2 Mar - The Shouting Men Premiere

March 2nd, 2010.

I'm sitting here in 2014 having never actually done a journal for this premiere, which I went to a mere four (4) days before heading off skiing, then taking a month off to travel around Europe before taking another month off to travel around Japan before moving back to Australia.

There is a reason why, no matter how bad my memories of the Alice In Wonderland premiere were, I didn't really feel like dignifying this premiere with the status of "my last ever premiere" because (a) it was a movie about soccer, (b) that I'd never heard of, (c) attended by nobody I'd ever heard of, (d) for a film that I've never heard anything about since its premiere (I just checked its imdb score... 4.9!)... and then within five months I actually WAS at a premiere... in Sydney, Australia, that blew this one out of the water.

But I can look back at it now with a little fleeting fondness, and revisit it, and edit the photos for the first time (without using photoshops to straighten horizons, even)... and create that missing journal.

Here's how it went down..

The carpet was dumped by the entrance with 'care'.... so I guess this qualifies it as a premiere, even if Yellow Cap Guy is (sadly) not in attendance for my final London premiere before I ship out back to Convict Land (via

"She be a fine carpet. I say we don't let a soul walk upon her..."

Not so much a Johnny Depp-sized premiere, then...

Can't tell if famous, but walking on carpet means you've got access (unless security charge and crash-tackle you).

This? Wireimage informs me is P.H.Moriarty, and PJ Moriarty? imdb informs me, is an actor who has had roles in such diverse films as Lock, Stock & Two Smoking Barrels and Jaws 3-D... well... wow. All these years I'd assumed he'd been a player for Gillingham FC, the club whose fans the movie is about.

Much more exciting (perhaps) than him not being a football / soccer player OR in this movie for which he's attending the premiere... wikipedia doesn't actually tell you what the letters "P" and "H" in "P.H.Moriarty" stand for... and imdb will only provide that the "P" is for "Patrick". So... any guesses as to the "H"? I refuse to do any research on this, as the solving of the mystery will remove 'the magic'.

We now move on to the random 'we're here to entertain you as part of the promotion activity for this film' segment of the premiere. I already pre-emptively miss DJ Impact, who will show up later in these journals as a rapper/emcee whose job it is to hype up the crowds at premieres. Still.. soccerball juggling beats.... staring at a bit of uncarpeted ground for ten minutes.... I guess.

P.H.Moriarty returns and brings accompaniment : the guy from earlier, who is now revealed to be "Sir Geoff Hurst". Off to wikipedia I go, then... (as for straightening that horizon like somebody with pride in their photography? NEVER!)

I've crushed that composition if I do say so myself, and in addition to this, wikipedia reveals that SIR Geoffrey Hurst is a former soccer player who remains the only person to score a Hat-Trick in a world cup final, doing so in England's 1966 victory over West Germany. That makes him a pretty big deal, then... however I'm both just German-born enough to be kind of 'meh'... and very much Australian-enough to both (a) insist on calling the sport 'soccer' and (b) not caring overmuch. Still... well played (44 years ago), Sir (SIR).

"Hector? Helios? Hernandez?...... Helmut???"
"No, not Helmut"
"Pity."

I think you'll acknowledge that it's highly necessary for me to fulfill my 'minimum one female quotient' requirement I just initiated... and I'm pretty confident that this is one. Wireimage identifies her as Lara Lewington, and that's really all I need at this point.

"Guys? I'm going to take a read on the vibe of this premiere and say outright : I don't think we should be Shouting Men tonight". An entirely quiet Paparazzi box would be quite a unique development...

"Guys? I'm thinking we might have been hasty in judging the vibe". Time to become Shouting Men, Men. (Start with "over your left shoulder, daaaaaarling". That often seems to work)

I don't know who this is, and for imdb this is such a small movie that not even the director's bio has a photo. So until I'm told otherwise, I'm proclaiming this man Director Steve Kelly. Oh, and the lady in the prior photo is "Millie Clode" in case you're interested. Wikipedia informs me she got married in February 2011, so if you're going to time travel back to March 2010, you might still have a chance)

Please don't get briefly excited and then disappointed when I note that this attendee is positively identified as "Billy Murray". That's... BILLY MURRAY, not the more famous BILL MURRAY, who was in Ghostbusters and The Fantastic Mr Fox.

