The 2015 Television BAFTA Awards, Theatre Royal London

10th May, 2015.

Although I (obviously) pay for my TV License in the UK, I actually don't watch TV. Indeed, unless the World Cup or Olympics are on, or it's Sherlock or Game of Thrones or the Baftas or the dearly departed Top Gear (RIP), my TV is used entirely to connect a DVD and Bluray player to.

Which means I don't really have any business being at the Television Baftas, other than (a) I got there on time and (b) I got myself a wristband for the public pen and (c) they check your bags but don't ask questions like "why exactly are you here?" and "should you be?".

With my credibility suitably established / in tatters, here's how it went down (note : I've since had assistance in identifying who most of the people I saw were, but I've kept my original 'oblivious' commentary because I don't mind broadcasting my cluelessness):

The Theatre Royal is on Drury Lane, just down the road from the Royal Opera House, which is where the ("real") Film Baftas are held each year. It is also smaller and more cramped. Still.. the carpet is red and the Bafta logo looks legit... so why not?

The Theatre Royal is on Drury Lane, just down the road from the Royal Opera House, which is where the ("real") Film Baftas are held each year. It is also smaller and more cramped. Still.. the carpet is red and the Bafta logo looks legit... so why not?

My spot is adjacent to the interview media pen, and there's a giant boom-operated camera that does low passes just over my head. However nobody in my immediate vicinity looks like they'll maul me to get Benedict Cumberbatch's autograph if he shows up (spoiler : he doesn't)

My spot is adjacent to the interview media pen, and there's a giant boom-operated camera that does low passes just over my head. However nobody in my immediate vicinity looks like they'll maul me to get Benedict Cumberbatch's autograph if he shows up (spoiler : he doesn't)

"Press Any key? Which one's the 'Any' key??" We're still over an hour away from the event starting, and I've already been here for an hour. Then again, I got into town about 9 hours after the first arrivals and I got wristband #0181, which is lower than I usually get for the 'real' Baftas.

"Press Any key? Which one's the 'Any' key??" We're still over an hour away from the event starting, and I've already been here for an hour. Then again, I got into town about 9 hours after the first arrivals and I got wristband #0181, which is lower than I usually get for the 'real' Baftas.

This shot is from 'later' in the event, but I thought I'd put it here so you can see the crush before I start showing closeup photos of peoples' faces that look like they were photographed through peoples' heads.

This shot is from 'later' in the event, but I thought I'd put it here so you can see the crush before I start showing closeup photos of peoples' faces that look like they were photographed through peoples' heads.

Back to the preamble to this event. My wristband is white, but I'd have traded it for a black neckband with strange curled wiring.

Back to the preamble to this event. My wristband is white, but I'd have traded it for a black neckband with strange curled wiring.

"Baffy The Bafta Head will be our corporate logo for this event. All Hail Baffy!!". Also, I think the askew microphone head is at precisely the jaunty angle required to ensure a level of comedy for the event

"Baffy The Bafta Head will be our corporate logo for this event. All Hail Baffy!!". Also, I think the askew microphone head is at precisely the jaunty angle required to ensure a level of comedy for the event

The interviewer (whose interviews I'm going to be piggybacking on photographically) is called Jenny Falconer. I know this because she was doing some pre-recordings wherein she identified herself across numerous takes.

The interviewer (whose interviews I'm going to be piggybacking on photographically) is called Jenny Falconer. I know this because she was doing some pre-recordings wherein she identified herself across numerous takes.

"Human. Bipedal. Opposable thumb. Unfortunate lack of hair on head". Despite my well-founded fear that I'll recognise next to nobody at this event, the first meaningful arrival is a Major Name : Naturalist and Documentarian Sir David Attenborough. And he's done a fine job of categorising me.

"Human. Bipedal. Opposable thumb. Unfortunate lack of hair on head". Despite my well-founded fear that I'll recognise next to nobody at this event, the first meaningful arrival is a Major Name : Naturalist and Documentarian Sir David Attenborough. And he's done a fine job of categorising me.

