29 Jun - The 'Absolutely Fabulous' World Premiere

It's been over three weeks since the last pseudo-premiere, for the unveiling of a train in honour of "Independence Day Resurgence". Since then, I've only done Trooping The Colour, event-wise... and in other news I've incredibly become a foreigner in my own city as the UK decided in a referendum to leave the EU. However, unless or until something changes (eg. Berlin offers to pay to move me to their city to shoot premieres there), I'm going to keep doing this.

Perhaps ironically, today's premiere was for an English TV show I've never watched, thus highlighting how little of the culture of the country I live in I've absorbed over my time here.

Oops.

Here's how it went down:

"How was the TV show? It was abs... well it was okay, you know?"

"How was the TV show? It was abs... well it was okay, you know?"

"Dear Mum. Wouldn't 'Absulous' be a better abbrevation in this day and age?"

"Dear Mum. Wouldn't 'Absulous' be a better abbrevation in this day and age?"

I arrived at the premiere a mere hour before it started and missed the part where they were handing out these creepy and vaguely threatening masks. I myself am not sure I would have accepted one if one had been offered.

I arrived at the premiere a mere hour before it started and missed the part where they were handing out these creepy and vaguely threatening masks. I myself am not sure I would have accepted one if one had been offered.

To be fair, I did a variation of this when I found cans of Star Wars-branded iced coffee in Tokyo late last year. I didn't look quite this cool, or well dressed, when doing so.

To be fair, I did a variation of this when I found cans of Star Wars-branded iced coffee in Tokyo late last year. I didn't look quite this cool, or well dressed, when doing so.

"I didn't vote either way in the Referendum. Not because I didn't hae a point of view.. no, I'd just been hand-stitching these sequins onto this dress since last Tuesday..."

"I didn't vote either way in the Referendum. Not because I didn't hae a point of view.. no, I'd just been hand-stitching these sequins onto this dress since last Tuesday..."

"I'm not with them. They're...uh.. with me. No... not for the premiere. Just me, generally"

"I'm not with them. They're...uh.. with me. No... not for the premiere. Just me, generally"

"This is me taking a photo of you taking a photograph of me photographing you. Now, call Josephine over and let's see if we can add a further complication..."

"This is me taking a photo of you taking a photograph of me photographing you. Now, call Josephine over and let's see if we can add a further complication..."

Jennifer Saunders is probably best known for writing and co-starring in the TV series "Absolutey Fabulous", ... which I hear is being turned into a movie at some stage.

Jennifer Saunders is probably best known for writing and co-starring in the TV series "Absolutey Fabulous", ... which I hear is being turned into a movie at some stage.

Jane Horrocks is in this film, and I'm torn between either checking on imdb.com for any other films she might have been in, or scanning in the colour of her tracksuit and seeing what it's called.

Jane Horrocks is in this film, and I'm torn between either checking on imdb.com for any other films she might have been in, or scanning in the colour of her tracksuit and seeing what it's called.

"And this is me, videoing me taking a photo of myself. Wait... I need a second phone."

"And this is me, videoing me taking a photo of myself. Wait... I need a second phone."

"Jane, I'm wearing a combination Pastel yellow trousers, pastel blue shirt, and pastel salmon jacket.... you HAD to have nonwn I'd need a pastel green tie to complete the ensemble. Now I just look ridiculous"... I believe this might be producer Jon Plowman.

"Jane, I'm wearing a combination Pastel yellow trousers, pastel blue shirt, and pastel salmon jacket.... you HAD to have nonwn I'd need a pastel green tie to complete the ensemble. Now I just look ridiculous"... I believe this might be producer Jon Plowman.

"I'd started writing a screenplay about Luke Skywalker going missing and a whole bunch of people going and looking for him via some blahblah map.. but weirdly Disney beat us to that, so we decided to this instead"

"I'd started writing a screenplay about Luke Skywalker going missing and a whole bunch of people going and looking for him via some blahblah map.. but weirdly Disney beat us to that, so we decided to this instead"

"As director of this film, I assume it was mostly a case of either mostly just keeping the alcohol flowing, or restricting further alcohol from flowing?" (edited to add : director Mandie Fletcher)

"As director of this film, I assume it was mostly a case of either mostly just keeping the alcohol flowing, or restricting further alcohol from flowing?" (edited to add : director Mandie Fletcher)

"I don't care who I'm sitting in front of at the screening, this IS my real hair and I'm NOT taking it off for anyone"

"I don't care who I'm sitting in front of at the screening, this IS my real hair and I'm NOT taking it off for anyone"

"Just as long as you make all of us look sophisticated, you can post this on your facebooks and myspaces and whatever"

"Just as long as you make all of us look sophisticated, you can post this on your facebooks and myspaces and whatever"

"He hasn't watched the show, sweetie, but we'll be forcing him and all his kind onto boats off this island soon enough". But... but... all my cool stuff in my apartment : very little of it floats!