I'm actually mildly impressed that beyond the soccer-skillz dudez from above, there was actually a secondary promotional element to this premiere : girls with Wicked Witch Of The East socks and tops with "The Shouting Men" printed on them. It's the third thing I noticed after the Ben&Jerry and Pepsi signs.. but then I'm not that observant.

And so... for the first time EVER, this premiere is acknowledged and WILL be part of the Archive of Movie Premieres, complete with a link.

And because I'm sitting here in 2014 and know that this is NOT the end, I kind of CAN do what I wouldn't have done back in March 2010, and concluded this journal with...

... until next time (in Sydney!)

PS. If you want to know whenever I post a new premiere journal, feel free to follow me on twitter @berndt2_photo or on facebook at premieres.co

25 Feb - The 'Alice In Wonderland (2010)' World Premiere

February 25th, 2010.

After THE BAFTAs on Sunday, there was still one more BIG premiere to look forward to: the World Premiere for ‘Alice in Wonderland’, directed by Tim Burton. With Johnny Depp expected AND Royalty expected AND rain expected AND crowds expected AND the pressure of it being more or less my last big hurrah in Leicester Square, this was always going to be a tough ask.

In the end, it wasn’t the best of times… but I suppose I’ve had several worse. Fans of Johnny Depp and Fine Photography might need to seek consolation elsewhere, as the two do not really meet in this journal. There are two shots, though, that I'm calling 'recognisable'...

But here’s how it went down:

I’d dropped by at lunchtime to see how the crowd situation was shaping up, and it was about as you'd expect for a Royal World Premiere. Specifically not good for anyone still needing to do another three or four hours in the office before being able to try to find a place (eek!). And Yellow Cap Guy, sadly, was not there at all. Ominous.

Helena Bonham Carter's rider was getting more and more ridiculous...

Tim Burton’s topiary suppliers score another win for sheer engineering bravado. (But what *IS* it? Mutant sea-turtle pelican hybrid?)

This being a Tim Burton film, you could literally have anything from a giant kettle to a table lamp and it would be just as plausibly relevant. Here? A llama. Outstanding! One of the few things I was able to see from my eventual spot about six back in line

I like to think one of these two really IS Johnny Depp, here early to jam with the fans to pass the time before the event. (In fact, this theory is sufficiently compelling that I’m going to run with it. He’s the one on the right, I have decided)

You've probably realised by now that I'm showing a lot more photos from before the premiere than usual. Yeah, there's a reason for that. Still you have to concede that this movie poster is prettier than the Johnny Depp one with the face paint and the orange and the contact lenses and the freakish grin. (Your taste may vary, of course)

Several hours later, and we begin, with me about six rows back on a stool (since banned) that can clear heads and handheld cameras but not umbrellas.... the premiere begins..

Rain. Mist. Clouds. Crowds. Fog. Umbrellas. Is this how my London premiere career ends? (Answer : no... there's one more premiere after this but it's so small I originally didn't even give it a journal. Plus the premiere of Wall Street 2 Money Never Sleeps" was scheduled for the day I flew back from Stockholm over a month from now... but that never happened. But then... other things did)

.And here's Tim Burton, one of those directors where no matter how freaky the movie is, you really have nobody to blame but yourself if you don’t like it. For every Batman there’s a Mars Attacks, and for every Edward Scissorhands there’s a Planet of the Apes remake. Visually, though, you're guaranteed a quirky ol' time.

I like to think that if you found somebody who’d watched the films of, but didn’t actually know what Tim Burton looked like, and you showed them this photo, they’d nod and say that’s pretty much exactly what they thought he’d look like

Helena Bonham-Carter plays the Red Queen in the film. I just watched the trailer and … yeah… she really did shave off her eyebrows for the role! But I'm hoping the flamingoes she plays croquet with were suitably tranquilised. Otherwise that would just be cruel.

Tim Burton, shot around overlapping fans, their mobile phones, their point-and-shoots, their umbrellas, their autograph books and the rain. (They don't give out medals or knighthoods for civilian premiere photography, sadly.)

Okay, Fine. Planet of the Apes wasn’t _that_ bad. (Good closing credits music, at any rate - Danny Elfman rocks!)

Pentax autofocus? Fail = epic! Oh well, it’s not like Anne Hathaway pretty or anything.….