Good news for fans of me humiliating myself with my lack of knowledge of Television Personalities, coupled with vague jealousy of their magnificent hair. I both don't know who this is, and envy his hair. (edited to add : Stephen Rea? If so, he won the Bafta for best supporting Actor)

Good news for fans of me humiliating myself with my lack of knowledge of Television Personalities, coupled with vague jealousy of their magnificent hair. I both don't know who this is, and envy his hair. (edited to add : Stephen Rea? If so, he won the Bafta for best supporting Actor)

"Do I know who I am? Sure I do, but does that guy over there? Probably not". Well called. No idea who this is, but his bow tie is a hell of a lot straighter than the last guy, and that counts for a lot. (Edited to add : Nicky Campbell)

"Do I know who I am? Sure I do, but does that guy over there? Probably not". Well called. No idea who this is, but his bow tie is a hell of a lot straighter than the last guy, and that counts for a lot. (Edited to add : Nicky Campbell)

I recognise this man as he was doing interviews directly in front of me at the Olivier Awards a few weeks back, however I don't know his name, and opening Getty Images at home is impossible, and that's because my TalkTalk internet connection hangs by the kind of thread that makes me count down the seconds til I tell those thieving clowns their service sucks since they took over from Virgin. Plus they're charging me more (and claiming they charge me less) because apparently lying is allowed these days? (edited to add : David Harewood)

I recognise this man as he was doing interviews directly in front of me at the Olivier Awards a few weeks back, however I don't know his name, and opening Getty Images at home is impossible, and that's because my TalkTalk internet connection hangs by the kind of thread that makes me count down the seconds til I tell those thieving clowns their service sucks since they took over from Virgin. Plus they're charging me more (and claiming they charge me less) because apparently lying is allowed these days? (edited to add : David Harewood)

If I continue with my strategy of photographing every guy with a bow tie and putting them in this journal, it's going to be a long journal. But I don't have a lot of other options open right now. Still... if you know who this is, congratulations : you watch more television than I do!

If I continue with my strategy of photographing every guy with a bow tie and putting them in this journal, it's going to be a long journal. But I don't have a lot of other options open right now. Still... if you know who this is, congratulations : you watch more television than I do!

If nothing else, in a marked improvement in efficiency, I'm now putting two people with ties in photos. I don't know who either of them are, but the people near me wanted their autographs so either they're either famous, or the autograph hunters are using the same "have tie = must be important" strategy I am. (edited to add : Man on Right = Lee Mack)

If nothing else, in a marked improvement in efficiency, I'm now putting two people with ties in photos. I don't know who either of them are, but the people near me wanted their autographs so either they're either famous, or the autograph hunters are using the same "have tie = must be important" strategy I am. (edited to add : Man on Right = Lee Mack)

"A hint as to who I am? Well, I'm on television". Thanks. Just like I'm on the internet. (edited to add : Rob Brydon)

"A hint as to who I am? Well, I'm on television". Thanks. Just like I'm on the internet. (edited to add : Rob Brydon)

I don't know who this is, but apparently she's a cook or hosts a cooking show. That's pretty cool : I make a mean bananabreadcakeslice, myself.. (edited to add : Mary Berry)

I don't know who this is, but apparently she's a cook or hosts a cooking show. That's pretty cool : I make a mean bananabreadcakeslice, myself.. (edited to add : Mary Berry)

Selfie-sticks ON the red carpet?? I'm guessing this time next year people will all be flying drones.

Selfie-sticks ON the red carpet?? I'm guessing this time next year people will all be flying drones.

I don't know who this is, but she's female and looks to be under the age of 90, so I'm photographing just on the grounds of optimism..

I don't know who this is, but she's female and looks to be under the age of 90, so I'm photographing just on the grounds of optimism..

"It's like... there are so many people here, and I don't know any of them!" I really do think they ought to have name-tags at these things. Even if A-Listers wore them ironically it would still be cool.... (edited to add : Vicky McClure)

"It's like... there are so many people here, and I don't know any of them!" I really do think they ought to have name-tags at these things. Even if A-Listers wore them ironically it would still be cool.... (edited to add : Vicky McClure)

"You have no idea who I am, do you?" No... but I've found a female variant of the "male = bow-tie = famous" guideline. If the dress is shiny and tends even slightly towards being revealing, I'm assuming its occupant is famous. (edited to add : Yael Stone)

