The 2018 Pride of Britain Awards

October 29th and/or November 86th, 2018.

This year’s Pride of Britain Awards (the ceremony/red carpet) was on the 29th October, and its precise date was weirdly uncertain, with most press releases and articles saying merely “late October”. It was only when the official twitter account started sending tweets to hosts saying it looked for word to seeing them “tomorrow” that I kind of figured it out.

And on a bitterly cold Monday after work, I headed down to see what was what. Here’s how it went down:

 Before I start this journal, here’s a context free photo I took on the 20th October. I liked the scale, which is why I don’t want to crop it to make the  “UK, UK?”  more readable. Like I said… a context free photo for this Pride of Britain journal.  Anyway, we begin…

Before I start this journal, here’s a context free photo I took on the 20th October. I liked the scale, which is why I don’t want to crop it to make the “UK, UK?” more readable. Like I said… a context free photo for this Pride of Britain journal.

Anyway, we begin…

  “Yes, the Pride of Britain Award travels to events in the back of a van. She prefers that to flying first class. She’s humble like that” . Riiiiight.

“Yes, the Pride of Britain Award travels to events in the back of a van. She prefers that to flying first class. She’s humble like that”. Riiiiight.

 The realities of organising a complicated event consisting of one long red carpet meant that while my original wristband #87 earned me a spot in the front row of corner dropoff, I/we were all ultimately told to move and I ended up front-row, mid-carpet, in a pen of (Proud and British) autograph dealers.

The realities of organising a complicated event consisting of one long red carpet meant that while my original wristband #87 earned me a spot in the front row of corner dropoff, I/we were all ultimately told to move and I ended up front-row, mid-carpet, in a pen of (Proud and British) autograph dealers.

 Still.. there’s a view down the carpet.

Still.. there’s a view down the carpet.

 And just as I was warming to my new spot…. the red carpet was ‘invaded’ by an honour guard of (Proud and British) army / reserve / cadet people, all one arms-length from each other, all the way along the carpet. blocking all views along the red carpet.

And just as I was warming to my new spot…. the red carpet was ‘invaded’ by an honour guard of (Proud and British) army / reserve / cadet people, all one arms-length from each other, all the way along the carpet. blocking all views along the red carpet.

 So this is my view at this thing. And because I tend to be a pessimist, while I hate this kind of development …. it’s not like secretly I don’t expect it.

So this is my view at this thing. And because I tend to be a pessimist, while I hate this kind of development …. it’s not like secretly I don’t expect it.

  “Do I know how it works? Well… no. Not really. But it’s been permanently bolted in place so I figure I should probably make the best of it…”

“Do I know how it works? Well… no. Not really. But it’s been permanently bolted in place so I figure I should probably make the best of it…”

 If people moved out of the way of shots of good-looking people as effortlessly as the guy in front did here, what is still just a hobby would be so much easier for me. And I don’t even know who this is!

If people moved out of the way of shots of good-looking people as effortlessly as the guy in front did here, what is still just a hobby would be so much easier for me. And I don’t even know who this is!

  “You like this purse?” ”Ermm… sure?” ”I can get you one like this. Meet me out back. Bring cash” ”Is this is all just a euphemism for something else?” ”No. Or maybe yes. Either way, just bring cash”

“You like this purse?”
”Ermm… sure?”
”I can get you one like this. Meet me out back. Bring cash”
”Is this is all just a euphemism for something else?”
”No. Or maybe yes. Either way, just bring cash”

  “Am I famous? I’m well known to my friends and live a comfortable and personally satisfying life. What are you suggesting I’m missing, here?”  Umm… I probably need to rethink my life.

“Am I famous? I’m well known to my friends and live a comfortable and personally satisfying life. What are you suggesting I’m missing, here?” Umm… I probably need to rethink my life.

  “So… these photos of me. What are they doing on your phone, may I ask?”.  This, wireimage.com reassures me, is Jermaine Jenas. All other information about him is not provided by them.

“So… these photos of me. What are they doing on your phone, may I ask?”. This, wireimage.com reassures me, is Jermaine Jenas. All other information about him is not provided by them.

  “I’m not saying I’d swap all 100% of my British Pride in this dress for a regular Chinese sweatshop-made imported winter jacket…. but right now I’d swap at least some”  Charlotte Hawkins’ bona fides here certainly exceed mine, but I am more warmly dressed.

