10 Oct - The (BFI LFF) 'The Program' Premiere

October 10th, 2015.

A quick introduction. Yesterday, at the Tom Hiddleston-attended premiere of "High-Rise", there was a single public pen, overcrowded with some 70 people, and mayhem ensued. So today, for a much smaller premiere, the brains trust at the security company did what any dull-witted authoritarian bureaucracy does when something goes wrong yesterday... which is fix the problem today by completely overreacting when it was entirely inappropriate, and entirely unnecessary.

Here's how it went down, for the BFI LFF premiere of 'The Program':

18 people. EIGHTEEN PEOPLE and they locked down the pen. For a premiere with (no offense) no bigger names than Chris O'Dowd and Ben Foster attending. That's not merely closing the stable door after the horse has bolted, it's closing the door after the great, great, great grandson of the horse's original owner retires from a long distinguished career in accountancy.

18 people. EIGHTEEN PEOPLE and they locked down the pen. For a premiere with (no offense) no bigger names than Chris O'Dowd and Ben Foster attending. That's not merely closing the stable door after the horse has bolted, it's closing the door after the great, great, great grandson of the horse's original owner retires from a long distinguished career in accountancy.

That's right. You restrict that one (1) pen on the carpet to eighteen (18) people That's how you make this safe. People are idiots. And people wearing suits with cool-looking earpieces? Even more so.

That's right. You restrict that one (1) pen on the carpet to eighteen (18) people That's how you make this safe. People are idiots. And people wearing suits with cool-looking earpieces? Even more so.

Here's the list of people that security think may cause a riot today. I'm not actually looking at imdb when I make this pronouncement, but I'm thinking yesterday's attendees all rate higher. Again, with all due respect: I think Chris O'Dowd is charming, Steven Frears is a very talented director and have no opinion on Ben Foster but he's been in some movies I've watched.

Here's the list of people that security think may cause a riot today. I'm not actually looking at imdb when I make this pronouncement, but I'm thinking yesterday's attendees all rate higher. Again, with all due respect: I think Chris O'Dowd is charming, Steven Frears is a very talented director and have no opinion on Ben Foster but he's been in some movies I've watched.

Ooh! Secret hidden mystery camera is mysterious. (All of a sudden the huge security presence and lockdown makes complete sense...)

Ooh! Secret hidden mystery camera is mysterious. (All of a sudden the huge security presence and lockdown makes complete sense...)

My first thought was 'Somebody's Ukrainian Bodyguard?' but turns out this is actor Denis Menochet, and he was actually in (among many other things) Quentin Tarantino's 'Inglourious Basterds'

My first thought was 'Somebody's Ukrainian Bodyguard?' but turns out this is actor Denis Menochet, and he was actually in (among many other things) Quentin Tarantino's 'Inglourious Basterds'

Well, thank the MIGHTY Zeus you've kept the crowd under control for Denis Menochet.

Well, thank the MIGHTY Zeus you've kept the crowd under control for Denis Menochet.

I actually really like Chris O'Dowd. Among such things as being in 'The I.T. Crowd' (which I didn't watch as I work in that industry), he was the guy unsuccessfully trying to date Natalie Portman in 'Thor The Dark World'. Coincidentally, I myself am also currently unsuccessfully trying to date Natalie Portman.

I actually really like Chris O'Dowd. Among such things as being in 'The I.T. Crowd' (which I didn't watch as I work in that industry), he was the guy unsuccessfully trying to date Natalie Portman in 'Thor The Dark World'. Coincidentally, I myself am also currently unsuccessfully trying to date Natalie Portman.

"They didn't let you in the pen with the 'true fans'? Well, that sucks...."

"They didn't let you in the pen with the 'true fans'? Well, that sucks...."

