April 3rd, 2016.
The Olivier Awards, which I first did in 2014, offer me the rare opportunity to showcase my complete ignorance of all things theatre-related... even more than London's two annual Fashion Weeks allow me to wallow in my ignorance of fashion as well!
Last year, at the 2015 Oliviers, I arrived too late to get a good spot in the Public Pen, so I shot the event from *outside* the event. This year, I brought in my Big Nikon camera, and then went into the office to pick up the Big Lens... only to realise the lens was at home, not in the office. So I had to photograph this whole event on the Pentax, using the kit lens I'd brought with me in case it rained. I also decided to compound the potential for this to be a bad thing by AGAIN shooting from outside the event.
With advance apology for the lack of culture I'm about to display (I'll see what I can do about pleading for help and loading up actual famous people later), here's how it went down:
The Royal Opera House, London. It's home to the Baftas (celebrating the best of British Film) and the GQs (celebrating the best in awarding people who attend award shows) and, today The Olivier Awards for theatre.
The wristband on my wrist entitled me to position #74 in the public queue, but in good news for everone whose wristband was #75 and above, I was looking into the distance at the far right behind the tall black dividers, where an elevated position might provide a more interesting view.... and a wristband would not be required.
"They turned me away from McDonald's for being over-dressed...." some arrivals elect to take the public entry and not via the "I got my driver to drop me off by limo" drop-off point.
It's still another hour to go, but the carpet, the pens, and the glowering visages of Sir Laurence Olivier adorning the hoardings are all in place.
#AngryMascot. Actually, I'd like to think that due to my tireless campaigning over the past two years to draw attention to the intimidating nature of Sir Laurence Olivier's statue, the face on this year's award seems slightly more benign. (You're welcome, worthy recipients!)
"Next year I'm hiring a geostationary satellite to photograph this event"
Sadly, your friend and mine Mr Impact and DJ Aged Thespian will not be required to warm up the crowd, who being fans of theatre will have presumably brought their own champagne and canapes with them.
Either this is The Lorax, or maybe Dame Judi Dench REALLY doesn't want to be asked for an autograph at this event.
As in prior years, when in doubt photographing people where I can't distinguish between the famed denizens of culture and random people who may have somehow wandered past security to get on the carpet... I'll be using the tried-and-true method of photographing people wearing slightly better than usual suits and dresses. In early news : Silky tuxedoes? Apparently they're a thing.
"I lost the other one when the taxi door closed, but I'm going to make Conspicuous Asymmetry work". London Fashion Week 2016.1 was so 6-weeks-ago (dahlink)...
The Lady In Orange signed at least two signatures for people in the crowd. Perhaps they were fans, perhaps debt collectors. Noteworthy either way.
(edited to add, one week later : she's only New Zealand's Dame Kiri Te Kanawa, one of the most famous sopranos of all time!)
"I gave my two-year old a box of polka dot stickers to play with... and then I lost a bet"
Edited to add : he turned out to be Matt Henry, winner of the Best Actor in a Musical award for 'Kinky Boots' (he presumably didn't know that yet)
The Olivier Awards. I hear they really hate it when they get mistaken for the Olive Awards. (Both serve great martinis, though).
The lady in the red dress is somebody I don't know. That's notable only insofar as she's the first person at this event who is definitely important (she was interiewed and photographed - though not by this guy). (edited to add : she's Denise Gough, winner of the Best Actress Award for 'People, Places and Things')
"Theatre people give air-kisses, not Air Low-Fives, TOM. Now they'll think we're frauds..."
In other news: somebody on facebook challenged everyone to pick up the nearest book to them, and open it on page 206. Apparently the first sentence on it will describe your love life. Okay, I'm game.. <grabs nearest book, "Sherlock: The Essential Arthur Conan Doyle Adventures"> - "Hours a day for Months on end". Given I'm editing Olivier Award photos right now and am not into Theatre, you may assume Variable Accuracy there.
I also don't know who she is. However, good news : in contrast to last year's Oliviers where I had to concede I'd seen zero theatre productions in the prior 24mths, in the past 12mths this time around I actually went to one (1) play!! I'll be photographing this event wearing a crown next year.
"Don't be so nervous, Harold. Even if we're not theatre people, there's every chance none of these other people are either, so they'll be equally unlikely to call us out!" I don't want to cast aspersions on the security at this event, but I'd say it's not likely they're theatre fans.
I don't know who this is, but I'm glad I photographed her now that I've subsequently found out she's Daryl Roth, half of the duo who won the award for "Best New Musical" for Kiny Boots.