“I’m not saying I’d swap all 100% of my British Pride in this dress for a regular Chinese sweatshop-made imported winter jacket…. but right now I’d swap at least some”
Charlotte Hawkins’ bona fides here certainly exceed mine, but I am more warmly dressed.

  “If you think this even slightly resembles my autograph, you’re going to be very surprised when you put this on ebay….”  - I believe (based on her attendance at premieres approaching a decade ago now) this is Danielle Lloyd?

“If you think this even slightly resembles my autograph, you’re going to be very surprised when you put this on ebay….” - I believe (based on her attendance at premieres approaching a decade ago now) this is Danielle Lloyd?

  “Me? Cold? I’d have to have any feeling in any one of my extremities to feel anything right now”  - I’m fairly certain I’ve photographed Portia Oduba before, at a BFI LFF premiere?

“Me? Cold? I’d have to have any feeling in any one of my extremities to feel anything right now” - I’m fairly certain I’ve photographed Portia Oduba before, at a BFI LFF premiere?

 It’s David Bradley! He’s an alumni of no less than (a) Harry Potter AND (b) Game of Thrones! Although I think in five minutes on the red carpet at this event he probably smiled more than he did across seven movies of (a) and some dozen episodes of (b)

It’s David Bradley! He’s an alumni of no less than (a) Harry Potter AND (b) Game of Thrones! Although I think in five minutes on the red carpet at this event he probably smiled more than he did across seven movies of (a) and some dozen episodes of (b)

  “BERET? BERET??? I don’t care what branch of the armed forces you THINK you’re in… it’s a disgrace! Get a damn sombrero in preference to this embarrassment”  Danny John-Jules has strong opinions on hats, I believe, and I’m inclined to support him on this.

“BERET? BERET??? I don’t care what branch of the armed forces you THINK you’re in… it’s a disgrace! Get a damn sombrero in preference to this embarrassment” Danny John-Jules has strong opinions on hats, I believe, and I’m inclined to support him on this.

  “I haven’t blinked since August, and I’m not about to start now…”  I’m not sure who this is, but I decided not to risk direct eye-contact.

“I haven’t blinked since August, and I’m not about to start now…” I’m not sure who this is, but I decided not to risk direct eye-contact.

  “What’s really going to blow your mind is when you look at this photo later and find I’m actually invisible beneath it”  Craig Revel-Horwood

“What’s really going to blow your mind is when you look at this photo later and find I’m actually invisible beneath it” Craig Revel-Horwood

  “See what’s on my lapel? You don’t?? Well that’s still more your problem than mine right now”.  I don’t know who this is, but she certainly looks adamant about the lapel.

“See what’s on my lapel? You don’t?? Well that’s still more your problem than mine right now”. I don’t know who this is, but she certainly looks adamant about the lapel.

  “Nah, Mum. I’m just having a quiet night with the fellows. Tea… scones…. nuffin too rowdy”

“Nah, Mum. I’m just having a quiet night with the fellows. Tea… scones…. nuffin too rowdy”

 I don’t know who this is, but less than a fortnight ago I sorely underestimated the appeal of Timothee Chalamet at my peril, and so here I am posting this photo, not knowing who he is.

I don’t know who this is, but less than a fortnight ago I sorely underestimated the appeal of Timothee Chalamet at my peril, and so here I am posting this photo, not knowing who he is.

  “Of course I didn’t bring them all… they’re HEAVY. And not exactly warm”  From my recollection of London’s 2012 Olympic and Paralympic games, I can recognise Ellie Simmonds. Per wikipedia, she’s won 5 Gold + 1 Silver + 2 Bronze medals across three Paralympics.

“Of course I didn’t bring them all… they’re HEAVY. And not exactly warm”
From my recollection of London’s 2012 Olympic and Paralympic games, I can recognise Ellie Simmonds. Per wikipedia, she’s won 5 Gold + 1 Silver + 2 Bronze medals across three Paralympics.

  “I’m not 100% sure that beanie is regulation. Shall I get one of the snipers take him out just to make sure??”  - Hey, it’s not my fault that some unscrupulous a55hole on ebay sold “genuine” “thinsulate” beanies and they turned out to be “genuine” “R40 Rockjock Thermal Insulation<tm>” beanies instead. I hope the hair replacement formulae you buy one day turns out to be  “from another brand you’ve never heard of, but I’m sure they’re the same”  for you….

