16 Nov - The 'Twilight Breaking Dawn part1' premiere

Okay, so .... I'm a guy. As a consequence, while I may have watched and *cough* maybe even read some or all of Stephanie Meyer's Twilight books, I would not necessarily class myself as a fan. However, I am a photographer at heart and I do love events, and so what if I usually get up at 5am to get to work? There's nothing stopping me from getting up at FOUR A.M. and zipping by Westfields Stratford to join the queues of people wanting wristbands for entry to the premiere that evening, get one, go back to work, and then head back out there by about 3pm and I'll be in place.

And that's totally cool, right? The fact that I'm still single has nothing to do specifically with these kinds of life choices, right?

Anyway, how could that possibly be a bad plan against up to 2000 people who are single enough, lonely enough, young enough or unemployed enough to step out of the wristband queue straight into the 'line up here for 9am fan area access' queue.... assuming my life is about photography. Here's how that decision worked out:

They call it *Breaking Dawn*, but from experience Breaking Dawn is when you had to line up for wristbands to this thing. Breaking Dusk, as pictured, means there's still another 2 hours of so of waiting for the stars to arrive. (I make it sound like a chore - in fact my iPod had a considerable charge and the screaming hadn't started yet)

They call it *Breaking Dawn*, but from experience Breaking Dawn is when you had to line up for wristbands to this thing. Breaking Dusk, as pictured, means there's still another 2 hours of so of waiting for the stars to arrive. (I make it sound like a chore - in fact my iPod had a considerable charge and the screaming hadn't started yet)

The ceiling mounted TVs in our area showed the quirky white carpet layout they had going. The stars would arrive at the top left, and worked their way around to the top of the right branch where the escalators leading up into Westfield were, along with another long length of white carpeting. THAT'S where I was (apparently you can walk the length in 3 minutes. It took the stars 90. But I'm getting ahead of myself)

The ceiling mounted TVs in our area showed the quirky white carpet layout they had going. The stars would arrive at the top left, and worked their way around to the top of the right branch where the escalators leading up into Westfield were, along with another long length of white carpeting. THAT'S where I was (apparently you can walk the length in 3 minutes. It took the stars 90. But I'm getting ahead of myself)

So this was the interior configuration of the event - that's where I was. The green wristbands gaining entry had the Twilight logo and a number. Mine was Number 535 but most of the people up here were in the 1300-1700s. What does that mean?

So this was the interior configuration of the event - that's where I was. The green wristbands gaining entry had the Twilight logo and a number. Mine was Number 535 but most of the people up here were in the 1300-1700s. What does that mean?

These fans waited out in the cold for days to see their hero "K-Stew" (?). Ironically, indoors it was so warm that I ultimately took off both my jacket and jumper and stood around in a t-shirt, sweltering.

These fans waited out in the cold for days to see their hero "K-Stew" (?). Ironically, indoors it was so warm that I ultimately took off both my jacket and jumper and stood around in a t-shirt, sweltering.

I guess Twilight Changing Your Life also means never having to consider whether waving a giant sign in front of people who have been queueing and waiting for hours makes you an selfish a55hole or not. (That said, she's jealous of Jacob's abs. Fair call... isn't everyone?).

I guess Twilight Changing Your Life also means never having to consider whether waving a giant sign in front of people who have been queueing and waiting for hours makes you an selfish a55hole or not. (That said, she's jealous of Jacob's abs. Fair call... isn't everyone?).

Two of the fans as they start playing trailers and video clips from the soundtrack on the overhead TVs. One has a rapturous expression and the other appears to have brought red contacts for the occasion. I'm feeling mildly alarmed, here...

Two of the fans as they start playing trailers and video clips from the soundtrack on the overhead TVs. One has a rapturous expression and the other appears to have brought red contacts for the occasion. I'm feeling mildly alarmed, here...

The Three Stars Arrive! Incredibly, less than 24 hours ago they'd been at the LA Premiere. I decided to grab a shot of the TV screen just in case this was as good a view as I ever got of them. The update from the crowd : people were behaving themselves, but with another 90 minutes for anticipation to build, I figured the estrogen in the hall might erupt. In the bad way.