"No girls are screaming at me at all. I'm going to be honest...... I'm kind of pleased. Hearing loss is a terrible thing"

"No girls are screaming at me at all. I'm going to be honest...... I'm kind of pleased. Hearing loss is a terrible thing"

This is screenwriter John Hodge, who wrote this screenplay about the uncovering of cyclist Lance Armstrong being a drugs cheat. He (John Hodge, not Lance Armstrong) was nominated for an Oscar for the screenplay for 'Trainspotting' back in 1996.

This is screenwriter John Hodge, who wrote this screenplay about the uncovering of cyclist Lance Armstrong being a drugs cheat. He (John Hodge, not Lance Armstrong) was nominated for an Oscar for the screenplay for 'Trainspotting' back in 1996.

Doing a lovely sidestep the likes former Queensland Rugby League great Steve Renouf would be proud of (and I don't care how obscure that reference is), lead actor Ben Foster side-steps various fans and autograph dealers en route to the red carpet.

Doing a lovely sidestep the likes former Queensland Rugby League great Steve Renouf would be proud of (and I don't care how obscure that reference is), lead actor Ben Foster side-steps various fans and autograph dealers en route to the red carpet.

Ben Foster glares at me, defying me to call either him or Lance Armstrong (the character/real life athlete he plays in the film) a drug cheat, a bad person, or even somebody whose lack of a tie right now is anything less than an awesome fashion choice.

Ben Foster glares at me, defying me to call either him or Lance Armstrong (the character/real life athlete he plays in the film) a drug cheat, a bad person, or even somebody whose lack of a tie right now is anything less than an awesome fashion choice.

Spotted - two small 'X's on Ben Foster's right index finger. Not sure what it means, but isn't there a British indie pop band called 'The XX'? Or maybe he's a REAL fan of Final Fantasy XIII (please feel free to enjoy my even more obscure reference).

Spotted - two small 'X's on Ben Foster's right index finger. Not sure what it means, but isn't there a British indie pop band called 'The XX'? Or maybe he's a REAL fan of Final Fantasy XIII (please feel free to enjoy my even more obscure reference).

"So many facebook profile pictures to choose from..."

"So many facebook profile pictures to choose from..."

"wait... is that guy famous? Because I can change the colour of the wig by remote if necessary"

"wait... is that guy famous? Because I can change the colour of the wig by remote if necessary"

Director Stephen Frears' tie is pretty awesome (and cropped out by poor composition by me in this image) - but independently of that, he's been nominated for two Oscars - for directing 'The Grifters (1990)' and 'The Queen' (the one with Helen Mirren) in 2006. In addition, he directed the pretty great 'Philomena' from a few years back AND the somewhat fondly remembered John Cusack rom-com 'High Fidelity'. And I do like the tie.

Director Stephen Frears' tie is pretty awesome (and cropped out by poor composition by me in this image) - but independently of that, he's been nominated for two Oscars - for directing 'The Grifters (1990)' and 'The Queen' (the one with Helen Mirren) in 2006. In addition, he directed the pretty great 'Philomena' from a few years back AND the somewhat fondly remembered John Cusack rom-com 'High Fidelity'. And I do like the tie.

'Check it out : full HD!!" Meanwhile, security chief at right is probably downgrading the number of people they'll allow at tomorrow's premiere to just five or six. Maybe less if any of them are above average height or weight.

'Check it out : full HD!!"
Meanwhile, security chief at right is probably downgrading the number of people they'll allow at tomorrow's premiere to just five or six. Maybe less if any of them are above average height or weight.

"Any chance of a sequel to 'The Queen'? They could call it... I don't know... 'Still The Queen"?'

"Any chance of a sequel to 'The Queen'? They could call it... I don't know... 'Still The Queen"?'

So... that was a premiere. But it's London Film Festival, so there'll be more. Pretty much one per day until next Sunday (and weirdly there's already one scheduled for the Monday after that). I'll see what I can do, and what security will let people get away with. Maybe cardboard cutouts with cameras around their necks that can be remotely triggered. If I'm that lucky. And it's another entry for My Archive Of Movie Premieres, with over 300 there now.

Until next time!

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