“I’m not 100% sure that beanie is regulation. Shall I get one of the snipers take him out just to make sure??” - Hey, it’s not my fault that some unscrupulous a55hole on ebay sold “genuine” “thinsulate” beanies and they turned out to be “genuine” “R40 Rockjock Thermal Insulation<tm>” beanies instead. I hope the hair replacement formulae you buy one day turns out to be “from another brand you’ve never heard of, but I’m sure they’re the same” for you….

 Put down your beers if you’ve got a drinking game based on my ability to identify British Celebrities, because amazingly I know who this is. He’s singer Ronan Keating, no relation to former Australian treasurer/prime minister Paul Keating, I’m guessing.

Put down your beers if you’ve got a drinking game based on my ability to identify British Celebrities, because amazingly I know who this is. He’s singer Ronan Keating, no relation to former Australian treasurer/prime minister Paul Keating, I’m guessing.

 Just so you know, if rumours are true and the premiere of Aquaman coincides with the O2 Arena concert of film composer Ennio Morricone I already have tickets for, I’ll be recycling this as a photo of Jason Momoa and faking that journal. For now, though, he’s Paul Wicks. (Who?)

Just so you know, if rumours are true and the premiere of Aquaman coincides with the O2 Arena concert of film composer Ennio Morricone I already have tickets for, I’ll be recycling this as a photo of Jason Momoa and faking that journal. For now, though, he’s Paul Wicks. (Who?)

  “That’s a nice jacket… I don’t care if it’s only R40 Rockjock Thermally insulated, I’ll trade you an autograph for that”  - since my knowledge of non-film-composer British music tapers off around 2012, I do actually know who Frankie Bridge and/or The Saturdays is/are/were.

“That’s a nice jacket… I don’t care if it’s only R40 Rockjock Thermally insulated, I’ll trade you an autograph for that” - since my knowledge of non-film-composer British music tapers off around 2012, I do actually know who Frankie Bridge and/or The Saturdays is/are/were.

  “If you had any idea how rapidly my body temperature is falling right now you wouldn’t be asking me to ‘hold it for just a second’ “  - the temperature on the night was certainly on the ‘wear more than one layer, preferably not lace’ side of hypothermia.

“If you had any idea how rapidly my body temperature is falling right now you wouldn’t be asking me to ‘hold it for just a second’ “ - the temperature on the night was certainly on the ‘wear more than one layer, preferably not lace’ side of hypothermia.

  “There! That’s the guy whose chin thinks it can also make a play for ‘magnificent’. And I won’t have it, Steve. It’s ‘fairly grand’ at BEST, Steve” ”…..” ”No, I am NOT feeling threatened by it, STEVE!!”

“There! That’s the guy whose chin thinks it can also make a play for ‘magnificent’. And I won’t have it, Steve. It’s ‘fairly grand’ at BEST, Steve”
”…..”
”No, I am NOT feeling threatened by it, STEVE!!”

 I think this is model/actress/race-car driver Jodie Kidd? (My knowledge of old episodes of Top Gear might exceed mine for Proud British people…)

I think this is model/actress/race-car driver Jodie Kidd? (My knowledge of old episodes of Top Gear might exceed mine for Proud British people…)

 Vicky Pattison wants an explanation, and would prefer it soon-ish. But I’m wearing a beanie and several layers of jacket(s) so I’m willing to ride this out and see whose assistant demands who gets themselves into an auditorium first.

Vicky Pattison wants an explanation, and would prefer it soon-ish. But I’m wearing a beanie and several layers of jacket(s) so I’m willing to ride this out and see whose assistant demands who gets themselves into an auditorium first.

  “Alright, I’ve swallowed the lighter fluid. Now you light a match. Oh, wait…. I can’t say that with all this lighter fluid in my mouth. I’m just going to have to think it….”   James Arthur might have been in The Inbetweeners 2 (I was at that premiere) and any associated works relating to that cinematic/televisual universe?

“Alright, I’ve swallowed the lighter fluid. Now you light a match. Oh, wait…. I can’t say that with all this lighter fluid in my mouth. I’m just going to have to think it….”
James Arthur might have been in The Inbetweeners 2 (I was at that premiere) and any associated works relating to that cinematic/televisual universe?

  “I’m not signing your MP3s… give me some vinyl, people. Also, ask your parents about vinyl”.  It’s Cliff Richard! (The screams from teenagers present were muted)

“I’m not signing your MP3s… give me some vinyl, people. Also, ask your parents about vinyl”. It’s Cliff Richard! (The screams from teenagers present were muted)

  “What the hell is an mp3, granddad? I steam my music….”  Not only am I getting old, it appears I might be getting OLDER.

