11 Mar 2015 - The World Premiere of "INSURGENT"

March 11th, 2015.

It's been barely a year since I gave up the Empire Movie Awards to attend the premiere of "Divergent", the latest oh-so-profitable and oh-so-vital Young Adult franchise that tells vulnerable teens that only they can bring down the corrupt evil forces that plague our world.

And for the second time in a year, I despair because unless it involves something you can #LIKE on social media, nobody will do anything extra and corrupt and evil forces have nothing to worry about.

But who am I to care, I'm way outside the target market. Here's how it went down:

Average age of crowd : uncomfortably, some might be old enough to be my kids. Twice as unfortunately, I estimate that they'll show no hesitation in going violent if I get between them and Theo James.

Average age of crowd : uncomfortably, some might be old enough to be my kids. Twice as unfortunately, I estimate that they'll show no hesitation in going violent if I get between them and Theo James.

"Hey Mick, remember when kids used to belong to normal-sounding cliques like Hufflepuff, District 8, or Team Jacob??" "Yeah. Still, Abnegation 4Eva, right?"

"Hey Mick, remember when kids used to belong to normal-sounding cliques like Hufflepuff, District 8, or Team Jacob??"
"Yeah. Still,
Abnegation 4Eva, right?"

Your host for this evening appears to have the first name "Jimmy" and no surname. I know more about what his suit is called (Alfred Dunhill) than him.

Your host for this evening appears to have the first name "Jimmy" and no surname. I know more about what his suit is called (Alfred Dunhill) than him.

Incredibly, this premiere does not begin with an impromptu RAP session by Mr Impact and DJ Insurgentz.... but sadly with pre-recorded apologies from Kate Winslet, Naomi Watts and Octavia Spencer for not attending this WORLD PREMIERE. I appreciate the apology, but if this is a world premiere, then they and even the key grips and head of location insurance services should be here tonight. Still... we get underway....

"Our first arrival is author Veronica Roth, who is looking stunning tonight. As you'd be able to appreciate if our camera man Andrew didn't stand where he's standing, blocking everyone's view".

"Our first arrival is author Veronica Roth, who is looking stunning tonight. As you'd be able to appreciate if our camera man Andrew didn't stand where he's standing, blocking everyone's view".

Veronica Roth is indeed very pretty. At the previous premiere of Divergent I might have implied that she was pretty enough for me to read the books and/or watch the movies, but I've done neither. I hope she doesn't call me out on it.

Veronica Roth is indeed very pretty. At the previous premiere of Divergent I might have implied that she was pretty enough for me to read the books and/or watch the movies, but I've done neither. I hope she doesn't call me out on it.

"You're not as rich as JK Rowling or EL James. Do you think using your first name instead of two initials has something to do with it?" Our interviewer is asking the questions nobody dares ask.

"You're not as rich as JK Rowling or EL James. Do you think using your first name instead of two initials has something to do with it?" Our interviewer is asking the questions nobody dares ask.

"Are you Jimmy_no_surname_x37?? I've read your Divergent fanfic!!" My Divergent fanfic is currently disguised as Twilight fanfic because via cultural osmosis I've retained more character names from that series, and because possibly it's less embarrassing? (Than using Harry Potter characters?)

"Are you Jimmy_no_surname_x37?? I've read your Divergent fanfic!!"
My Divergent fanfic is currently disguised as Twilight fanfic because via cultural osmosis I've retained more character names from that series, and because possibly it's less embarrassing? (Than using Harry Potter characters?)

"When you wrote the character of Four, did you imagine his abs and biceps would be quite this stunning?" She might break if you pursue this line of questioning, Jimmy. Stick with it.

"When you wrote the character of Four, did you imagine his abs and biceps would be quite this stunning?" She might break if you pursue this line of questioning, Jimmy. Stick with it.

Good news for fans of high-pitched screaming and tears, our heroes have arrived, and one of them is Theo James.

Good news for fans of high-pitched screaming and tears, our heroes have arrived, and one of them is Theo James.

