16 Mar - The BFI Flare World Premiere for 'The Pass'

March 16th, 2016.

I think we've long since established that I will go to any premiere, to anything ranging from not one but two Twilights to The Keith Lemon Movie to Magic Mike XXL and London Korean Film Festival. Which is to say, doesn't matter if I'm not in the target demographic, if there's a red carpet, barriers and security, and nobody's telling me to go away I'll try to be there. And I'll only vehemently deny I was there afterwards if it's... uh... Fifty Shades of Grey. And probably not even then.

So this is BFI Flare - the London LGBT Film Festival - and it was the Opening Gala AND a world premiere. Here's how it went down:

Good news for fans of hate speech, prejudice and vilification : the Batman v Superman Dawn of Justice premiere is next Tuesday; and I for one can't wait to use the platform this website affords me to unleash my vitriol on the cinematic (albeit at times hilarious) abomination that was its predessor, Man of Steel. In other news, BFI Flare is on!

Good news for fans of hate speech, prejudice and vilification : the Batman v Superman Dawn of Justice premiere is next Tuesday; and I for one can't wait to use the platform this website affords me to unleash my vitriol on the cinematic (albeit at times hilarious) abomination that was its predessor, Man of Steel.
In other news, BFI Flare is on!

I'm not sure how many passersby thought that maybe London was having a late second premiere for Star Wars The Force Awakens some three months after its release date. I myself missed that movie's premiere, something I felt a lot less annoyed about after I watched the film and found it trite, unoriginal/derivative, pandering, occasionally surprisingly cheap-looking, and safe. Sorry, JJ, but it was.

I'm not sure how many passersby thought that maybe London was having a late second premiere for Star Wars The Force Awakens some three months after its release date. I myself missed that movie's premiere, something I felt a lot less annoyed about after I watched the film and found it trite, unoriginal/derivative, pandering, occasionally surprisingly cheap-looking, and safe. Sorry, JJ, but it was.

And now that I've insulted both the DCU and Disney, I've pretty much met my quota of people I definitely want to insult today.... let's begin in earnest.

"Somebody HAS to say 'thanks to everyone who *CAME OUT* tonight''. I know it's an easy pun...but it's EXPECTED." Actually, for me the biggest surprise of the evening was the absence of your friend and mine Hakeem Mr Impact, and his support act, DJ Gender Neutral, who weren't there to warm up the crowd. What gives, BFI?

"Somebody HAS to say 'thanks to everyone who *CAME OUT* tonight''. I know it's an easy pun...but it's EXPECTED." Actually, for me the biggest surprise of the evening was the absence of your friend and mine Hakeem Mr Impact, and his support act, DJ Gender Neutral, who weren't there to warm up the crowd. What gives, BFI?

According to wireimage.com this is Jason Barker, and according to Wikipedia, Jason Barker is a British theorist of contemporary French Philosophy, a film director, screenwriter and producer. Which is so cool that I'm choosing to ignore the fact that the photo of Jason Barker on that wikipedia article doesn't look much like this particular Jason Barker.

According to wireimage.com this is Jason Barker, and according to Wikipedia, Jason Barker is a British theorist of contemporary French Philosophy, a film director, screenwriter and producer. Which is so cool that I'm choosing to ignore the fact that the photo of Jason Barker on that wikipedia article doesn't look much like this particular Jason Barker.

Some days you just can't be sure your cab driver home will have one of those therapeutic beaded massage seat covers, and don't want to take that risk.

Some days you just can't be sure your cab driver home will have one of those therapeutic beaded massage seat covers, and don't want to take that risk.

I have no idea who Hatty Keane is,but then again until about 40 seconds ago I also had no idea they made dresses like this (and I was at London Fashion Week!)

I have no idea who Hatty Keane is,but then again until about 40 seconds ago I also had no idea they made dresses like this (and I was at London Fashion Week!)

Courtesy of Facebook : "Larissa Eddie is a high energy, singing/ songwriting, pop artist from Brighton. TWEET ME!". There's nothing there about the metallic dress she's wearing, though, which is a pity.

Courtesy of Facebook : "Larissa Eddie is a high energy, singing/ songwriting, pop artist from Brighton. TWEET ME!". There's nothing there about the metallic dress she's wearing, though, which is a pity.

