12 May - The "Interlude in Prague" "World Premiere"

May 12th, 2017.

The thing about World Premieres is that there's no governing body that decrees that a film premiere is, or isn't, or can, or can't be, a World Premiere. Anything can be a world premiere. Take for example this movie's World Premiere : it wasn't publicised in the Metro, it wasn't listed in any of the four or five websites that usually list London's premieres; there were no barriers and no wristbands; and per wireimage none of the three biggest names on the cast list (including the guy who plays Mozart in a movie starring Mozart) or the Director attended. But it still counts as a World Premiere.

And I was there. Here's how it went down.

Rolled up red carpet. (Not to scale).

Rolled up red carpet. (Not to scale).

"Interlude in Prague". If it does well, rumours are they're planning a prequel movie to this one called "Opening Credits in Crete". Because I hear the weather is awesome there.

"Interlude in Prague". If it does well, rumours are they're planning a prequel movie to this one called "Opening Credits in Crete". Because I hear the weather is awesome there.

The red carpet has (now) been unfurled and a security system the likes of which the Pentagon would sit up and take notice of is starting to be implemented, involving roped barriers, doors occasionally left open and unattended, and That Guy. As these things go, it's slightly more lax than yesterday's King Arthur : Legend of the Sword premiere, which had bag checks and actual physical patdowns

The red carpet has (now) been unfurled and a security system the likes of which the Pentagon would sit up and take notice of is starting to be implemented, involving roped barriers, doors occasionally left open and unattended, and That Guy. As these things go, it's slightly more lax than yesterday's King Arthur : Legend of the Sword premiere, which had bag checks and actual physical patdowns

I suspect that the tickets to this event are laser-etched, hologram-infused and contain security features the likes of which polymer banknotes and dual-metal coins can only dream. But you can also print them out in black'n'white on your inkjet printer at home if you want.

I suspect that the tickets to this event are laser-etched, hologram-infused and contain security features the likes of which polymer banknotes and dual-metal coins can only dream. But you can also print them out in black'n'white on your inkjet printer at home if you want.

Rather optimistically, I've found a spot that will allow me to take photos of the inside of the cinema foyer where all the action (and Ben & Jerry's Icecream) are located.

Rather optimistically, I've found a spot that will allow me to take photos of the inside of the cinema foyer where all the action (and Ben & Jerry's Icecream) are located.

Rather optimistically, I also assume that if any guest worth photographing attends this event, they'll be pretty easy to spot in the crowd that's carefully being channeled into the venue.

Rather optimistically, I also assume that if any guest worth photographing attends this event, they'll be pretty easy to spot in the crowd that's carefully being channeled into the venue.

It's rather fitting that my ultimate standby strategy of 'photograph women who are better looking than average, or carry the vibe of 'I'm Meant To Be Here'', (or both) actually works in this case : turns out that this is actress Charlotte Peters, and she's in this movie!

It's rather fitting that my ultimate standby strategy of 'photograph women who are better looking than average, or carry the vibe of 'I'm Meant To Be Here'', (or both) actually works in this case : turns out that this is actress Charlotte Peters, and she's in this movie!

I'll concede that this would be a slightly weird photo if it didn't turn out to be one of the cast members of this movie. But the alternative to this kind of speculative photography would be.... well... to go home and rethink my life. And where's the fun in that?

I'll concede that this would be a slightly weird photo if it didn't turn out to be one of the cast members of this movie. But the alternative to this kind of speculative photography would be.... well... to go home and rethink my life. And where's the fun in that?

Quick note : I have a policy that if you don't give me basic access to your premiere, then I'm not helping you advertise your alcohol sponsors. For this reason I've taken the time to remove references to the bourbon and gin that sponsor this film from the back wall Ms Peters is posing against. (Incidentally, I'm enjoying a rather spectacular Estonian Vodka while I'm writing this.)

Quick note : I have a policy that if you don't give me basic access to your premiere, then I'm not helping you advertise your alcohol sponsors. For this reason I've taken the time to remove references to the bourbon and gin that sponsor this film from the back wall Ms Peters is posing against. (Incidentally, I'm enjoying a rather spectacular Estonian Vodka while I'm writing this.)

Although I don't actually know who 'Wayne Sleep' is, he was photographed (and tagged) on wireimage.com. But per imdb he has nothing to do with this movie at a cast/crew level. And I do particularly like the semi-orgasmic face of the reflection of the women on the top left of this shot. It's pretty clear she knows and appreciates who Wayne Sleep is.

Although I don't actually know who 'Wayne Sleep' is, he was photographed (and tagged) on wireimage.com. But per imdb he has nothing to do with this movie at a cast/crew level. And I do particularly like the semi-orgasmic face of the reflection of the women on the top left of this shot. It's pretty clear she knows and appreciates who Wayne Sleep is.

