5 Jul - 'The Legend of Tarzan' European Premiere

July 5th, 2016.

It's been about a week since I photographed Carrie Fisher, Rupert Murdoch and even some of the people directly involved in the movie Absolutely Fabulous at the "Absolutely Fabulous" premiere, but premieres seem to have gotten themselves prodded awake here in London, to the point where there's about four coming up in the next 10 days.... after this one.

Here's how it went down:

It would appear that studios are still into the Grim, Dour, Gritty reinterpretation of intellectual properties, which continues with this movie. I personally can't wait til they do it with the "Pitch Perfect" franchise.... or "Minions".

It would appear that studios are still into the Grim, Dour, Gritty reinterpretation of intellectual properties, which continues with this movie. I personally can't wait til they do it with the "Pitch Perfect" franchise.... or "Minions".

"Can't talk, Mom. There's a lamppost over there that needs me to lean seductively against it". I do like the t-shirt, though.

"Can't talk, Mom. There's a lamppost over there that needs me to lean seductively against it". I do like the t-shirt, though.

Your friend and mine, Hakeem Mr Impact and DJ Jungle Fever were in attendance at this event. Because when you think Tarzan, you think Rap music. Obviously.

Your friend and mine, Hakeem Mr Impact and DJ Jungle Fever were in attendance at this event. Because when you think Tarzan, you think Rap music. Obviously.

Also in attendance were representatives from ö3, a radio station from the other country whose name starts with "Austr" that I'm attached to. (I wonder if London will still be getting "European" premieres once it leaves the EU? I guess to Hollywood anything east of New York might as well be Russia...)

Also in attendance were representatives from ö3, a radio station from the other country whose name starts with "Austr" that I'm attached to. (I wonder if London will still be getting "European" premieres once it leaves the EU? I guess to Hollywood anything east of New York might as well be Russia...)

"Were the gorillas accurate? Well, we didn't have them use iPhones or play beach volleyball or anything...."

"Were the gorillas accurate? Well, we didn't have them use iPhones or play beach volleyball or anything...."

One of this movie's two screenwriters (Craig Brewer and/or Adam Cozad) also looks like he could be a friendler less menacing vigilante cleaning crime in your town.

One of this movie's two screenwriters (Craig Brewer and/or Adam Cozad) also looks like he could be a friendler less menacing vigilante cleaning crime in your town.

"Tomorrow morning before work you're going to see if putting on a tie like this makes you look this cool. The answer is No. Because you're not this cool" - Sidney Ralitsoele

"Tomorrow morning before work you're going to see if putting on a tie like this makes you look this cool. The answer is No. Because you're not this cool" - Sidney Ralitsoele

I don't know who the guy in the middle is, but the guys on either side are both in this movie. AND both wearing ties.

I don't know who the guy in the middle is, but the guys on either side are both in this movie. AND both wearing ties.

"Tarzan? Sure he looks great with his shirt off, but with it ON he's much less smooth"

"Tarzan? Sure he looks great with his shirt off, but with it ON he's much less smooth"

"Dear Mom. Been here at Tarzan premiere for fifteen minutes and not a single dude has taken his shirt off. Disgraceful"

"Dear Mom. Been here at Tarzan premiere for fifteen minutes and not a single dude has taken his shirt off. Disgraceful"

The implausibly named yet awesomely coiffed "Hozier" has arrived. Between the two of us, he and I possess enough hair to create one, maybe one and a half decent crew cuts.

The implausibly named yet awesomely coiffed "Hozier" has arrived. Between the two of us, he and I possess enough hair to create one, maybe one and a half decent crew cuts.

Jason Isaacs played the villainous Lucius Malfoy in the Harry Potter movies (the last four of whch were directed by David Yates, who directed his film). The daffodil he's wearing might have been a pretty evil one in some movie. I don't know.

Jason Isaacs played the villainous Lucius Malfoy in the Harry Potter movies (the last four of whch were directed by David Yates, who directed his film). The daffodil he's wearing might have been a pretty evil one in some movie. I don't know.

"Whose vine does somebody have to swing on to get a decent seat at this thing?" Another Harry Potter alumni present at this premiere - Matthew Lewis, who played Neville Longbottom in the films.

"Whose vine does somebody have to swing on to get a decent seat at this thing?" Another Harry Potter alumni present at this premiere - Matthew Lewis, who played Neville Longbottom in the films.

"You liked me in 'The Green Hornet'? And yet I'd been given assurances by my agent that all copies had been destroyed and every last person who saw that thing hunted and down and killed....." - Dual Oscar-winner Christoph Waltz has arrived!

"You liked me in 'The Green Hornet'? And yet I'd been given assurances by my agent that all copies had been destroyed and every last person who saw that thing hunted and down and killed....." - Dual Oscar-winner Christoph Waltz has arrived!

"If I have to tell one more person that Austria is the country WITHOUT the kangaroos I might actually lose my temper". I feel ya, brother.

"If I have to tell one more person that Austria is the country WITHOUT the kangaroos I might actually lose my temper". I feel ya, brother.

"Yes, I saw "Hozier"s hair. It's cooler than mine, but mine has a separate and even more compelling accent than I do..."

"Yes, I saw "Hozier"s hair. It's cooler than mine, but mine has a separate and even more compelling accent than I do..."

