The 2014 BIFAs - British Independent Film Awards

December 7th, 2014.

As an analyst I constantly advise people that they should never use three datapoints in deciding whether there is an underlying trend. That's because any series of three points can be used to 'prove' a trend : it's either upwards, downwards, curving upwards, curving downwards, or steady. Ie. a trend. So don't do it. Don't fall into the trap.

I've done three BIFAs now, and every single one has been worse than the last, and I'm calling it a trend. I think the only reason you'd ever go is if you were a diehard fan, an autograph dealer, or literally had nothing better to do on a Sunday evening.

And I'm neither a fan nor a dealer. Here's how it went down.

For Fans, the BIFAs are not an event - there is no red carpet, there is a driveway. The press are inside, the carpet is inside, the interviews are inside, the lighting is inside, and what's outside is concrete and the ambient light created by passing traffic.

For Fans, the BIFAs are not an event - there is no red carpet, there is a driveway. The press are inside, the carpet is inside, the interviews are inside, the lighting is inside, and what's outside is concrete and the ambient light created by passing traffic.

Rather stupidly, I've decided to play the odds and head to the smaller of the two public pens - the one containing enough quantities of autograph dealers that even the less motivated dealers are steering clear of it.

Rather stupidly, I've decided to play the odds and head to the smaller of the two public pens - the one containing enough quantities of autograph dealers that even the less motivated dealers are steering clear of it.

The scene of our first arrival seems to demonstrate the lack of wisdom I've shown in my choice of position, lens, and life to date.

The scene of our first arrival seems to demonstrate the lack of wisdom I've shown in my choice of position, lens, and life to date.

Only once this evening did somebody else's fortuitous flash illuminate the subject in front of me : in this case Asa Butterfield, arguably best known for playing the lead in Ender's Game, last photographed by a lot longer ago at the premiere of "Hugo (in 3D)"

Only once this evening did somebody else's fortuitous flash illuminate the subject in front of me : in this case Asa Butterfield, arguably best known for playing the lead in Ender's Game, last photographed by a lot longer ago at the premiere of "Hugo (in 3D)"

I don't know who this is, but I'm making some bold decisions on just how high the ISO is that I'm allowing on my camera for this event.

I don't know who this is, but I'm making some bold decisions on just how high the ISO is that I'm allowing on my camera for this event.

I don't know who th is is, but I suspect the person in the white furry coat is who I'm meant to be photographing. I don't usually broadcast my failures like this, but in a sense I'm at least getting the hang of autofocusing in low light.

I don't know who th is is, but I suspect the person in the white furry coat is who I'm meant to be photographing. I don't usually broadcast my failures like this, but in a sense I'm at least getting the hang of autofocusing in low light.

I think this is one of the stars of "The Inbetweeners" - as photographed better (in daylight) at the premiere of "The Inbetweeners 2"

I think this is one of the stars of "The Inbetweeners" - as photographed better (in daylight) at the premiere of "The Inbetweeners 2"

I only ever seem to photograph this guy at BIFAs and GQs and other awards, and every time I do I profess to having no idea who he is, but reference having photographed him at prior BIFA/GQ events. I almost don't ever want to find out who he is.

I only ever seem to photograph this guy at BIFAs and GQs and other awards, and every time I do I profess to having no idea who he is, but reference having photographed him at prior BIFA/GQ events. I almost don't ever want to find out who he is.

Pentax autofocus fail... but still admissable on the basis of 'blurry, therefore Art', I always say. I didn't miss anyone, but if I were to miss photographing Keira Knightley or Benedict Cumberbatch, I'd really be pissed.

Pentax autofocus fail... but still admissable on the basis of 'blurry, therefore Art', I always say. I didn't miss anyone, but if I were to miss photographing Keira Knightley or Benedict Cumberbatch, I'd really be pissed.

I really like Timothy Spall (best known as 'Wormtail' in the Harry Potter films, but he's a great actor in many roles) - I'm doubly glad, because I missed the BFI Film Festival premiere of 'Turner', which he stars in.

I really like Timothy Spall (best known as 'Wormtail' in the Harry Potter films, but he's a great actor in many roles) - I'm doubly glad, because I missed the BFI Film Festival premiere of 'Turner', which he stars in.