…Oh wait. I’m thinking of Steve Hathaway, a truck driver from Norfolk. Yeah, Anne Hathaway is fairly pretty. Also... rain, huh?

And then Johnny Depp arrived, and my camera (which I’m now *certain* is female) got so excited that she/it totally forgot that she/it can shoot at three frames per second, instead settling for a more devastating… one per second.

And this is the other shot, after which Depp waved, bowed, then walked off to be *awesome* elsewhere. (He’s Johnny Depp. What can I do?)

But feel free to console yourself with a couple of Johnny Depp photos taken last year's premiere of "Public Enemies"

So anyway, back to Anne Hathaway, who is pretty, and starred in “The Devil Wears Prada”. (It’s a film that my sister convinced me to go see with her, and I didn’t object to quite as much as I might have had it not starred Anne Hathaway.)

If you're a guy who hasn't seen The Devil Wears Prada, it bears a striking similarity to Star Wars in some ways... or from a certain point of view.

"Tim Burton also directed a Planet of the Apes film??"

I promise you that if Tim Burton had lingered longer, and Helena Bonham Carter hadn't done her interviews blocked by aides and hangers on, and Mia Wasikowski hadn't arrived later and if Johnny Depp wasn't over there... like... _somewhere_ (points), I'd be posting at lot less photos of Anne Hathaway. (Well... maybe. Have you *SEEN* her recent(sh) GQ cover shot??).

Comedian Matt Lucas plays either Tweedledee or Tweedledum in the film (or both, perhaps – it’s the digital age of cinema, did you know?). I know little about him, but since he did block (yet more!) views of Anne Hathaway, all I can say definitely is that he's not transparent.

... and now he's conspiring to block off even more people? See... now this is just unlucky! (Helena Bonham-Carter and an umbrella handle...)

For no readily apparent reason, former teen singing-sensation and now twentysomething singer Avril Levigne showed up, standing exactly where you might have wanted Johnny Depp to stand earlier. (Come baaaack!).

Actress Mia Wasikowska plays ‘Alice’ in the film. She’s Australian, and…. what, you couldn’t tell by the name?

And now everyone’s posing in that same spot? sigh…

By this time, feeling both wet and despondent, I decided I didn't feel like staying for Prince Charles, so I headed off, but in shifting locations I missed some other stars (d'oh!) and had no way to recover.

So....

I’ll sign off with ‘until next time’ because there’s still theoretically one more premiere I could go to next week before I leave London- a small one with no major stars that I've heard know of. (But I’ll let you know how I go photographing the Picton Rodeo in January 2011, the first big event I’m pencilling in to cover once I’m back in Australia...)

It goes to the top of "The Archive of Movie Premieres"

And, until (one perhaps last) next time!

PS. If you want to know whenever I post a new premiere journal, feel free to follow me on twitter @berndt2_photo or on facebook at premieres.co

11 Feb - The 'Valentines Day' premiere (Alba! Kutcher!)

February 11th, 2010.

So few movie premieres left, so little time. However, there was one in Leicester Square last week, and I’ve waited til the last few hours of Valentines Day to post this. (It’s my kind of symmetry.... )

‘Valentines Day’ has an ensemble cast the size and scope of which is rarely seen these days. It’s the kind where you look at the listing and go ”If none of the three lead females show up, this will be the biggest injustice since Charlize Theron didn’t show up for my last birthday party.”

What seems like moments after the last photo was taken, the sun has plummeted below the horizon and it's pitch-black. It's one thing I won't miss so much when I depart London.

First to arrive is Gary Marshall, who not only created the TV show “Happy Days” (which you're probably too young to remember) but also directed ‘Pretty Woman’, ‘Runaway Bride’, and ‘The Princess Diaries’. So, he’s probably entitled to wear a beret any time he wants.

Actress Demi Moore isn't in the film, but also dropped by as Ashton Kutcher's +1. She didn’t linger long, though – it really wasn’t the weather for it. Basically, unless you were in the movie, or a fan in the crowd, or a meteorologist on a field trip, you'd want to be indoors.

Emma Roberts is the niece of actress Julia Roberts (‘Erin Brokovich’, ‘Pretty Woman’, possibly an uncredited role in ‘Black Hawk Down’... unless I just made that last one up…)

"What the hell is "We're The Millers". If you're time-traveling to London premieres from the future, please don't pollute the timeline by getting stars to sign DVD covers to movies they haven't yet acted in. If you're visiting 2010, why not track down a copy of 'Nancy Drew (2007)'? It won't be easy, but at least there's still HMV stores in London in 2010....