"He hasn't watched the show, sweetie, but we'll be forcing him and all his kind onto boats off this island soon enough". But... but... all my cool stuff in my apartment : very little of it floats!

Possibly Alexa Chung, or possibly any one of nearly one hundred celeb cameos in this movie, which include but are not limited to Joan Collins, Barry Humphries, former Spice Girl Emma Bunton, Perez Hilton, Fashion Designer Jean-Paul Gaultier... and who knows who else, but hopefully any or several attend ths premiere, I guess.

Possibly Alexa Chung, or possibly any one of nearly one hundred celeb cameos in this movie, which include but are not limited to Joan Collins, Barry Humphries, former Spice Girl Emma Bunton, Perez Hilton, Fashion Designer Jean-Paul Gaultier... and who knows who else, but hopefully any or several attend ths premiere, I guess.

"What do you mean 'there's a premiere on?' - I just want to go into that pub over there and grab a pint while watching Euro 2016"

"What do you mean 'there's a premiere on?' - I just want to go into that pub over there and grab a pint while watching Euro 2016"

Dawn French is the creator of Absolutely Fabulous, and she's also wearing what can only be described as a summer garden and a potplant hairdo. Given it's in imminent danger of starting to rain at any moment here, it seems appropriate.

Dawn French is the creator of Absolutely Fabulous, and she's also wearing what can only be described as a summer garden and a potplant hairdo. Given it's in imminent danger of starting to rain at any moment here, it seems appropriate.

"I'm actually here for the Death Cult Rave... but they had a raffle for tickets to go to this premiere beforehand, and I wasn't going to say no to free popcorn"

"I'm actually here for the Death Cult Rave... but they had a raffle for tickets to go to this premiere beforehand, and I wasn't going to say no to free popcorn"

It's former Rolling Stone wife and Joker's sqeeze Jerry Hall, and her husband ... ummm....

It's former Rolling Stone wife and Joker's sqeeze Jerry Hall, and her husband ... ummm....

Hey, check it out. It's Satan.

Hey, check it out. It's Satan.

"I could ask him for a few hundred million to bankroll the sequel to both the movie and the dress I'm wearing, but he's Rupert Murdoch and I just know his deals involve things signed in blood with goat sacrifices to Ba'al inside candelit pentagrams or something. You know.... Allegedly. With the candles."

"I could ask him for a few hundred million to bankroll the sequel to both the movie and the dress I'm wearing, but he's Rupert Murdoch and I just know his deals involve things signed in blood with goat sacrifices to Ba'al inside candelit pentagrams or something. You know.... Allegedly. With the candles."

"If you have to be told what the headdress symbolises, you're not ready to find out"

"If you have to be told what the headdress symbolises, you're not ready to find out"

"No photos until you know who I am!" - I'm going to guess Julia Sawalha, if for no other reason than (a) somebody in this movie's credits has that name, and (b) the name is fun to say.

"No photos until you know who I am!" - I'm going to guess Julia Sawalha, if for no other reason than (a) somebody in this movie's credits has that name, and (b) the name is fun to say.

"... but you're definitely in this movie, right?" "I'm surprised you're not - pretty much everyone is!"

"... but you're definitely in this movie, right?"
"I'm surprised you're not - pretty much everyone is!"

I've photographed actress Celia Imrie at such premieres as The Best and The Second Best Exotic Marigold Hotel, but back in those days she wasn't wearing shredded paper shawls to premieres, I don't think.

I've photographed actress Celia Imrie at such premieres as The Best and The Second Best Exotic Marigold Hotel, but back in those days she wasn't wearing shredded paper shawls to premieres, I don't think.

"I'm high-fiving you with my mind. The hand isn't necessary, it's just a courtesy"

"I'm high-fiving you with my mind. The hand isn't necessary, it's just a courtesy"

"You weren't even alive when Absolutely Fabulous started. Tell me what it's like to be that young! PLEASE!!"

"You weren't even alive when Absolutely Fabulous started. Tell me what it's like to be that young! PLEASE!!"

"She's not that much older than I am. No really.... I made enough on the TV show to spend the last few decades traveling at relativistic speeds. I'm pretty much sure there's physics theorems that prove I'm younger than all of you guys here"

"She's not that much older than I am. No really.... I made enough on the TV show to spend the last few decades traveling at relativistic speeds. I'm pretty much sure there's physics theorems that prove I'm younger than all of you guys here"

"Is this tracksuit for sale? Totally - I hear it was worn to a world premiere in London!!"

"Is this tracksuit for sale? Totally - I hear it was worn to a world premiere in London!!"

Model Jourdan Dunn was at events as stylish and important as last year's GQ Awards, last year's British Fashion Awards and this year's Elle Style Awards. (Just like me!)

Model Jourdan Dunn was at events as stylish and important as last year's GQ Awards, last year's British Fashion Awards and this year's Elle Style Awards. (Just like me!)

One quarter of the former Spice Girls was also at this premiere - Emma Bunton is/was Baby Spice, and I'm going to forego most of the obvious jokes to be made here because it's late and I'm tired. Write me if you think you've got anything particularly cutting.

