11 June - The 'Minions' World Premiere

June 11th, 2015

So, for the third time in as many days, London paid host to a premiere. Two days ago it was the TV-show-turned-Movie "Entourage", yesterday it was the public-domain-so-it-can-be-remade-endlessly-in-all-permutations "Mr Holmes", and today it's the animated prequel-to-two-sequels-starring-the-support-characters-of-the-originals-(um...) "Minions".

Here's how it went down. I got a free t-shirt, so I'm not complaining.

Given that the Minions pretty much stole the show in the first two Despicable Me movies, I guess it made sense they'd get their own movie. Not on artistic grounds so much as "less things getting in the way of merchandising dollars" grounds, I guess?

Given that the Minions pretty much stole the show in the first two Despicable Me movies, I guess it made sense they'd get their own movie. Not on artistic grounds so much as "less things getting in the way of merchandising dollars" grounds, I guess?

Still, it's bright, it's sunny, and there are free hats, flags, and T-Shirts on offer to all comers. The bad news : it's a premiere for an Animated movie. World Premiere or Not, the Stars just don't turn out for them. The only exception in about 8 years : "Monsters vs Aliens" back in 2009, and to a lesser extent "Wall-E" back in 2008

Still, it's bright, it's sunny, and there are free hats, flags, and T-Shirts on offer to all comers. The bad news : it's a premiere for an Animated movie. World Premiere or Not, the Stars just don't turn out for them. The only exception in about 8 years : "Monsters vs Aliens" back in 2009, and to a lesser extent "Wall-E" back in 2008

A fairly accurate interpretation of my opinion of The List Of Expected Attendees for this premiere. Let's just say it's becoming more evident that the budget for T-Shirts, Hats, Flags and Balloons came fromnot having to fly Michael Keaton to London First Class.

A fairly accurate interpretation of my opinion of The List Of Expected Attendees for this premiere. Let's just say it's becoming more evident that the budget for T-Shirts, Hats, Flags and Balloons came fromnot having to fly Michael Keaton to London First Class.

In the absence of Michael Keaton...

In the absence of Michael Keaton...

So apparently all the kids know who "King Bob" is in the context of The Minions. I'm just impressed somebody's dressing like this on  particularly warm London day.

So apparently all the kids know who "King Bob" is in the context of The Minions. I'm just impressed somebody's dressing like this on  particularly warm London day.

Sadly, I do not think this is Kate Beckinsale. Neither the at-her-prime Underworld (2003) Kate Beckinsale, nor the "are they really still making these??" Underworld Next Generation (2016?) Kate Beckinsale.

Sadly, I do not think this is Kate Beckinsale. Neither the at-her-prime Underworld (2003) Kate Beckinsale, nor the "are they really still making these??" Underworld Next Generation (2016?) Kate Beckinsale.

These are sadly not an army of Kate Beckinsales of any kind.

These are sadly not an army of Kate Beckinsales of any kind.

"Is Iron Man going to make a cameo in this film?" "Not every animated franchise is owned by Disney (yet), Son"

"Is Iron Man going to make a cameo in this film?"
"Not every animated franchise is owned by Disney (yet), Son"

"These things? I have no idea how they got there. I also have no idea what I'm doing here. I mostly like arthouse movies from Scandinavia..."

"These things? I have no idea how they got there. I also have no idea what I'm doing here. I mostly like arthouse movies from Scandinavia..."

One of this film's two directors, Pierre Coffin also provides the voces for the Minions Kevin, Bob and Stuart. (My recollection of the Despicable Me films is a bit hazy, but aren't there just two kinds of minions?).

One of this film's two directors, Pierre Coffin also provides the voces for the Minions Kevin, Bob and Stuart. (My recollection of the Despicable Me films is a bit hazy, but aren't there just two kinds of minions?).

"The police in your country are doing WHAT now? Awww. that's so quaint. In my country they just generally shoot people"

"The police in your country are doing WHAT now? Awww. that's so quaint. In my country they just generally shoot people"

"No, I DON'T remember Speed 2."

"No, I DON'T remember Speed 2."

I last photographed Sandra Bullock at the premiere of "The Heat" back in 2013, where like this film she was the only member of the cast to attend. Come to think of it, she was also the only member of the cast of "Gravity" to show up for THAT premiere...