Batman really wanted to earn some money on the side… Check out the chin on the chauffeur, and actress Jessica Alba at the back! Staggering.

Jessica Alba signs autographs, in a dress that just screams ‘hypothermia imminent’. I’d have offered her my jacket, but, you know… security guards and restraining orders and all that.

” If you think this autograph will be recognisable enough to sell on ebay when I can't even feel my arms right now, you're more optimistic than I am”

"Fine... I"ll risk yet more hypothermia by going back and putting a dot on the 'i" in Jessica. Hope you appreciate it..." (I'd be signing everything "J.A" if I was feeling generous... "J" under all other reasonable circumstances, myself).

"I once wore a suit with shoulderpads THIS BIG!!" Ashton Kutcher’s choice of clothing gives you an idea of the kind of weather we're talking about.

Kutcher and Alba, being interviewed. I didn’t catch the questions or the answers, but at least Jessica Alba had put on a coat by then.

Ashton Kutcher looks over his shoulder in a very Kutcher-esque way, while the dude on the right who accompanied Jessica Alba tries but entirely fails to look disconcertingly casual, instead veering into ‘pull out a gun, freaked out’ territory.

Jessica Alba has clearly reached some kind of zen state, while her accompanying guy/dude/security/valet makes yet another amusing face.

… and then the random Jessica Alba Acolyte decides to get his head in the middle of this shot for no reason I can determine. Thanks, man!

To properly do justice to the cool look of serenity on Jessica Alba’s face, I just know it’s going to take me hours to properly edit out the ‘nameless evil’ woman behind her. (Who *are* these people hanging around Jessica Alba?? Couldn't they spoil photos of Topher Grace instead??)

Actor Topher Grace played the lead charcter in the TV series ‘That 70s Show’, which I never watched, and the role of ‘Venom’ in Spiderman3, which I loathed. Still… uh… nice suit, from what I can see of it!

"Spider-Man 3? I barely remember it, if I'm honest. Was Kirsten Dunst kidnapped or endangered by the main bad guy in that one?" Dude... she was kidnapped or endangered by the bad guy in EVERY Spider-Man movie...

Jessica Alba tries to remain calm upon learning that despite playing the character of ‘The Invisible Woman’ in two ‘Fantastic Four’ films, the audience was actually able to see her.

”‘Topher’ is a killer first name and you gotta respect that.”

Actor Hector Elizondo (centre-ish, side/back-lit) played the ?hotel manager? in the film ‘Pretty Woman’ (as well as a doctor in 141 episodes of the TV Drama Chicago Hope, apparently). His film credits date back to the 1960s and ALL I remember him from is a couple of small scenes in Pretty Woman (though again, in my defence, that movie had very few helicopter gunship battles)

I've decided, right here and right now (sort of... I'm typing this in 2014) that if your name is "Hector" I'm always going to make sure you get at least two photos in any premiere journal. A quick look at imdb reveals this should occur very infrequently.

This photo is more about the expression of the lady on the right than the celeb on the left. (Feel free to make up your own back-story, but mine involves a cache of weapons and Robert Downey Jnr.)

Two of the five members of the girl band ‘The Saturdays’ showed up. They were late. Or early, given this was a Thursday (okay, I apologise for this attempt at humour... it was uncalled for).

I don't know who this is.. but I photographed her twice just to make sure.

Although any premiere attended by Jessica Alba is by default a very good premiere, a look at the film poster showing all the major cast members shows why there might have been cause for disappointment. Hey, I'm a MASSIVE Taylor Swift fan.

So… that’s that… and I hope y’all had a happy Valentines Day, whether it involved movies, human interaction or... merely a cup of coffee (or something equally innocuous).

Until one of the few remaining ‘next times’,

Catch ya!

PS. If you want to know whenever I post a new premiere journal, feel free to follow me on twitter @berndt2_photo or on facebook at premieres.co

31 Jan - The 'INVICTUS' premiere

January 31st, 2010.