Arriving, and mercifully pushing up the average age of people at this premiere are two of the producers of the film : Douglas Wick (left) and (Scans imdb.com).... if not Todd Lieberman, then the only female in the list of EIGHT, Lucy Fisher.

Arriving, and mercifully pushing up the average age of people at this premiere are two of the producers of the film : Douglas Wick (left) and (Scans imdb.com).... if not Todd Lieberman, then the only female in the list of EIGHT, Lucy Fisher.

Theo James seems to be wearing a suit, tie, vest, and an expression that says "the last book in the trilogy is being turned into two movies, but wouldn't we all make more money if it was split into three or four?". Thanks to Hollywood, even my morning bagel has aspirations of splitting itself into two or three substandard serving sizes rather than one satisfying meal.

Theo James seems to be wearing a suit, tie, vest, and an expression that says "the last book in the trilogy is being turned into two movies, but wouldn't we all make more money if it was split into three or four?". Thanks to Hollywood, even my morning bagel has aspirations of splitting itself into two or three substandard serving sizes rather than one satisfying meal.

"Don't tell us we're pretty. We already know.". Theo James and Shailene Woodley are younger than you, better looking than you, and starring in a major Hollywood franchise. I forget where this sentence was going... something about self-loathing, I supect.

"Don't tell us we're pretty. We already know.". Theo James and Shailene Woodley are younger than you, better looking than you, and starring in a major Hollywood franchise. I forget where this sentence was going... something about self-loathing, I supect.

"Yes, I suppose a right hook from Katniss Everdeen would hurt more than a punch from Tris. So what?" I only found out today that 'Tris' is short for 'Beatrice' which I'm going to accept as logically defensible mainly because Veronic Roth is very pretty.

"Yes, I suppose a right hook from Katniss Everdeen would hurt more than a punch from Tris. So what?" I only found out today that 'Tris' is short for 'Beatrice' which I'm going to accept as logically defensible mainly because Veronic Roth is very pretty.

"Your dress is very white". As a pickup line, I think it works. And as a conversation starter if the dress isn't white, I think it still has merit. I'm not sure why I'm still single...

"Your dress is very white". As a pickup line, I think it works. And as a conversation starter if the dress isn't white, I think it still has merit. I'm not sure why I'm still single...

"I've already forgotten the host's surname" "He doesn't have a surname. It's just "Jimmy"" "Does he have a middle name?"

"I've already forgotten the host's surname"
"He doesn't have a surname. It's just "Jimmy""
"Does he have a middle name?"

"I just wanna wish your respective cameras' autofocus, white balance and metering systems well. You know... what with the giant moving pixellated billboard behind the stage". Yeah... the Pentax did struggle a little. The Nikon less so.

"I just wanna wish your respective cameras' autofocus, white balance and metering systems well. You know... what with the giant moving pixellated billboard behind the stage". Yeah... the Pentax did struggle a little. The Nikon less so.

"Let's see who finds this already uncomfortably long handshake uncomfortably long first". My money's on Shailene.

"Let's see who finds this already uncomfortably long handshake uncomfortably long first". My money's on Shailene.

"Let's see who finds this uncomfortably long silence owing to a lack of a question being asked most uncomfortable first". My money's on Jimmy.

"Let's see who finds this uncomfortably long silence owing to a lack of a question being asked most uncomfortable first". My money's on Jimmy.

"Theo James can go weeks without answering questions. That's why this next one is to Shailene, or anyone in the audience who also wants to take a stab at answering..."

"Theo James can go weeks without answering questions. That's why this next one is to Shailene, or anyone in the audience who also wants to take a stab at answering..."

I feel that this photo ideally needs me to photoshop an American Flag, Michael Bay style, into the background of the image. Which would be unfortunate, as I believe Theo James is British.

I feel that this photo ideally needs me to photoshop an American Flag, Michael Bay style, into the background of the image. Which would be unfortunate, as I believe Theo James is British.

"Theo's been doing this neck thing recently. It might just be a sympathy ploy, but it's freaking out the insurance people for the next movie."

