives attended in place of members unable to attend.

  “It’s not so much inspired by Freddie as it is a generic, and somewhat ill-timed disguise. Oops.”

“It’s not so much inspired by Freddie as it is a generic, and somewhat ill-timed disguise. Oops.”

  “Did it hurt?” ”Not as much as removing the tattoo of Beethoven I used to have there… after which my chamber orchestra colleagues also made me feel really bad.”

“Did it hurt?”
”Not as much as removing the tattoo of Beethoven I used to have there… after which my chamber orchestra colleagues also made me feel really bad.”

  “The tickets to see the movie were cheap, but I paid extra to have mine specially embossed”.  I endorse this. Only lame people print out QPR codes or use their mobiles.

“The tickets to see the movie were cheap, but I paid extra to have mine specially embossed”.
I endorse this. Only lame people print out QPR codes or use their mobiles.

 Lucy Boynton arrives and I get my first real taste for the mayhem the people in my barely 1-deep pen are capable of. I might even have had a miniature step-stool I briefly stood upon, but when I vacated it even momentarily some girl stood on it and… well…. you try being a dude whose property has been co-opted during the Time’s Up era wanting his stuff back. Dude… I’m part of the patriarchy. I’m pretty sure I’m meant to deserve this.

Lucy Boynton arrives and I get my first real taste for the mayhem the people in my barely 1-deep pen are capable of. I might even have had a miniature step-stool I briefly stood upon, but when I vacated it even momentarily some girl stood on it and… well…. you try being a dude whose property has been co-opted during the Time’s Up era wanting his stuff back. Dude… I’m part of the patriarchy. I’m pretty sure I’m meant to deserve this.

  “I have me the enemy, and they are Dealer”  - in retrospect, the layout of the premiere meant that there was no ‘best’ pen - all that weren’t affected by some 5000+ people marching past them or standing wherever they wanted with minimal effort by security to move them on, had limited direct views. The Dealers did okay, though. Please don’t worry about The Dealers.

“I have me the enemy, and they are Dealer” - in retrospect, the layout of the premiere meant that there was no ‘best’ pen - all that weren’t affected by some 5000+ people marching past them or standing wherever they wanted with minimal effort by security to move them on, had limited direct views. The Dealers did okay, though. Please don’t worry about The Dealers.

  “This is how they high-five in Hollywood now!!” ”But which of these hands are yours and which ones are mine and what do we do with them?”  - I have photographed Lucy Boynton once before, at the equally massive    World Premiere for ‘Murder on the Orient Express   ’ last year.

“This is how they high-five in Hollywood now!!”
”But which of these hands are yours and which ones are mine and what do we do with them?”
- I have photographed Lucy Boynton once before, at the equally massive World Premiere for ‘Murder on the Orient Express’ last year.

  “Are the eye-lashes real? Well, there might be a kind of magic involved.” ”Were you contractually required to use the lyrics of at least one Queen song into your answers?” ”I’m not allowed to say”

“Are the eye-lashes real? Well, there might be a kind of magic involved.”
”Were you contractually required to use the lyrics of at least one Queen song into your answers?”
”I’m not allowed to say”

 Good news (for me) - the most reliable angle for my photography currently involves shooting over and through the crowd of the third side of the triangle I’m on the second side of, long range. Generally speaking I prefer long-range at events because (a) there are less people futilely holding up mobile phones to capture such shots, and (b) my Nikon’s autofocus reliably nails focus at that distance, and (c) I like the challenge.

Good news (for me) - the most reliable angle for my photography currently involves shooting over and through the crowd of the third side of the triangle I’m on the second side of, long range. Generally speaking I prefer long-range at events because (a) there are less people futilely holding up mobile phones to capture such shots, and (b) my Nikon’s autofocus reliably nails focus at that distance, and (c) I like the challenge.

 Allen Leech plays Freddy Mercury’s manager ‘Paul Prenter’ in the movie, but is arguably best known for being in 45 episodes of Downton Abbey, which I’d like to think features several songs by Queen played discreetly on harpsichord to see if anyone is paying attention.

Allen Leech plays Freddy Mercury’s manager ‘Paul Prenter’ in the movie, but is arguably best known for being in 45 episodes of Downton Abbey, which I’d like to think features several songs by Queen played discreetly on harpsichord to see if anyone is paying attention.

  “Shouldn’t you be wearing dark sunglasses?” ”Why?” ”I have it on good authority that the guy you play will turn up wearing sunglasses”  Ben Hardy plays Queen bandmember Roger Taylor in this film.