“What the hell is an mp3, granddad? I steam my music….” Not only am I getting old, it appears I might be getting OLDER.

 Michael Sheen’s expression says :  “No, you did NOT love me in Tron:Legacy - you love me from the Twilight series, just like everyone else” . ….I … erm…. thought he was really good in ‘The Damned United’

Michael Sheen’s expression says : “No, you did NOT love me in Tron:Legacy - you love me from the Twilight series, just like everyone else”. ….I … erm…. thought he was really good in ‘The Damned United’

  “I bet if I said ‘Frost/Nixon’ to any of these people, they’ think it was some kind of slash-fiction”

“I bet if I said ‘Frost/Nixon’ to any of these people, they’ think it was some kind of slash-fiction”

  “Oh, hey, it’s that guy from Twil…. I mean Frost/Nixon”  - Amber Davies = ?

“Oh, hey, it’s that guy from Twil…. I mean Frost/Nixon” - Amber Davies = ?

 Firstly : I don’t know who this is. But secondly, and more importantly, I’m not somewhat transfixed by not knowing what her arm is doing : is it putting something down her dress? Is it back-hand holding a furry purse? Is the scarf actually a kind of sling to support a broken or sprained left arm? And do I need to recalibrate the display on my laptop so I can see better??

Firstly : I don’t know who this is. But secondly, and more importantly, I’m not somewhat transfixed by not knowing what her arm is doing : is it putting something down her dress? Is it back-hand holding a furry purse? Is the scarf actually a kind of sling to support a broken or sprained left arm? And do I need to recalibrate the display on my laptop so I can see better??

 Richard Hammond, holding a briefcase (not pictured).

Richard Hammond, holding a briefcase (not pictured).

 I think this is Caroline Flack with the same degree of certainty as she’s appraising the possible danger presented by the autograph dealers to my left.

I think this is Caroline Flack with the same degree of certainty as she’s appraising the possible danger presented by the autograph dealers to my left.

 Possibly apropos of nothing, I’ve never photographed comedian/writer Ben Elton before. I’m not sure this is him, and wireimage doesn’t have him down in their 7-page coverage of the Red Carpet arrivals. But… Ben Elton, or even the possibility of Ben Elton, might be worth NOT investigating further?

Possibly apropos of nothing, I’ve never photographed comedian/writer Ben Elton before. I’m not sure this is him, and wireimage doesn’t have him down in their 7-page coverage of the Red Carpet arrivals. But… Ben Elton, or even the possibility of Ben Elton, might be worth NOT investigating further?

  “It’s not hair receeding, it’s brain advancing”  (trademark/copyright Australia’s Own Dr Karl Kruszelnicki, whose permission I did not gain or seek to use this here) - Olly Murs.

“It’s not hair receeding, it’s brain advancing” (trademark/copyright Australia’s Own Dr Karl Kruszelnicki, whose permission I did not gain or seek to use this here) - Olly Murs.

 This is singer Ellie Goulding… and all I can say is she’s looking a lot more steady on her feet than the last (only?) time I photographed her, which was at a GQ Awards a few years ago now. Not sure why I felt like mentioning that. I don’t think she signed autographs for the Dealers.

This is singer Ellie Goulding… and all I can say is she’s looking a lot more steady on her feet than the last (only?) time I photographed her, which was at a GQ Awards a few years ago now. Not sure why I felt like mentioning that. I don’t think she signed autographs for the Dealers.

  “He’s looking right past me! How DARE he? I don’t care who you are, you DON’T look right past me”.  I don’t know who this is, but she looks irked to the point of miffedness. (And sure my spell-checker queries the word ‘miffedness’. But I stand by it)

“He’s looking right past me! How DARE he? I don’t care who you are, you DON’T look right past me”. I don’t know who this is, but she looks irked to the point of miffedness. (And sure my spell-checker queries the word ‘miffedness’. But I stand by it)

 This may be Ross Kemp, and I say that mainly because some of the more fervent/erudite autograph dealers in my vicinity started calling people by their full name, which to me feels kind of needlessly confrontational.

This may be Ross Kemp, and I say that mainly because some of the more fervent/erudite autograph dealers in my vicinity started calling people by their full name, which to me feels kind of needlessly confrontational.

