November 21st, 2016.
It's been barely a week since one of this year's largest premieres (and one of its most disregarded journals) - that of 'Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them' - and now we're back in Leicester Square for a premiere that was very very under-promoted. To the point where not one of the three websites I typically trawl for news of upcoming premieres even had it.
But Leicester Square had it, and I found out about it. Here's how it went down:
"Jack, did you somehow sync this screen with the dirty texts on my mobile??" - it's 11:30am and it seems that there IS a premiere on in Leicester Square today. Either that, or the latest Samsung Mobile has a screen size Apple never saw coming.
If your good friend and mine Hakeem Mr Impact and DJ Détente show up to this premiere, the movie title isn't going to give them a whole heap of rhyming options to go with.
For the first time at a premiere at London's Odeon Leicester Square, they've put the stage at the south end and not the north or west. Is that important? Not as much as the forecast for heavy rain for all of the next three hours.
Yoyoyoyoyoyoyo!! Leicester Square make some NOISE!! Or provide me with a level of silence so profound that we'll all weep at the memory of it!!!"
So.... yeah. It rained.
"Welcome to Leicester Square, and for the record I've come up with no rhyming words for Marion Cotillard, Lizzy Caplan or director Robert Zemeckis. Thankfully they'll be joined by Brad Pitt. Lots of things rhyme with 'Pitt' and not all of them are rude, people"
"I don't care who you are. This is a toll gate, bro." - our first arrival is Oscar-winning producer Graham King (it was for 'The Departed' in 2006)
I feel like I should know who the guy rubbing the tummy of produer Graham King for good luck is. Certainly I hope producer Graham King knows who he is.
Please don't break my heart and tell me this guy's not famous. It doesn't even have to be in movies. I'll take metallurgy, cryptozoology... even Ikebana, the Japanese art of Flower Arranging.
"Govia Thameslink's customer complaints department give themselves TWENTY DAYS to reply to customers with copy-paste apologies? If that's true, then what a bunch of d1ckheads!!" - Steven Knight, the movie's screenwriter also wrote the screenplay for the movie 'Burnt' and both wrote and directed the EXCELLENT Tom Hardy film 'Locke'.
Director Mike Leigh (not associated with this movie) meanwhile has SEVEN Academy Award nominations to his credit, but no victories. Jut like me!!! (I'm talking about the lack of wins. He edges me out on nominations).
The couple at right decides to spend their anniversary watching dealers desperately grasping at director Rober Zemeckis, and who are you or I to say it's not a devastatingly romantic thing to do?
"Where those lovebirds be at??" Robert Zemeckis won a Best Director Oscar for Forrest Gump back in 1995, but he also directed the Back to the Future trilogy in the 1980s, the underrated scifi movie 'Contact' and 'Castaway' as well as the Denzel Washington movie 'Flight'
"Here's my email adress. If you can get me a Brad Pitt autograph, I promise it won't go unappreciated"
"You can get him to make it out to either "Robert" or "Bob" - I'm not particular"
To the screams of fans and the gratitude of Burger King who have once again worked their logo into one of my photos - both Marion Cotillard and Brad Pitt have arrived!
This shot of Brad Pitt is possibly one of the longest long-range shots the Nikon has ever nailed on first attempt. I should probably update my 'Equipment' page to reflect the camera I'm using.
You can litter this town with as many "shot on iPhone" billboards you want, Apple. This is Marion Cotillard shot at 50 metres on a 200mm f2.8 lens. Not saying iPhones aren't great (the Nikon is rubbish at playing movies on its rear LCD for example) but let's be real about the limitations.
Josh Dylan is in this movie, and his suit is a very nice shade of blue... but all the kids around are still mostly screaming for Brad Pitt to sign autographs for them.
"Do red carpet steps always have to descend like this?" - sadly wireimage hasn't yet updated its identification of attendees for this event so I don't know who this is.
All things being equal, I'd prefer to photograph Marion Cotillard briefly smiling than having her earnestly apologise for not smiling.
"Those people to my right and to my left are far too excited. I can't risk making eye-contact" I last photographed Marion Cotillard a few months ago at the BFI London Film Festival premiere for "It's Only The End of the World". with Lea Seydoux and Xavier Dolan.
That photo of director Terry Gilliam is blurry, I hear you observe. And you're absolutely right - but you'll notice the scarf he's wearing is tack-sharp. And as we know, Terry Gilliam doesn't wear scarves : Scarves Wear Terry Gilliam.
"The Oscar is nice, of course - but it can't be worn stylishly like a scarf..." - Marion Cotillard won her Best Actress Oscar for La Vie En Rose, but she's also been in such films (and perhaps more importantly premieres) as 'Public Enemies', 'The Dark Knight Rises', 'Rust and Bone' and 'Two Days One Night'
"You're right : there aren't enough World War II comedies. And this isn't one." I last (and first) photographed actress Lizzy Caplan slightly under a month ago at the premiere of 'Starfish' where she attended with her boyfriend, but she's actually in this film.
"You came just to see me? So now that I'm here you don't really need an autograph, right?" - Brad Pitt is still breaking hearts (though it should be said, he's also really good at posing and signing for fans)
"No way I'm letting Lizzy get to the popcorn stand before I do...." - Raffey Cassidy is in this film, and was also in the simultaneously impressive and simultaneously sub-par (yet underrated) "Tomorrowland" a movie with a core idea so good that writer Damon Lindelof should not have been let anywhere near it, even if he came up with it.
"What do you mean you don't know who I am?" - I was trying to pay attention, but Brad Pitt was signing in our area and edging closer to where I was, so there was a bit of crowd upheaval in my immediate vicinity.
"Oh man that dude up on stage looks so familiar right now...."
"It's been a busy premeire, Edith. A lot of high-fives, selfies, autographs.... I might've even blessed a newborn and named an alpaca for a family on holiday from South America."
"Guys : watch this movie. If not for me, then do it for my scarf, which happened to get a glimpse at the one around Terry Gilliam's neck earlier and is feeling a bit inferior right now"
So... that was that, and my Archive of Movie Premieres gets a new addition in the form of a somewhat spontaneous premiere, occasionally affected by rain, but not crtically so. And the countdown to the end of the year continues : as far as I can tell there should be one more premiere ("I am Bolt") and two more events (BIFA and the London Fashion Awards) before I pull up stumps on this year's effort and let my hardworking dedicated staff take a bit of a break. By 'hardworking staff' I mean my Nikon, either of two Pentaxes and my occasional GoPro....
Until next time!
ps. If you want to follow my exploits in the field of premieres, feel free to join me on facebook at premieresdotco, or on twitter at @berndt2_photo. If you'd rather keep up with the latest news in Retail Cloud Price Modelling , you'll have to get in touch separately.
Oh, and....
Might have gotten this signed. Also might not have. But if I did, those are the signatures of Brad Pitt and Robert Zemeckis.