"You have no idea who I am, do you?" No... but I've found a female variant of the "male = bow-tie = famous" guideline. If the dress is shiny and tends even slightly towards being revealing, I'm assuming its occupant is famous. (edited to add : Yael Stone)

Fan activity near me was quite high for this guy (excellent bow-tie, too), but I don't know who he is. He's not from Game of Thrones or Sherlock, and he hasn't been to any premieres that I can recall. And I've been to over 200.... (I'm not sure whether that's a good thing to be admitting in a journal where I also lay bare my mad baking skillz) (edited to add : James Norton)

Fan activity near me was quite high for this guy (excellent bow-tie, too), but I don't know who he is. He's not from Game of Thrones or Sherlock, and he hasn't been to any premieres that I can recall. And I've been to over 200.... (I'm not sure whether that's a good thing to be admitting in a journal where I also lay bare my mad baking skillz) (edited to add : James Norton)

The procession of faces I don't recognise continues, but I've found a small enclave of photographers about five meters to my right, and if they get excited, I get excited. Photographically speaking, I mean.

The procession of faces I don't recognise continues, but I've found a small enclave of photographers about five meters to my right, and if they get excited, I get excited. Photographically speaking, I mean.

Incredibly, I recognise her! She was in the Dexter Fletcher-directed "Wild Bill" (and at its premiere) back in 2012, and the director's date at the premiere of Titanic in 3D as well. Also photographed her at last year's BFI London Film Festival. Incidentally, "Wild Bill" is a really good film and Will Poulter is fantastic in it. (edited to add : Charlotte Spencer)

Incredibly, I recognise her! She was in the Dexter Fletcher-directed "Wild Bill" (and at its premiere) back in 2012, and the director's date at the premiere of Titanic in 3D as well. Also photographed her at last year's BFI London Film Festival. Incidentally, "Wild Bill" is a really good film and Will Poulter is fantastic in it. (edited to add : Charlotte Spencer)

"Television is NOT a dead medium, SIR!!!". True. I'm probably out of touch with kids these days who all watch TV on youtube or something.

"Television is NOT a dead medium, SIR!!!". True. I'm probably out of touch with kids these days who all watch TV on youtube or something.

It's Chris O'Dowd!!! (I know who he is because he's also in movies) (But even if I didn't : polka dotted bow-tie is a dead giveaway of fame)

It's Chris O'Dowd!!! (I know who he is because he's also in movies) (But even if I didn't : polka dotted bow-tie is a dead giveaway of fame)

"That earing is amazing. I'll give you my bow-tie for it. Right here, right now"

"That earing is amazing. I'll give you my bow-tie for it. Right here, right now"

I don't know who this is, but she attracted greater than average photographer attention to my right. Could also have been the girl with the tattoo on her neck, but I'm going with the tiara. Always bet on tiaras. Plus whatevere she's done with that snakey hair is worth commemorating for future generations who will enjoy the internet.... via direct implants. Or live there directly, or something. (edited to add : Anna Passey)

I don't know who this is, but she attracted greater than average photographer attention to my right. Could also have been the girl with the tattoo on her neck, but I'm going with the tiara. Always bet on tiaras. Plus whatevere she's done with that snakey hair is worth commemorating for future generations who will enjoy the internet.... via direct implants. Or live there directly, or something. (edited to add : Anna Passey)

"If you don't know who I am, don't photograph me or ask me for my autograph. Who am I kidding, I'll do this all day"

"If you don't know who I am, don't photograph me or ask me for my autograph. Who am I kidding, I'll do this all day"

"This shade of pink lipstick is highly unique. It was tested on specially bred rabbits, and it looks fabulous thanks to their worthy sacrifice".

"This shade of pink lipstick is highly unique. It was tested on specially bred rabbits, and it looks fabulous thanks to their worthy sacrifice".