Woohoo! I photographed Mark Rylance at the premiere of "The Gunman" last year, and he was in Steven Spielberg's "Bridge of Spies", for which he got a Best Supporting Actor Bafta AND Oscar this year. And possibly a hat.
"Yes it's an Akubra and bow tie, baby. You should see what Dame Shirley Bassey said she'd come wearing!"
"I don't need dialogue, Barbara. I got five fingers right here....." (edited to add, with great thanks to wireimage (and the ability to cut-and-paste) this is Noma Dumezweni. Not to be mistaken for anyone else with the same name)
"So the guy says "Theatre? But I hardly even know her!"
"....."
"No....He says...."
"I heard you. I just don't get it"
(edited to add : Killian Donnelly?)
Bad news for me : wireimage.com has started uploading their paparazzi contributors' shots of this event, so now I'm going to have to profess not to know anything about people whose names I now know.... this for example is Amy Lennox. Who is she? I don't know.
"Somebody said something about free popcorn?"
wireimage says : this is Lesley Manville
I say : Batman v Superman Dawn of Justice is a piece of cinematic crap. But Lesley Manville's dress is nice, I guess.
Somehow, not everyone in London is spending this Sunday afternoon at the Oliver Awards. (I know.. I'm surprised as well!)
"No... you see it's in the accent : "Know her? I hardly even Theatre!". It works slightly better in America where they spell it differently"
Update from the Olivier Awards Red Carpet Fashions : If turquoise is *in* this year, my entire wardrobe of black t-shirts is going to look like an all-in bet that went horribly wrong..
Amazingly, I not only notice a sheer silky green dress on a red carpet, but I've actually heard of the person who's wearing it! Lara Pulver played Irene Adler in the Sherlock episode "A Scandal in Belgravia" possibly the best standalone episode of any TV series I've seen.
edited to add : Lara Pulver ended up winning Best Actress in a Supporting Role in a Musical Award for 'Gypsy'
"Careful. This suit cost more than your education. It cost more than MINE, actually" I don't know who the person wearing it is, sadly But the jacket is magnficent.
"Theatre is like OXYGEN, Daryl. Without theatre I'd be rampaging in the streets, using violence to soothe the empty chasm of my soul. Of course, you're from a radio station, Daryl. Your listeners probably think "Theer-Tah" is a symphonic metal band from Latvia...."
"The difference between you guys and me is that I'm wearing my tuxedo, whereas your tuxedoes are wearing YOU". (edited to add : Jim Carter) (edited to edit to add : who?)
"Is this the queue for the popcorn or the softdrinks? Because I'm here for the Olivier Awards"
"Yeah, I'm here to see what they're awarding Olivia .... what's up with that?"
If I hadn't previously photographed singer Dame Shirley Bassey at last year's James Bond "Spectre" premiere, I might be annoyed that I only got a long range shot here.
Reminding me that I really do need to buy a new shower-curtain, and also probably stop inadvertently insulting the world of theatre and fashion simultaneously.... (edited to add : Zawe Ashton.)
Game of Thrones costume designers take note : this chainmail and leather dress design is so cool it's momentarily distrcting me from the only other thing in this photo that might otherwise distract me from it.
edited to add : she's Jessica Swale, winner of the award for Best New Comedy for ' Nell Gwynn'
"You're just interviewing me because I'm wearing a bow tie, aren't you?"
Excitingly, I know who Gemma Arterton is! (For one thing, she was at last year's Olivier Awards)
"OMG you were in Prince of Persia : The Sand of Time!!!"
"I was also in a Bond film, but yes" - Gemma Arterto and Gemma Arteron's Purple Dress meet a fan.
In a remarkable feat of memory, I just googled "I made sounds like a dolphin giving birth" because I'm sure that's a line in the comedy series "Scrubs" this guy said when he was a guest on that show. And damnit, now I have to worry what kind of list America's NSA has put me on for typing THAT into Google.
"I like your eyeliner. It's.... subtle."
"You've been staring at me for almost a minute without saying something. Ideally, you'd have tried a pick-up line by now. Try "I like your dress"."
"I don't want the tie straight, I need it to match the angle of my hair! I can hardly change the angle of my hair at this late hour...." Kenneth Branagh, as well as directing or being involved in films as diverse as Marvel's Thor, Jack Ryan Shadow Recruit , My Week With Marilyn and Harty Potter and the Chamber of Secrets, has FIVE Academy Award nominations to his credit.
"Honestly, I think in some combat zones your dress would make great camouflage. Not many, admittedly...." - Thank you wireimage for identifying Zawe Ashton, Uzo Aduba and Laura Carmichael; and thank you to the military industrial complex for ensuring I'm always thinking of military applications for everything.
