9 Nov - The 'Ronaldo' World Premiere

November 9th, 2015.

So after last week's rather awesome trip to Germany for, among other things the World Premiere of The Hunger Games : Mockingjay Part2, I'm back in Ye Olde London Towne for a premiere again. (I should note, by the way, that since I'm from Australia: to me 'football' is ideally played with a banana-shaped ball and called Rugby League. And I'm not about to change my policy just because 80% of the world and 100% of the country I'm in disagrees with me. With that abject non-apology in mind....) here's how it went down:

In the shadow of Burger King, could this be the Spanish biography of the McDonald's corporate mascot we've been waiting for?

In the shadow of Burger King, could this be the Spanish biography of the McDonald's corporate mascot we've been waiting for?

"First I'll ask him if he'll marry me. Then I'll ask him if he's married. Then I'll.... ask him to ask me to marry him. Wait.... maybe I need to diagram this...".

"First I'll ask him if he'll marry me. Then I'll ask him if he's married. Then I'll.... ask him to ask me to marry him. Wait.... maybe I need to diagram this...".

Rather awesomely, the guy in charge of the red carpet is still wearing his lanyard from the world premier of 'Spectre' a few weeks ago. That was a great premiere. And a very competently and professionally laid carpet it was, too.

Rather awesomely, the guy in charge of the red carpet is still wearing his lanyard from the world premier of 'Spectre' a few weeks ago. That was a great premiere. And a very competently and professionally laid carpet it was, too.

"I don't think you fully understand the extent to which I love Cristiano Ronaldo. Oh... you're from Portugal? Well... maybe you do."

"I don't think you fully understand the extent to which I love Cristiano Ronaldo. Oh... you're from Portugal? Well... maybe you do."

"I'm DJ Impact... and I'm not sure what to make of this... but if any of you know who 'CR7' is, I've got his underwear".

"I'm DJ Impact... and I'm not sure what to make of this... but if any of you know who 'CR7' is, I've got his underwear".

A silver van arrives and dispenses the man of the moment. He and I have made eye-contact , and I'm not sure what to say, if anything. I mean... I still call Rugby League 'football' by default.... so perhaps I won't lead with that.

A silver van arrives and dispenses the man of the moment. He and I have made eye-contact , and I'm not sure what to say, if anything. I mean... I still call Rugby League 'football' by default.... so perhaps I won't lead with that.

"Why yes, I AM good looking. And talented also. Modest, too, sure...". From what I can gather,  Cristiano Ronaldo is kind of like the Jonathan Thurston of Soccer? (and if you know I support Queensland in State of Origin Rugby League, you'll know this is not an insult)

"Why yes, I AM good looking. And talented also. Modest, too, sure...". From what I can gather,  Cristiano Ronaldo is kind of like the Jonathan Thurston of Soccer? (and if you know I support Queensland in State of Origin Rugby League, you'll know this is not an insult)

"My wife says she'll divorce me immediately if you say you'll marry her. What hurts is that the football she mainly follows is NFL... and that's not real football either"

"My wife says she'll divorce me immediately if you say you'll marry her. What hurts is that the football she mainly follows is NFL... and that's not real football either"

"Personally, I'd say Jonathan Thurston is the Cristiano Ronaldo of Rugby League... but I see what you're saying"

"Personally, I'd say Jonathan Thurston is the Cristiano Ronaldo of Rugby League... but I see what you're saying"

"Look : I have a iPhone, just like normal people do. I believe it's important not to lose touch with the common folk" As part of the festivities, Cristiano Ronaldo attempted to break the record for most selfies taken in 3 minutes, set at 106 by Dwayne The Rock Johnson at the premiere of 'San Andreas' earlier this year.

"Look : I have a iPhone, just like normal people do. I believe it's important not to lose touch with the common folk" As part of the festivities, Cristiano Ronaldo attempted to break the record for most selfies taken in 3 minutes, set at 106 by Dwayne The Rock Johnson at the premiere of 'San Andreas' earlier this year.

"I'll answer your question if you can answer my question : Why aren't they cheering for me?" Former player Gary Neville arrives, looking dapper and downbeat. I've actually photographed him, plus four others from Manchester United (and more than half of One Direction) before - back in 2013 for the premiere of 'Class of 92'

"I'll answer your question if you can answer my question : Why aren't they cheering for me?" Former player Gary Neville arrives, looking dapper and downbeat. I've actually photographed him, plus four others from Manchester United (and more than half of One Direction) before - back in 2013 for the premiere of 'Class of 92'

I may not know much about this sport of 'soccer' which the fans around me are so vocal about, but I do know that Sir Alex Ferguson is the former coach of Manchester United (and they're kind of the Brisbane Broncos of Soccer in England...?)

I may not know much about this sport of 'soccer' which the fans around me are so vocal about, but I do know that Sir Alex Ferguson is the former coach of Manchester United (and they're kind of the Brisbane Broncos of Soccer in England...?)

"Soccer doesn't need an 80-20 rule... Also stop calling it 'soccer' " . And obviously I'm only calling it 'soccer' in the safety of my St Albans apartment, out of earshot of a couple hundred manic chanting Portuguese 'football' fans, hours later.

"Soccer doesn't need an 80-20 rule... Also stop calling it 'soccer' " . And obviously I'm only calling it 'soccer' in the safety of my St Albans apartment, out of earshot of a couple hundred manic chanting Portuguese 'football' fans, hours later.

