30 Apr - The premiere for 'Safe'

Back when Trey Parker and Matt Stone made "Team America World Police" they claimed that Alec Baldwin was the greatest actor In The World. Now, that served a comedic purpose, sure, but had they thought about it, they would almost certainly have felt very silly having forgotten about one man.

Jason Statham.

But I hadn't forgotten. And, sure, I might have said that after *finally* photographing "Scarlett Johansson" about two weeks ago, it was now Directors Ridley Scott and Chris Nolan who were next most highest on my hit list... but that was only because I knew of the cosmic inevitability of me photographing Statham at the 'Safe' premiere.

Here's how it went down:

"It's like it's in 3D or something....". Between you and me, I need to confess something. I might in the past have given strong indication that I am a virtual doppelganger of James Bond's Daniel Craig. This is only partially true. Jason Statham and I, though? Basically the same person. I'm not saying we are. But I'm just not saying we're not.


"It's like it's in 3D or something....". Between you and me, I need to confess something. I might in the past have given strong indication that I am a virtual doppelganger of James Bond's Daniel Craig. This is only partially true. Jason Statham and I, though? Basically the same person. I'm not saying we are. But I'm just not saying we're not.

"Mike, we're going to need twelve mocha lattes, four capps, two sodas and a dozen bagels, yo" Jason Statham usually gives orders... sometimes he takes them. (It would sound better coming from him)

"Mike, we're going to need twelve mocha lattes, four capps, two sodas and a dozen bagels, yo" Jason Statham usually gives orders... sometimes he takes them. (It would sound better coming from him)

OMG. I am photographing Jason Statham. Or... you know... possibly myself, via a complicated series of mirrors and a remote trigger.

OMG. I am photographing Jason Statham. Or... you know... possibly myself, via a complicated series of mirrors and a remote trigger.

"So my husband is thinking of putting the patio as sort of a wraparound next to the living room, but I think he's being stupid. What do you think?". Jason Statham is not going to be able to shoot his way out of this one...

"So my husband is thinking of putting the patio as sort of a wraparound next to the living room, but I think he's being stupid. What do you think?". Jason Statham is not going to be able to shoot his way out of this one...

BFI Imax has a nice Hanging Gardens of Babylon feel to it. Jason Statham may not know patios, but he (surely) knows about trellises?

BFI Imax has a nice Hanging Gardens of Babylon feel to it. Jason Statham may not know patios, but he (surely) knows about trellises?

Other than Jason Statham (which let's be fair would be more than enough) this premiere had one other attendee - somebody called 'Lucie' who didn't win on X-Factor. That's.... awesome?

Other than Jason Statham (which let's be fair would be more than enough) this premiere had one other attendee - somebody called 'Lucie' who didn't win on X-Factor. That's.... awesome?

"Spelling mistake. Right there. Two of them". Well caught, miss.

"Spelling mistake. Right there. Two of them". Well caught, miss.

I didn't win X-Factor neither. Perhaps I should be the one to console the lady?  I'm sorry... I probably shouldn't be posting any non-Jason Statham shots.

I didn't win X-Factor neither. Perhaps I should be the one to console the lady?  I'm sorry... I probably shouldn't be posting any non-Jason Statham shots.

Flying the flag for white people with receding hairlines since Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels (1998), Jason Statham and to a lesser extent Bruce Willis is a personal inspiration to me.

Flying the flag for white people with receding hairlines since Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels (1998), Jason Statham and to a lesser extent Bruce Willis is a personal inspiration to me.

... has already figured out 9 ways he could kill you using just the SD card in your camera.

... has already figured out 9 ways he could kill you using just the SD card in your camera.

Tectonic Plate movements in the iron jaw of Jason Statham threaten to unleash yet another beaming, glowing grin. But not yet. Those tectonics need a while....

Tectonic Plate movements in the iron jaw of Jason Statham threaten to unleash yet another beaming, glowing grin. But not yet. Those tectonics need a while....

Let's try that again. Unclench jaw, retract teeth, relax muscles..

Let's try that again. Unclench jaw, retract teeth, relax muscles..

Oh, wow. (I hear that when Jason Statham smiles, the Japanese whaling fleet heads back in to port)

Oh, wow. (I hear that when Jason Statham smiles, the Japanese whaling fleet heads back in to port)

"The Death Race prequel was a farce, you hear me? Luke Goss?? LUKE GOSS??" When Jason Statham makes a fair point, it's accompanied by the unspoken equivalent of a head-butt.

"The Death Race prequel was a farce, you hear me? Luke Goss?? LUKE GOSS??" When Jason Statham makes a fair point, it's accompanied by the unspoken equivalent of a head-butt.

One last pose in front of the Press (and Me). And... wow. For me, it's like looking in a mirror (except I usually don't wear a suit)

One last pose in front of the Press (and Me). And... wow. For me, it's like looking in a mirror (except I usually don't wear a suit)

This late arrival could have been anything from an usher to a member of the elite popcorn corp, but given the low attendance I'm inclined to hope he's the director. (I've checked. He's not.)

This late arrival could have been anything from an usher to a member of the elite popcorn corp, but given the low attendance I'm inclined to hope he's the director. (I've checked. He's not.)

... so now I'm just photographing random people in proximity to the red carpet. And a couple of low-slung dividing ropes. Possibly time to go home and pretend to be Jason Statham since there's every chance he's going to be busy for the next couple of hours.

... so now I'm just photographing random people in proximity to the red carpet. And a couple of low-slung dividing ropes. Possibly time to go home and pretend to be Jason Statham since there's every chance he's going to be busy for the next couple of hours.

So... was I disappointed that the premiere had so few attendees? That Statham's beautiful girlfriend Rosie Huntington-Whitely (Transformers III) didn't show up? That I didn't win a free ticket to see the film?

Erm.... have you seen this journal? I photographed *JASON STATHAM* people!!

Good times, and even if I can't promise anything quite so nearly-autobiographically awesome premieres, if you ever want to know when I post one of these journals feel free to follow me on twitter @berndt2_photo or on facebook at premieresdotco.