"Go on.... name the character...." Zoe Wanamaker isn't merely a Harry Potter alum; but like Kenneth Branagh she's also an alumni of My Week With Marilyn . (nb She was Madam Hooch, the teacher who taught Harry Potter to ride a broom)
"You're just interviewing me because I'm wearing a bow tie, aren't you? Well, let me give you my opinion on theatre"
Not shown in this black'n'white photo : that Eddie Izzard had different colour nail polish on every finger of his hand. (Blame the lady in front : her suntan drew all attention away from the colour of Eddie Izzard's nails)
"I'm not speaking into that microphone. My garage door opener is lesss complex"
"Eddie Izzard's fingernails : are they a stunning political statement on a complex and divisive issue, or the result of a bored evening in front of the TV... your thoughts?". Rory Kinnear is probably best known for a small but recurring role as "Tanner" in all the recent James Bond films, including "Spectre" and "Skyfall"
"This scarf cost more than your education. And I'm making a wildly optimistic assumption as to your education" - even without the moustache, David Suchet is unmistakably Agatha Christie's Poirot. Which I'm sure they'll reboot into a Marvel-style cinematic universe with a younger hipper cast like Taron Egerton any day now.
"Actually I'm Mark Gatiss when the glasses are on, and a vigilante crime fighter when they come off. And no, I'm not telling you which one". Mark Gatiss is also creator/writer of Sherlock.
To add to his list of achievements, Mark Gatiss ended up winning an Olivier for Best Supporting Actor on the night as well.
At this point, whether Kit Harington is alive or dead as Jon Snow in Game of Thrones is uncertain, but I think it's pretty cool that his +1 at this event is his character's ex-girlfriend Ygritte from the show.
"I think my direwolf may be illegally parked". I've previously photographed Kit Harington (somewhat poorly) at the premieres of "Testament of Youth" and "The Game of Thrones s5 launch", and Rose Leslie at the premiere of "The Last Witch Hunter"
"You know...."
"Don't you dare say it!"
"Say what?"
"Nothing..."
"Hehehehehe...." - I guess you had to be there
"Is he alive? Is he dead? I prefer to think of him as Schrodinger's Jon Snow. I hope they don't reveal it, even in future seasons...."
"I'd like to steal your bow tie if at all possible"
"Me too!"
My high school economics teacher might be overjoyed that even after all this time, I would remember that mutual coincidence of wants is the basis of all trades.
"I don't care how good-looking you think director Zack Sndyer is. The Batman v Superman movie is GARBAGE, madam!" (edited to add : Tracie Bennett) (edited to opine : that movie is cinematic garbage)
<thinks>"If I can get him drunk enough by this evening, that jacket will be MINE"
"So.....Miss Lauper"
"You're going to ask about the hair, aren't you?"
"No. Actually I just think your collar is a bit severe...." way back in the day when I was a wee lass growing up in the 1980s, I might have known who Cyndi Lauper is. I mean was.
"Did I sing that? What I meant to say was girls just want to be respected and taken seriously."
"....."
"And don't mention the hair. That's an unrelated choice"
"Just because you're wearing a twirly earpiece doesn't make you a secret agent, son" Dame Judi Dench was "M" in most of the Pierce Brosnan and several Daniel Craig James Bond films
"Your question is so stupid I'm actually waiting for tectonic activity to bring Mt Olympus to London so I can pray to Zeus directly on how best to answer it without punching you"
"Tell me how pretty I am... and then explain why you're blocking peoples' views of me!"
"That man behind me is listening far too intently, so I'm going to have to decline to answer the question, Steve..."
"I think Judi Dench was real onto something...."
"Yes, but she was looking in the other direction, and you're not being asked any questions"
"Here's your dossier on the latest in the Middle East, senator"
"Not now, Deirdre. Can't you see I'm wearing Yellow, and yellow is my Happy colour?"
"What do you mean 'Benedict Cumberbatch is in New York filming 'Doctor Strange'. I'M HERE NOW!"
"I came late deliberately so I wouldn't cause a riot. You can all thank me later, when a riot doesn't happen"
So... that was a thing. And I won't lie... it was a thing. I'm just not sure what kind of thing yet. I'll let you know. (But tomorrow there's a theatre opening for Sunset Blvd that I will allow me to see how far my newfound Thee-ate-er Credz go) (a clue : not far)
Until Next time!
PS. If you want to know whenever I post a new premiere journal (or perhaps misguidedly dip my toes into the cold and unfamilar waters of Actual Culture), feel free to follow me on twitter @berndt2_photo or on facebook by clicking here
PPS. If you somehow use a search engine that rated my website higher than the official one (hey, even if staggeringly unlikely, it's still possible!), the Official Olivier Awards Site is here.