20 Aug - The 'Bad Education' world premiere

August 21st, 2015.

It's been so long since London last had a bona fide premiere (though there was an Apple Store event for 'Me and Earl and the Dying Girl' yesterday) that even though I had no interest in this film AND no knowledge of its stars AND no umbrella to accompany the intermittent rain... I went anyway.

Here's how it went down:

Time to muster up the enthusiasm required for this premiere. I'm not even sure I know who Jack Whitehall is...

Time to muster up the enthusiasm required for this premiere. I'm not even sure I know who Jack Whitehall is...

Time for London's low-life autograph dealers (not.... necessarily pictured, subject to defamation laws) to ponder the irony of attending the premiere of a movie titled 'Bad Education'.

Time for London's low-life autograph dealers (not.... necessarily pictured, subject to defamation laws) to ponder the irony of attending the premiere of a movie titled 'Bad Education'.

Our first arrival....erm... arrives and turns out to be Sarah Solemani, who is in this film. I've taken a look at the movie poster, and other than some dude running and screaming with an explosion behind him, it features only the words "Best School Trip Ever" in large font and "The Bad Education Movie" in smaller font.

Our first arrival....erm... arrives and turns out to be Sarah Solemani, who is in this film. I've taken a look at the movie poster, and other than some dude running and screaming with an explosion behind him, it features only the words "Best School Trip Ever" in large font and "The Bad Education Movie" in smaller font.

Sarah Solemani was also in the movie 'Mrs Henderson Presents', which I haven't seen... but then I haven't seen a lot of movies. Adam Sandler movies, for instance... I've only seen a couple of those.

Sarah Solemani was also in the movie 'Mrs Henderson Presents', which I haven't seen... but then I haven't seen a lot of movies. Adam Sandler movies, for instance... I've only seen a couple of those.

I assume I'm safe in assuming that Jack Whitehall is the lead actor in this film (based on poster prominence), but imdb isn't so certain. Nonetheless, the exquisite framing of him and... him on the poster through the triangle of two open doors is either evidence of my non-rusty premiere skillz..... or just sheer coincidence.

I assume I'm safe in assuming that Jack Whitehall is the lead actor in this film (based on poster prominence), but imdb isn't so certain. Nonetheless, the exquisite framing of him and... him on the poster through the triangle of two open doors is either evidence of my non-rusty premiere skillz..... or just sheer coincidence.

"yes, I'm the lead in this film, no matter what evidence exists to the contrary. LOVE ME!!"

"yes, I'm the lead in this film, no matter what evidence exists to the contrary. LOVE ME!!"

The internet movie database cites the non-attending Talulah Riley as this film's lead actor... and Jeremy Irvine is its second lead (Jack Whitehall is sixth, as rated by starmeter<tm>). I've previously photographed Irvine at the premiere of Steven Spielberg's "War Horse" way back in the day...

The internet movie database cites the non-attending Talulah Riley as this film's lead actor... and Jeremy Irvine is its second lead (Jack Whitehall is sixth, as rated by starmeter<tm>). I've previously photographed Irvine at the premiere of Steven Spielberg's "War Horse" way back in the day...

"Wait a minute... is this an exam paper? At a premiere??"

"Wait a minute... is this an exam paper? At a premiere??"

"Xylene based? All right!!" (I was standing in the middle of the Dealers Pen at this premiere, and the scent of unwashed dealers and black sharpies hung heavily in the warm, dank, humid afternoon air)

"Xylene based? All right!!" (I was standing in the middle of the Dealers Pen at this premiere, and the scent of unwashed dealers and black sharpies hung heavily in the warm, dank, humid afternoon air)

Given I know next to nothing about this movie, its stars, or the television series upon which it is allegedly based... I'm defaulting to photographing anyone pretty in a black dress, famous or not. It's not a noble strategy, but crucially IT IS A STRATEGY.

Given I know next to nothing about this movie, its stars, or the television series upon which it is allegedly based... I'm defaulting to photographing anyone pretty in a black dress, famous or not. It's not a noble strategy, but crucially IT IS A STRATEGY.

I don't care if you're not in the movie : if you're going to swish your hair this artfully at a premiere you'll always get a second photo, guaranteed.