No idea who this is, but the collar-bone is attractive. (Should I be allowed at this event? Should I give up my spot to somebody more worthy? Can collar bones be considered attractive? These are good questions you're/I'm asking...) (edited to add : Jennifer Metcalfe)

No idea who this is, but the collar-bone is attractive. (Should I be allowed at this event? Should I give up my spot to somebody more worthy? Can collar bones be considered attractive? These are good questions you're/I'm asking...) (edited to add : Jennifer Metcalfe)

I don't know who's being interviewed, but I can recognise Baffy the Baftas Head Logo. I'm a big fan of his work, and the askew microphone head he's attached to. (Edited to add : Sophie McShera)

I don't know who's being interviewed, but I can recognise Baffy the Baftas Head Logo. I'm a big fan of his work, and the askew microphone head he's attached to. (Edited to add : Sophie McShera)

Somebody more knowledgeable than I identified this man as being in something called "Mrs Brown" and added that he dresses like a woman in that show. They might have been lying, of course, and I'd have no way to know. Still... gold bow-tie, exquisitely placed. And you don't have to cross-dress to impress me, Sir.

Somebody more knowledgeable than I identified this man as being in something called "Mrs Brown" and added that he dresses like a woman in that show. They might have been lying, of course, and I'd have no way to know. Still... gold bow-tie, exquisitely placed. And you don't have to cross-dress to impress me, Sir.

The rather impossible has happened. I said I'd only recognise somebody from TV if they were in Game of Thrones or Sherlock.... and this is Maisie Williams, who plays Arya Stark in GAME OF THRONES!!

The rather impossible has happened. I said I'd only recognise somebody from TV if they were in Game of Thrones or Sherlock.... and this is Maisie Williams, who plays Arya Stark in GAME OF THRONES!!

Still alive in Season 5 (to date), as the ongoing charnel house that is Game of Thrones continues to go through characters at a rate that mystifies (say) Marvel Studios. While GoT happily destroys its chracters, Marvels'  record for "shortest death before being revealed as still alive" is probably a tie between Loki in The Dark World and Groot in Guardians of the Galaxy. Overall, across 11 movies, their cumulative death toll among named characters is probably still in single digits.

Still alive in Season 5 (to date), as the ongoing charnel house that is Game of Thrones continues to go through characters at a rate that mystifies (say) Marvel Studios. While GoT happily destroys its chracters, Marvels'  record for "shortest death before being revealed as still alive" is probably a tie between Loki in The Dark World and Groot in Guardians of the Galaxy. Overall, across 11 movies, their cumulative death toll among named characters is probably still in single digits.

"Am I going to die? That's a pretty macabre question in this forum, Jenny! Oh, you mean my charcter..."

"Am I going to die? That's a pretty macabre question in this forum, Jenny! Oh, you mean my charcter..."

"Am I going to die? Are you really going to ask EVERYONE that question now? I'm not even IN Game of Thrones"

"Am I going to die? Are you really going to ask EVERYONE that question now? I'm not even IN Game of Thrones"

"It's a dress all right!". That's all I've got too. (edited to add : Eleanor Tomlinson)

"It's a dress all right!". That's all I've got too. (edited to add : Eleanor Tomlinson)

I know this is Mackenzie Crook because other than possibly being on television, he's better known as being the pirate with the wooden eye in the Pirates of the Caribbean films.

I know this is Mackenzie Crook because other than possibly being on television, he's better known as being the pirate with the wooden eye in the Pirates of the Caribbean films.

And I know this is Graham Norton because among Men In London, only he and director Terry Gilliam wear jackets and/or capes and/or bathrobes this silky or shiny to events. And this is not Terry Gilliam

And I know this is Graham Norton because among Men In London, only he and director Terry Gilliam wear jackets and/or capes and/or bathrobes this silky or shiny to events. And this is not Terry Gilliam

This? Is also not director Terry Gilliam.

This? Is also not director Terry Gilliam.

I feel like I should know who she is... she might have been at the Oliviers. But that was weeks ago and I'm too tired late at night to go and check through that journal. Plus... I'm with TalkTalk, and my internet would probably kill itself if I tried to visit more than one page at the same time on the same website... (Edited to add : Tamsin Greig)

I feel like I should know who she is... she might have been at the Oliviers. But that was weeks ago and I'm too tired late at night to go and check through that journal. Plus... I'm with TalkTalk, and my internet would probably kill itself if I tried to visit more than one page at the same time on the same website... (Edited to add : Tamsin Greig)