  “My right hook can still do a truckload of damage, bro. As for my right LOOK, well you should still be feeling at least a bit queasy…”  Frank Bruno is a former &lt;insert specifics of title&gt; Heavyweight boxing champion.

“My right hook can still do a truckload of damage, bro. As for my right LOOK, well you should still be feeling at least a bit queasy…” Frank Bruno is a former <insert specifics of title> Heavyweight boxing champion.

  “High Five? Even at this distance, I could put you through a wall doing so” . I’d have a bad angle capturing that, but that doesn’t mean I don’t dearly want it to happen.

“High Five? Even at this distance, I could put you through a wall doing so”. I’d have a bad angle capturing that, but that doesn’t mean I don’t dearly want it to happen.

  “So here’s my mobile number, my home phone number….” ”You appear to be writing them with your pen hovering above and not actually touching the piece of paper you’re writing on” ”You noticed that, huh?”  I’m assured this is Vick Hope by a source the provides no further information

“So here’s my mobile number, my home phone number….”
”You appear to be writing them with your pen hovering above and not actually touching the piece of paper you’re writing on”
”You noticed that, huh?”

I’m assured this is Vick Hope by a source the provides no further information

  “Oh, I see by your blank piece of paper that Vick Hope already gave you her phone number, so you clearly don’t need mine”  Mollie King is (was?) (still?) (also?) a member of the band The Saturdays.

“Oh, I see by your blank piece of paper that Vick Hope already gave you her phone number, so you clearly don’t need mine”
Mollie King is (was?) (still?) (also?) a member of the band The Saturdays.

 It’s Robbie Williams!! All of his thousands of screaming teen fans are… erm… possibly in their late thirties and early forties now?  (File note : I’m still devastated that my most anticipated concert of the year lost its composer/conductor two days before it was scheduled, and he was 87 years old, so the podium from which I’m judging Robbie Williams’ fans is rickety at best)

It’s Robbie Williams!! All of his thousands of screaming teen fans are… erm… possibly in their late thirties and early forties now?
(File note : I’m still devastated that my most anticipated concert of the year lost its composer/conductor two days before it was scheduled, and he was 87 years old, so the podium from which I’m judging Robbie Williams’ fans is rickety at best)

  “Fist-bump? Really?”  - not just that, but I think dude on the right has the Power Move position in this one. (Do fist-bumps have a power position? Please email me)

“Fist-bump? Really?” - not just that, but I think dude on the right has the Power Move position in this one. (Do fist-bumps have a power position? Please email me)

 If I’d known Georgia Toffolo’s surname was “Toffolo” at the time I took this photo it might not have changed anything, but I’d have had a few more hours enjoying saying it that I otherwise missed. I don’t know anything more about her, but in photos I took her hair appeared to be in mid-swish regardless of which way she was facing or moving, and that’s no small feat.

If I’d known Georgia Toffolo’s surname was “Toffolo” at the time I took this photo it might not have changed anything, but I’d have had a few more hours enjoying saying it that I otherwise missed. I don’t know anything more about her, but in photos I took her hair appeared to be in mid-swish regardless of which way she was facing or moving, and that’s no small feat.

  “It appears to be a photo of me wearing more clothing on a warmer day than this is. Is there anything more subtle that I’m missing?”  - I believe this is Holly Willoughby.

“It appears to be a photo of me wearing more clothing on a warmer day than this is. Is there anything more subtle that I’m missing?” - I believe this is Holly Willoughby.

  “Let’s just say I find your proposal intriguing and I’m going to run it by a combination of my lawyer, husband, accountant and priest before I get back to you”  - this is Faye Tozer. I don’t know if she’s married.

“Let’s just say I find your proposal intriguing and I’m going to run it by a combination of my lawyer, husband, accountant and priest before I get back to you” - this is Faye Tozer. I don’t know if she’s married.

  “Y’all are so OLD”…  sorry I don’t know the emoji string required to communicate this … so I used written English, the closest thing to Hieroglyphs I had handy.

“Y’all are so OLD”… sorry I don’t know the emoji string required to communicate this … so I used written English, the closest thing to Hieroglyphs I had handy.

So… that was an event. And just for once I felt that with the ceremony not for another week and a half, there was no need to rush out a timely journal, since timely in this context would be relatively!

And there’s always timely enough for one more entirely context-free shot from the 20th October:

 I could translate what the sign says in German, but where’s the fun in that?

I could translate what the sign says in German, but where’s the fun in that?

Until next time? Hard to say.

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