"What's going on?" "World Premiere" "For what movie?" "I'd have to look up and to the left to see what's on the screen, but that's more effort than I'm willing to expend right now"

"What's going on?"
"World Premiere"
"For what movie?"
"I'd have to look up and to the left to see what's on the screen, but that's more effort than I'm willing to expend right now"

The face of this man looks at me and says : "Young man, why are you wasting the last vestiges of the youth you still have photographing this event; and don't you think you should wear a bow tie more often?" And it grieves me that I have nothing to say in reply to the face of that man.

The face of this man looks at me and says : "Young man, why are you wasting the last vestiges of the youth you still have photographing this event; and don't you think you should wear a bow tie more often?" And it grieves me that I have nothing to say in reply to the face of that man.

The face of this guy looks at me and says "Hey grandpa, what are you doing here instead of eating porridge at home?". And it grieves me that I'm not allowed to punch the face of that guy, if that is indeed what it said.

The face of this guy looks at me and says "Hey grandpa, what are you doing here instead of eating porridge at home?". And it grieves me that I'm not allowed to punch the face of that guy, if that is indeed what it said.

Wireimage informs me that this is Chloe Paige, but provides little information besides this. Other than the valuable implication that wireimage believes that money can be made by wireimage in offering photos of Chloe Paige for sale.

Wireimage informs me that this is Chloe Paige, but provides little information besides this. Other than the valuable implication that wireimage believes that money can be made by wireimage in offering photos of Chloe Paige for sale.

The identity of the woman staring into the infinite future beyond tonight's trivial frivolities is as yet not known to me but I would follow her paradigm-shifting political views as far as possible to effect true change in this lost country; but apparently the dude staring into the middle distance like "Babe, is that dude selling burritos? -because I could go for a burrito" is Fabrizio Santino

The identity of the woman staring into the infinite future beyond tonight's trivial frivolities is as yet not known to me but I would follow her paradigm-shifting political views as far as possible to effect true change in this lost country; but apparently the dude staring into the middle distance like "Babe, is that dude selling burritos? -because I could go for a burrito" is Fabrizio Santino

I don't know who this is, but it's not likely to be Alexander Skarsgard. Enough so that I'm not going to the trouble of digging out that letter 'a' with the single round dot above it.

I don't know who this is, but it's not likely to be Alexander Skarsgard. Enough so that I'm not going to the trouble of digging out that letter 'a' with the single round dot above it.

Awesomely, it seems that there is a small media crew on the Odeon Leicester Square balcony and they're doing interviews!! As it turns out, they're interviewing the one person from the cast that I've already photographed : Charlotte Peters

Awesomely, it seems that there is a small media crew on the Odeon Leicester Square balcony and they're doing interviews!! As it turns out, they're interviewing the one person from the cast that I've already photographed : Charlotte Peters

I'd like to think that the proprietal satisfaction of the pose of the guy on the right means he's the director or somebody important to this film.... but then I'd also like to think that the work I do has actual value and serves a vital function in the dissemination of cultural richness that improves the lives of thousands if not dozens if not several people around the world.

I'd like to think that the proprietal satisfaction of the pose of the guy on the right means he's the director or somebody important to this film.... but then I'd also like to think that the work I do has actual value and serves a vital function in the dissemination of cultural richness that improves the lives of thousands if not dozens if not several people around the world.

In the absence of anyone better (or prettier) to photograph, I'm somewhat comfortable in turning this journal into a celebration of the photogenic relevance of one lady at a world premiere for a movie that she's in. I've done it before (sort of) for Tom Hiddleston at the premiere of "Only Lovers Left Alive".

In the absence of anyone better (or prettier) to photograph, I'm somewhat comfortable in turning this journal into a celebration of the photogenic relevance of one lady at a world premiere for a movie that she's in. I've done it before (sort of) for Tom Hiddleston at the premiere of "Only Lovers Left Alive".

I don't know who Gemma Oaten is, but thanks to the zealous flashes of the paparazzi interested in photographing her, deleting the two alcohol brands on the backing wall in this photo was much simpler. Shadows confuse the software on my older version of photoshop.

I don't know who Gemma Oaten is, but thanks to the zealous flashes of the paparazzi interested in photographing her, deleting the two alcohol brands on the backing wall in this photo was much simpler. Shadows confuse the software on my older version of photoshop.

The good news : I've found an angle that allows me to photograph people being interviewed on the balcony above me, shooting through glass. The bad news : the interviewees' faces are literally being interfered with by the reflections of the LED lights from the adjacent screens advertising this movie - only if they're facing me.

The good news : I've found an angle that allows me to photograph people being interviewed on the balcony above me, shooting through glass. The bad news : the interviewees' faces are literally being interfered with by the reflections of the LED lights from the adjacent screens advertising this movie - only if they're facing me.

