27 May - The 'SPY' World Premiere

May 27th, 2015.

It's London and there's a premiere on, so rather than the usual array of lame justifications along the lines of "both of my two hot dates cancelled" or "the Bentley and the Aston Martin are both getting serviced.. and THAT'S why I'm at a premiere rather than saving the universe from whatever insanity Tony Stark has unleashed upon the world"... let's just be honest.... I'm here because I can be. And am. (And was.) Here's how it went down:

The movie is called simply "SPY", which I'm guessing years from now is going to have to be called "Spy (2015)" because everyone will wonder why nobody used that as a movie title before.

The movie is called simply "SPY", which I'm guessing years from now is going to have to be called "Spy (2015)" because everyone will wonder why nobody used that as a movie title before.

I missed London ComicCon last weekend, but if this guy went then I'm guessing his commitment to permanently displaying his popcultural allegiances got even more action than guys who only come dressed as Kadaj or Commander Shepherd for the weekend.

I missed London ComicCon last weekend, but if this guy went then I'm guessing his commitment to permanently displaying his popcultural allegiances got even more action than guys who only come dressed as Kadaj or Commander Shepherd for the weekend.

This red carpet is not entirely stable. (Incidentally, I watched the Dwayne Johnson movie "San Andreas" yesterday and on a cliches-per-minute basis it rates higher than pretty much any disaster movie I've ever seen. That's not necessarily a criticism, mind you...)

This red carpet is not entirely stable. (Incidentally, I watched the Dwayne Johnson movie "San Andreas" yesterday and on a cliches-per-minute basis it rates higher than pretty much any disaster movie I've ever seen. That's not necessarily a criticism, mind you...)

"They're going to tell you your dress looks great, but don't fall for that : they're saying you look great IN IT". Actress Nargis Fakhri looks pretty stunning. In that dress, I mean.

"They're going to tell you your dress looks great, but don't fall for that : they're saying you look great IN IT". Actress Nargis Fakhri looks pretty stunning. In that dress, I mean.

"That guy over there says you owe him five dollars". Sounds legit. I've never photographed Melissa McCarthy prior to this premiere, she was in the movie "The Heat", but she wasn't at that premiere

"That guy over there says you owe him five dollars". Sounds legit. I've never photographed Melissa McCarthy prior to this premiere, she was in the movie "The Heat", but she wasn't at that premiere

"They want you to do some interviews, but I can keep signing for you if you like. Who are you?" Allison Janney is a five time Emmy Award Nominee for The West Wing, but to give you a clue as to my level of maturity (but not my age) I was excited to learn she is a voice in the animated series Phineas & Ferb (!!)

"They want you to do some interviews, but I can keep signing for you if you like. Who are you?" Allison Janney is a five time Emmy Award Nominee for The West Wing, but to give you a clue as to my level of maturity (but not my age) I was excited to learn she is a voice in the animated series Phineas & Ferb (!!)

"Don't call me 'handsome'. I am a woman. That man in front and to the right of me is handsome. And a man. Somebody tell him for me". Miranda Hart is a 3-time TV Comedy Award winner and multiple TV Bafta nominee.

"Don't call me 'handsome'. I am a woman. That man in front and to the right of me is handsome. And a man. Somebody tell him for me". Miranda Hart is a 3-time TV Comedy Award winner and multiple TV Bafta nominee.

"Don't ever let go, Miranda" "I'm letting go right now. Get me a popcorn and a Pepsi from the drinks stand"

"Don't ever let go, Miranda"
"I'm letting go right now. Get me a popcorn and a Pepsi from the drinks stand"

"No, I"m not sharing my popcorn. Not because I'm selflish, but... well, not ONLY because I'm selfish"

"No, I"m not sharing my popcorn. Not because I'm selflish, but... well, not ONLY because I'm selfish"

Rather surprisingly, Peter Serafinowicz was in both Guardians of the Galaxy and Star Wars Episode 1... both of which I've watched more than once and neither of which I remember him from.

Rather surprisingly, Peter Serafinowicz was in both Guardians of the Galaxy and Star Wars Episode 1... both of which I've watched more than once and neither of which I remember him from.

Further, imdb informs me that his roles in the two films above (respectively) were "Denarian Saal" and DARTH MAUL?? Seriously, internet?

Further, imdb informs me that his roles in the two films above (respectively) were "Denarian Saal" and DARTH MAUL?? Seriously, internet?

"It's pronounced Eye-BEE-Tha!"

"It's pronounced Eye-BEE-Tha!"

Along with this movie, Paul Feig also directed Bridesmaids and The Heat - and at the premiere of The Heat he wore a bowler hat so compelling that even the brown suit/vest combo and amazing hair he's wearing at this event don't - quite - reach the hat's level of awesome.

Along with this movie, Paul Feig also directed Bridesmaids and The Heat - and at the premiere of The Heat he wore a bowler hat so compelling that even the brown suit/vest combo and amazing hair he's wearing at this event don't - quite - reach the hat's level of awesome.