"My dress doesn't want you to tweet it. It's still on myspace"

"My dress doesn't want you to tweet it. It's still on myspace"

"Make sure you get the screen with the 'Star Wars' title in frame... we can photoshop Mark Hamill and Carrie Fisher in later"

"Make sure you get the screen with the 'Star Wars' title in frame... we can photoshop Mark Hamill and Carrie Fisher in later"

"You could stand right here if you want" "Or I could decline.....?" John Donnelly (XVth of his name on imdb) is the writer/screenwriter of this movie.

"You could stand right here if you want"
"Or I could decline.....?"

John Donnelly (XVth of his name on imdb) is the writer/screenwriter of this movie.

"I'm standing here because I want to, not because I was invited to"

"I'm standing here because I want to, not because I was invited to"

"What... is that supposed to hypnotise me?" "No.... just give you a splitting headache" "Well, it's working" - Ben A. Williams is the director of the movie

"What... is that supposed to hypnotise me?"
"No.... just give you a splitting headache"
"Well, it's working"
- Ben A. Williams is the director of the movie

"What's 'Tube Tube'? Well... if your research only went so far as a cursory glance at my imdb page, I'm not answering that."  

"What's 'Tube Tube'? Well... if your research only went so far as a cursory glance at my imdb page, I'm not answering that."
 

"Oh, this old thing? I threw it on without even looking. I mugged some old lady for the jumper, though, just so I could look extra cool by having it around my shoulders. I regret nothing" (later identified by wireimage.com as Junaid Ahmed)

"Oh, this old thing? I threw it on without even looking. I mugged some old lady for the jumper, though, just so I could look extra cool by having it around my shoulders. I regret nothing"
(later identified by wireimage.com as Junaid Ahmed)

"Firstly, I loaned him that jumper. And secondly.... he called me WHAT??" (later identified by wireimage.com as Abi Clarke)

"Firstly, I loaned him that jumper. And secondly.... he called me WHAT??"
(later identified by wireimage.com as Abi Clarke)

"Mr Impact? Not sure I've heard of him...." Duncan Kenworthy produced this movie, as well as such notable films as Notting Hill, Four Weddings and a Funeral, Love Actually, and way back in 1982 the amazing 'The Dark Crystal'.

"Mr Impact? Not sure I've heard of him...." Duncan Kenworthy produced this movie, as well as such notable films as Notting Hill, Four Weddings and a Funeral, Love Actually, and way back in 1982 the amazing 'The Dark Crystal'.

"Fungus and the Boogeyman? That show is TAME in comparison to this film" - Lisa McGrillis is in this film ... and also that TV series, in which I've just learned she plays (I kid you not) the character/role (?) of "Human Saliva"

"Fungus and the Boogeyman? That show is TAME in comparison to this film" - Lisa McGrillis is in this film ... and also that TV series, in which I've just learned she plays (I kid you not) the character/role (?) of "Human Saliva"

"Fungus and the WHAT? Playing the role of WHO?? Where are you getting these questions from?"

"Fungus and the WHAT? Playing the role of WHO?? Where are you getting these questions from?"

Much as I like this shot of Russell Tovey (and I do) the easily distracted part of me notes that the configuration of two yellow lights and blue squiggle in the background behind him makes it look like there's an animated light-monster with two eyes and a row of spiky teeth.

Much as I like this shot of Russell Tovey (and I do) the easily distracted part of me notes that the configuration of two yellow lights and blue squiggle in the background behind him makes it look like there's an animated light-monster with two eyes and a row of spiky teeth.

"I don't need a tie to look good... and besides you're all distracted by that squiggle monster in the background anyway, aren't you?" Arinze Kene joins Russell Tovey in front of the paparazzi cordon, and not since I photographed Clint Eastwood with neon cappuccino sign above his head have I done quite so badly with avoiding unfortunate background distractions in a photo.

"I don't need a tie to look good... and besides you're all distracted by that squiggle monster in the background anyway, aren't you?" Arinze Kene joins Russell Tovey in front of the paparazzi cordon, and not since I photographed Clint Eastwood with neon cappuccino sign above his head have I done quite so badly with avoiding unfortunate background distractions in a photo.