"I have an action figure! And it's not wearing a tie!" - Although Djimon Hounsou is probably still best known for being in Gladiator (2000), he also had a cool role in Michael Bay's too-easily-forgotten (and unfairly-negatively-reviewed-if-remembered) 'The Island' (2005) before having a role as a henchman in Guardians of the Galaxy

"I have an action figure! And it's not wearing a tie!" - Although Djimon Hounsou is probably still best known for being in Gladiator (2000), he also had a cool role in Michael Bay's too-easily-forgotten (and unfairly-negatively-reviewed-if-remembered) 'The Island' (2005) before having a role as a henchman in Guardians of the Galaxy

"Did I go out and buy a Lego set featuring my Guardians of the Galaxy character? Don't be daft, woman : I bought four!!"

"Did I go out and buy a Lego set featuring my Guardians of the Galaxy character? Don't be daft, woman : I bought four!!"

David Yates, who even to this day probably rates about second or third in my personal ranking of people with the surname Yates, directed "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows part 2" (and its three predecessors) and also its follow up / prequel / historical side-boot / franchise-continuing "Fantastic Beasts and where to Find them" due for release later this year.

David Yates, who even to this day probably rates about second or third in my personal ranking of people with the surname Yates, directed "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows part 2" (and its three predecessors) and also its follow up / prequel / historical side-boot / franchise-continuing "Fantastic Beasts and where to Find them" due for release later this year.

"You're prettier than me. Can I give you a hat to wear to address the imbalance?" Fellow Australian (my nationality and patriotic loyalty is highly fluid in these uncertain post-Brexit vote times) Margot Robbie plays 'Jane' in this movie.

"You're prettier than me. Can I give you a hat to wear to address the imbalance?" Fellow Australian (my nationality and patriotic loyalty is highly fluid in these uncertain post-Brexit vote times) Margot Robbie plays 'Jane' in this movie.

"It's not enough to spell it right, you gotta pronounce it right too" Our final arrival is also the biggest/tallest, Tarzan, aka Alexander Skarsgard, in whose honour I'm going to have to track down an "a" with a dot above it, because that kind of thing is important, people!

"It's not enough to spell it right, you gotta pronounce it right too" Our final arrival is also the biggest/tallest, Tarzan, aka Alexander Skarsgard, in whose honour I'm going to have to track down an "a" with a dot above it, because that kind of thing is important, people!

"The day we finished screening? I ate two skittles and four m&ms... I'd been on an insane amount of calories and I just wasn't hungry anymore...." - I can't remember how many calories per day they said Alexander Skarsgard was consuming for the role, but it seemed the kind it was medically ill advised not to do accompany with near-constant weight training

"The day we finished screening? I ate two skittles and four m&ms... I'd been on an insane amount of calories and I just wasn't hungry anymore...." - I can't remember how many calories per day they said Alexander Skarsgard was consuming for the role, but it seemed the kind it was medically ill advised not to do accompany with near-constant weight training

"Six across is 'prevaricate', but that's all I've got time to help you with, I'm afraid". Margot Robbie was in "The Wolf of Wall Street" with Leo Dicaprio (whose premiere I missed) and "Focus" with Will Smith (whose premiere I brought the wrong lens for). So up until today my record with photographing her might be described as 'patchy'

"Six across is 'prevaricate', but that's all I've got time to help you with, I'm afraid". Margot Robbie was in "The Wolf of Wall Street" with Leo Dicaprio (whose premiere I missed) and "Focus" with Will Smith (whose premiere I brought the wrong lens for). So up until today my record with photographing her might be described as 'patchy'

"Wow... you're even taller than I remember!"

"Wow... you're even taller than I remember!"

"If you want to see me to take my shirt off, buy a ticket, people."

"If you want to see me to take my shirt off, buy a ticket, people."

you know, at 0:52am this is not as easy a photo to write a comment for as first seemed

you know, at 0:52am this is not as easy a photo to write a comment for as first seemed

"But I don't know any of these people! Come to think of it, they don't even look related to each other, either."

"But I don't know any of these people! Come to think of it, they don't even look related to each other, either."

"High-fifteen, people! We're making it into a thing!"

"High-fifteen, people! We're making it into a thing!"

And then, through a rather fortuitous development, I found myself randomly in possession of a ticket to see the movie at its European premiere (thanks, Marnie!). And I decided to use said tickets, because at that time I had no reason to believe that the a55hats who run my train line would have yet more disruptions once I showed up at the station at just before 10pm on a Tuesday evening....

"Wait.. NONE of y'all paid for tickets to see this?? You guys are what's wrong with cinema today. What you're doing is basically a more comfortable version of public piracy with studio backing"

"Wait.. NONE of y'all paid for tickets to see this?? You guys are what's wrong with cinema today. What you're doing is basically a more comfortable version of public piracy with studio backing"

So... that was that, then. I got home a lot later than I would have, ordinarily; and thanks to the ongoing acceptability of the the-dog-ate-my-homework equivalent "signalling problems" on my line, I got home even later than THAT. But it's okay, you can pay some voice-over actress to record a pre-recorded all-purpose apology for the inconvenience and that makes it all okay.

Oh and the movie? .... it's better than the bad reviews it's been getting. It's okay. Kind of feels like a movie that's been made a decade after a popular TV show I didn't watch. It had some okay ideas, but it seems like they decided to insert them into a Tarzan film and I'm not so sure that worked. Christoph Waltz was good, Margot Robbie was pretty, and Alexander Skarsgard's chest is indeed impressive, if you're into that (and I'm not but the popular feeback was fairly positive).

Until next time!

PS. If you want to know whenever I post a new premiere journal, feel free to follow me on twitter @berndt2_photo or on facebook by clicking here. You can also share this journal, comment on it below, or provide reassurance that as a supermodel , your perfect man doesn't necessarily require flowing blonde locks and abs you could deflect space debris off.