The Three Stars Arrive! Incredibly, less than 24 hours ago they'd been at the LA Premiere. I decided to grab a shot of the TV screen just in case this was as good a view as I ever got of them. The update from the crowd : people were behaving themselves, but with another 90 minutes for anticipation to build, I figured the estrogen in the hall might erupt. In the bad way.

I... really don't know what to say.

I... really don't know what to say.

For no readily apparent reason (except, perhaps, the obvious... however improbable), Tennis player Novak Djokovich turned up and was interviewed. Other stars not in the film using the premiere as a pretext for raising their own personal profile were singer Pixie Lott, Holly Valance, Formula 1's Jenson Button, a couple of girl bands and TV presenters, and about half the competitors of this season's X-Factor.

For no readily apparent reason (except, perhaps, the obvious... however improbable), Tennis player Novak Djokovich turned up and was interviewed. Other stars not in the film using the premiere as a pretext for raising their own personal profile were singer Pixie Lott, Holly Valance, Formula 1's Jenson Button, a couple of girl bands and TV presenters, and about half the competitors of this season's X-Factor.

The film's Director. Surname's Condon. And I have nothing funny to say about that : safe s-x-e is important, people.

The film's Director. Surname's Condon. And I have nothing funny to say about that : safe s-x-e is important, people.

One of the pre-teen girls on my side of the barriers went absolutely b8tsh1t conniption seizure mad when this 'Tom' showed up. Turns out he's from the band McFly. Hilariously, it seems that the dude on the right isn't immune to this Tom guy's charms either!

One of the pre-teen girls on my side of the barriers went absolutely b8tsh1t conniption seizure mad when this 'Tom' showed up. Turns out he's from the band McFly. Hilariously, it seems that the dude on the right isn't immune to this Tom guy's charms either!

It's now been about an hour since the premiere started, and apparently R-Patz, T-Lautz and K-Stewz are STILL signing autographs and doing interviews outside. Upstairs in the high altitude/high humidity/ high anticipation section, we have our first actor from the film. Jamie Campbell-Bower plays one of the minor vampires, but he's a local so he still gets cheers. And his hair, as always, is sublime.

It's now been about an hour since the premiere started, and apparently R-Patz, T-Lautz and K-Stewz are STILL signing autographs and doing interviews outside. Upstairs in the high altitude/high humidity/ high anticipation section, we have our first actor from the film. Jamie Campbell-Bower plays one of the minor vampires, but he's a local so he still gets cheers. And his hair, as always, is sublime.

I've got nothing. I'm neither Team Edward nor Team Jacob: I've decided I'm TEAM VOLTURI! ('Go the Blue Bloods!!'). Farq... I just attempted a Twilight joke. I suspect I must be dehydrating or something.

I've got nothing. I'm neither Team Edward nor Team Jacob: I've decided I'm TEAM VOLTURI! ('Go the Blue Bloods!!'). Farq... I just attempted a Twilight joke. I suspect I must be dehydrating or something.

"And it's all yours for $19.95. Can I take some orders, then?" Jamie Campbell-Bower, broadly speaking, enjoys the gravy train.

"And it's all yours for $19.95. Can I take some orders, then?" Jamie Campbell-Bower, broadly speaking, enjoys the gravy train.

Another guest, and it's another vampire. Honestly... I'm yet to see a single good looking werewolf in this whole damn series. So... pick your side, ugly peoples!.

Another guest, and it's another vampire. Honestly... I'm yet to see a single good looking werewolf in this whole damn series. So... pick your side, ugly peoples!.

Kristen Stewart doesn't care how long I've been waiting to see one of the major stars of this film...

Kristen Stewart doesn't care how long I've been waiting to see one of the major stars of this film...

It's now been ninety minutes since this thing started, and I exaggerate only mildly when I say that after a cavalcade of irrelevant celebrities, *something happens* and screaming starts. All of a sudden, an entourage of six all-but goosestepping security guards usher, surround, serve and protect Kristen Stewart and rush past all the screaming fans to some unknown destination or appointment. Wtf? Was that IT?