"I think I know who you are, but just to make it easier, just confirm you're not on Sherlock, or Game of Thrones, or Top Gear..." (edited to add : OMG - his name is Jon Snow. Like from Game of Thrones but without the scraggly Kit Harington hair) (he won a Bafta Fellowship on the night, so he's arguably even more importan than a fictional character)

"I think I know who you are, but just to make it easier, just confirm you're not on Sherlock, or Game of Thrones, or Top Gear..." (edited to add : OMG - his name is Jon Snow. Like from Game of Thrones but without the scraggly Kit Harington hair) (he won a Bafta Fellowship on the night, so he's arguably even more importan than a fictional character)

"...." "Is that a clue?" "Not exactly"

"...."
"Is that a clue?"
"Not exactly"

I don't know who he is, but when I buy new shoes they're not as shiny as his suit. I should buy better shoes... (edited to add : Ore Oduba?)

I don't know who he is, but when I buy new shoes they're not as shiny as his suit. I should buy better shoes... (edited to add : Ore Oduba?)

I don't know who this is either, but if Apple wants to pay me for having put their logo into one of my journals, they should contact me. I'm still using a Generation 3 iPod touch.

I don't know who this is either, but if Apple wants to pay me for having put their logo into one of my journals, they should contact me. I'm still using a Generation 3 iPod touch.

It's Man With Bow Tie! And the weird bifocally effect of his sunglasses means I can look him in the eye... as I admit I don't know who he is.

It's Man With Bow Tie! And the weird bifocally effect of his sunglasses means I can look him in the eye... as I admit I don't know who he is.

I don't know who this is either,but if I cut up any of my Mum's quilts to make that poncho-top or headdress, I would get in big, big trouble.  (edited to add : Clara Francis)

I don't know who this is either,but if I cut up any of my Mum's quilts to make that poncho-top or headdress, I would get in big, big trouble.  (edited to add : Clara Francis)

It may not surprise you terribly to know that I don't know who this guy is. But it's starting to depress me that there are this many people with gray or receding hair on this red carpet, whereas I am in the throes of being afflicted with something similar and my spot on this event is NOT carpeted, or red. (Edited to add : Jason Watkins, who won a Bafta for Leading Actor)

It may not surprise you terribly to know that I don't know who this guy is. But it's starting to depress me that there are this many people with gray or receding hair on this red carpet, whereas I am in the throes of being afflicted with something similar and my spot on this event is NOT carpeted, or red. (Edited to add : Jason Watkins, who won a Bafta for Leading Actor)

I don't know who this is AND my beard isn't as good. Or as red. But.. again... comfy t-shirt on a Sunday afternoon is what I'm wearing. (Edited to add : Tom Goodman-Hill)

I don't know who this is AND my beard isn't as good. Or as red. But.. again... comfy t-shirt on a Sunday afternoon is what I'm wearing. (Edited to add : Tom Goodman-Hill)

I don't know who this is, but the geometric precision of her dress is quite something to behold. (edited to add : Jessica Raine)

I don't know who this is, but the geometric precision of her dress is quite something to behold. (edited to add : Jessica Raine)

"Have I watched Pitch Perfect 2? No I haven't but I hear it's not as good as the first"

"Have I watched Pitch Perfect 2? No I haven't but I hear it's not as good as the first"

She's about as certain who I am as I am who she is, but the dress is cool, the eye-contact is sincere and honest, and I'm back at home and I can handle the implied rejection. (edited to add : Ophelia Lovibond)

She's about as certain who I am as I am who she is, but the dress is cool, the eye-contact is sincere and honest, and I'm back at home and I can handle the implied rejection. (edited to add : Ophelia Lovibond)

They're putting midriffs pretty much anywhere on dresses these days.

They're putting midriffs pretty much anywhere on dresses these days.

This is Leigh Francis. I know who he is because he's Keith Lemon, and there was a Keith Lemon movie that I was at the premiere of (Jedward attended... does anyone still remember Jedward?). Much as I find him generally unfunny, his sideburns are making a serious play for Supervillain status, and I respect that.

This is Leigh Francis. I know who he is because he's Keith Lemon, and there was a Keith Lemon movie that I was at the premiere of (Jedward attended... does anyone still remember Jedward?). Much as I find him generally unfunny, his sideburns are making a serious play for Supervillain status, and I respect that.