“Shouldn’t you be wearing dark sunglasses?”
”Why?”
”I have it on good authority that the guy you play will turn up wearing sunglasses”

Ben Hardy plays Queen bandmember Roger Taylor in this film.

  “Standing here with me now …. Queen’s very own Roger Taylor!! Meanwhile, I hear Ben Hardy decided to attend the premiere sunglasses-less. I’ll be asking him about that later..”

“Standing here with me now …. Queen’s very own Roger Taylor!! Meanwhile, I hear Ben Hardy decided to attend the premiere sunglasses-less. I’ll be asking him about that later..”

  “Curse him and his stylish ways”  Up until seconds ago I had no idea Ben Hardy played ‘Angel’ in    X-Men Apocalypse   .

“Curse him and his stylish ways”
Up until seconds ago I had no idea Ben Hardy played ‘Angel’ in X-Men Apocalypse.

 This premiere’s other Queen bandmember in attendance is Brian May, who has been wearing Brian May’s Amazing Hair with considerable aplomb for some time now. I last photographed him wearing the same hair at    this year’s Olivier Awards, I think.

This premiere’s other Queen bandmember in attendance is Brian May, who has been wearing Brian May’s Amazing Hair with considerable aplomb for some time now. I last photographed him wearing the same hair at this year’s Olivier Awards, I think.

  “Right now I’m feeling pretty good about the fact that my hair is more Brian May-like than my next guest up here : Gwylim Lee - who plays Brian May in this movie!!”

“Right now I’m feeling pretty good about the fact that my hair is more Brian May-like than my next guest up here : Gwylim Lee - who plays Brian May in this movie!!”

 Shooting through the media ain’t as easy at this premiere as I’d hoped. And at the ‘leading’ edge of the pen where I once stood, it quickly got three-deep with people holding up mobile phones that I couldn’t shoot past, or through.

Shooting through the media ain’t as easy at this premiere as I’d hoped. And at the ‘leading’ edge of the pen where I once stood, it quickly got three-deep with people holding up mobile phones that I couldn’t shoot past, or through.

 I briefly get a chance to shoot high-and-blind into the interview area and catch a few in-focus shots before she moves into another, more distant spot.

I briefly get a chance to shoot high-and-blind into the interview area and catch a few in-focus shots before she moves into another, more distant spot.

 It’s Mike Myers! I’ve never previously photographed him, and I might be ever so slightly more excited than he is about that.

It’s Mike Myers! I’ve never previously photographed him, and I might be ever so slightly more excited than he is about that.

  “NO! If you put any more salt than this much into it, it’s not just RUINED, but you might as well burn down the kitchen you’re using to make

“NO! If you put any more salt than this much into it, it’s not just RUINED, but you might as well burn down the kitchen you’re using to make

  “Not one of you so-called journalists has asked me about the medal I’m wearing around my neck. Now I ask YOU - do you think I’d be wearing it if I didn’t want to be asked about it??”  Mike Myers is probably still best known for any number of roles in the Austin Powers movies - Austin Powers, Doctor Evil, Fat Bastard…whatever the villain in that third movie was called…

“Not one of you so-called journalists has asked me about the medal I’m wearing around my neck. Now I ask YOU - do you think I’d be wearing it if I didn’t want to be asked about it??”
Mike Myers is probably still best known for any number of roles in the Austin Powers movies - Austin Powers, Doctor Evil, Fat Bastard…whatever the villain in that third movie was called…

  “He plays Freddy Mercury’s boyfriend in the movie, his look of Blue Steel is stunning and he’s more stylishly dressed than I am so I won’t be having him up here long : it’s Aaron McCusker!!”

“He plays Freddy Mercury’s boyfriend in the movie, his look of Blue Steel is stunning and he’s more stylishly dressed than I am so I won’t be having him up here long : it’s Aaron McCusker!!”

 It’s Rami Malek! He plays Freddie Mercury himself in the film, and he’s probably the one person in the cast this journal really couldn’t have afforded to be without (which is to say : the crowd in our public pen is still milling arond the media corner, and shooting long-range to the stage is still kind of hit-or-miss)

It’s Rami Malek! He plays Freddie Mercury himself in the film, and he’s probably the one person in the cast this journal really couldn’t have afforded to be without (which is to say : the crowd in our public pen is still milling arond the media corner, and shooting long-range to the stage is still kind of hit-or-miss)

 I was pretty close to deleting the dual ‘ET’ signs on the interviewer’s microphone, but this mid-range shot that somehow the people in the pen were too cool / oblivious to see was mainly due to them. Also : Rami Malek seems very nice : I’ve photographed him only once before, as a guest at    the “Lost City of Z” premiere   .