One quarter of the former Spice Girls was also at this premiere - Emma Bunton is/was Baby Spice, and I'm going to forego most of the obvious jokes to be made here because it's late and I'm tired. Write me if you think you've got anything particularly cutting.

Australia's Own <TM> Kylie Minogue sings the theme song for this movie. I still think not having Eminem rap a Bond theme was that franchise's biggest misstep to date.

Australia's Own <TM> Kylie Minogue sings the theme song for this movie. I still think not having Eminem rap a Bond theme was that franchise's biggest misstep to date.

If they make a sequel to 2015's not-as-bad-as-you'd-think-since-it's-kindo-of-hilarious "San Andreas" Kylie Minogue could still play some kind of zombie-survivor role. I hope it happens. San Andreas needs a sequel where The Rock literally keeps two continental plates from drifting apart just by flexing his biceps.

If they make a sequel to 2015's not-as-bad-as-you'd-think-since-it's-kindo-of-hilarious "San Andreas" Kylie Minogue could still play some kind of zombie-survivor role. I hope it happens. San Andreas needs a sequel where The Rock literally keeps two continental plates from drifting apart just by flexing his biceps.

Some days you wake up hoping you'll maybe photograph model Kate Moss... and you instead photograph maybe 82% of Carrie Fisher, the former (and also current) Princess Leia in the Star Wars range of toy commercials.

Some days you wake up hoping you'll maybe photograph model Kate Moss... and you instead photograph maybe 82% of Carrie Fisher, the former (and also current) Princess Leia in the Star Wars range of toy commercials.

If it wasn't so late and I wasn't so tired and didn't care so little, I'd consider doing a photoshop chin transplant on Carrie Fisher and maybe get the total percentage of Princess Leia's face that I've photographed to as high as 84-85%

If it wasn't so late and I wasn't so tired and didn't care so little, I'd consider doing a photoshop chin transplant on Carrie Fisher and maybe get the total percentage of Princess Leia's face that I've photographed to as high as 84-85%

"And yet you'll notice for all our importance, we're not the ones with umbrellas right now. Where did we go wrong exactly?"

"And yet you'll notice for all our importance, we're not the ones with umbrellas right now. Where did we go wrong exactly?"

"View is great, but can't see anyone, which sux". So with all The Majors having gone inside to give speeches or high-fives or resume drinking or whatever, I can report that I have not seen Game of Thrones' Gwendoline Christie, Author Ben Elton, Actress/Model (Model/Actress) Cara Delevingne, Australia's Barry Humphries, Model/Actress (Actress/Model) Lily Cole, or Porn Star Kim Kardashian. But the paparazzi haven't left yet, and that's usually a good sign.

"View is great, but can't see anyone, which sux". So with all The Majors having gone inside to give speeches or high-fives or resume drinking or whatever, I can report that I have not seen Game of Thrones' Gwendoline Christie, Author Ben Elton, Actress/Model (Model/Actress) Cara Delevingne, Australia's Barry Humphries, Model/Actress (Actress/Model) Lily Cole, or Porn Star Kim Kardashian. But the paparazzi haven't left yet, and that's usually a good sign.

Stella McCartney is both a fashion designer AND has a cameo in this film. I've photographed her before, but not her 'date' to this premiere : supermodel Kate Moss. I haven't photographer her, but I have now photographed the green shirt she's wearing.

Stella McCartney is both a fashion designer AND has a cameo in this film. I've photographed her before, but not her 'date' to this premiere : supermodel Kate Moss. I haven't photographer her, but I have now photographed the green shirt she's wearing.

Approximately eight years after I confidently predicted I'd be photographing wild party girl supermodel Kate Moss drunkenly vomitting into a garbage bin on any given walk to the train station on the way home within weeks of arriving in London, finally a victory.... of sorts.

Approximately eight years after I confidently predicted I'd be photographing wild party girl supermodel Kate Moss drunkenly vomitting into a garbage bin on any given walk to the train station on the way home within weeks of arriving in London, finally a victory.... of sorts.

I dont care if the guy with the polka dot shirt, the dude with the mobile phone flash or the woman with the double alpaca fleece hoodie in the background are all disractions : this is about as glamorous a shot of Kate Moss that 10 frames per second on the Nikon could provide.

I dont care if the guy with the polka dot shirt, the dude with the mobile phone flash or the woman with the double alpaca fleece hoodie in the background are all disractions : this is about as glamorous a shot of Kate Moss that 10 frames per second on the Nikon could provide.

So... that was that. It was weird it was long, it was a massively overcrowded gold carpet and I got there late and the photos somewhat reflect this. But... it was a nice enough evening, and with an invisible clock possibly ticking over my head and counting down the time I have left before it's "Auslander Raus" in this burg, I guess I should be happy with any premiere I can get.

And of course, it's another one for The Archive of Premieres, the first for some time but there's faint stirrings of more premieres in the coming few weeks.

Until next time!

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