Had that been it, this would have been the only barely-unblurry shot of her on the night. Potential tragedy in the making.

Had that been it, this would have been the only barely-unblurry shot of her on the night. Potential tragedy in the making.

Things go from bad to worse - here's my only shot of Taylor Lautner zipping past. (Oh, and some security guard's neck fat, if you're a fan of that).

Things go from bad to worse - here's my only shot of Taylor Lautner zipping past. (Oh, and some security guard's neck fat, if you're a fan of that).

OMG IT'S RPATZ!!!!!!!!!!! SCREAM LIKE IT'LL BURST HIS EARDRUMS, FORCING HIM TO STOP WITH THE PAIN!!!! (I suspect this may have been the strategy). As it turns out he didn't stop, but moved over the a photography podium in the far back.

OMG IT'S RPATZ!!!!!!!!!!! SCREAM LIKE IT'LL BURST HIS EARDRUMS, FORCING HIM TO STOP WITH THE PAIN!!!! (I suspect this may have been the strategy). As it turns out he didn't stop, but moved over the a photography podium in the far back.

So to summarise the state of play right now : this premiere, after (insert) hours of waiting, is looking like it will end in tears. (NO, NOT MINE!) (well... maybe just a few of mine...)

Way off in the distance, between peoples' heads and around other peoples' heads / posters / signs / mobile phones... I manage to get a long-range shot of R-Patz, teeth gleaming, as the trio are photographed against a backing wall. Is that it, then? Are they going to head for the cinema....?

Way off in the distance, between peoples' heads and around other peoples' heads / posters / signs / mobile phones... I manage to get a long-range shot of R-Patz, teeth gleaming, as the trio are photographed against a backing wall. Is that it, then? Are they going to head for the cinema....?

Oh, look. It's another shot of R-Patz. I'm sorry Team Edward people but right now I can't muster any enthusiasm for photographing a guy I've photographed before while the one person of the Three Majors has been marched past me by a security detail usually seen in the company of South American Dictators or their Hit Squads.

Oh, look. It's another shot of R-Patz. I'm sorry Team Edward people but right now I can't muster any enthusiasm for photographing a guy I've photographed before while the one person of the Three Majors has been marched past me by a security detail usually seen in the company of South American Dictators or their Hit Squads.

Against all odds (or alternatively under the strict orders), Kristen Stewart has eturned to the public area!! Screaming re-intensifies. I've got my iPod turned up to maximum but it can't compare with this noise.

Against all odds (or alternatively under the strict orders), Kristen Stewart has eturned to the public area!! Screaming re-intensifies. I've got my iPod turned up to maximum but it can't compare with this noise.

And she's brought a friend! Awww.. that's almost sweet. And saves me from having to admit sheepishly to any Team Jacob people out there that Taylor Lautner walked right past me and I never snapped a (proper) shot!

And she's brought a friend! Awww.. that's almost sweet. And saves me from having to admit sheepishly to any Team Jacob people out there that Taylor Lautner walked right past me and I never snapped a (proper) shot!

Oh, good. Because I just can't get enough of these moody, brooding, artfully obscured-and-blocked-by-everyone-and-everything shots...

Oh, good. Because I just can't get enough of these moody, brooding, artfully obscured-and-blocked-by-everyone-and-everything shots...

"Ummm... hi. Not sure why they chose to make me the spokesperson for this thing."  WOW! All three stars AND the director have assembled on the stage/ pergola/ marriage-tent-thing... and it goes without saying that I am not in the front two rows of fans, and the people holding up cell phones, SLRs, point-and-shoots and in one case a freaking IPAD are obstructing views. Awesome. I'm going to call this kind of unintentional blur "ART" everytime it happens..

"Ummm... hi. Not sure why they chose to make me the spokesperson for this thing."  WOW! All three stars AND the director have assembled on the stage/ pergola/ marriage-tent-thing... and it goes without saying that I am not in the front two rows of fans, and the people holding up cell phones, SLRs, point-and-shoots and in one case a freaking IPAD are obstructing views. Awesome. I'm going to call this kind of unintentional blur "ART" everytime it happens..