I don't care if you're not in the movie : if you're going to swish your hair this artfully at a premiere you'll always get a second photo, guaranteed.

I don't know who these people are, but I'm given to understand they're... some kind of pop group, reality show crew, or fashion label representatives. Mightily important to the youth of this great country, I'm sure. Young, pretty, successful. Oh, how I hate them...

I don't know who these people are, but I'm given to understand they're... some kind of pop group, reality show crew, or fashion label representatives. Mightily important to the youth of this great country, I'm sure. Young, pretty, successful. Oh, how I hate them...

"Commercial endorsements? Sure!" Frankly, and with all due respect to the King of Burgers in the background, I'm more a Five Guys Burgers and Fries Guy. About 3x more expensive, about 5x better tasting.

"Commercial endorsements? Sure!" Frankly, and with all due respect to the King of Burgers in the background, I'm more a Five Guys Burgers and Fries Guy. About 3x more expensive, about 5x better tasting.

Selfies. They're a scourge, but the kids do seem to love them.

Selfies. They're a scourge, but the kids do seem to love them.

A car pulls up and dispenses (Ser) Iain Glenn, best known for playing Lord Friend Zone in HBO's Game of Thrones. I last photographed him at the Game of Thrones Season5 Season Premiere at the Tower of London earlier this year.

A car pulls up and dispenses (Ser) Iain Glenn, best known for playing Lord Friend Zone in HBO's Game of Thrones. I last photographed him at the Game of Thrones Season5 Season Premiere at the Tower of London earlier this year.

"Would a pair of security headphones like that guy's make me more attractive to Khaleesi or just piss her off even more?". Iain Glen is in this movie... but unless he's swinging a sword or pining after a blonde haired girl half his age, I think he might disappoint a fair few fans..

"Would a pair of security headphones like that guy's make me more attractive to Khaleesi or just piss her off even more?". Iain Glen is in this movie... but unless he's swinging a sword or pining after a blonde haired girl half his age, I think he might disappoint a fair few fans..

Jamie Redknapp is apparently a famous (current? former?) football player. Not sure what to make of that, but Paul The Security Chief seems impressed.

Jamie Redknapp is apparently a famous (current? former?) football player. Not sure what to make of that, but Paul The Security Chief seems impressed.

Randomly, another footballer arrives, and to much louder and raucous acclaim : former England captain Gary Linneker. Reminding me, among other things, that I should probably remember to put my tips in for our office EPL tipping pool. Random number generator in excel... activate!

Randomly, another footballer arrives, and to much louder and raucous acclaim : former England captain Gary Linneker. Reminding me, among other things, that I should probably remember to put my tips in for our office EPL tipping pool. Random number generator in excel... activate!

One last random Great Britain Sport Hero arrival : Chris Hoy, multiple Olympic cycling gold medal winner. I've long since forgotten why I'm at this premiere... but it has stopped raining.

One last random Great Britain Sport Hero arrival : Chris Hoy, multiple Olympic cycling gold medal winner. I've long since forgotten why I'm at this premiere... but it has stopped raining.

OMG! It's... it's... it's!!! I have no idea who any of these people are. I hope they're from the cast of this film, but alternatively if they're also a British pop group / fashion brand / reality TV group.... I hope they kick the ass of the blandly pretty people I photographed further above.

OMG! It's... it's... it's!!! I have no idea who any of these people are. I hope they're from the cast of this film, but alternatively if they're also a British pop group / fashion brand / reality TV group.... I hope they kick the ass of the blandly pretty people I photographed further above.

In no particular order of importance or sequence, these people might include Kae Alexander, Layton Williams, Ethan Lawrence, Nikki Runeckles, Charlie Wernham, and Jack Binstead. Also Pope Benedict XV... who I've also never photographed, and possibly wouldn't recognise (outside the smock and hat).

In no particular order of importance or sequence, these people might include Kae Alexander, Layton Williams, Ethan Lawrence, Nikki Runeckles, Charlie Wernham, and Jack Binstead. Also Pope Benedict XV... who I've also never photographed, and possibly wouldn't recognise (outside the smock and hat).

"Who am I? No idea... you?" (with thanks to APJ26 : this is Nicholas Lyndhurst from Only fools and Horses)

"Who am I? No idea... you?"

