13 May - The Jonas Brothers 3D Concert Experience (!) premiere

May 13th, 2009.

Okay, hear me out. I'm not doing this one because I'm a fan, I'm just doing it, like all mountains, for no reasons other than : it's there. To be overcome. To prove I'm tough enough. I've only walked away from one (1) premiere and that was 'Twilight', but I'm keeping at 1.

Also, it's another 'two in two days' premiere situation, with yesterday's "A Night At The Museum Premiere" so I've got the blood-lust happening. There's blood in the water, and the victims' names are Jonas, Jonas, and... the other one. Possibly also called Jonas.

The Jonas Brothers. They're so big even their posters need to be roped off by security. (The deal with the Jonas Brothers appears to be that each is separately about 1/3 of a Zac Efron, but in combination might almost be as 'powerful' though the target market appears to be slightly younger. And I swear I was there mostly in case Taylor Swift showed up..)

The Jonas Brothers. They're so big even their posters need to be roped off by security.

(The deal with the Jonas Brothers appears to be that each is separately about 1/3 of a Zac Efron, but in combination might almost be as 'powerful' though the target market appears to be slightly younger. And I swear I was there mostly in case Taylor Swift showed up..)

And this is the calibre and demographic I'm spending my evening with tonight. I actually think the sign was planted by Disney Execs - it's just little too fake-home-made to my cynical eye. The writing on the palm, though? That's legit. Though the analyst in me says : she'd have to be left-handed or ambidextrous to write so neatly on her right hand.

And this is the calibre and demographic I'm spending my evening with tonight. I actually think the sign was planted by Disney Execs - it's just little too fake-home-made to my cynical eye. The writing on the palm, though? That's legit. Though the analyst in me says : she'd have to be left-handed or ambidextrous to write so neatly on her right hand.

They just showed up and I've already contact from 2 of the 3 Jonas Bros? What do I win, and can I exchange this for a 4million decibel reduction in the volume of screaming girls and the massive sound system behind me pumping out their live concert (which, horrifically, being live, also includes more screaming girls)

They just showed up and I've already contact from 2 of the 3 Jonas Bros? What do I win, and can I exchange this for a 4million decibel reduction in the volume of screaming girls and the massive sound system behind me pumping out their live concert (which, horrifically, being live, also includes more screaming girls)

The wide shot. When I was first ensconced in my position, I was worried that the constant musical barrage from the massive speakers behind me would render me homicidal within fourteen or so minutes. Thankfully, the JoBros' music is kind of blandly inoffensive pop-rock, even if the volume could melt steel girders and confuse migratory birds.

The wide shot. When I was first ensconced in my position, I was worried that the constant musical barrage from the massive speakers behind me would render me homicidal within fourteen or so minutes. Thankfully, the JoBros' music is kind of blandly inoffensive pop-rock, even if the volume could melt steel girders and confuse migratory birds.

Wow... more eye-contact! Me and those Jonas Brother are really jiving. Sadly, I am neither aged between 8 and 15 nor female. I'm just here in case Taylor Swift shows up. As I said. Because I may be creepy, but I have taste. I'll take my bland-inoffensive country-songstress over your bland-inoffensive-boy-band-pop-rock any day. If Def Leppard and Whitesnake are off the table, I mean.

Wow... more eye-contact! Me and those Jonas Brother are really jiving. Sadly, I am neither aged between 8 and 15 nor female. I'm just here in case Taylor Swift shows up. As I said. Because I may be creepy, but I have taste. I'll take my bland-inoffensive country-songstress over your bland-inoffensive-boy-band-pop-rock any day. If Def Leppard and Whitesnake are off the table, I mean.

The Jonas Brothers. Three guys joined by friendship, genetics, and possibly a single sentient mass of hair.

The Jonas Brothers. Three guys joined by friendship, genetics, and possibly a single sentient mass of hair.

My Spidey sense is tingling massively... as a security guard on the left who's the size of nine panthers cottons on to my JoBro sentient hair theory and is given the order to Take Me Down, OldSchool...

My Spidey sense is tingling massively... as a security guard on the left who's the size of nine panthers cottons on to my JoBro sentient hair theory and is given the order to Take Me Down, OldSchool...

One of the Jonas Brothers, with an *actual* twinkle in his eyes. (Disney executives high-five each other)

One of the Jonas Brothers, with an *actual* twinkle in his eyes. (Disney executives high-five each other)

OMG! OMG! Eeeeeee! I'm about this // close to THE JONAS BROTHERS!! (Is my pulse rate meant to be rising? Because it's not rising....)

OMG! OMG! Eeeeeee! I'm about this // close to THE JONAS BROTHERS!! (Is my pulse rate meant to be rising? Because it's not rising....)