I was pretty close to deleting the dual ‘ET’ signs on the interviewer’s microphone, but this mid-range shot that somehow the people in the pen were too cool / oblivious to see was mainly due to them. Also : Rami Malek seems very nice : I’ve photographed him only once before, as a guest at the “Lost City of Z” premiere.

 No longer as interested since I’m not saying anything about him, but keeping an ear out just in case. That’s the mark of a professional.

No longer as interested since I’m not saying anything about him, but keeping an ear out just in case. That’s the mark of a professional.

  “You play #2, who was subsequently replaced by #3. Were you as hurt by this even as an actor as the character in question?”  - Aiden Gillen plays Queen’s Second Manager, John Reid.

“You play #2, who was subsequently replaced by #3. Were you as hurt by this even as an actor as the character in question?” - Aiden Gillen plays Queen’s Second Manager, John Reid.

  “I’ll answer that question as soon as I’ve heard what Aaron says for his. I’m not saying I’ll copy his answer… but maybe I’ll adapt it, changing some of the minor details and elaborating further on some things. I’m an actor. it’s what I do”  - Aiden Gillen is best known for being Petyr ‘Littlefinger’ Baelish across 41 episodes of Game of Thrones.

“I’ll answer that question as soon as I’ve heard what Aaron says for his. I’m not saying I’ll copy his answer… but maybe I’ll adapt it, changing some of the minor details and elaborating further on some things. I’m an actor. it’s what I do” - Aiden Gillen is best known for being Petyr ‘Littlefinger’ Baelish across 41 episodes of Game of Thrones.

  “It wasn’t self-bestowed, if that’s what you’re implying. And I hope youre NOT implying…”

“It wasn’t self-bestowed, if that’s what you’re implying. And I hope youre NOT implying…”

 Trying to figure out what to do when a girl says she LOOOOOVES bass guitarists from famous bands, and you only play the bass guitarist in a movie about a famous band…… Joseph Mazzello plays Queen bassist Joe Deacon in the film

Trying to figure out what to do when a girl says she LOOOOOVES bass guitarists from famous bands, and you only play the bass guitarist in a movie about a famous band…… Joseph Mazzello plays Queen bassist Joe Deacon in the film

  “So they’re letting people stand on barriers at this event?” ”Only if they’re REALLY fans. It helps identify them” ”I see….”

“So they’re letting people stand on barriers at this event?”
”Only if they’re REALLY fans. It helps identify them”
”I see….”

  “We’re just to stop talking now and see what the guy does next. Is he scared of heights? Has he somehow gotten stuck? Is he at the wrong premiere and trying to find his way elsewhere? Part of me wants to get him up here and ask. I’m a journalist at heart, Brian. You understand”

“We’re just to stop talking now and see what the guy does next. Is he scared of heights? Has he somehow gotten stuck? Is he at the wrong premiere and trying to find his way elsewhere? Part of me wants to get him up here and ask. I’m a journalist at heart, Brian. You understand”

 Rami Malek climbs the stage, and the crowd is stilled…. … except for the excited braying of autograph dealers. I think they want Aiden Gillen at the moment.

Rami Malek climbs the stage, and the crowd is stilled…. … except for the excited braying of autograph dealers. I think they want Aiden Gillen at the moment.

  “I took care of it, Alex” ”That’s cool. I just wanted to know what happened to that guy standing on the railings” ”Like I said. I took care of it”

“I took care of it, Alex”
”That’s cool. I just wanted to know what happened to that guy standing on the railings”
”Like I said. I took care of it”

  “This kiss for you. Just you, Sir. If anyone else catches it and thinks it’s for them, it’s not. And you’d better hand it over to him”

“This kiss for you. Just you, Sir. If anyone else catches it and thinks it’s for them, it’s not. And you’d better hand it over to him”

And finally….

  “They asked me if I wanted to be in a Queen biopic and I said absolutely, as long as I could play the Duchess of York. They told me I was the third person who’d made a similar joke, but they still wanted me in the film. It was a close call, Alex.”

“They asked me if I wanted to be in a Queen biopic and I said absolutely, as long as I could play the Duchess of York. They told me I was the third person who’d made a similar joke, but they still wanted me in the film. It was a close call, Alex.”

So… that was that. A big, impressive, and yet difficult-to-photograph premiere. I came away with some lucky shots, but missed a lot more. Then again, this wasn’t exactly my first rodeo. It just felt like I’d been thrown around a bit more than usual. From here, it’s a bit quieter on the premieres front, though there is one a bit over a week from now to look forward to. My Archive of Premieres does need occasional feeding.

Until next time!

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