16 Feb 2015 - The World Premiere of 'The Gunman'

February 16th, 2015.

Right back at my very first London premiere in 2008, I was lucky enough to photograph my favourite actress, Charlize Theron. The reason I mention this is that she and Sean Penn have been dating for less time than that, which is a roundabout way of saying : she and I are better suited than her and Sean Penn.

So this premiere constituted a conundrum : photograph Charlize Theron, but at the cost of photographing Sean Penn and Her. Not a pleasant proposition. Here's how it went down:

Our location is BFI Southbank, under a bridge, which is ordinarily quite unsexy and cold but today it does have the advantage of being dry while it's raining.

Our location is BFI Southbank, under a bridge, which is ordinarily quite unsexy and cold but today it does have the advantage of being dry while it's raining.

"Depending on how drunk he is, we might want to keep this on standby for when Sean Penn shows up". Yes, it's true. I intend to use this journal to espouse the (surely obvious) point of view that Sean Penn is entirely unsuitable to be dating Charlize Theron.

"Depending on how drunk he is, we might want to keep this on standby for when Sean Penn shows up". Yes, it's true. I intend to use this journal to espouse the (surely obvious) point of view that Sean Penn is entirely unsuitable to be dating Charlize Theron.

Our background is a bar... and people are mixing drinks. Like I said... this isn't your typical premiere.

Our background is a bar... and people are mixing drinks. Like I said... this isn't your typical premiere.

If you couldn't tell from the insouciant expression, Director Pierre Morel is French. He's also best known for being the director of the first 'Taken' movie, starring Liam Neeson.

If you couldn't tell from the insouciant expression, Director Pierre Morel is French. He's also best known for being the director of the first 'Taken' movie, starring Liam Neeson.

Our next arrival is Idris Elba, best known for being in Prometheus, Pacific Rim and (I suppose) the Thor movies where he plays Heimdall. In addition, think his choice of beret to this premiere is very classy.

Our next arrival is Idris Elba, best known for being in Prometheus, Pacific Rim and (I suppose) the Thor movies where he plays Heimdall. In addition, think his choice of beret to this premiere is very classy.

"I am CANCELLING Beanies this season"

"I am CANCELLING Beanies this season"

"I'm pretty sure I died in the fourth Indiana Jones movie, but sure I'd do another one" Ray Winstone is also in this movie.. and the sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach increases as I realise that surely Sean Penn and his girlfriend (siiiiiiiiigh) are due to arrive any moment now.

"I'm pretty sure I died in the fourth Indiana Jones movie, but sure I'd do another one" Ray Winstone is also in this movie.. and the sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach increases as I realise that surely Sean Penn and his girlfriend (siiiiiiiiigh) are due to arrive any moment now.

"Did I just throw this beret on at this preceise angle? Hell no, my personal stylist did a focus group first"

"Did I just throw this beret on at this preceise angle? Hell no, my personal stylist did a focus group first"

Actress Jasmine Trinca won the rather awesomely titled "Chopard Trophy" for "Female Revelation" at the 2006 Cannes Film Festival. That award is so awesome it might actually have an aggresively demotivational effect. It's a lot of pressure to live up to, I mean.

Actress Jasmine Trinca won the rather awesomely titled "Chopard Trophy" for "Female Revelation" at the 2006 Cannes Film Festival. That award is so awesome it might actually have an aggresively demotivational effect. It's a lot of pressure to live up to, I mean.

Jasmine Trinca has also won two Italian Golden Globes, and per imdb.com something called a "Golden Graal" which sounds mostly like something out of a Harry Potter film...

Jasmine Trinca has also won two Italian Golden Globes, and per imdb.com something called a "Golden Graal" which sounds mostly like something out of a Harry Potter film...

Looking more like the owner of a 1930s Prohibition-era Speakeasy than an actor, Mark Rylance is perhaps best known for being in 'The Other Boleyn Girl' in 2008. That, and his imdb photo, his photo on The List of Attendees and THIS photo all show him wearing a hat. That's right... A Hat.

Looking more like the owner of a 1930s Prohibition-era Speakeasy than an actor, Mark Rylance is perhaps best known for being in 'The Other Boleyn Girl' in 2008. That, and his imdb photo, his photo on The List of Attendees and THIS photo all show him wearing a hat. That's right... A Hat.

My mortal enemy arrives. Sean Penn is all but set to marry my favourite actress Charlize Theron, even though it's pretty damn obvious he's no good for her. He looks pretty drunk for the occasion... while I'd mentionthat I SHAVED for this premiere. Penn's stubble suggested he might have rubbed it agains the concrete of the streetgutter he woke up in.

My mortal enemy arrives. Sean Penn is all but set to marry my favourite actress Charlize Theron, even though it's pretty damn obvious he's no good for her. He looks pretty drunk for the occasion... while I'd mentionthat I SHAVED for this premiere. Penn's stubble suggested he might have rubbed it agains the concrete of the streetgutter he woke up in.

Sean Penn does not make eye-contact, Sean Penn does not sign autographs, indeed Sean Peen barely decides to do more than one or two interviews at this premiere, a world premiere, for the movie he stars in. Also, I'm no body-language expert, but Charlize's smile looks at best indulgent while his frown looks like somebody who forgot to feed his budgerigar. I assume Sean Penn's hold over Charlize Theron's affections is primarily based on hypnosis or some kind of ring-like artifact.

Sean Penn does not make eye-contact, Sean Penn does not sign autographs, indeed Sean Peen barely decides to do more than one or two interviews at this premiere, a world premiere, for the movie he stars in. Also, I'm no body-language expert, but Charlize's smile looks at best indulgent while his frown looks like somebody who forgot to feed his budgerigar. I assume Sean Penn's hold over Charlize Theron's affections is primarily based on hypnosis or some kind of ring-like artifact.