"No, I'm not Winston Churchill... I *played* Winston Churchill in a movie once. There's a difference, and it's called 'acting' "

"No, I'm not Winston Churchill... I *played* Winston Churchill in a movie once. There's a difference, and it's called 'acting' "

Waitin'. Chillin'.

Waitin'. Chillin'.

Insane camera flashes from the other public pen coincide with the arrival of Andrew Scott, best known for being Moriarty in the TV Series 'Sherlock', but also in the recent movie 'Pride' which I went to the Apple Store event for months back and never posted a journal for.

Insane camera flashes from the other public pen coincide with the arrival of Andrew Scott, best known for being Moriarty in the TV Series 'Sherlock', but also in the recent movie 'Pride' which I went to the Apple Store event for months back and never posted a journal for.

"Yeah, I'll sign your death threats, and I'll sign your maniacal laughter too... somehow"

"Yeah, I'll sign your death threats, and I'll sign your maniacal laughter too... somehow"

It's Brendan Gleeson - I love his world-weary way of playing committed and cool characters onscreen. He was most recently in "Edge of Tomorrow", and was Mad-eye Moody in the Harry Potter films... but I've liked him ever since the easily forgotten but kind of cool crocodile-in-a-lake film "Lake Placid"

It's Brendan Gleeson - I love his world-weary way of playing committed and cool characters onscreen. He was most recently in "Edge of Tomorrow", and was Mad-eye Moody in the Harry Potter films... but I've liked him ever since the easily forgotten but kind of cool crocodile-in-a-lake film "Lake Placid"

I think this is a director. (Then again, at times I think I'm a photographer... so who's to say?)

I think this is a director. (Then again, at times I think I'm a photographer... so who's to say?)

Excitingly, this *IS* a director - 7 time Oscar Nominee Mike Leigh. His scarf is nice... but it hardly attains the levels of awesome achieved by fellow director Terry Gilliam, whose scarves are more like dishtowels. (Then again, Gilliam has only one Oscar nomination to his name...)

Excitingly, this *IS* a director - 7 time Oscar Nominee Mike Leigh. His scarf is nice... but it hardly attains the levels of awesome achieved by fellow director Terry Gilliam, whose scarves are more like dishtowels. (Then again, Gilliam has only one Oscar nomination to his name...)

Game of Thrones actress Sophie Turner blitzes past all the public pens, turns only to acknowledge the one I'm not in, and rushes inside. In her defense, it's quite cold and there are autograph dealers out.

Game of Thrones actress Sophie Turner blitzes past all the public pens, turns only to acknowledge the one I'm not in, and rushes inside. In her defense, it's quite cold and there are autograph dealers out.

"I'm glad I made it past there..."

"I'm glad I made it past there..."

"You remember the movie 'Eragon'? Bull5hit... nobody remembers that movie, not even ME, and I was in it" Sienna Guillory was also in Love, Actually, and several of the Resident Evil films.

"You remember the movie 'Eragon'? Bull5hit... nobody remembers that movie, not even ME, and I was in it" Sienna Guillory was also in Love, Actually, and several of the Resident Evil films.

The man we're all here to see (if not Brendan Gleeson), BENEDICT CUMBERBATCH!! I'd be a lot more pissed off about the quality of these photos if I hadn't photographed him last week at the world premiere of "The Hobbit : Battle of the Five Armies", and also "The Imitation Game" back in October.

The man we're all here to see (if not Brendan Gleeson), BENEDICT CUMBERBATCH!! I'd be a lot more pissed off about the quality of these photos if I hadn't photographed him last week at the world premiere of "The Hobbit : Battle of the Five Armies", and also "The Imitation Game" back in October.

Good news for fans of wearing sunglasses at night : just hang around Benedict Cumberbatch and you can navigate by the blasts of paparazzi barrages.

Good news for fans of wearing sunglasses at night : just hang around Benedict Cumberbatch and you can navigate by the blasts of paparazzi barrages.

No, sadly Dame Helen Mirren (at far left) will not sign your Sherlock merchandise. Benedict Cumberbatch might, but he's far away in the pen that isn't comprised 95% of autograph dealers.

No, sadly Dame Helen Mirren (at far left) will not sign your Sherlock merchandise. Benedict Cumberbatch might, but he's far away in the pen that isn't comprised 95% of autograph dealers.