This premiere was on a Sunday, which is fairly rare. So… I got into London some six hours before the scheduled start time, spent some time at the National Geographic store and about an hour at the National Portrait Gallery, and then had lunch and then… well… what else is there to do in London when there’s a premiere on? I joined the queue. My ipod was charged and it was only about zero degrees, and here’s how it went down:

Needless to say, Yellow Cap Guy was in position well before I was. I went up to him, and as sort of a symbolic 'farewell' gave him some shots I'd taken of him over the past year and a half. He seemed to like them...

‘Invictus’. Some kind of swords-and-sandals Roman epic? Not so much. It’s about Rugby Union, and Clint Eastwood is directing.

”While you’re all waiting, here’s lot 16 for auction. It’s a gravy boat and it’s inscribed with… "Webb Ellis". Apparently he doesn’t want it any more”

Cute security lady. (Matt Damon likes…)

”Yeah, well, Mister Eastwood is just going to have to wait if it comes to that, because I’m about to get a high score on *Ridge Racer*!”

There comes a day when we all must acknowledge that we are unlikely to ever be as cool as Morgan Freeman. For me, today may possibly be that day.

”You beat Tom’s high score on Ridge Racer? Why, that’s fantastic! Wait – I've got some guy here waiting to talk to me. I gotta go”

Reporter : Mister Freeman? What about reports that you’ve been helping to personally arm vigilantes operating outside the law in major metropolitan areas?
Morgan Freeman : You .. uh… do realise that Batman Begins and The Dark Knight were just movies, right?_

”You want me to sign this as ‘Matt Damon’? Sure, no problem” (I have no idea who this guy is).

I think he’s an actor who plays a Rugby Union player in the film. (Alternatively, he may be a Rugby Union player whom an actor plays in the film. I’m not quite sure).

Former South African captain Francois Pienaar, whose part in the movie is played by Matt Damon, scored an invite. (Sadly, Nelson Mandela did not attend)

Morgan Freeman in profile. (It's marginally less cool than Morgan Freeman front-on, but quite a bit cooler than most people from any angle, I feel)

Guy : I’m just saying. I *could* be a superhero. I just gotta have a chat with Morgan Freeman and see if he can make some modifications to my car
Girl : Let’s talk about this at home

Good news for fans of photos of almost all of the side of the face of Matt Damon... I'm almost there!!

(Lady in front) ”I’m not sure what the film is about, actually. I think it’s about Nero or Caligula or Augustus or one of the emperors. A co-worker said it was a Clint Eastwood movie, but *as if*…”

”Some guy got a high score on Ridge Racer? Yeah, I heard – that's excellent news”. Clint Eastwood knows about the importance of these things.

”Sir, I know you and Mr Freeman don’t really do autographs or mix with fans, but there’s a guy who photographs a lot of these premieres, and it would be really funny if the only sharp, face-on shot he got of you all night had you in front of a giant neon cappuccino sign” Yeah. Really funny.

”Seems somebody has already signed this ‘Matt Damon’ .... but sure, I’ll sign it as Morgan Freeman, if you want”

”We all went around calling him *Maaaaatt Daaaaaamon* for the first few days of filming. But he is actually a really nice guy”

"And there's no giant cappucino sign behind me? Well damn... somebody should've told me". (WOO!!)

Ladies and Gentlemen (...mainly ladies, going by the screams) : Mister Matt Damon!

”And they turned me into a marionette who did nothing but say *Maaaaatt Daaaaamon* all the time? Really? Well, that does explain a lot of I’ve been experiencing the last five or six years” Matt Damon will make sure to watch “Team America World Police” at the earliest opportunity.

”Every one of my throws in the film was a forward pass? Damn… that kinda sucks. Still, Morgan Freeman said he’d modify my car so I could be a vigilante back in the ‘States, so I wouldn’t call making the movie a totally wasted experience”

Sigh. There’s still a couple more premieres to go before I leave London and I hope to add each and every one (or at least as many as possible) to “The Archive of Movie Premieres”

Finally, I'd like to leave you with a quote apparently made by Sergeo Leone who cast Clint Eastwood as the lead in the career-building *A fistful of dollars*:

"I needed a mask more than an actor, and Eastwood at the time only had two facial expressions: one with the hat, and one without it"
And that's why, whatever you do in your life that you love... stick with it. Because you CAN IMPROVE!

Until next time!

PS. If you want to know whenever I post a new premiere journal, feel free to follow me on twitter @berndt2_photo or on facebook at premieres.co