29 Sep - The 'War on Everyone' Premiere

Thursday, 29th Sep 2016

Oh, good. It's another premiere at the Picturehouse Central.

Here's how it went down:
 

London's Picturehouse Central (PHC) gets its fair share of premieres these days. This is a bit of a pity for me, as my record there is patchy to say the least. From the shortest premiere I've ever been to, to the one where it was for a computer game prequel movie, PHC gets the weird, small, and oddly organised ones.

London's Picturehouse Central (PHC) gets its fair share of premieres these days. This is a bit of a pity for me, as my record there is patchy to say the least. From the shortest premiere I've ever been to, to the one where it was for a computer game prequel movie, PHC gets the weird, small, and oddly organised ones.

The eerily mesmerising baubel atop this post is an oracle foretelling yet another disappointing premiere at the PHC.

The eerily mesmerising baubel atop this post is an oracle foretelling yet another disappointing premiere at the PHC.

Rope dividers get put in front of metal barriers already in place. It's almost like the people waiting on the pavement are totally unimportant in comparison to the ticket-buying members of the public who paid to get in. How does THAT make sense?

Rope dividers get put in front of metal barriers already in place. It's almost like the people waiting on the pavement are totally unimportant in comparison to the ticket-buying members of the public who paid to get in. How does THAT make sense?

"What's going on here? Can't tell you. It's a secret. Move along"

"What's going on here? Can't tell you. It's a secret. Move along"

My favourite photo of the event was taken about an hour before it started. In other possible good news, there's next to no chance that Mr Impact will come down to entertain this event. As we all know from experience in the rap/r'n'b game, not a lot rhymes with "Skarsgard"

My favourite photo of the event was taken about an hour before it started. In other possible good news, there's next to no chance that Mr Impact will come down to entertain this event. As we all know from experience in the rap/r'n'b game, not a lot rhymes with "Skarsgard"

<Kid in Background> "DAD - WHY ISN'T MUM THIS GOOD-LOOKING???" <Mum in Background> "Slap him for me, Steve...."

<Kid in Background> "DAD - WHY ISN'T MUM THIS GOOD-LOOKING???"
<Mum in Background> "Slap him for me, Steve...."

"But if tickets are only £10 on Mondays and Wednesdays, how do they keep out the riff-raff?"

"But if tickets are only £10 on Mondays and Wednesdays, how do they keep out the riff-raff?"

Our first arrival isn't in this movie and didn't enter via the red carpet, but actor Brendan Gleeson was directed by John Michael McDonagh the movie "Calvary" which I highly recommend (I also hated Batman v Superman, just so you can gauge whether my taste in movies is likely to be similar to yours)

Our first arrival isn't in this movie and didn't enter via the red carpet, but actor Brendan Gleeson was directed by John Michael McDonagh the movie "Calvary" which I highly recommend (I also hated Batman v Superman, just so you can gauge whether my taste in movies is likely to be similar to yours)

For over two hours, security were absolutely adamant that nobody (NOBODY) would be allowed along the edge of the perimeter barrier leading to the door. Then, a few seconds into the premiere, that law became a rule, that rule became a guideline, that guideline became a softly-spoken recommendation, and that softly-spoken recommendation was roundly ignored by people who just showed up and declined to move. That's Civilisation, y'all.

For over two hours, security were absolutely adamant that nobody (NOBODY) would be allowed along the edge of the perimeter barrier leading to the door. Then, a few seconds into the premiere, that law became a rule, that rule became a guideline, that guideline became a softly-spoken recommendation, and that softly-spoken recommendation was roundly ignored by people who just showed up and declined to move. That's Civilisation, y'all.