The good news : I've now found an angle that cuts down on LED reflections. The bad news : I'm now getting dappled light through the gaps between leaves creating differing reflections. (I once photographed a Lady Gaga concert whose lighting effects would put epileptics into comas and fry unlucky camera sensors. It was somewhat simpler than shooting this World Premiere)

The good news : I've now found an angle that cuts down on LED reflections. The bad news : I'm now getting dappled light through the gaps between leaves creating differing reflections. (I once photographed a Lady Gaga concert whose lighting effects would put epileptics into comas and fry unlucky camera sensors. It was somewhat simpler than shooting this World Premiere)

"We're young, we're cool, we're all wearing different coloured clothes, and now we just need Marvel and DC to enter into a bidding war for the rights to put us into their cinematic universe"

"We're young, we're cool, we're all wearing different coloured clothes, and now we just need Marvel and DC to enter into a bidding war for the rights to put us into their cinematic universe"

Rather excitingly, I have photographed a second (2nd) person FROM THIS MOVIE at THIS MOVIE'S WORLD PREMIERE!! Samantha Barks, who I've photographed at some Baftas and Oliviers in the past - as well as the (world) premiere of Les Miserables - plays the role of "Josefa Duchek"..

Rather excitingly, I have photographed a second (2nd) person FROM THIS MOVIE at THIS MOVIE'S WORLD PREMIERE!! Samantha Barks, who I've photographed at some Baftas and Oliviers in the past - as well as the (world) premiere of Les Miserables - plays the role of "Josefa Duchek"..

While Samantha Barks attempts to answer whatever question she's being asked, I ponder on how it's possible I might have missed photographing Edmund Kingsley, who is in this film (and its premiere) and would have increased the number of stars from this movie in this journal by 50%.

While Samantha Barks attempts to answer whatever question she's being asked, I ponder on how it's possible I might have missed photographing Edmund Kingsley, who is in this film (and its premiere) and would have increased the number of stars from this movie in this journal by 50%.

But that was it. And with the stars seemingly settled in their seats and being plied with alcohol provided by their sponsors (who are not the Estonian brand Saaremaa which I heartily endorse) all that was left was to photograph some of the well-dressed human props used by stars to pose with and guests to admire:

Elizabethan Ninja Squad 2000. (copyright me 2017 - also, contact me, Marvel, if you're interested)

Elizabethan Ninja Squad 2000. (copyright me 2017 - also, contact me, Marvel, if you're interested)

"Plucking those feathers off live birds is cruel, and I want to reassure you that we didn't do that when we made this hat. We glued the live birds together instead"

"Plucking those feathers off live birds is cruel, and I want to reassure you that we didn't do that when we made this hat. We glued the live birds together instead"

"Watch this movie. Or watch us instead - your choice!"

"Watch this movie. Or watch us instead - your choice!"

"See you in the next instalment of : Elizabethan Ninja Squad 2000"

"See you in the next instalment of : Elizabethan Ninja Squad 2000"

Update : 13th May : I've trawled through my photos and found two more attendees : and both were in the movie!!

Bonus Attendee #1 : The lady waiting patiently in line wearing a dress that screams "I ain't waitin' in line for NOBODY' is Klara Issova, who is in this movie.

Bonus Attendee #1 : The lady waiting patiently in line wearing a dress that screams "I ain't waitin' in line for NOBODY' is Klara Issova, who is in this movie.

Bonus Attendee #2 : The left side of Edmund Kingsley's face is in this movie... and without having seen it I'm going to assume the right side also features.

Bonus Attendee #2 : The left side of Edmund Kingsley's face is in this movie... and without having seen it I'm going to assume the right side also features.

So... even though that was slightly more perplexing than fun, the extent of its perplexing-ness was high enough that there was some merit in it overall. I just wish it had been a 'real' premiere where might have been able to take some better photos. (I know, I know -it wasn't set up for the likes of me.... but, still. Would've been nice for there to have been better access). Although I shouldn't complain : as at now (three days later) this journal has had more views than the ones for Alien : Covenant and King Arthur : Legend of the Sword COMBINED.

So I would never deny it access to the hallowed halls of my archive of movie premieres, where it can confuse and bemuse myriads of people in the years to come... unless Squarespace's next inane update/upgrade somehow accidentally autotranslates it into Urdu or Sanskrit or Pirate or Hieroglyphs or something. But until then...

Until next time!

ps. if you ever want to know when I'm just sober enough to upload one of these journals, feel free to follow me on facebook at premieresdotco, or on twitter at berndt2_photo, or just hang out here on this website, pressing the refresh button obsessively to see if I've added anything (nb. after this Sunday's TV Baftas it looks to be fairly quiet...)