Arinze Kene is arguably best known for being in 41 episodes of Eastenders, but he wears (a) a lack of tie, (b) a lack of hair AND (c) luxurious beard... all better than I do. And I'm wearing a jumper and beanie right now.... this is roughly as good as I ever look.

Arinze Kene is arguably best known for being in 41 episodes of Eastenders, but he wears (a) a lack of tie, (b) a lack of hair AND (c) luxurious beard... all better than I do. And I'm wearing a jumper and beanie right now.... this is roughly as good as I ever look.

"The secret to looking good without a tie? Actually, it isn't NOT not putting one on in the first place, Jeff. It's putting one ON, and then realising you look better without it, and then taking it OFF" There are no shortcuts to looking good, people.

"The secret to looking good without a tie? Actually, it isn't NOT not putting one on in the first place, Jeff. It's putting one ON, and then realising you look better without it, and then taking it OFF" There are no shortcuts to looking good, people.

"Right now, you're not even IN this selfie I'm taking of you. Are you sure this is what you want??"

"Right now, you're not even IN this selfie I'm taking of you. Are you sure this is what you want??"

"I refuse to turn any further to the left until that guy with the sensational hair and sunglasses behind me moves out of frame"

"I refuse to turn any further to the left until that guy with the sensational hair and sunglasses behind me moves out of frame"

"I refuse to turn any further to the left than this because I don't GO any further to the left than this. Like... ever."

"I refuse to turn any further to the left than this because I don't GO any further to the left than this. Like... ever."

"Do I care whether Batman v Superman is any good? Not really, if I'm honest".

"Do I care whether Batman v Superman is any good? Not really, if I'm honest".

"On second thoughts.. I guess eventually they're going to want to make movies about every single one of their comic book properties, so I might as well keep my options open....I can't wait, Barbara"

"On second thoughts.. I guess eventually they're going to want to make movies about every single one of their comic book properties, so I might as well keep my options open....I can't wait, Barbara"

"Screw DC... Marvel all the way" I agree that it's better to stay on the good side of Disney, although my opinion of Star Wars make it unlikely I'll be invited to work for The Mouse anytime soon.

"Screw DC... Marvel all the way" I agree that it's better to stay on the good side of Disney, although my opinion of Star Wars make it unlikely I'll be invited to work for The Mouse anytime soon.

Incidentally, at about this time, a random possibly-tourist-passerby shouted out "when are the famous people going to arrive??" which (1) ouch! (2) kind of funny (3) PLEASE somebody do this to either Henry Cavill or Ben Affleck next week, but you *have* to make it sound genuine!

Incidentally, at about this time, a random possibly-tourist-passerby shouted out "when are the famous people going to arrive??" which (1) ouch! (2) kind of funny (3) PLEASE somebody do this to either Henry Cavill or Ben Affleck next week, but you *have* to make it sound genuine!

"I'll tell you what it was like working with him once he moves further out of earshot. It was great, incidentally"

"I'll tell you what it was like working with him once he moves further out of earshot. It was great, incidentally"

Arinze Kene, left : "What was it like working with Ben as a Director? I'm going to wait to hear what he says it was like working with me first, if you don't mind...." Ben A. Williams, right : "Forget about that... is that lady interviewing me wearing a BLANKET?"

Arinze Kene, left : "What was it like working with Ben as a Director? I'm going to wait to hear what he says it was like working with me first, if you don't mind...."
Ben A. Williams, right : "Forget about that... is that lady interviewing me wearing a BLANKET?"

So... that was, by all accounts,  a premiere, and I photographed it, and that means it goes into my Archive of Premieres as my inaugural LGBT premiere : I belive looking at the BFI Flare programme that there might be another one or two premieres in the coming weeks, which will give me further opportunity to try to blithely cover up my startling lack of knowledge of all things LGBT by distracing references to background lighting, and other upcoming premieres.

But it's all good practice : after all the Olivier Awards (celebrating the best of British Theatre) are on in three weeks and I know pretty much next to nothing about Theatre either.

Until next time!

PS. If you want to know whenever I post a new premiere journal, feel free to follow me on twitter @berndt2_photo or on facebook by clicking here