"The Hat I was wearing? Oh, it's now working at DC directing one of the Justice League feeder films. The Green Hornet reboot, I think...."

"The Hat I was wearing? Oh, it's now working at DC directing one of the Justice League feeder films. The Green Hornet reboot, I think...."

"Pretty sure I wasn't in that film, and no I don't need your business card for when I next need a back massage. Thanks, though".

"Pretty sure I wasn't in that film, and no I don't need your business card for when I next need a back massage. Thanks, though".

"Cold Mountain? You remember that?? It wasn't actually that cold, if I'm honest. The snow was fake. But the Oscar nomination was real, enough..."

"Cold Mountain? You remember that?? It wasn't actually that cold, if I'm honest. The snow was fake. But the Oscar nomination was real, enough..."

Jude Law has not one but two Oscar nominations to his name, but to me he's best known for playing Dr Watson in the Guy Ritchie Sherlock Holmes films. (Why aren't they making another one of those? Robert Downey Jnr isn't playing Iron Man ALL the time!)

Jude Law has not one but two Oscar nominations to his name, but to me he's best known for playing Dr Watson in the Guy Ritchie Sherlock Holmes films. (Why aren't they making another one of those? Robert Downey Jnr isn't playing Iron Man ALL the time!)

"The dress looks great and so do you. But that's as far as my compliments go. Have you seen my girlfriend?" Rosie Huntington-Whitely doesn't often accompany Jason Statham to premiere events (though she did at the premiere of "Redemption (aka Hummingbird)" back in 2013

"The dress looks great and so do you. But that's as far as my compliments go. Have you seen my girlfriend?" Rosie Huntington-Whitely doesn't often accompany Jason Statham to premiere events (though she did at the premiere of "Redemption (aka Hummingbird)" back in 2013

Just like every premiere both Jason Statham and I simultaneously attend, there's that moment where he's momentarily taken aback because in the crowd there's me, a guy who looks almost (but not quite) (but almost) like him. But I'm not currently dating a Victoria's Secret Model. I'm actually currently in between (primarily imaginary) girlfriends, so ladiez, if you're single (and don't mind being called 'ladiez'), this could be your chance.

Just like every premiere both Jason Statham and I simultaneously attend, there's that moment where he's momentarily taken aback because in the crowd there's me, a guy who looks almost (but not quite) (but almost) like him. But I'm not currently dating a Victoria's Secret Model. I'm actually currently in between (primarily imaginary) girlfriends, so ladiez, if you're single (and don't mind being called 'ladiez'), this could be your chance.

"The real Jason Statham is already spoken for. But there's a guy in the crowd over there..."

"The real Jason Statham is already spoken for. But there's a guy in the crowd over there..."

I certainly hope that the "L" represents the letter "L" in the phrase 'The resemblance to Jason Statham is Uncanny'....

I certainly hope that the "L" represents the letter "L" in the phrase 'The resemblance to Jason Statham is Uncanny'....

"Platonic High-Five!! Because there's no way security is letting any of y'all onto this red carpet"

"Platonic High-Five!! Because there's no way security is letting any of y'all onto this red carpet"

"An all-female Ghostbusters won't be that bad. We'll throw in some token guys here and there... make it all equality like."

"An all-female Ghostbusters won't be that bad. We'll throw in some token guys here and there... make it all equality like."

"I would be in and/or watch that film"

"I would be in and/or watch that film"

"An all-male 'The Devil Wears Prada?' They should totally make that!". I think men need to strike back and wrest equality away from these planned 'female reboots'.

"An all-male 'The Devil Wears Prada?' They should totally make that!". I think men need to strike back and wrest equality away from these planned 'female reboots'.

We've now hit that part of every Jason Statham premiere where he and I make eye-contact, and the resemblance between us becomes too obvious. To me.... at home... while drinking... writing this journal.

We've now hit that part of every Jason Statham premiere where he and I make eye-contact, and the resemblance between us becomes too obvious. To me.... at home... while drinking... writing this journal.

"Slightly taller than me, but without the tie"... and don't forget the lack of Victoria's Secret girlfriend(s). Other than that, and the movie career, and the wealth and the fame, he and I are basically the same person.

"Slightly taller than me, but without the tie"... and don't forget the lack of Victoria's Secret girlfriend(s). Other than that, and the movie career, and the wealth and the fame, he and I are basically the same person.

"The wind has picked up, Jason Statham is eyeing the refreshments cart, and don't all of you have better places to be?"

"The wind has picked up, Jason Statham is eyeing the refreshments cart, and don't all of you have better places to be?"

So... that was what that was. Not too bad, nice and friendly, and it didn't rain. In my line of work, no part of that is objectionable.

And of course it joins "The Archive of Movie Premieres", which is slowly creeping towards its 300th entry, a milestone that is both an achievement to be proud of and a damning indictment of the social life that fails to keep me from having better things to do. By which I mean.... Until next time!

ps. if you want to know whenever I post a new premiere journal, feel free to follow me on twitter @berndt2_photo or on facebook at premieresdotco.