I don't know who this is, and furthermore I'm not convinced her face is capable of changing expression regardless of any stimuli she's subjected to. Which isn't meant to be a slur, incidentally : I wish I could remain this impassive. (edited to add : Amanda Mealing?)

I don't know who this is, and furthermore I'm not convinced her face is capable of changing expression regardless of any stimuli she's subjected to. Which isn't meant to be a slur, incidentally : I wish I could remain this impassive. (edited to add : Amanda Mealing?)

"I just stole twenty dollars from you. No... not your wallet. Online." Oh. It's magician Dynamo (in contrast to all the people at this thing whose name I don't know, I merely don't know his *actual* name)

"I just stole twenty dollars from you. No... not your wallet. Online." Oh. It's magician Dynamo (in contrast to all the people at this thing whose name I don't know, I merely don't know his *actual* name)

It's Toby Jones!!!  I know who he is because he's in both the first two Hunger Games movies (I haven't watched the third) and the first two Captain America films.

It's Toby Jones!!!  I know who he is because he's in both the first two Hunger Games movies (I haven't watched the third) and the first two Captain America films.

"Did my character die in Captain America The Winter Soldier? Baby, he was blown into a trillion pieces, of course he's not dead. We're talking MARVEL here, not Game of Thrones"

"Did my character die in Captain America The Winter Soldier? Baby, he was blown into a trillion pieces, of course he's not dead. We're talking MARVEL here, not Game of Thrones"

I don't know who this is, so I should probably get back to photographing Toby Jones, but I think I might have photographed him at the Olivier Awards, too... does that give me more credibility, or less? (edited to add : Rusell Tovey)

I don't know who this is, so I should probably get back to photographing Toby Jones, but I think I might have photographed him at the Olivier Awards, too... does that give me more credibility, or less? (edited to add : Rusell Tovey)

OMG : It's somebody from one of only two TV shows I watch!! It's Amanda Abbington, who plays Watson's wife in Sherlock.

OMG : It's somebody from one of only two TV shows I watch!! It's Amanda Abbington, who plays Watson's wife in Sherlock.

The excitement was short-lived. Hers, not mine. I'm still very excited.

The excitement was short-lived. Hers, not mine. I'm still very excited.

Jason Isaacs makes it two people in a row I can identify without assistance from the crowd, wireimage/getty, or insanely lucky guesswork. He's best known for playing Draco Malfoy's dad Lucius (in a blonde wig) in the Harry Potter films.

Jason Isaacs makes it two people in a row I can identify without assistance from the crowd, wireimage/getty, or insanely lucky guesswork. He's best known for playing Draco Malfoy's dad Lucius (in a blonde wig) in the Harry Potter films.

Incredibly , the streak hits three as I recognise Dianna Agron. She's best known for being (having been?) in the TV series 'Glee' but fortunately I don't actually have to admit that I watched any amount of that show, as I photographed her at the Olivier Awards this year as well.

Incredibly , the streak hits three as I recognise Dianna Agron. She's best known for being (having been?) in the TV series 'Glee' but fortunately I don't actually have to admit that I watched any amount of that show, as I photographed her at the Olivier Awards this year as well.

"ALL of you recognise me from Glee. There's no shame in admitting that". Not once you've admitted you're a gun hand at freestyle baking bananabreadcakeslice, at any rate.

"ALL of you recognise me from Glee. There's no shame in admitting that". Not once you've admitted you're a gun hand at freestyle baking bananabreadcakeslice, at any rate.

"If even one single eyelash is out of alignment, I'll die" "I understand"

"If even one single eyelash is out of alignment, I'll die"
"I understand"

My 'recognition streak' might still be going if this lady was the person I photographed at the premiere of "The Man Inside" all those years ago, and/or was in The Bionic Woman. Or won a Nobel Prize for Economics, just in case I'm allowed to just blatantly guess. (edited to add : wrong on all counts, she's Keeley Hawes)

My 'recognition streak' might still be going if this lady was the person I photographed at the premiere of "The Man Inside" all those years ago, and/or was in The Bionic Woman. Or won a Nobel Prize for Economics, just in case I'm allowed to just blatantly guess. (edited to add : wrong on all counts, she's Keeley Hawes)