I last photographed Sandra Bullock at the premiere of "The Heat" back in 2013, where like this film she was the only member of the cast to attend. Come to think of it, she was also the only member of the cast of "Gravity" to show up for THAT premiere...

"Hold on a minute... I just love it when security tell me to stop lingering on the carpet and try to push me to move and I get to turn around and do that "Don't You Know Who I Am?" face/circle thing! Sometimes I even bring my Oscar Statuette with me.."

"Hold on a minute... I just love it when security tell me to stop lingering on the carpet and try to push me to move and I get to turn around and do that "Don't You Know Who I Am?" face/circle thing! Sometimes I even bring my Oscar Statuette with me.."

"What do you mean I have to do more interviews? How many variations of answers to "what was it like to play an animated villain" can I possibly give?". I say four.

"What do you mean I have to do more interviews? How many variations of answers to "what was it like to play an animated villain" can I possibly give?". I say four.

Peter Coffin and Kyle Balda are the two directors of this film... and their target market is in front of them.

Peter Coffin and Kyle Balda are the two directors of this film... and their target market is in front of them.

Meanwhile, if this is Chris Renaud, he's not only a famed producer (and director of the two Despicable Me films), but also the voice of all the Minions in the film that AREN'T Bob, Kevin or Stuart. Which... I'm not sure how many that is...

Meanwhile, if this is Chris Renaud, he's not only a famed producer (and director of the two Despicable Me films), but also the voice of all the Minions in the film that AREN'T Bob, Kevin or Stuart. Which... I'm not sure how many that is...

"What's the dumbest question I've ever been asked at a premiere interview? Ummm.... I want to say 'this one', not because it is, but because I think it's Meta"

"What's the dumbest question I've ever been asked at a premiere interview? Ummm.... I want to say 'this one', not because it is, but because I think it's Meta"

Not in the movie, but present at its premiere : model (?) Danielle Lloyd.

Not in the movie, but present at its premiere : model (?) Danielle Lloyd.

Also not in the movie, but wearing a jacket so bizarre that it's probably a breach of his drivers contract with Mercedes, is two-time Formula1 world Champ Lewis Hamilton

Also not in the movie, but wearing a jacket so bizarre that it's probably a breach of his drivers contract with Mercedes, is two-time Formula1 world Champ Lewis Hamilton

I'm not saying this photo is or ever could have been as awesome as Ian McKellan being kissed by Jean-Luc Picard at yeterday's premiere of "Mr Holmes", but this photo of Sandra Bullock, had I been standing half a metre to the right and slightly faster in reaction time, could have been better.

I'm not saying this photo is or ever could have been as awesome as Ian McKellan being kissed by Jean-Luc Picard at yeterday's premiere of "Mr Holmes", but this photo of Sandra Bullock, had I been standing half a metre to the right and slightly faster in reaction time, could have been better.

"Yellow? Totally not my colour. Oh... wait. I forgot what premiere I was at. Please ask me that question again"

"Yellow? Totally not my colour. Oh... wait. I forgot what premiere I was at. Please ask me that question again"

"What's it like being the voice of an animated villain? Well... "

"What's it like being the voice of an animated villain? Well... "

"I gotta be honest, further sequels to "Gravity" aren't all that likely because the other fundamental forces of the universe aren't quite as compelling. The Weak Nuclear Force, for instance, doesn't cry out for an Origin story"

"I gotta be honest, further sequels to "Gravity" aren't all that likely because the other fundamental forces of the universe aren't quite as compelling. The Weak Nuclear Force, for instance, doesn't cry out for an Origin story"

"Guys? Please watch this movie... I'm still waiting on either DC or Marvel to call me and offer me a role, and this could really help"

"Guys? Please watch this movie... I'm still waiting on either DC or Marvel to call me and offer me a role, and this could really help"

"What do you mean they've already cast the three female Ghostbusters? Don't they need a fourth?"

"What do you mean they've already cast the three female Ghostbusters? Don't they need a fourth?"

So... that was something. Not a great thing, and in a cosmic sense not even a fractionally important thing. But it was A Thing, and that's (self-evidently) better than Nothing.

And Nothing doesn't make it into The Archive of Movie Premieres, while this premiere does.

Until next time!

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