Steeling himself for the inevitable, Benedict Cumberbatch makes to enter the lions den : Autograph Dealer Pen.

Steeling himself for the inevitable, Benedict Cumberbatch makes to enter the lions den : Autograph Dealer Pen.

Benedict Cumberbatch signs about two autographs before the pushing gets so bad he decides to leave. Bearing in mind that the violence was dealer-on-dealer, this is a remarkable act of charity on his part : he could have stayed and let the violence thin out their ranks a bit.

Benedict Cumberbatch signs about two autographs before the pushing gets so bad he decides to leave. Bearing in mind that the violence was dealer-on-dealer, this is a remarkable act of charity on his part : he could have stayed and let the violence thin out their ranks a bit.

"I think one of them might have bitten or scratched me. If I turn into a zombie, avenge me!"

"I think one of them might have bitten or scratched me. If I turn into a zombie, avenge me!"

I'll see what I can do...

I'll see what I can do...

"What do you mean "OTHER MORIARTY"?. In contrast to Andrew Scott, Jared Harris is Moriarty in the Guy Ritchie Sherlock Holmes films. Also, I'm almost certain I've taken pretty much exactly this photo of Jared Harris at a previous BIFA... either at BIFA 2011 or BIFA 2012

"What do you mean "OTHER MORIARTY"?. In contrast to Andrew Scott, Jared Harris is Moriarty in the Guy Ritchie Sherlock Holmes films. Also, I'm almost certain I've taken pretty much exactly this photo of Jared Harris at a previous BIFA... either at BIFA 2011 or BIFA 2012

I don't know who this is, but she caused a brief flurry of excitement in the opposite pen. Perhaps she knew someone, or maybe knew someone who KNEW SOMEONE, who once met Benedict Cumberbatch.

I don't know who this is, but she caused a brief flurry of excitement in the opposite pen. Perhaps she knew someone, or maybe knew someone who KNEW SOMEONE, who once met Benedict Cumberbatch.

Actress MyAnna Buring is arguably best known for (and possibly most wants to be forgotten for) being in the Twilight Series of movies.

Actress MyAnna Buring is arguably best known for (and possibly most wants to be forgotten for) being in the Twilight Series of movies.

"I've been in other movies, you know"

"I've been in other movies, you know"

Centre focus, huh Pentax? That was Keira Knightley. Fortunately I photographed her most recently at "The Imitation Game" premiere

Centre focus, huh Pentax?
That was Keira Knightley. Fortunately I photographed her most recently at "The Imitation Game" premiere

I believe this is Gemma Chan, who was most recently in Jack Ryan Shadow Recruit? (usually, the autograph dealers in front of me wave giant posters of movies... I'm rather lost when they don't)

I believe this is Gemma Chan, who was most recently in Jack Ryan Shadow Recruit? (usually, the autograph dealers in front of me wave giant posters of movies... I'm rather lost when they don't)

I do something I should have done about 30mins ago... and switch to the 'good' side. Here, somebody seems to be getting Oscar-winning director Tom Hooper to sign their eCigarette.

I do something I should have done about 30mins ago... and switch to the 'good' side. Here, somebody seems to be getting Oscar-winning director Tom Hooper to sign their eCigarette.

Somebody is walking up the pavement BIG enough to make not just fans but the newly-arrived Mark Strong to turn around....

Somebody is walking up the pavement BIG enough to make not just fans but the newly-arrived Mark Strong to turn around....

... and I don't know who this is. He did end up hugging the girl with the knitted beanie though. (Did he similarly hug Mark Strong? Unconfirmed)

... and I don't know who this is. He did end up hugging the girl with the knitted beanie though. (Did he similarly hug Mark Strong? Unconfirmed)

So... that was rather... something. I won't lie... this wasn't one of the better ones, but there are only two more events this year and I figured I might as well make this the third.

Fortunately, I've done better, and recently, at:


The Hobbit : Battle of the Five Armies - Armitage! Freeman! McKellen! Cumberbatch!
Exodus : Gods and Kings - Bale! Ridley! Kingsley! Edgerton!
Unbroken - Angelina Jolie!
Paddington - Whishaw! Kidman! Broadbent!

And of course it's another entry into my
Until next time!