It's James Corden! I'm so excited that I'm calling it FIVE CELEBS in a row at this things that I've recognised! (I feel like this is an accomplishment, but given my life, my job, my morale and what I'm doing at this time of morning.... it's still an accomplishment)

It's James Corden! I'm so excited that I'm calling it FIVE CELEBS in a row at this things that I've recognised! (I feel like this is an accomplishment, but given my life, my job, my morale and what I'm doing at this time of morning.... it's still an accomplishment)

The lovingly arranged hair is magnificent, but I can't pretend to know who this is. (edited to add : Charlie Brooker)

The lovingly arranged hair is magnificent, but I can't pretend to know who this is. (edited to add : Charlie Brooker)

Somebody said "He's a Comedian" at about the same time as this guy walked past, so I'm going with that. Sorry if you've redefined our understanding of molecular biology and are merely an esteemed guest at this event, sir. (edited to add : John Bishop?)

Somebody said "He's a Comedian" at about the same time as this guy walked past, so I'm going with that. Sorry if you've redefined our understanding of molecular biology and are merely an esteemed guest at this event, sir. (edited to add : John Bishop?)

I recognise Hugh Bonneville not so much because I watch or have watched Downton Abbey, but I recall him from the premiere of Monuments Men, where I took better photos of him.

I recognise Hugh Bonneville not so much because I watch or have watched Downton Abbey, but I recall him from the premiere of Monuments Men, where I took better photos of him.

Rather disappointingly, one of the few people here I actually *wanted* to photograph was actress Tallulah Riley, but she slipped by me too late to notice her, and this is as good a shot as I managed. I guess she and I will always have the "St Trinians 2 : The Legnd of Fritton's Gold" premiere (2009)

Rather disappointingly, one of the few people here I actually *wanted* to photograph was actress Tallulah Riley, but she slipped by me too late to notice her, and this is as good a shot as I managed. I guess she and I will always have the "St Trinians 2 : The Legnd of Fritton's Gold" premiere (2009)

As is customary, I later find out who won an Award and I have to scramble through all the photographs I took and see if I accidentally photographed them. In this case, Georgina Campbell, who won Best Actress on the night (sadly I missed Best Supporting Actress Gemma Jones, which if you saw the patchwork dress she wore would seem to have been impossible...)

As is customary, I later find out who won an Award and I have to scramble through all the photographs I took and see if I accidentally photographed them. In this case, Georgina Campbell, who won Best Actress on the night (sadly I missed Best Supporting Actress Gemma Jones, which if you saw the patchwork dress she wore would seem to have been impossible...)

I don't know who she is, but she accompanied actor Danny Dyer on the red carpet, and I know who he is, does that count? (I personally have a Keven Bacon score of 3, by the way....) (edited to add : Kellie Bright)

I don't know who she is, but she accompanied actor Danny Dyer on the red carpet, and I know who he is, does that count? (I personally have a Keven Bacon score of 3, by the way....) (edited to add : Kellie Bright)

As previously implied, I don't know much about TV, or by extension British Culture. However, I am somewhat aware of the importance of Ant and Dec (foreground, left; and background, bowtie). Not enough to tell them apart, of course.... that would require skill. (edited to add : Dec and Ant, respectively)

As previously implied, I don't know much about TV, or by extension British Culture. However, I am somewhat aware of the importance of Ant and Dec (foreground, left; and background, bowtie). Not enough to tell them apart, of course.... that would require skill. (edited to add : Dec and Ant, respectively)

I actually know who Catherine Tate is. Plus I've been to the Tate Modern several times. (I'm trying to create some kind of credibilty at this late stage in the proceedings)

I actually know who Catherine Tate is. Plus I've been to the Tate Modern several times. (I'm trying to create some kind of credibilty at this late stage in the proceedings)

"I knew me before I was cool". I... uh... me too?

"I knew me before I was cool". I... uh... me too?

"No I can not guarantee we'll provide more than three episodes of Sherlock in any given 2 year period". Steven Moffat is one of the creators of Sherlock, one of only two TV shows I watch (and they only have three episodes per season and last year there was no season....)