Anyway, our first arrival from the movie is Alexander Skarsgård, looking dapper in a suit most of the ladies in the crowd would be happy for him to remove, if for no other reason so they can see if he's the same Alexander Skarsgård who was in the movie "Legend of Tarzan" (he was)

Anyway, our first arrival from the movie is Alexander Skarsgård, looking dapper in a suit most of the ladies in the crowd would be happy for him to remove, if for no other reason so they can see if he's the same Alexander Skarsgård who was in the movie "Legend of Tarzan" (he was)

"Admittedly, the quality doesn't hold up quite so well when you're looking at it this closely, but I still think it's a decent photo"

"Admittedly, the quality doesn't hold up quite so well when you're looking at it this closely, but I still think it's a decent photo"

"It's not enough that you're Taller than me, Younger than me, and Better Looking than me - now you're blocking views of me... at the Premiere of the movie I directed!" "Sorry, Boss.."

"It's not enough that you're Taller than me, Younger than me, and Better Looking than me - now you're blocking views of me... at the Premiere of the movie I directed!"
"Sorry, Boss.."

"While you're here, can you at least sign a photo for my niece and pose for a selfie?" "Sure thing, Boss"

"While you're here, can you at least sign a photo for my niece and pose for a selfie?"
"Sure thing, Boss"

He wasn't announced and nobody cheered at his arrival, so I suspect this might be Douglas Booth, who was Titus Abrasax in the "movie" (or, depending on your theory, "multi-million dollar studio roulette wheel gamble / dare")... Jupiter Ascending.

He wasn't announced and nobody cheered at his arrival, so I suspect this might be Douglas Booth, who was Titus Abrasax in the "movie" (or, depending on your theory, "multi-million dollar studio roulette wheel gamble / dare")... Jupiter Ascending.

"So that's your iPhone screensaver? Well... maybe you're right. Maybe I do look better without my shirt on"

"So that's your iPhone screensaver? Well... maybe you're right. Maybe I do look better without my shirt on"

"Record an answering machine message? Do kids even do that anymore?" - the movie's other star (and arguably best single thing about Marvel's "Ant-Man" movie) Michael Peňa has arrived.

"Record an answering machine message? Do kids even do that anymore?" - the movie's other star (and arguably best single thing about Marvel's "Ant-Man" movie) Michael Peňa has arrived.

I've made eye-contact with Alexander Skarsgard. Fortunately, I do not feel inclined to challenge him to an arm-wrestle, or chest-bump, or anything else I'm likely to embarrass myself at.

I've made eye-contact with Alexander Skarsgard. Fortunately, I do not feel inclined to challenge him to an arm-wrestle, or chest-bump, or anything else I'm likely to embarrass myself at.

"If I can make it in there without having to chest bump anyone, I'll be relieved..."

"If I can make it in there without having to chest bump anyone, I'll be relieved..."

"Alexander signed your poster with just the little dotted 'o' above the letter 'a' in his surname? That's pretty rough. Let me sign with just the accent above the 'n' in my surname".

"Alexander signed your poster with just the little dotted 'o' above the letter 'a' in his surname? That's pretty rough. Let me sign with just the accent above the 'n' in my surname".

"Wait... you're saying the refreshments are FREE once I'm inside? So what the hell am I doing OUTSIDE then, lady??"

"Wait... you're saying the refreshments are FREE once I'm inside? So what the hell am I doing OUTSIDE then, lady??"

"Oh, no.... those were the green tea apricot tartlets I'd had my eye on earlier. Back off, Pena!"

"Oh, no.... those were the green tea apricot tartlets I'd had my eye on earlier. Back off, Pena!"

And that was pretty much it. About five or six minutes of mayhem where the same security staff at the event (who'd been so adamant about where people could and couldn't stand, and what they could and couldn't do) were found to be fairy inept (albeit stylishly dressed in sweatsuits), to the detriment of anyone not aggressively pushing and shoving people out of the way or arriving late.

Appropriate enough for a movie called "War on Everyone".

.... I for one can't wait for next week's London Film Festival.

.... I for one can't wait for next week's London Film Festival.

And all that aside, it's another entry for the Archive of Movie Premieres, which is at least something.

Until next time!

ps. if you want to know whenever I post a new premiere journal, feel free to follow me on twitter @berndt2_photo or on facebook by clicking here . You can also share this journal, comment on it below, or tell me what the point of Rules are, from a standpoint of minimising confusion and providing certainty in civil behaviour, specifically when they're imposed but not enforced.