.. and then the most remarkably unexpected rendition of 'Always Look On The Bright Side Of Life' took place. I don't know what to say... acapella is always a surprise when it happens.

.. and then the most remarkably unexpected rendition of 'Always Look On The Bright Side Of Life' took place. I don't know what to say... acapella is always a surprise when it happens.

"And Iiiiiiiiiiiiiii will always love... seriously, none of you are joining in and singing? Damnit..."

"And Iiiiiiiiiiiiiii will always love... seriously, none of you are joining in and singing? Damnit..."

"And then he was like *grrrr* and I was like *eeee!* and he was like *grrrr* again. Anyway, why have me summarise the film: go see it, people! If you can camp out for two days just to see us you can spend a couple of quid on movie tickets"

"And then he was like *grrrr* and I was like *eeee!* and he was like *grrrr* again. Anyway, why have me summarise the film: go see it, people! If you can camp out for two days just to see us you can spend a couple of quid on movie tickets"

"Thanks for the sales pitch. I'll take it from here, babes"

"Thanks for the sales pitch. I'll take it from here, babes"

"So to summarise the plot, I get the girl in the movie *and* in real life, while my friend to my left gets nothing, and then ultimately in the story he falls in love with..... "

"So to summarise the plot, I get the girl in the movie *and* in real life, while my friend to my left gets nothing, and then ultimately in the story he falls in love with..... "

"... (earth-shattering, mind-blowing, logic-defying and more than a little creepy spoiler removed)..."

"... (earth-shattering, mind-blowing, logic-defying and more than a little creepy spoiler removed)..."

"Yes, I have also read the book, and that spoiler summary is accurate." As have I and... holy 5hit..

"Yes, I have also read the book, and that spoiler summary is accurate." As have I and... holy 5hit..

The coolest non-standard Kristen Stewart pose I managed to capture at the event. I do believe she is plotting a heist followed by a murder! Enchanting.... honestly? There's something about Kristen Stewart that I like. Not sure what it is, not sure if it's rational, but whatever. I can't compete with R-Patz...

The coolest non-standard Kristen Stewart pose I managed to capture at the event. I do believe she is plotting a heist followed by a murder! Enchanting.... honestly? There's something about Kristen Stewart that I like. Not sure what it is, not sure if it's rational, but whatever. I can't compete with R-Patz...

Move, damn you T-Lautz! I mean... "ART"

Move, damn you T-Lautz! I mean... "ART"

Totally "ART". I believe I was shooting through three different devices being held up high-and-blind by their owners while trying to manually compose. I do try...

Totally "ART". I believe I was shooting through three different devices being held up high-and-blind by their owners while trying to manually compose. I do try...

"What do you mean, WHY? Haven't you been WATCHING the last three films, dude? BECAUSE SHE DOESN'T LOVE YOU"

"What do you mean, WHY? Haven't you been WATCHING the last three films, dude? BECAUSE SHE DOESN'T LOVE YOU"

"Anyway, talk to the hand. R-Patz out" (or something)

"Anyway, talk to the hand. R-Patz out" (or something)

"Yes, he refers to himself as R-Patz in the third person" Kristen Stewart pulls out yet another pose straight from the movie poster or novel adaptation. (Thanks!) (Also : "ART")

"Yes, he refers to himself as R-Patz in the third person" Kristen Stewart pulls out yet another pose straight from the movie poster or novel adaptation. (Thanks!) (Also : "ART")


Okay, one more:

Kristen Stewart's security detail are both very tall AND she's very short. (She's probably saying something like "Y'all better not forge my signature on my bank loans, yeah?".

Kristen Stewart's security detail are both very tall AND she's very short. (She's probably saying something like "Y'all better not forge my signature on my bank loans, yeah?".

So... that was that. Saved at the last minute. Yay. I'm tired now. Goodnight.

Until next time!

And Hell, yeah, it goes into The Archive Of Movie Premieres... I didn't suffer through that for nothing... I think. (I'm sitting here in 2014 typing this and I'm not entirely so sure about it now...)

By the way, if you ever want to know when I post one of these journals feel free to follow me on twitter @berndt2_photo or on facebook at premieresdotco.