"Theo's been doing this neck thing recently. It might just be a sympathy ploy, but it's freaking out the insurance people for the next movie."

"That man over there is in his mid-fifties, and his presence here disturbs me. He hasn't screamed once for either myself or Shailene". Firstly - and most importantly - I'm not in my mid-fifties.

"That man over there is in his mid-fifties, and his presence here disturbs me. He hasn't screamed once for either myself or Shailene". Firstly - and most importantly - I'm not in my mid-fifties.

"And there were these walls, swivelling, and giant spiders and..." "I think you're mistaking this film for The Maze Runner. That's another franchise entirely"

"And there were these walls, swivelling, and giant spiders and..."
"I think you're mistaking this film for The Maze Runner. That's another franchise entirely"

... What if Twilight, Maze Runner and Divergent all took place in the same cinematic universe? Time to revisit that fanfic and organise a meeting with Joss Whedon.

... What if Twilight, Maze Runner and Divergent all took place in the same cinematic universe? Time to revisit that fanfic and organise a meeting with Joss Whedon.

"Those biceps on me look so awesome I feel I'm actually setting unreaslistic body expectations for MYSELF. Also, wait...what was I thinking about a shared franchise universe?"

"Those biceps on me look so awesome I feel I'm actually setting unreaslistic body expectations for MYSELF. Also, wait...what was I thinking about a shared franchise universe?"

All of a sudden, this premiere threatened to proceed in an entirely unexpected direction.

All of a sudden, this premiere threatened to proceed in an entirely unexpected direction.

"For every one item I take off, Theo has to take off two, and the tie doesn't count, am I right ladies??" Cue the screams. So much screaming.

"For every one item I take off, Theo has to take off two, and the tie doesn't count, am I right ladies??" Cue the screams. So much screaming.

"I can pose for another two or three seconds but after that I'm basically infringing on Zoolander's Blue Steel". Can't believe that sequel's got the go-ahead after 14 years.

"I can pose for another two or three seconds but after that I'm basically infringing on Zoolander's Blue Steel". Can't believe that sequel's got the go-ahead after 14 years.

"Everybody calm down. These feathers in my hair aren't from endangered birds". Fair enough, but best case scenario is those birds are still feeling colder now than they used to be.

"Everybody calm down. These feathers in my hair aren't from endangered birds". Fair enough, but best case scenario is those birds are still feeling colder now than they used to be.

All the major attendees have stopped signing and are now doing interviews. On an aesthetic note, I'm loving the bokeh / out-of-focus background in this shot taken with the Tamron. It's only really spoiled by the presence of the chin of Shailene Woodley's assistant / female-Batman attendant standing right next to her.

All the major attendees have stopped signing and are now doing interviews. On an aesthetic note, I'm loving the bokeh / out-of-focus background in this shot taken with the Tamron. It's only really spoiled by the presence of the chin of Shailene Woodley's assistant / female-Batman attendant standing right next to her.

"And if we can convince the studio to turn the last book into three or four movies rather than the TWO they're planning, my agent says my pay increase will be THIS BIG". You go, girlfriend.

"And if we can convince the studio to turn the last book into three or four movies rather than the TWO they're planning, my agent says my pay increase will be THIS BIG". You go, girlfriend.

"And then I could extend my existing mansion by building another mansion next to, under and on top of it, and lamborghinis to drive between them all? I say do it, no?"

"And then I could extend my existing mansion by building another mansion next to, under and on top of it, and lamborghinis to drive between them all? I say do it, no?"

So... that was enjoyable, if noisy. And it joins its predecessor, "The Divergent Premiere" from last year (which Kate Winslet and Miles Teller attended, and at which Shailene Woodley was unhealthily thin), as well as yesterday's "Insurgent Apple Store Event"... both of which are in my "Archive of Movie Premieres"

Until next time!

ps. if you want to know whenever I post a new premiere journal, feel free to follow me on twitter @berndt2_photo or on facebook at premieresdotco.