(with thanks to APJ26 : this is Nicholas Lyndhurst from Only fools and Horses)

At this point I'm deferring to a more knowledgeable indicator of whether somebody is famous or not. If this girl doesn't get excited, I don't get excited.

At this point I'm deferring to a more knowledgeable indicator of whether somebody is famous or not. If this girl doesn't get excited, I don't get excited.

I don't know who this is, but other than pretty blondes with tight black dresses and swishing hair, I'll also accept anyone wearing a geometrically precise dress.

I don't know who this is, but other than pretty blondes with tight black dresses and swishing hair, I'll also accept anyone wearing a geometrically precise dress.

I.... I'm just photographing anyone the VIP photographers are photographing at this stage. That said, the dress design is eerily immersive and hypnotic.

I.... I'm just photographing anyone the VIP photographers are photographing at this stage. That said, the dress design is eerily immersive and hypnotic.

Thank heavens for the return of Lord Friend Zone to our part of the crowd, however briefly, as it gives me somebody to photograph that I can recognise.

Thank heavens for the return of Lord Friend Zone to our part of the crowd, however briefly, as it gives me somebody to photograph that I can recognise.

Honestly... could just as well be a representative of Book of Mormon as an Insurance Company. The tie is slick but unforgettable, the suit is stylish without being memorable, and the hair screams nothing more than "I have more hair than you".

Honestly... could just as well be a representative of Book of Mormon as an Insurance Company. The tie is slick but unforgettable, the suit is stylish without being memorable, and the hair screams nothing more than "I have more hair than you".

This is a photo of the crowd OUTSIDE the allocated public pens... and I'm cheered by the fact that despite their enthusiasm to stand out and risk rain, cold, and confusion, they've stayed and had no greater idea of most of these people on the red carpet were. (woo! validation?)

This is a photo of the crowd OUTSIDE the allocated public pens... and I'm cheered by the fact that despite their enthusiasm to stand out and risk rain, cold, and confusion, they've stayed and had no greater idea of most of these people on the red carpet were. (woo! validation?)

I hear they used force perspective like with the Hobbits and Gandalf in Lord of the Rings to make the movie work (apparently this is Tom Davis and Sheila Reed, and they're in the film...)

I hear they used force perspective like with the Hobbits and Gandalf in Lord of the Rings to make the movie work (apparently this is Tom Davis and Sheila Reed, and they're in the film...)

Well... I guess if they're going to do a 'fifty years later' Hunger Games sequel, the search for an age-appropriate new Katniss Everdeen might be over.

Well... I guess if they're going to do a 'fifty years later' Hunger Games sequel, the search for an age-appropriate new Katniss Everdeen might be over.

Incredibly, somebody arrives I recognise (albeit somebody who has nothing to do with this film) - presenter/host/cigar afficionado Jonathan Ross!

Incredibly, somebody arrives I recognise (albeit somebody who has nothing to do with this film) - presenter/host/cigar afficionado Jonathan Ross!

As I'm more of a fan of movies than television, I'm actually more aware of Jonathan Ross' wife/partner Jane Goldman, who has written/screenwritten such movies as Kick-Ass, X-Men First Class, X-Men Days of Future Past and The Woman In Black. Weirdly, her hair is usually bright red... I didn't recognise her without it.

As I'm more of a fan of movies than television, I'm actually more aware of Jonathan Ross' wife/partner Jane Goldman, who has written/screenwritten such movies as Kick-Ass, X-Men First Class, X-Men Days of Future Past and The Woman In Black. Weirdly, her hair is usually bright red... I didn't recognise her without it.

And on that ignominious note, I'm going to declare defeat at this premiere : it was loud, it was crowded, I recognised nobody from the main cast and I'm not really in the target market for the show, the movie, the merchandising tie-ins or any incidental fashion trends it spawns.

I can only say : I'm sorry.... and/but no matter how inept, it still gets to join my Archive of Movie Premieres, gently nestled somewhere around Captain America and The Baftas, I suppose.

Until next time!

ps. Finally, if you want to know whenever I post a new premiere journal, feel free to follow me on twitter @berndt2_photo or on facebook at premieresdotco.