"No I can not guarantee we'll provide more than three episodes of Sherlock in any given 2 year period". Steven Moffat is one of the creators of Sherlock, one of only two TV shows I watch (and they only have three episodes per season and last year there was no season....)

I don't know who this is, but somebody went to a lot of trouble to make those amoeba-style bumps on her dress. Or at least design them. Or designed a computer that designed them. (edited to add : Anna Friel. Who I should have recognised, distracting micro-oragnisms-in-macro top or not)

I don't know who this is, but somebody went to a lot of trouble to make those amoeba-style bumps on her dress. Or at least design them. Or designed a computer that designed them. (edited to add : Anna Friel. Who I should have recognised, distracting micro-oragnisms-in-macro top or not)

I don't think I've ever photographed somebody with more reflective eyes than her. Alternatively, for the first time in about a hundred premieres, the Pentax camera I'm using Hit Focus properly (You'll have to forgive me... I'm not great with compliments)

I don't think I've ever photographed somebody with more reflective eyes than her. Alternatively, for the first time in about a hundred premieres, the Pentax camera I'm using Hit Focus properly (You'll have to forgive me... I'm not great with compliments)

I don't know who this is, but somebody wants her photo badly enough that they're verging on giving her a vulcan neck pinch to keep her in frame.. (edited to add : Emma Willis)

I don't know who this is, but somebody wants her photo badly enough that they're verging on giving her a vulcan neck pinch to keep her in frame.. (edited to add : Emma Willis)

In contrast the other lady I didn't know, this lady who I also don't know seems to have the whitest coloured-part-of-the-eye I've seen. She could almost be a white walker in... that TV show I watch. No, the other one. Which... you know... I'm not great with compliments.

In contrast the other lady I didn't know, this lady who I also don't know seems to have the whitest coloured-part-of-the-eye I've seen. She could almost be a white walker in... that TV show I watch. No, the other one. Which... you know... I'm not great with compliments.

I don't know who this is. Or... no, you know what? I DO know who this is. I just don't know his name, what he does, where he's from, what he likes or anything about him. But in the sense that maybe a photograph does take a bit of a person's soul, I know this man (edited to add : Matt Berry, won the Bafta for best comedy/male)

I don't know who this is. Or... no, you know what? I DO know who this is. I just don't know his name, what he does, where he's from, what he likes or anything about him. But in the sense that maybe a photograph does take a bit of a person's soul, I know this man (edited to add : Matt Berry, won the Bafta for best comedy/male)

This is singer Pixie Lott, possibly still chewing the same bit of gum she was at The Olivier Awards a few weeks back. (I'm not being critical...most Dentists recommend chewing gum as part of an oral hygiene regimen)

This is singer Pixie Lott, possibly still chewing the same bit of gum she was at The Olivier Awards a few weeks back. (I'm not being critical...most Dentists recommend chewing gum as part of an oral hygiene regimen)

I cheated and looked directly on wireimage.com... who describes this as either and/or both of Jessica Stevenson and Jessica Hynes. That's cool ... I don't really have a criminal alibi or aka.... (edited to add : Jessica Hynes, who won the Bafta for bestfemale comedy performance)

I cheated and looked directly on wireimage.com... who describes this as either and/or both of Jessica Stevenson and Jessica Hynes. That's cool ... I don't really have a criminal alibi or aka.... (edited to add : Jessica Hynes, who won the Bafta for bestfemale comedy performance)

"I know that photographer. He's got part of my soul. He knows me". I.... yeah, that's kind of weird. Forget I said anything. (edited to add : Antone Du Beke)

"I know that photographer. He's got part of my soul. He knows me". I.... yeah, that's kind of weird. Forget I said anything. (edited to add : Antone Du Beke)

So... I don't quite know what that was. Or rather I do : it was about 2,500 photos taken on a Sunday. And maybe I don't watch a lot of television, or know a lot of people, or gained a bull5h1t internet service provider through no fault of my own... that I'm about to leave for somebody more expensive but hopefully more competent. But the point was... uh.. at least I didn't spend all day indoors today. Which is something!

Moreover, be it what it may, it's another entry into the ever-growing Archive of Movie Premieres.

Until next time!

ps. if you'd like to feed a starving artist with facebook likes or likes/retweets on twitter, please feel free to do so!