August 24th, 2017.
After yesterday's rather ho-hum efforts at the "Patti Cake$' premiere at Somerset House, I was looking forward to today, which saw the opening day of London's Frightfest, whose brochure and website promised "20 world, 22 European and 18 UK premieres" across two cinemas over five days.
The last two world premieres I've done - for Dunkirk and Transformers the last Knight - took up the entire centre of Leicester Square, so I could only wonder at what marvels the opening night's World Premiere for 'Cult of Chucky' would bring.
Here's how it 'went down'.
Don't let the nearby street preachers, kids chasing bubbles, and rowdy street performers fool you, there's a Film Festival on in Leicester Square today (you can tell because the nearby Prince Charles cinema, which is also screening horror movies over the next few days, has kept its giant "see 2001 A Space Odyssey in 70mm" marquee)
I've always theorised as to the minimum requirements for a premiere (let alone WORLD premiere). Generally, I'd say it would require two out of the four of (1) Dealers (there were some - not pictured), (2) Barriers (none seen), (3) Security (none seen), (4) a red carpet (not sure if a large sticker in a foyer counts)... with perhaps one of (5) wristbands (not applicable) and (6) an ad in the morning metro (none seen).
So basically at the moment, me being at this World Premiere (from a fan perspective) amounts to 'loitering'
Up the stairs of the Cineworld was a pass/ registration desk. I inquired as to whether there was capacity for a freelance photographer, but they apologetically said no, and to perhaps try next year. (Or, if I were to take the advice of the street preachers outside, perhaps pray more and have less promiscuous sex)
Jesus clearly doesn't commute on the Govia Thameslink rail line.
"This poster of Chucky is not *that* precious to me..... but just don't breathe on it, or increase the ambient humidity by more than 5% with your body heat, or frankly look at it too long"
"What? Frightfest? No... I'm just taking my little sister for a walk"
"Of course it won't bite if you touch it, silly - it's just a doll! But I'll bite you if you touch it, certainly"
If you're feeling the excitement and anticipation for this world premiere rising, feel free to have a pint of valium so you can get set your heart-rate more appropriately.
The person to whom this Funko Pop belongs had been waiting at the front of the Cineworld / Empire since noon for the 6pm screening, waiting for some evidence of the 'premiere-ness' of this World Premiere. Still, makes a handy doorstop.
The write-up for this premiere promised the attendance of actresses Jennifer Tilly and Fiona Dourif, and director Don Mancini. I don't know what Fiona Dourif looks like, Jennifer Tilly is blurred and to her left, and without wanting to spoil anything the director came in a shot time later via a different route and I got less of him than I got of the Chucky Doll further above.
Oh, look - I appear to have reached the minimum requirement for a premiere journal : one (1) confirmed photo of a person invited to attend the premiere. In this case, actress Jennifer Tilly, who provides the voice of the doll Tiffany in the film
"Hey, that's a neat doorstop!" - Jennifer Tilly zipped into the foyer and up the stairs, pausing perhaps only in the slightest to imply she'd maybe come down later and sign autographs in a way clearly not meant to be interpreted as a binding social contract.
A short time after this, one of the event organisers came down and advised that in relatively high likelihood, Jennifer Tilly would NOT be signing items, as she prefers to sign at conventions. Which I'm given to understand she attends. In America. Which isn't the country she's in.
"In contrast to this t-shirt, no I ain't mad."
Not quite random attendee : Kane Hodder, arguably best known for playing Jason Vorhees in the 7th, 8th, 9th and 10th Friday 13th films, who will be doing a talk sometime during the festival (and/or possibly a bar near the festival... I don't know)
"I'll come back and sign later... you know.... without specifically defining what 'later' means in this context"
The street preachers have had two shift changes and even spent some time singing hymns and talking to police who seemingly wanted them to stop shouting their messages ad nauseum, something the preachers gleefully interpreted as official instructions not to tell people to be nice to each other, faithful to their spouses, or fall prey to drugs and alcohol.
They told me three-fifths of my tattoos were sinful, but didn't specify which ones..."
"Terry, I'm here in the foyer of the Empire Leicester Square, interviewing my camera woman because I don't know where anyone connected to this movie is right now. More news as it happens... or fails to happen"
So... all that for a screening set to start at 6:00pm, subsequently to be followed by a second screening of the same film at 6:45pm. The film had a runtime of 90mins and I stayed til about 8:00pm because against all evidence to the contrary I'm an over-optimistic fool.
All I did was stand around, listening to Christian Street Preachers drone on and on and on and on, one by one by one by one. And then I decided to head back to St Pancras via the tube to get to my train. Which was delayed by so much that the next scheduled train arrived before it did, meaning I waited for almost 2x the interval between trains. F&&k you, Govia Thameslink.
"Is it wrong that I'm already looking forward to next year?....by which I mean 'next year, and not anywhere near frightfest'.
So... that was that. If I somehow made my sense of frustration and disappointment a bit too subtle, then I apologise. I have no problem with an event that involves only indoor press, no interaction with queueing fans and an inside screening for people who bought tickets : hell, that's like every Disney / Marvel release these days. But calling this a 'WORLD PREMIERE' ? Really?
Sigh... well, whatever.
The only question for me is, though, whether it gets into the Archive of Movie Premieres. The answer is yes, on a technicality, in that the Pixar premiere of 'Up' way back in 2009 had zero actual attendees from the film (except somebody dressed up as the Korean schoolkid), which means this premiere actually technically exceeds that.
Until.... I can be bothered to do this again.
ps. If you ever want to lead a futile and pointless existance but don't have the persistence of vision to stick to it, why not follow me on twitter at berndt2_photo or on facebook at premieresdotco? It can't really make your life *that* much worse. (Also : why not share this journal with your friends, or use it to confuse your enemies?)