23 Aug - The 'Kingsglaive' Final Fantasy XV premiere (?)

August 23rd, 2016.

I hadn't planned on going to tonight's Westfields premiere for "Brotherhood", but yesterday I learned that there was a second premiere scheduled, for the CGI prequel movie to a computer game that's not coming out til this November (!!). Tickets were free but were oversubscribed, and the director (and only the director?) was meant to show up. So... because I am actually a fan of the Final Fantasy series, I decided to head out there.

Even when it was at the Picturehouse Central, home to the record for 'fastest premiere ever' for The Neon Demon back in May of this year.

Here's how it went down:

A question that has perplexed the finest philosophical minds of generations is : what are the minimum requirements for a premiere to be called a "premiere"? Does it require a red carpet? security? autograph dealers? And what if it was NONE of those three - would it be enough that I'm standing here?

A question that has perplexed the finest philosophical minds of generations is : what are the minimum requirements for a premiere to be called a "premiere"? Does it require a red carpet? security? autograph dealers? And what if it was NONE of those three - would it be enough that I'm standing here?

Here's my thought : as long as this guy (a) correctly spells and (b) correctly places the word "premiere" in any context on this board, it's a premiere even if nobody from the film shows up (and /or the director does, but I miss him because I have little to no idea what he looks like).

Here's my thought : as long as this guy (a) correctly spells and (b) correctly places the word "premiere" in any context on this board, it's a premiere even if nobody from the film shows up (and /or the director does, but I miss him because I have little to no idea what he looks like).

Okay, so it's officially a premiere, even if there is no carpet or autograph dealers or security. And it's for a movie that forms the prequel of a computer game I do in fact intend to buy : I've played every single-player numbered Final Fantasy from VII onwards. (AND I'm single)

Okay, so it's officially a premiere, even if there is no carpet or autograph dealers or security. And it's for a movie that forms the prequel of a computer game I do in fact intend to buy : I've played every single-player numbered Final Fantasy from VII onwards. (AND I'm single)

Sony won't even let me play a Bluray disc on my PS4 without registering it, the console, my genetic code and (I haven't read the full agreement, but I assume) sending a semen sample over the internet to a website that has previously and famously been hacked. So it's kind of weirdly sweet (yet confusing) that they've gone so far as to put a warning sign on this premiere..

Sony won't even let me play a Bluray disc on my PS4 without registering it, the console, my genetic code and (I haven't read the full agreement, but I assume) sending a semen sample over the internet to a website that has previously and famously been hacked. So it's kind of weirdly sweet (yet confusing) that they've gone so far as to put a warning sign on this premiere..

"Final Fantasy premiere? No.... actually I'm here for a dentist appointment"

"Final Fantasy premiere? No.... actually I'm here for a dentist appointment"

"Final fantasy premiere? Uh.... I have a boyfriend". Well that's doubly disappointing for me right here because I certainly can't get access to this event..

"Final fantasy premiere? Uh.... I have a boyfriend". Well that's doubly disappointing for me right here because I certainly can't get access to this event..

Clearly here's where I've gone wrong, both at this event and in life generally : I am neither media, nor crucially an "influencer". Well... damnit.

Clearly here's where I've gone wrong, both at this event and in life generally : I am neither media, nor crucially an "influencer". Well... damnit.

This man is influencing feelings of inferiority in me. And here I am, not even wearing a cap, let alone wearing one backwards.

This man is influencing feelings of inferiority in me. And here I am, not even wearing a cap, let alone wearing one backwards.

Well-dressed lady holding a Warhammer bag? I gotta be honest, I'm stunned that the percentage of females not just attending this event but being well-dressed is greater than the kind of small fractions that cause scientific calculators pause.

Well-dressed lady holding a Warhammer bag? I gotta be honest, I'm stunned that the percentage of females not just attending this event but being well-dressed is greater than the kind of small fractions that cause scientific calculators pause.

OMG - it's a girl dressed as a Moogle and I STILL can't get access to this event in spite of knowing what that is!

OMG - it's a girl dressed as a Moogle and I STILL can't get access to this event in spite of knowing what that is!

"You're photographing me simply on suspicion of being famous because I look Japanese? Well that's pretty frikkin' racist.... but I am also flattered"

"You're photographing me simply on suspicion of being famous because I look Japanese? Well that's pretty frikkin' racist.... but I am also flattered"

Pretty cool t-shirt, if you know why it's cool.

Pretty cool t-shirt, if you know why it's cool.

That man has a Square Enix Lanyard!! (and I have a Final Fantaxy XIII potion can on my shelf.....)

That man has a Square Enix Lanyard!! (and I have a Final Fantaxy XIII potion can on my shelf.....)

Excitingly, my strategy of hastily photographing anyone entering the building has worked : a few hours later I'm home and can confirm (?) this as Takeshi Nozue, the director of this film (and co-director of Final Fantasy VII : Advent Children (2005))

Excitingly, my strategy of hastily photographing anyone entering the building has worked : a few hours later I'm home and can confirm (?) this as Takeshi Nozue, the director of this film (and co-director of Final Fantasy VII : Advent Children (2005))

"You didn't like Final Fantasy XIII? Was it because by the time you finally learned how to play the game properly it ended?" Yeah, pretty much. Plus it hid a sub-par plot behind non-linear flash-back based plot revelations in a way that didn't make sense for the characters.

"You didn't like Final Fantasy XIII? Was it because by the time you finally learned how to play the game properly it ended?" Yeah, pretty much. Plus it hid a sub-par plot behind non-linear flash-back based plot revelations in a way that didn't make sense for the characters.

The man on the left may also possibly be in this film : I saw him pose in front of a marquee board in a photo posted on Twitter by somebody who is not me. Also, unfortunately for my credibility, actor Aaron Paul (who provides a voice in the film) also attended this premiere and I totally missed him going in. I assume he took a side/service entrance and did not simply waltz past me...

The man on the left may also possibly be in this film : I saw him pose in front of a marquee board in a photo posted on Twitter by somebody who is not me. Also, unfortunately for my credibility, actor Aaron Paul (who provides a voice in the film) also attended this premiere and I totally missed him going in. I assume he took a side/service entrance and did not simply waltz past me...

"What does 'Kingsglaive' mean? Get onto the Picturehouse Central free wifi and look it up yourself, lady". I tried that, but couldnt logon. Damnit, Picturehouse...

"What does 'Kingsglaive' mean? Get onto the Picturehouse Central free wifi and look it up yourself, lady". I tried that, but couldnt logon. Damnit, Picturehouse...

The kind of stockings you wear to this kind of premiere. Or any premiere, really, if you want to try to sweet-talk your way in.

The kind of stockings you wear to this kind of premiere. Or any premiere, really, if you want to try to sweet-talk your way in.

And... that was, regrettably and inevitably that. As premieres go, it's possibly way up (or rather 'down') there with the premiere of Pixar's "Up" back in 2009 which featured ZERO people from the cast but a plush mascot-sized Korean Scout showed up. Here.... the director (blurry.. I'll admit it) and one-and-a-half cosplayers. And the word 'premiere' written on a board. I do it because I love it.

Leicester Square needs to get back onto the premiere train.... asap.

Leicester Square needs to get back onto the premiere train.... asap.

Until next time, wherever or whenever that might be.

ps. if you ever want to know whether I can do better than this (I believe I can) feel free to follow me @berndt2_photo on twitter or on facebook at "this link", or just come back from time to time if you want.

pps. if you want to provide sworn testimony to the effect of how much of an 'influencer' I am, or put me forward for Media Accreditation, please know I can do considerably better at a "real" event