24 Jul - 'The Man Inside' premiere

July 24th, 2012.

It was only a week ago that I and thousands assembled for the behemoth that was the European Premiere of "The Dark Knight Rises" which was pretty awesome. I've since watched the movie and... eh. Maybe I'll save the critique for a more alcohol-filled rant.

Anyway, to come down from a MEGA premiere is always difficult, but it has to be done. Hence my unaccountable presence at the small premiere for a ?boxing? movie called "The Man Inside". (Not to be mistaken for the Spike Lee movie "The Inside Man")

Here's how it went down...

A nondescript but certainly not unpretty TV presenter prior to the premiere gets this journal underway (and with my skillz at complimenting The Ladiez (as well as my insistence on calling them The Ladiez), it's hard to believe I'm still single, no?)

A nondescript but certainly not unpretty TV presenter prior to the premiere gets this journal underway (and with my skillz at complimenting The Ladiez (as well as my insistence on calling them The Ladiez), it's hard to believe I'm still single, no?)

This lady, on the other hand, is a remarkable Scarlett Johansson lookalike. I'm unable to determine her identity from inside the cinema, or through the heat haze.

This lady, on the other hand, is a remarkable Scarlett Johansson lookalike. I'm unable to determine her identity from inside the cinema, or through the heat haze.

Premiere setup. Not pictured (because it's not visible) the sheer sweltering heat of the un-airconditioned lobby of the Vue Cinema. Well done, whoever was event managing this shoddy production. The media rep had to end up talking to the POPCORN MAN to see if he could deal with it.

Premiere setup. Not pictured (because it's not visible) the sheer sweltering heat of the un-airconditioned lobby of the Vue Cinema. Well done, whoever was event managing this shoddy production. The media rep had to end up talking to the POPCORN MAN to see if he could deal with it.

This is not Brian Cranston. He's Peter Mullan, and he was in Steven Spielberg's "Warhorse" (he played the father of the original owner of the horse). He's apparently just been reminded of that fact, which he may have forgotten because it's like a frikkin inferno with the aircon off in a confined space.

This is not Brian Cranston. He's Peter Mullan, and he was in Steven Spielberg's "Warhorse" (he played the father of the original owner of the horse). He's apparently just been reminded of that fact, which he may have forgotten because it's like a frikkin inferno with the aircon off in a confined space.

"I believe RnB star Nelly said it best: 'It's Gettin Hot In He-ah... so...' .. I'm trying to remember the next line.." I believe not-Brian-Cranston might actually have a better chatup line for the ladiez than I do.

"I believe RnB star Nelly said it best: 'It's Gettin Hot In He-ah... so...' .. I'm trying to remember the next line.." I believe not-Brian-Cranston might actually have a better chatup line for the ladiez than I do.

"Peter Mullan wants me to take off all mah clothes?" This is Lenox Kambaba, who has no major movie credits to his name thus far, but the tie is great, the suit is sharp, and the focus is intense.

"Peter Mullan wants me to take off all mah clothes?" This is Lenox Kambaba, who has no major movie credits to his name thus far, but the tie is great, the suit is sharp, and the focus is intense.

Ma$$ive K Is In Da Hizz!! (I have no idea who this guy is, but I'd like to trademark the rap name 'Ma$$ive K')

Ma$$ive K Is In Da Hizz!! (I have no idea who this guy is, but I'd like to trademark the rap name 'Ma$$ive K')

I also don't know who this guy is. Which is a pity because...

I also don't know who this guy is. Which is a pity because...

... I'd be able to identify him in what I'm calling quite an artistic shot with intriguing background and considerable atmosphere. I like this position. Which is a pity because in about two minutes I'm going to lose it because....

... I'd be able to identify him in what I'm calling quite an artistic shot with intriguing background and considerable atmosphere. I like this position. Which is a pity because in about two minutes I'm going to lose it because....

....All of a sudden some big-fish-in-a-small-pond-a55hole calling himself the 'Event Manager' at this shamble of a premiere decides that a civilised two-deep crowd neatly arranged behind a rope-divide inside a cinema is too much of an affront to the occasion and might risk popcorn sales (so is not having aircon at your premiere, moron). Bottom line - we civilians were turfed out of the cinema and onto the street.

And by the way? Not only were we not getting in the way, but our presence meant that the media could film and photograph fans' interaction with the stars INSIDE, something they couldn't do with all the fans outside. One of the people in our group pointed this out to the self-styled 'Event Manager' and he muttered "That wasn't cleared with me". DUDE, THAT'S BECAUSE YOU WERE TOO BUSY PLAYING SOLITAIRE IN YOUR OFFICE to interact with the Media, or be present at the event, or to observe what was going on, until AFTER the premiere had started.... (so it's not always glitz and glamour in other words).