Please allow me to use this particular photo to ask what exacty Charlize Theron sees in Sean Penn? I mean, yes, he's won two Oscars But that's not a good thing - if he tells you he loves you, how do you know he isn't ACTING?? I wouldn't take the risk.

Please allow me to use this particular photo to ask what exacty Charlize Theron sees in Sean Penn? I mean, yes, he's won two Oscars But that's not a good thing - if he tells you he loves you, how do you know he isn't ACTING?? I wouldn't take the risk.

You're probably thinking "Aww... what a cute couple!!!" in which case.... GET OUT OF MY WEBSITE. They're totally wrong for each other. Sure, I'll concede that Sean Penn is a great actor and quite the humanitarian, but the fact that he can ACT like he loves you means you can never be sure, and the fact that he's interested in humanity only proves he views people in an abstract rather than specific sense.

You're probably thinking "Aww... what a cute couple!!!" in which case.... GET OUT OF MY WEBSITE. They're totally wrong for each other. Sure, I'll concede that Sean Penn is a great actor and quite the humanitarian, but the fact that he can ACT like he loves you means you can never be sure, and the fact that he's interested in humanity only proves he views people in an abstract rather than specific sense.

What I also don't need right now is a whole bunch of people seemingly looking at me like "Haha, he's holding hands with your favourite actress". Meh. What does Sean Penn have that I don't? Oh. That's right. Charlize Theron's left hand in his right hand. (Damnit).

What I also don't need right now is a whole bunch of people seemingly looking at me like "Haha, he's holding hands with your favourite actress". Meh. What does Sean Penn have that I don't? Oh. That's right. Charlize Theron's left hand in his right hand. (Damnit).

Sean Penn is too busy being Sean Penn to notice Idris Elba hugging Charlize Theron in an impromptu "Prometheus" reunion. I'll say it.... I think Idris Elba is a better match for Charlize Theron than Sean Penn. As am I. Also, I'm not weighed down by gold statuettes and humanitarian commitments, or a cool beanie that's writing cheques that my body can't cash. Plus as mentioned, I shaved for this premiere (not even Idris Elba did that)

Sean Penn is too busy being Sean Penn to notice Idris Elba hugging Charlize Theron in an impromptu "Prometheus" reunion. I'll say it.... I think Idris Elba is a better match for Charlize Theron than Sean Penn. As am I. Also, I'm not weighed down by gold statuettes and humanitarian commitments, or a cool beanie that's writing cheques that my body can't cash. Plus as mentioned, I shaved for this premiere (not even Idris Elba did that)

It might be the wishful thinking on my part, but I think Charlize Theron is so unhappy to be with Sean Penn that she's actively looking for a Happy Place in her mind to escape to.

It might be the wishful thinking on my part, but I think Charlize Theron is so unhappy to be with Sean Penn that she's actively looking for a Happy Place in her mind to escape to.

Does not look happy. Needs to come to our area of the crowd and be cheered up. (Call me!) (or email me : my email addres is at the bottom of every journal on my website!)

Does not look happy. Needs to come to our area of the crowd and be cheered up. (Call me!) (or email me : my email addres is at the bottom of every journal on my website!)

While Sean Penn goes on and on and on about Haiti or Polar Bears or something; my camera and I are working to make the already beautiful Charlize Theron look even more beautiful, harnessing every stray lensflare we can find. Because it's not all about YOU, Sean Penn.

While Sean Penn goes on and on and on about Haiti or Polar Bears or something; my camera and I are working to make the already beautiful Charlize Theron look even more beautiful, harnessing every stray lensflare we can find. Because it's not all about YOU, Sean Penn.

This one rocks more. I've decided to break protocol and put an easy-to-clone-out watermark on it. I ask : has Sean Penn ever made Charlize Theron look this good? I thought not.

This one rocks more. I've decided to break protocol and put an easy-to-clone-out watermark on it. I ask : has Sean Penn ever made Charlize Theron look this good? I thought not.

"So here I am, standing here, in the dark, talking to myself."

"So here I am, standing here, in the dark, talking to myself."

And because it goes without saying (one last time), Damn You Sean Penn for looking this happy!!

And because it goes without saying (one last time), Damn You Sean Penn for looking this happy!!

I'll just wait here for a couple of hours and see if Charlize needs somebody to walk her to her limo in case Sean Penn is too busy being Sean Penn to find it, shall I? Fine. I'm going home. To reheat leftovers and edit photos for my premieres website. Which is a metaphor. For something really, really cool.

I'll just wait here for a couple of hours and see if Charlize needs somebody to walk her to her limo in case Sean Penn is too busy being Sean Penn to find it, shall I?

Fine. I'm going home. To reheat leftovers and edit photos for my premieres website. Which is a metaphor. For something really, really cool.

And to think, Charlize Theron would presumably rather get free drinks and views of the inside of a bar .... than take the stunning walk to Blackfriars on a rainy London eve in winter. Inconceivable.

And to think, Charlize Theron would presumably rather get free drinks and views of the inside of a bar .... than take the stunning walk to Blackfriars on a rainy London eve in winter. Inconceivable.

So... somewhere among the teenage emo angst I thought I'd left behind a few decades ago, there was a Premiere. Was it any good? I'm not sure. The good news is that there's another one tomorrow, and I don't think Sean Penn is coming - though if Charlize wants to join me in the public pen where the cool kids hang out, there's a standing invitation. I'll even protect her from autograph dealers .. to the very best of my ability.

And failing that, this premiere is another one for my Archive of Movie Premieres.

Until next time! (Call me or leave a message at the bottom of this journal!)

ps. if you want to know whenever I post a new premiere journal, feel free to follow me on twitter @berndt2_photo or on facebook at premieresdotco.