"Who's that guy's hairstylist? I don't care if it is 1950s retiree.... I want it!"

"Who's that guy's hairstylist? I don't care if it is 1950s retiree.... I want it!"

"That's probably my fifth marriage proposal on this red carpet, and I haven't even started signing autographs yet and those girls over there sound even more desperate..."

"That's probably my fifth marriage proposal on this red carpet, and I haven't even started signing autographs yet and those girls over there sound even more desperate..."

Wikipedia helpfully informs me that in 26 years at Manchester United, Alex Ferguson coached the team to 13 Premiership titles, 5 FA cups and some number of some European championship I'm not sure of the name of and it's late and I don't care quite as much as I should.

Wikipedia helpfully informs me that in 26 years at Manchester United, Alex Ferguson coached the team to 13 Premiership titles, 5 FA cups and some number of some European championship I'm not sure of the name of and it's late and I don't care quite as much as I should.

"The part in my hair is geometrically accurate to a couple of angstroms. Migratory birds have been known to circle my head a couple of times just to get a better view of it".

"The part in my hair is geometrically accurate to a couple of angstroms. Migratory birds have been known to circle my head a couple of times just to get a better view of it".

"I'm not particularly good at football, and my colleague to my right doesn't have the hair to make it at the very top level... but it was still very satisfying for us both to be involved in Executive Producing this feature"

"I'm not particularly good at football, and my colleague to my right doesn't have the hair to make it at the very top level... but it was still very satisfying for us both to be involved in Executive Producing this feature"

"No, I'm not saying you're not talented or good looking, I'm just saying you're not RONALDO-talented or RONALDO-good-looking". Oh, well that's okay then.

"No, I'm not saying you're not talented or good looking, I'm just saying you're not RONALDO-talented or RONALDO-good-looking". Oh, well that's okay then.

"Your hair looks atrocious. Admittedly there's not a lot that can be done with it, but you could have worn a sombrero, dude". Asif Kapadia, centre, directed both the documentaries 'Senna' (about the late racing driver) and 'Amy' (about the late singer); and has won three BAFTAs.

"Your hair looks atrocious. Admittedly there's not a lot that can be done with it, but you could have worn a sombrero, dude". Asif Kapadia, centre, directed both the documentaries 'Senna' (about the late racing driver) and 'Amy' (about the late singer); and has won three BAFTAs.

"Good luck in getting him to come over. He's still fielding marriage proposals from all the female reporters and questions about haircare and underwear range development with the guys"

"Good luck in getting him to come over. He's still fielding marriage proposals from all the female reporters and questions about haircare and underwear range development with the guys"

"You're no Jonathan Thurston, and if you're not Jonathan Thurston I don't give a rat's ass". I have no idea who this guy is, but the look of disdain on the face of the girl on the right is something I'm much more generally familiar with.

"You're no Jonathan Thurston, and if you're not Jonathan Thurston I don't give a rat's ass". I have no idea who this guy is, but the look of disdain on the face of the girl on the right is something I'm much more generally familiar with.

Wireimage informs me that these two are Radamel Falcao and Lorelei Taron, and while I could probably guess as to which one is which, right now I'm too tired.

Wireimage informs me that these two are Radamel Falcao and Lorelei Taron, and while I could probably guess as to which one is which, right now I'm too tired.

"Those Portuguese people over there either love you or hate you. I can't understand any of the words they're saying, but the intensity is quite frightening" .

"Those Portuguese people over there either love you or hate you. I can't understand any of the words they're saying, but the intensity is quite frightening" .

"Keep snapping away, photo-man. Just so long as you make me look devastatingly dapper, okay?"

"Keep snapping away, photo-man. Just so long as you make me look devastatingly dapper, okay?"

Get ready, because Cristiano Ronaldo has done a few more interviews, then decided to head towards our pen and sign. Meanwhile, I'm having more intimate contact with people (many of them female) than I've had for weeks, because they really want things signed. .... and I really hope that's all they want.

Get ready, because Cristiano Ronaldo has done a few more interviews, then decided to head towards our pen and sign. Meanwhile, I'm having more intimate contact with people (many of them female) than I've had for weeks, because they really want things signed. .... and I really hope that's all they want.

"You frighten me. And with my talent, fame, wealth and dual bodyguards behind me, not a lot frightens me". Meanwhile, the person behind and to my right has reached out and around the front of me to MY right to get something signed .... which seems to contravene basic body mechanics.

"You frighten me. And with my talent, fame, wealth and dual bodyguards behind me, not a lot frightens me". Meanwhile, the person behind and to my right has reached out and around the front of me to MY right to get something signed .... which seems to contravene basic body mechanics.

Again... it's all about the fans.... fans willing to tear each other apart for an autograph from this guy. Meanwhile, I'm just happy to have some freedom of movement back.

Again... it's all about the fans.... fans willing to tear each other apart for an autograph from this guy. Meanwhile, I'm just happy to have some freedom of movement back.

So.. that was that, then. I think I survived it with most of my limbs and organs intact, and while I am yet to find out whether Cristiano Ronaldo managed to break Dwayne The Rock Johnson's selfie-record, a lot of people will be happy if he did. And even if he didn't, I'm sure his hair and underwear endorsements will continue to happily supplement the meagre living he scratches out playing a form of 'football' I'm not particularly familiar with but appears to be quite popular. And for me it's another premiere for my Archive of Movie premieres.

Until next time!

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