So now I'm out on the mean streets of Leicester Square. No barriers. No carpet. No security. Just stars getting mobbed by fans, autograph dealers, and passersby. I wonder whether, if there *had* been a competent Event Manager in charge, that kinda 5hit might have been avoided. (Anyway, this guys is Ashley Thomas. He seems nice!)

So now I'm out on the mean streets of Leicester Square. No barriers. No carpet. No security. Just stars getting mobbed by fans, autograph dealers, and passersby. I wonder whether, if there *had* been a competent Event Manager in charge, that kinda 5hit might have been avoided. (Anyway, this guys is Ashley Thomas. He seems nice!)

This is somebody from Eastenders. No idea who, I don't watch the show.

This is somebody from Eastenders. No idea who, I don't watch the show.

My new position now involves shooting through glass (because what am I going to do... go home?), which my camera's autofocus is hating, but whatever. This is Jason Maza. His name may not ring many bells in Hollywood, but I've photographed him previously at premieres for "Outside Bet" and he was in but I missed him at "Demons Never Die". I hope he wins an Oscar, and the event manager at this thing gets demoted to soft-drink syrup maintenance co-ordinator. SECOND class.

My new position now involves shooting through glass (because what am I going to do... go home?), which my camera's autofocus is hating, but whatever. This is Jason Maza. His name may not ring many bells in Hollywood, but I've photographed him previously at premieres for "Outside Bet" and he was in but I missed him at "Demons Never Die". I hope he wins an Oscar, and the event manager at this thing gets demoted to soft-drink syrup maintenance co-ordinator. SECOND class.

The lovely Michelle Ryan arrives, and, yeah. I can see how an event manager might want to remove two dozen people from INSIDE a cinema to add to the crowd *outside* the cinema that's already mobbing stars as they arrive because there's no barriers because some retarded event manager didn't feel the need. Well done, sir. Bah. In vague theories, some of these people may have showered in the past day, but I'm not putting the percentage at 100%. But who wants to separate civilians from stars, I guess?

The lovely Michelle Ryan arrives, and, yeah. I can see how an event manager might want to remove two dozen people from INSIDE a cinema to add to the crowd *outside* the cinema that's already mobbing stars as they arrive because there's no barriers because some retarded event manager didn't feel the need. Well done, sir. Bah. In vague theories, some of these people may have showered in the past day, but I'm not putting the percentage at 100%. But who wants to separate civilians from stars, I guess?

Michelle Ryan is about to leave the dry heat outside for the humid heat of the inside. That's the price of fame...

Michelle Ryan is about to leave the dry heat outside for the humid heat of the inside. That's the price of fame...

Michelle Ryan starred in the brief and ill-fated six-episode remake of "The Bionic Woman", and has also been in many TV shows I haven't watched and numerous movies I also haven't watched. Photographed her at a movie awards once, though. My life is so glamorous...

Michelle Ryan starred in the brief and ill-fated six-episode remake of "The Bionic Woman", and has also been in many TV shows I haven't watched and numerous movies I also haven't watched. Photographed her at a movie awards once, though. My life is so glamorous...

Probably the best I was able to take from outside.

Probably the best I was able to take from outside.

Michelle Ryan and Ashley Thomas pose for the assembled press photographers and my camera says "no thanks" to focussing through glass that has flashes going every which way.

Michelle Ryan and Ashley Thomas pose for the assembled press photographers and my camera says "no thanks" to focussing through glass that has flashes going every which way.

.... and how we all laughed at this supposed premiere. No more til after the Olympics now. Thanks, Vue West End. Hope your next event is a kiddie birthday party for the 'House of 1000 Corpses' sequel mother & child matinee screening.

.... and how we all laughed at this supposed premiere. No more til after the Olympics now. Thanks, Vue West End. Hope your next event is a kiddie birthday party for the 'House of 1000 Corpses' sequel mother & child matinee screening.

So... that's another one. Sorry about the whining, but I had to let it be known that these things aren't effortless, glamorous and the easiest thing in the world to be at. Also, I kind of had to go to this one (and stay when it became stupid) because now there are no premieres for the next few weeks. I hear London is hosting some global advertising event masquerading as a sports carnival. They're calling it 'The Olympics'?

Still, it's another for "The Archive of Movie Premieres"

Until next time!

By the way, if you ever want to know when I post one of these journals feel free to follow me on twitter @berndt2_photo or on facebook at premieresdotco.