"You love us so much you're thinking of illegally downloading this movie and its soundtrack? That's awesome - we'll see you when Disney's lawyers come and black-bag you and take you to our maintain lair"

"You love us so much you're thinking of illegally downloading this movie and its soundtrack? That's awesome - we'll see you when Disney's lawyers come and black-bag you and take you to our maintain lair"

Crowd shot - worth it for the look on the girl's face in the foreground and the opportunistic fan trying to pass a guitar forward for the JoBros to sign (I always take a grand piano with me when the philarmonic come to premieres...)

Crowd shot - worth it for the look on the girl's face in the foreground and the opportunistic fan trying to pass a guitar forward for the JoBros to sign (I always take a grand piano with me when the philarmonic come to premieres...)

"Suzie? You'll never guess who just signed your birthday card!!" (it's the one next to the poster on the left) It's possibly my favourite shot of the premiere, purely for the genius of the fan and the completely unscripted randomness of me catching it among the placards, photos, journals and posters being held aloft by fans (oh, and disturbingly, upon closer inspection, Suzy appears to be called "Dirk")

"Suzie? You'll never guess who just signed your birthday card!!" (it's the one next to the poster on the left)

It's possibly my favourite shot of the premiere, purely for the genius of the fan and the completely unscripted randomness of me catching it among the placards, photos, journals and posters being held aloft by fans

(oh, and disturbingly, upon closer inspection, Suzy appears to be called "Dirk")

The portfolio of fans attracted to the Jonas Brothers is always expanding (insert more high fives at Disney). Yellow Cap Guy, sadly, does not appear to be a fan - I didn't see him at this premiere.

The portfolio of fans attracted to the Jonas Brothers is always expanding (insert more high fives at Disney). Yellow Cap Guy, sadly, does not appear to be a fan - I didn't see him at this premiere.

"So it's agreed. After this, we unleash our forces of fans and we take Belarus"

"So it's agreed. After this, we unleash our forces of fans and we take Belarus"

"Dwight? I think the nightclub is over there..."

"Dwight? I think the nightclub is over there..."

I... just... can't... not... watch. Who are these people, and why do they look so ridiculous and do they know where they are?

I... just... can't... not... watch. Who are these people, and why do they look so ridiculous and do they know where they are?

Wait... wasn't this the "and guest" of a lady who was at a different premiere? Looks like he's a fan...? (I mean.. if YOU want to make fun of him for his taste in music, please feel free!)

Wait... wasn't this the "and guest" of a lady who was at a different premiere? Looks like he's a fan...? (I mean.. if YOU want to make fun of him for his taste in music, please feel free!)

... and the more you photograph it, the less sense it all makes...

... and the more you photograph it, the less sense it all makes...

Which one is my favourite Jonas Brother, I hear you ask? Well, whichever has the name a) Zeke, b) Billy-Bob or c) Jebediah. All that aside, I do like the thoughtful expression on this particular JoBro. Or rather I would, if the lack of a neck on his security guard wasn't always drawing my attention to itself.

Which one is my favourite Jonas Brother, I hear you ask? Well, whichever has the name a) Zeke, b) Billy-Bob or c) Jebediah. All that aside, I do like the thoughtful expression on this particular JoBro. Or rather I would, if the lack of a neck on his security guard wasn't always drawing my attention to itself.

(left) This is Philip Schofield and he is a famous British TV presenter. I felt it was necessary to research his identity, because, quite frankly, his very beautiful (also far too your for me, but the point stands)... and we appear to have perhaps made a lasting connection. (or it could be the effect of that particular JoBro song we both like...)

(left) This is Philip Schofield and he is a famous British TV presenter. I felt it was necessary to research his identity, because, quite frankly, his very beautiful (also far too your for me, but the point stands)... and we appear to have perhaps made a lasting connection. (or it could be the effect of that particular JoBro song we both like...)

All smiles. They know that instead of the exhaustion of having to actually play a world tour, they've filmed one concert once and can now travel the world and promote it (Disney executives : give yourself another round of high-fives!)

All smiles. They know that instead of the exhaustion of having to actually play a world tour, they've filmed one concert once and can now travel the world and promote it (Disney executives : give yourself another round of high-fives!)

"... and should we mention the satanic lyrics and our upcoming shift to thrash metal?" (Disney executives : **faint**)

"... and should we mention the satanic lyrics and our upcoming shift to thrash metal?" (Disney executives : **faint**)

Well, it was a premiere and -Taylor Swift- the very pretty Miss Schofield did show up so it all ended rather well. Next up? Apparently a small-ish horror movie called "Tormented" next week.

... and after that I believe the next one I'll be able to attend is Transformers II.

Farq.

I don't like my chances of it being even as well behaved as a JoBro premiere (which is kind of like saying an Aston Martin should be cheap because at least it doesn't cost as much as a Lamborghini...) (or something)

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